Why Acting Needy, Neurotic, Desperate & Perturbed Scares Women Away

Why you must avoid acting needy, neurotic, desperate & perturbed to make women feel safe.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a 24-year-old college student who implies in his email that he’s a real ladies man. However, when he describes his actions and his continual failure to exercise emotional self control, he comes off like an amateur. He was dating a classmate and acted so needy, neurotic and desperate that she broke things off and now he’s in no contact.

He wonders if she will come back. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Well, in a nutshell, masculinity is calm, femininity is chaos, and the more chaotic and emotional you act, the more it’s going to turn off a feminine woman and force her into her masculinity, which she’s going to resent. That often will make her bitchy and cranky towards you, because you’re not acting masculine and manly enough, and she gets bitchy and mean because she wants you to be strong, courageous, confident and most importantly, calm.

So as you’ll see, this particular email is from a 24-year-old college student. He kind of implies towards the end of the email that he gets laid left and right and he’s a real ladies’ man, but when you look at what he’s doing and how he’s interacting with this girl, he’s just losing his shit, getting upset, having long conversations on the phone for hours. He spends more time talking on the phone than he actually does with his woman in person. He’s not following the book. He’s doing the opposite of it. He even says that he knows he shouldn’t have been doing it, but he was doing it anyways.

Oftentimes I’ve had guys tell me this over the years, “Oh, I thought I knew better than you. I thought, ‘I’m better looking that Corey guy. My game’s better than his. What does he fucking know?'” Then they don’t listen, they get burned, they call me and do phone sessions when they’re licking their wounds. They lost the girl, and they got a nice serving of humble pie. Then they’re willing to say, “OK, I tried it my way and it definitely didn’t work. Your way clearly does.”

So let’s go through his email.

Viewer Email:

Dear Coach,

I just got broken up with. I am in law school (24-year-old male), and I’d been dating this girl (23-year-old female), a classmate, for about four months. We started talking in March 2025 (When we were both on campus), to date in June 2025 (When we were both in different places for  jobs). We got back to campus on August 25th and the problems started almost immediately.

You got to remember, you’re supposed to be an easy escape from a difficult life. In other words, when a woman gets with you hooking up, everything that goes on stays between you guys. You don’t blab to your friends, you don’t post to social media. It’s almost as if it’s not happening because you should be like James Bond. Women want to know that they can trust you to keep your mouth shut, and you’re not going to tell the whole school that you guys are bumping uglies, or what you did, or what you know, where her secret tattoo is and her bikini tan line or anything like that. She wants to be able to escape from life without any difficulty, any emotional nonsense, a guy that is just a plus. Somebody that she can spend time with, hang out, have fun, get her brains fucked out, and he doesn’t bring any drama or stress into her life.

When you start acting needy and neurotic, like you’ll see in a minute, like this guy did, it’s going to make any feminine woman flee from you. So you have to exercise emotional self-control. You got to follow what’s in the book because when you act the way this guy acts, you’re acting like a chaotic woman. That’s why it dries a woman up like that and it’s going to cause her to flee from you, lose respect, lose attraction, lose interest, and the legs are going to close.

From day one, she was apprehensive because of some value differences (Opposite sides of the political spectrum, I’m a Trump supporter and she’s a liberal, and she’s religious and I’m not).

Supposedly those were an issue, but she still was dating and sleeping with you, dude. That’s the thing that you ignore. The real issue is your behavior, your unattractive behavior that you’re continually displaying.

I convinced her these were differences that could evaporate as we “grew together,” and things went back to normal.

So women, as I talk about in the book, tend to blow things out of proportion. They use hyperbole. “Oh, it’s the end of the world! It’s never going to work. We’re too different.” Masculinity is calm, and you just go, “Hey, it’s not a big deal. We’ll find common ground. We’ll figure it out.” As long as she’s not too nutty far left to where she’s triggered by everything and blows her top at you. If she’s willing to talk things out, listen to your side, hear your point of view and why you think the way you do, there’s potential that not only could it work, but she will change her as her interest goes up. She’ll actually change her political beliefs to match yours. That’s total act of submission.

That’s what femininity does, but you got to be in your masculine consistently for that to happen. You can’t act like one of these feminist men that are always hitting on liberal women and liberal women want nothing to do with them, and they go and sleep with the conservative guys and then bitch about them. The reason why they’re sleeping with conservative guys is because at least they act masculine. They don’t want to be with an overly emotional fucking man-gina.

But things were still not kosher. 

1) She was consistently weird in public.

Again, women want no drama. If you’re James Bond, you’re not running through public with a sign telling everybody that you’re boning her or that you need to run around and do PDA. If anything, when you see each other, she should be the one coming up to you, and she can be the one to decide how much PDA she gives or doesn’t. She can come and give you a hug and a kiss, or she can act like you’re just another student. Maybe she’s there with some of her friends and her friends don’t know that she’s dating anybody, and if you could be calm, cool and collected, “Oh yeah. We have a couple classes together. You know, she’s a cool girl.” So you let her be the one to decide how much affection she wants to show in public. If you show up and you want to start treating her like your girlfriend before your interactions and your relationship is at that point, you’re going to get a pullback.

