Why you should never agree to group dates with women you just met and started dating.
In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who is 20 years old and in college. He went on one date with a girl from class and for their 2nd date she invited him to make dinner together in her dorm. However, she also asked him if she could invite a female friend of hers. He naively said yes.
The date turned into a train wreck and instead of her female friend joining them for dinner, her male friend joined them instead. He asks what he should do now. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
I get an email, this guy is really young and he made a pretty big blunder. I know he has been into my work. I don’t know how far he’s gotten in it. I can’t remember what he said specifically, but he went out on one date with this girl, one of his classmates, and he obviously thought the date went well. He planned a second date and she says, “Hey, why don’t you come over to my dorm and we’ll make dinner together?” So he makes the date and then at some point she goes, “Hey, would it be OK if I invited a girlfriend of mine over?” He goes, “Hey, two is better than one. Sure. Why not?”
So he shows up on the the day of the date at her dorm with all of his stuff to cook and her girlfriend can’t make it, and instead she has some male friend who’s really kind of a gay male girlfriend because apparently this guy is bisexual. So this guy goes for a second date to make dinner with this girl, and the female friend turns into a gay male girlfriend who is bisexual. So he goes to start making dinner and stuff, and her and the dude are just sitting on the couch and jibber-jabbering away, and he’s like a manservant in the kitchen. He totally cock-blocked himself by agreeing to a group date.
This is a classic case of why you don’t do it. In other words, what he did is he gave up all of his power in the interaction. Instead of being the leader, he basically turned it into a social call where in essence, he’s like a chef coming over to make this girl dinner and he agreed to it. That’s a bitch move. The book says, this is why you don’t do group dates, because you will cock-block yourself. It will get in the way of a successful seduction.
Another thing girls will typically do that is ask to bring a friend along is because they’re using them as a cock-blocker to prevent any kind of seduction or hanky-panky going on. No salami for you tonight.
There’s this girl I am EXTREMELY interested in.
Slow your roll, bro.
I surely would’ve shot myself in the foot had I continued in my beta male ways. Although there has been a sticky situation.
I’m 20 years old and we’re college classmates. She invited me over to her dorm (This is our second date) and I told her we can cook dinner together. We made plans four days in advance and she asked if it was alright if her flatmate (a girl) can join us. I thought to myself that two is better than one.
I would have said, “Well, why don’t you come over to my place and then just you and I can make dinner together?” If she’s like, “Well, I’d really like to have my flatmate there. It’s like, “I want to take you on a date. I’m sure your flatmate’s a nice girl, but I’d rather do something one-on-one. If you’re not comfortable with that, why don’t we go out and do something else and we’ll do dinner some other time at your place?” And do the withdrawal, the takeaway, and see what she says.
The bottom line is, that tells me that her interest is like a borderline. She’s testing your strength. She’s testing to see if she can impose her will on you, or you’ll impose your will on her. Unfortunately, you basically made her the leader in the interaction, and that’s why things went totally sideways,
Four days later, the day came. She told me that other people would be coming in and out since it’s a shared kitchen by other students.
Yeah, now you’re going to a dorm. She doesn’t have a kitchen or in her apartment. It’s a dorm where there’s lots of other people. How are you going to have sex and intimacy in a group environment like that? It’s like, come on.
The girl flatmate was tired and one guy decided to stay. It was just us three. We’ll call him John. He’s from England, four years older and studies acting and theater. He openly shared that he is bisexual and has a girlfriend. He also behaves in a feminine way.
Well, maybe he was hoping to get his stool pushed in.
I made smoothies for us and prepared the vegetables for cooking while they sat and talked. I decided to sit down with them and see if she would notice that no progress is being made on the cooking any longer. But she couldn’t unglue herself from that guy. He was talking NON-STOP ( he was doing 90% of the talking).
Yeah, there’s another chick basically. So that’s what happened. You put some dude that you didn’t even know and charge your date in essence, and he just took over.
So this is part of how a woman tests your strengths to see what you’re really made of. Will you lead the interaction? Will you create an opportunity for sex to happen, or are you going to let her completely derail the whole thing? Which obviously is what happened.
