Why Acting Dopey & Overly Emotional Turns Women Off

Why acting dopey & overly emotional turns women off causing rejection.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a 19 year old viewer who started acting dopey and overly emotional with a female classmate he really liked. At first she seemed interested, but he kept gushing about her. Then she told him she wasn’t ready for a relationship and friend zoned him. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter in the topic of today’s Members Only Newsletter is, “Why Acting Dopey & Overly Emotional Turns Women Off”.

Remember, femininity is chaos; masculine energy is calm. Being an emotional Jack-In-The-Box is not good. And so this email is from a young guy, young whippersnapper. They would, we used to say he’s still wet behind the ears. And people used to say that to me when I was young. It seems like yesterday, but it wasn’t and it’s not.

So he’s 19 and he started dating this girl or started talking to I should say, a female classmate that he really liked. And it seemed that she had some initial interest, but he kept gushing about her and talking about, you know, drooling all over her, basically. And then she basically said she wasn’t ready for a relationship and friend zoned him.

And so you could just tell this guy is young, he hasn’t had enough experience interacting with girls, and all relationships start out as casual, hanging out and having fun while you’re hanging out and hooking up. If you just keep talking about how much you like a girl or how pretty she is, or complimenting her and you lay it on thick and you have nothing else to say, they get the vibe that you want to be boyfriend and girlfriend. In other words, you want to go from barely knowing each other to in a relationship.

And that’s when you’re going to get that kind of “I’m not looking for a relationship right now.” That’s their way of just dismissing and rejecting you. So initially your initial report, you can give one compliment, but other than that, you should be talking to them and seeing what they’re up to, what they’re doing, where they’re going, who they’re hanging out with, what they love doing for fun, things that are exciting to them.

Getting them to talk about things that they love and enjoy. Because when guys don’t understand how to create rapport, they start overdoing it on the compliments, especially when they get dopey and a little lovesick, which you see a lot in TVs and movies, is the guy gushes about a girl and she loves it and they live happily ever after. If you do that in real life she’s going to friend zone you.

Viewer Email:

Hey Corey Wayne,

I have just started reading your book and I have already watched a lot of your videos. I am a 19-year-old guy from Denmark, and I’m writing to you because I’ve started to develop quite strong feelings for a girl in my class.

So you get a little caught up in a fantasy. And the idea is, remember, attraction is not a choice. She’s either into you or she’s not. Or in other words, she’s into you enough to date and sleep with you. Or you got no chance with her and you’re just trying to find it out. The most important thing that you got to think about is that. Do you like talking to her? Do you like listening to her? Is she interesting? Does she have fun things to say?

When you get her to talk about things she loves and enjoys, does she have much to say about it? Do you actually like listening to what comes out of her mouth? Does a conversation flow? Does she seem excited to talk to you, or is her body language turned in a direction to where it almost looks like she’s trying to escape? Because a girl who likes you is gonna face towards you. She’s going to look you in the eye.

She’s going to smile. Occasionally she’s going to ask you things about you. She’s going to be excited to talk about you. She’s going to play with her hair. She’s going to twirl it around her fingers. Occasionally she might touch your arm. She might punch your shoulder playfully when you’re breaking her balls about something.

She’ll expose her neck to you, in other words she’ll like being close to you. And she’ll stand next to you to the point where she’s literally bumping into you. And if the conversation even starts to die a little bit, you’re stumbling around thinking about a new question to ask or a new conversation thread to start she’ll pick it up. But a girl that has low interest will let the conversation die and then give you a look like, “Okay, uh, I want to get on with my evening or my day or my night or whatever.”

Then you just say, “Well, it’s great chatting with you, you know, have a great night, enjoy the rest of the dance or whatever happens to be.” I think they were at some kind of high school thing here. So, and the other thing is that because he’s young, he’s getting all wrapped up in his feelings and his emotions, and that’s not healthy. But when you’re young, nobody tells you these things.

But attraction is not a choice. She’s either in you enough to date you and sleep with you, or she’s not. And so if she’s not you want to find out relatively quickly, you don’t want to spend the next 6 to 12 months gushing over her and having a crush and thinking about her, because there’ll be other girls that will like you and you’ll dismiss them and not pay attention to them, because you’re focused on somebody that you have a fantasy that you’re projecting onto.