So again, what that tells me is you’re focused on how much you like her and you’re completely ignoring that she’s not in the same place emotionally as you are. You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free, and when you behave the way you do, it’s going to turn women off and drive them away.

2) She would only let me see her once a week…

“Mommy didn’t give me enough atta-boys. She wouldn’t pay any attention to me!” The fact that you’re focusing on that, again you set one date per week and that’s it. You raise your interest in person, not over the phone, but you’ll see he starts violating a lot of principles in the book.

…For a night or two max.

Again, because she doesn’t want any. No strings attached, no difficulty, no drama. What you’re doing is complicating your life, making it difficult and bringing drama into it. That’s why she’s going to bounce from you.

3) She made no effort to interact me with when we were both on campus together.

Again, because she’s not in a place where she’s like, “Oh, this is my boyfriend,” and you’re thinking like she’s supposed to be your girlfriend and behave a certain way. Again, as the book says, you’re just supposed to focus on creating the next opportunity for sex to happen, because if you’re doing things right, what’s in the book? She’s going to be the one getting upset that none of your friends know, nobody else on campus knows that you guys are dating, and she’ll get a little upset and a little pouty about that, that she’s the one who has to tell everybody you guys are together. Again, because that’s the woman’s department. If she ain’t bringing it up, she’s not there. So be like James Bond. The problem is, he’s acting too much like a girl.

What I really think is the reason for the relationship ending is my calls with her.

It’s your behavior, and the calls are just part of that.

Despite knowing how counterproductive these FaceTime calls were after the very first one (I’ve read the book)…

Well, that’s why I say read it 10 to 15 times. You’re just thumbing through it once, thinking you’re a genius. It’s not going to work. You’re not going to get sustainable results. You’ll get attainable results, but you won’t be able to sustain them, and you clearly cannot sustain them because you didn’t know what the hell you were doing. Your game was absolutely terrible. It was atrocious.

So if she’s wanting to FaceTime you, it’s like, “Hey, cutie. I want to see you. Why don’t you come by my dorm? Come by my apartment?” If she’s texting you 8:00, 9:00 at night, just say, “Come over. We can study together and maybe have a session of the indoor Olympics afterwards if you play your cards right.” It should just be easygoing. No drama, no stress. Instead, you’re being needy and you’re neurotic. You’re seeking validation.

It’s like you want an atta-boy, and the reason you behave this way is the same reason I did and every other guy does. You didn’t get enough strokes from mommy and daddy telling you they’re proud of you, they love you, that kind of shit, as a kid. You desperately wanted love, but you never got it. So you really want love from this girl, and she’s not giving it to you and the way you expect, and you’re getting upset and basically throwing a temper tantrum about it and causing drama. You’re making her life difficult instead of being a blessing to it.

A guy that can hook up with her, fuck her brains out and nobody knows and totally keep his fucking mouth shut about it, the only way anybody on campus would find out anything’s going on between you guys is if she told them.

…I continued to talk with her on FT once a week, often for two to three hours.

Again, why aren’t you getting together in person?

Each time they devolved into me essentially getting mad at her for not behaving the way I thought she should.

Again, that’s bringing drama and stress into her life, and she doesn’t want to deal with an overly emotional man-baby that acts like a chick.

I didn’t like that she was cold to me in public.

Well, she wanted to keep things on the down low because she was not as serious about you as you were about her, and you throwing a temper tantrum is like a little eight-year-old boy getting pissed off at his mom in the grocery store every time he tries to put candy in the shopping cart, and she says no and puts it back. You just see him banging his fist, kicking his feet on the ground and screaming and crying. That’s basically what you’re doing. That’s the effect that it has. It’ll dry any woman up. Knock it off.

I didn’t like that she appeared to be embarrassed of me and not proud to be dating me.

She just wanted to keep it between you two.

I didn’t like that she could only make time to see me once a week.

Again, that’s not going to make her want to see you. That’s going to make her not want to see you at all.

I didn’t like that she had male friends, etc.

Again, that conversation comes up when she’s trying to get you to be her boyfriend. Then that’s when you say, “Well, you got all these guy friends that clearly are not friends. They’re just dudes that are hoping to get in your pants. If you want me to be exclusive with you, here’s my terms. It means no hanging out with these dudes one-on-one, going to drinks or this or that. You’re going to tell them that you have a boyfriend and it’s inappropriate to continue. Don’t be texting them, sliding into their DMs and giving them the impression that you’re single, even though you’re dating or in a relationship with me, giving them the green light to still try to get in your pants because you like the attention. I’m not going to agree to be exclusive with any woman that thinks that’s OK.”

“So before I agree to be your boyfriend, that’s going to have to have to change. If you’re not cool with that, then let’s just keep dating casually and keep it to ourselves, but I’m not going to be exclusive unless those dudes are out of the picture. If I’m going to be exclusive with you, I’m not sharing you with other guys, and I don’t want to be up late at night wondering where my fucking girlfriend is, if she’s out having drinks with one of the guys and giving these guys a chance to get in her pants. I want a woman that respects the sanctity of her relationship. She values loyalty, she values monogamy and exclusivity, she acts that way and she’ll never put herself in a situation to give a guy the impression that he’s got a chance with her. So if you want me to be your boyfriend, that’s going to have to stop. If you don’t agree with that, that’s fine, but I’m not going to be your boyfriend.”