Eventually I thought that I was wasting my time, got my coat, cooking appliances and bag. She asked, “Do you not feel included?” John was there also. I told her, “I made plans with you to spend time with you and have some fun.” Then I looked at him and said, “I think you’re a cool guy and you’re interesting and I don’t have a problem with you…”
You just see this looks totally awkward.
…And to her I said again, “But we didn’t even cook anything.”
That’s your fault bro. You are the one that put the chick in charge of the date and look what happened. The date turned into a group date and her group dorm, so she was putting cock-blockers there to prevent you from seducing her, and you fell for it. Rookie mistake.
Obviously, you’re only 20 years old. You don’t know any better, but this is right out of the book. You don’t do this shit, and this is exactly why.
She walked me out of the dorm. She said that she felt pathetic three times and she didn’t have the heart to tell John to “Fuck off.”
Well, I would have said, “Hey John, it’s nice to meet you, but Denise and I are going to make dinner together. This is a date. Hope you have a great evening.” Instead, you just totally abdicated responsibility and you let her run things, and it just ran right off the road. In other words, you let her drive the fun bus and look what happened. She went off the side of a cliff of a mountain.
She said that next time we’ll plan something not in the dorm away from John.
This is all your fault. Agreeing to go to a dorm? She doesn’t even have a kitchen. You want to do a group cooking thing? Come on, bro.
She initiated a hug then I told her, “If you’d like to see me again call me or text me and we’ll plans then”. She replied, “Yeah of course” and initiated another hug (We aren’t at the kissing stage yet).
Why not? You should kiss her on the first date.
What do you think?
I think you should read the fucking book, pull your head out of your ass and stop trying to cherry pick the videos, because I’m sure you’ve seen enough videos by now to know that I’m going to roast your ass for cherry picking, because I can tell you’re literally doing things like a guy that’s never read the book.
I mean, this is right out of the book. Don’t do it. If you don’t follow what I teach, you should not be surprised that John, the bisexual man, gave you blue balls and kept you from the culture that you wanted. That’s on you, bro. You got it.
Again, I think you should read the book. I wouldn’t call her text her for any reason because you told her, “Hey, if you’d like to see me again, get in touch.” Will she contact you? It could go either way, 50/50. The fact that you went over there and allowed her and this dude, this bisexual man, to just completely derail your date? That’s a bad way to go, dude.
You got to be the leader. Don’t ever agree to group dates. You only go on group dates with somebody that’s your girlfriend, because this is exactly why you don’t have enough emotional bonding and connection with her yet. What happens sometimes you go on a group date and I’ve done other email newsletters. I did one with this guy a couple of weeks ago. I think he only went on two or three dates, and it was like the second or the third date she’s like, “Oh, come meet all my friends.” So he goes and a couple of her friends didn’t like this guy and they totally cock-blocked him. After that she didn’t want to go out with him anymore.
He did drink a little too much, but that was also his fault because he agreed to a group date. Her friends didn’t like the guy, probably because he drank too much, said some inappropriate things or whatever. So they torpedoed him, and she wasn’t that emotionally bonded to him. So it was easy for her to totally go, “You’re out.”
When you really like a girl like this guy does and you don’t know any better, you do stupid shit like this, and then you end up going home with blue balls. It’s not a fun way to end the evening. You much rather have a full release and a happy ending, but that didn’t happen.
Got to read the book, dude. You can’t cherry pick these videos. This is a completely avoidable mistake. Again, I chose this email because there are guys that this will be the first video they ever watch, or there will be guys that are just new to the book or they’re unsure and they’ll go, “Oh shit, she asked me for a group date. I better withdraw that offer and change something else, because I don’t want shit like this to happen,” because this is like a worse case scenario.
Can you imagine, this guy is there cooking in the kitchen, and she’s over sitting in the couch with some other dude and this guy just blah blah, blah? You can’t seduce a woman when she’s over talking to another guy. Come on man, you got to do better.
So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.
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