So ideally, you want to find out as quickly as possible, “Is she in or is she out?” And then you can move on. Because it’s not healthy to get hung up on somebody with low to no interest in you, thinking that eventually you’re going to change their mind. It’s really approaching a woman and talking to her really as a compatibility test.

Does she like me? Is she into me? Do I like talking to her? Is she fun to talk to? Is she fun to be around? Do we vibe well together? Does the conversation flow? Does she seem excited to talk to me and have me around? Or does it seem like she wants to get away or get rid of me?

We’ve been texting a lot recently, and about two months ago we went to see the school musical together.

Well, the phone is for setting dates if you’re trying to get to know a girl through text. Again, when I was this age, this is how I thought it worked. You know, back then this was before texting, we would do phone calls and then later when texting came, I still made the same mistake of texting too much as I was learning these things. But at the end of the day, if a girl already likes you, that’s why you just make a date and then get off the phone.

It helps you remain mysterious because more often than not, the more you talk and text on the phone, the less you’re going to see each other in person. And if you get in the habit of you’re talking and texting constantly on the phone, then eventually, and then you don’t get around to asking her out or doing anything.

And if you talk for like two months she knows you like her, but eventually you just give off the friendship vibe because you’re not trying to get her out on a date. Whereas Chad Thunder Cock from the football team, he’s asking her to get together that weekend when they’re talking. Or the next week to do something, and yet you spend two months talking.

Meanwhile, she’s sleeping with him and you’re the emotional tampon. And she complains about Chad Thunder Cock because he not a great listener like you. And you think, “Oh, I’m going to get my chance because I’m such a great listener.” But at the end of the day, she keeps sleeping with the other guy and only talking to you.

So don’t make the mistake of trying to have a relationship over the phone when you haven’t even gone out on a date yet. If you got her number. “Hey, we should get together for a drink. Hey, we should get together and do this. Hey, we should get together and go to Dave and Buster’s and play some video games. Or do some go karts. Hey, we should go to Top Golf and get some food and hit some golf balls.” And make a date. Go have fun with her. Hang out, have fun, hook up.

Since then we’ve flirted a bit — mostly me, to be honest — and last week we had our school gala.

Gala? Gala? Gala.

During that week I built up my intentions a bit, although most of our conversations happened over the phone because in my class the boys and girls tend to stick quite separately.

Well, again, it doesn’t really matter if you’ve already got her phone number, you should be inviting her out on a date. But the more you talk in the phone, there’s a high likelihood you’re going to talk her out of liking you, and she’ll just see you as the gay male girlfriend and the emotional tampon or her therapist that she complains about Chad Thunder Cock.

Because Chad Thunder Cock doesn’t want to listen, doesn’t care about things. He wants to get together bumps uglies, and then he’s on to doing something else. And then you’re the one keeping her entertained while she’s waiting to hear back from Chad.

On the night of the gala, I decided to give her a bouquet of flowers with a small card that said, “If you shine even half as much as you usually do, the world can only become a little more colorful.” She was really happy and even blushed.

[Gags] That’s cute in the movies and a greeting card but when you haven’t even been out on a date and that’s not somebody that you’re sleeping with, it’s like, no. No. Don’t do that. I used to do things like that. I used to write long, sappy letters and say shit like that. One of the guys that used to work for me in real estate, when I started teaching him things I knew, he met this girl and he was like, “Oh my God, she’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

He sent her flowers and in the flowers he said, thank you for giving me the world. I think he had one date or he had met her. I was like, you know what? Thank you for like, what the fuck does that even mean, dude? He was like, ah, he got all sappy and dopey.

And of course she friend zoned him. But it’s like when you say stuff like that, that doesn’t make her go, “Oh my God, my panties are going to come right off right now. Oh my God. Did you see that? My panties just dropped below my ankles with that card. Oh my God. Let’s just go have sex.”

Doesn’t work like that. It’s just. It’s not the way you say things. Like again, you can say stuff like that on your one year anniversary and a Valentine’s Day card, but not with somebody you haven’t even gone out on a date with. It’s like I know what you’re thinking and feeling because I used to do the same shit and feel and think the same way.

You think if you gush about something emotionally that compliments are really highly, it’s like a grand gesture compliment, that she’s going to go, “Oh my God, you’re so sexy. Let’s live happily ever after.” And it doesn’t work that way. Girls will see this and be like, “You don’t even know me. Why would you say something like that? We haven’t even spent any time together.”