Again, this is right out of the book, but you went through it one time, thought you were a super genius, and instead you’ve got just terrible, atrocious, non-existent game.

This past Tuesday, she freaked out at the end of one of these calls and I rushed over to see her and we made up and agreed not to break up.

It’s like, “Oh Stella, don’t dump me! Please mommy, I need your attention!” That’s just pathetic, dude.

On Thursday morning, I apologized for all of the calls and said that I’d straighten up and be stronger (She of course wanted me to think that my honesty was good and all that hogwash), but I knew I had been shooting myself in the foot with them. On Friday, she tried to break up with me again. Again I convinced her everything was fine and she agreed and stayed the night here. This afternoon she called and said we were over. I relented. 

There is one real issue we have that is out of my control: Her roommate and best friend hates me.

Well, of course, it’s like you’re making life difficult, and this girl is probably complaining to her a roommate who’s gone, “This guy’s a bitch. Why are you wasting your fucking time with him? I don’t like this guy.”

As I understand it, her roommate is very possessive and also essentially got raped and projects that onto me. 

Another issue: She’s a virgin, and usually I wouldn’t date a girl who won’t let me hit within the first month, but this girl was perfect so I let it slide.

I’m sure if you behave this way and you’re expecting us to believe that the ladies just line up around the block for you, it’s like, come on, dude! There’s no reason to bullshit or embellish. When a man acts this way, he doesn’t have game, he doesn’t know what he’s doing.

So as pathetic as it is, I’m brokenhearted over a girl I never even had sex with (She was waiting until I met her parents). 

Again, interest cuts through everything. If she fell head over heels in love with you and felt safe, felt comfortable, if you were following what was in the book, you probably would have already taken her V card at this point. She’s not going to give it up to a guy who behaves the way you do, who’s freaking out because she quite simply doesn’t feel safe with you. That’s why women in general stop having sex with their boyfriends or their husbands, because they don’t feel safe, because the guys are not in their masculine. We’ve talked about this with the girls many times in the podcast.

I have three questions:

1) How do I get her back?

Well, read the book, 3% Man, 10 to 15 times. Follow the instructions, follow what’s in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back and do nothing. She said it’s over. So you wait to hear from her. As 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back says, the article and video I did 10, 11 years ago, at this point when you hear from her, if she texts you, she sends you a meme, just say, “Hey you! I’m glad to hear from you. I’d love to see you. What’s your schedule like?” Then invite her over to make dinner at your place. Hang out, have fun and hook up. That’s it.

Don’t talk on the phone for two or three hours and say we, “Need to talk.” Don’t do that. Just get together, be the fun escape from stressful college life, fuck her brains out when she’s ready. You gotta follow the book. Then you’ll have her eating out of your hand. Then she’ll be gushing about you and wanting you to meet her parents.

2) Assuming I get her back, can I make her into an actual good girlfriend who isn’t all weird in public and actually wants to see me?

You shouldn’t be trying to make her into your girlfriend. You claimed you read the book, but that’s the complete opposite mindset. What’s in the book? It’s her job to convince you to be her boyfriend. Your job is just to create the opportunities for sex to happen. To hang out, have fun when the signs are there that she’s ready to be kissed, touched and seduced. You talked like you were a real ladies’ man and you were just betting women left and right, and when you ask questions like this, you sound like a guy that hasn’t even lost his virginity yet. That’s the way I see it, dude. When you behave the way you do, there’s no way you’re that successful with other women. You’re just throwing a little bullshit in there to puff yourself up. It’s totally unnecessary.

3) Is it even worth holding out hope? Thank you.

Sincerely,

Bob

Well again, you should be reading the book, applying it and dating other women because maybe you find somebody better, but your game sucks. It’s atrocious. If you behave this way with every girl you like, you’re going to chase her away and get dumped for the same reason. You’re not going to be a ladies’ man when you act this way. So there’s no need to imply that.

Follow what’s on 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. If she reaches out, make a date, stop doing all these fucking bullshit FaceTimes and everything else. If she wants to reach out to you, assume she wants to see you, make the date, then get off the phone. If it’s at night, 8:00, 9:00, just say, “Come over.” Hang out, have fun and hook up. It’s really simple. That’s all you need to focus on the relationship stuff and all this.

Again, you’re James Bond walking around on campus. You don’t want anybody to know you guys are involved. You don’t want her to see that. You want girls just to fucking wonder. The only way people are going to find out on campus, like I said in the beginning of the video, is if she starts telling people and she’ll tell people when she wants the world to know that you’re her man. When you act like a butt-hurt baby and a bitch like this, she’s not going to want anybody to know she even knows you. That’s why she’s cold, because you’re just repulsive in your behavior. You just can’t behave this way with anybody.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.