It doesn’t make any sense. Women don’t care about how much you like them. They only care about how they feel about you. And when you say something like that, it’s just they’re like, what? They don’t even know how to take it. They don’t know how to react to it.

They’re like, what is this? Because it just it makes it sound like you’re totally in love and totally enamored and you’re goo goo gaga. And you’re cooing like a dove. This does not help you because then she’ll show it to her girlfriends and like, can you believe this guy?

It’s like, what the fuck does that mean? Don’t do that. It’s just it doesn’t work. I tried it a lot when I was younger, but it’s like, you know, you see enough sappy movies and people say things like that and the girls, “Oh, my heart has gone pitter pat. Oh, my God, I don’t know what to do.”

Later that evening, one of her friends treated her really badly, which made her call her parents to pick her up. None of her friends could convince her to stay, but I came over, comforted her, and managed to persuade her to stay.

Babe, let’s go dance on the dance floor. Let’s have a good time.

None of her friends could convince her to stay, but I came over, comforted her, and managed to persuade her to stay. For the rest of the evening I mostly gave her space and was only really with her when we were dancing together with the rest of our friends. In the end we went home without properly saying goodbye. That night I realized that my feelings for her are stronger than I first thought.

See, this is the problem. You’re focused on your feelings and you’re getting drunk on your emotions, but you’re not really advancing the ball. You’re vomiting your emotions and your feelings to her as if that’s going to make her like you and it just doesn’t. It makes you look incompetent and like you don’t know what you’re doing and you’re just, “Oh, I’m in love with you. Let’s be my girlfriend.” Doesn’t work that way.

Because of that, I asked her if she would like to repeat the success from last time, the musical, and go see something together. She replied “Yeah,” and I asked whether she preferred ballet, step dance, or just a movie, hoping to be a bit funny.

So you don’t ask a woman, you don’t ask them choices like that. “Hey, we should get together and go do this.” And again, I don’t think you’ve read the book. A movie date is. How are you going to create rapport on a movie date? You’re sitting in a dark theater and it’s loud. There’s people around you. You walk into the movie and walk out of the movie, and nothing has changed.

There’s no rapport happening because you’re not talking. So go have some ice cream or something like that. Go have some coffee and hot cocoa or go take her to dinner or go to Top Golf. Go do something fun together. “Hey, we should get together and go to Top Golf and have some food and hit some golf balls.” And if she’s like, “Well, I’m not very good at that.”

“That’s okay. I’m not good at it either, but I can show you how to hold the club. It’s a lot of fun.” That’s the kind of thing you should be saying. “We should get together.” That’s the way you ask a girl out. We should get together and…” whatever your invitation is.

You don’t say, “Would you like to get together and go to ballet? Would you like to go to a movie? Would you like me to drive you around the park, miss Daisy?” You don’t say things like that. You invite her to join something fun and exciting that you were already probably going to do anyways.

However, she didn’t see my message until a full day later.

No, she saw it. She was just waiting to read it.

And then she replied that she isn’t ready for a relationship right now, but that she would really like to watch a movie or hang out — just as friends.

Well, I would have said, “Well, I’m down potentially for friends with benefits, but I don’t want to just be platonic friends. So if you’re open to that, we should get together and do X. If not, then I’m sure I’ll see you around school.”

What can I do? I still feel like she might be interested, but I don’t know what I should do from here.

Well, she just tried to friend zone you because you acted too dopey. And so when a woman says that, that’s why you’re going to counter with, “Well, you know, I’m open to friends with benefits, but I’m not looking for anything that’s strictly platonic.” And if she says, “Well, I’m not looking to date anybody right now.”

I was like, “Well, no problem, you’ve got my number? If you’d like to go out and hang out sometime. I’d love to do that. You know, you’ve got my number, hit me up.” And then you never call. You never text ever again after that. If you see her at school, smile, wave, go about your business and just assume she’s not interested and talk to other girls that are pretty.

And you might find out that especially if she sees you talking to a prettier girl at school, then she’ll become a little bit more aggressive. So you got rejected because you were vomiting your feelings and your emotions, and that’s cute in the movies, but in the real world, you get friend zoned and you dried her up drier than the Sahara Desert, and that’s not good.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.