Why alpha males rule with women and beta males have the blues and get rejected by women.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss 3 different emails from 3 different viewers. The first email is from a guy following my work for 3 years and read 3% Man, only twice. He’s not a serious student but wonders why he keeps getting rejected. The 2nd email is a success story from a serious student who read my book 20 times and explains how he met his current girlfriend shortly after ending a long-term relationship. His new girlfriend is a major upgrade over his ex.
The 3rd email is another success story from a guy who has read my book over 20 times and is also a serious student. He shares how easy and effortless things are with his girlfriend. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the bodies of their emails.
You know, what’s interesting is people give me a hard time about saying you’ve got to read 3% Man 10 to 15 times. And the reason being is you’ve got to learn how to transition from pickup, to dating, to the relationship phase, and you have to know how to use the skills, if you’re in a relationship in the pickup phase and the dating phase, to maintain your relationship. Serious students read the book 15, 20 times or more. And as you guys have seen over the years, the best success stories always come from people that follow the instructions. The people that struggle are the guys that think they’re too smart, or they’re too rich, or they don’t have the time, this, that, whatever the excuse happens to be.
And so, I’ve got three emails I’m going to go through with you today. The first one is from a guy who says he’s been following me for three years, but he’s only read the book twice. And there’s a couple of instances in his email where you you see his story, his rationalization for basically watching and cherry picking my work, but not really doing anything to change his behavior and then excusing it. And that’s why guys like that, who choose to be beta, choose to not do what’s necessary to help themselves, have the blues.
That’s why this guy is constantly complaining that he’s getting friendzoned by women, yet he’s been following me three years and barely read the book twice. And the last two emails are success stories. Both of these guys read the book 20 times or more, and it completely changed their way of thinking. They understand the philosophy, and so they can apply it effortlessly and get predictable, repeatable success. And you’ll see that going through the emails.
I remember about a month or so ago, somebody sent me a link. I think it was a Reddit forum, some forum on the internet, and some dude’s complaining about me and says that I answered a couple of emails of his in previous newsletters, and he was mocking me and complaining that I told him he hadn’t read the book enough, hadn’t learned it, hadn’t read it 10 to 15 times. And so, when I looked and I followed the links, I went and I looked up the emails and this particular guy is writing all these nasty things about me on this forum on the internet, yet within days, he’s sending another email to me in hopes that I’ll answer it, “You’re the best. You’re the greatest. You’re awesome. You changed my life. You helped me so much.” Meanwhile, he’s going to this forum, “He sucks.”
And still, even now, just a few weeks ago, this guy is still sending me ass-kissy emails hoping that I will answer his emails. When I see stuff like that, it’s like, you’re phony when you send stuff in, and then you go on a forum and complain that I broke your balls because you keep doing the same things. You can’t help everybody. You know, you’ve got to participate in your own rescue. And I want to work with people that are ready, willing, able and open to learning. In other words, you’ve got to be coachable, you’ve got to be teachable, you’ve got to be FAT. FAT stands for faithful, available and teachable. And that particular dude obviously is not.
And just like you’ll see in this first email here, this guy’s not following instructions, and you could tell he’s frustrated, but he’s doing it to himself. And he rationalizes and makes excuses for his behavior just like, “Aw shucks, this is the way I am.” Well, if you keep doing the same things over and over again, that’s the definition of insanity. If you keep doing what you’ve always done, you’ll continue to get what you’ve always got.
The first guy gets the same thing he’s always gotten because he really hasn’t changed his behavior. He’s trying to cherry pick things here and there, “Oh, I’m going to find the perfect pickup line, the perfect phrase of words to say, a couple of little actions, and then the panties will just magically drop. I don’t need to read the book 10 to 15, 20 times, like Corey says.”
I’ve had guys that are worth hundreds of millions of dollars, very arrogantly condescend that they don’t have time to read the book. And it’s like, Yeah, you’re complaining because you got blue balls. You’re complaining because your girlfriend kicked you out. You’re complaining because you got friendzoned, but you’re too rich and powerful to have time to read the book. It’s like, you’re not going to change your behavior. Nothing’s going to change. You’re going to keep getting the same results, and quite frankly, you deserve it.
I’m harsh. I’m not here to blow sunshine up anybody’s ass. I’m going to tell you exactly like it is, because life is too short to dick around. And the guy in this first email is just dicking around, wasting his life, wasting his time and kind of wasting ours. But it’s a good email to call out, because his mindset’s what’s getting in the way. And what my book does is completely change your mindset, the way you look at yourself, and the way you interact with the world.
First Viewer’s Email:
I came upon your work 3 years ago after a rough divorce and took a year to collect myself and read 3% Man twice in that time. I know, I know.
So, this dude hasn’t read the book in two years. He was he was reading the book twice, did nothing, because he says he was trying to collect himself. In other words, he read the book and didn’t do anything to practice. You can’t get better if you don’t practice. Repetition is the mother of skill. So, that right there tells me he’s not a serious student.
And here he is, read the book twice in the first year, and then in the previous two years hasn’t read it and is just trying to cherry pick videos, and he wonders why he’s getting nowhere. He’s still acting the same way. He’s still exhibiting the same behaviors that led to him getting a divorce.
I then dated 4 women over the next year, and did well, but wasn’t really feeling any of them and eventually cut them all out because I’m not gonna keep a girl around just to have one.
Well, the title of the book says “Woman of Your Dreams,” not “How to go out and be mediocre and settle, like pretty much most people do.”
I’m a father of 2 kids, 11 and 7, and I’m really committed to raising them right with 50/50 time split, as well as starting my brand new remodeling business. This keeps all of my time and money tied up and makes it difficult to get out.
Again, that’s part of his story, there. “Oh, well, I don’t have time or money, so I don’t get out.” That becomes the excuse for doing nothing. Meanwhile, time is going by, your life is going by. The amount of time you’ve got left is like sands through the hourglass.
I’m not big on the bar scene, and so I opened up my social circle by joining an awesome church with lots of women my age to meet and chat with. The issue I have is that I keep getting friend zoned…
Remember, he hasn’t read the book in over two years.
…because I’m kind of a kid at heart and like to joke and laugh a lot, but this seems to turn women off.
What’s turning women off is you continue to act like a beta male and the fact you haven’t changed your behavior at all. He kind of likes to think of himself as a guy that knows material, but if you’re constantly getting friendzoned, you’re not exhibiting what’s in the book.
Is being too happy really an unattractive trait?
Not at all.
I’m not really sweating it and seeing that I am very spiritual as a person, I just accept things for the way they are and move on.
In other words, “I’m not going to do anything to try to change or get better. I’m just going to keep doing the same thing over and over again, hoping somebody will put up with me.”
I’ll give a quick recap of the most recent woman I went out with, and you can let me know where I’m going wrong.
Well, you haven’t read the book in over two years, and you haven’t read it at least 10 to 15 times. So, that tells me you’re not a serious student. You’re half-assing it, and your half-assing your personal life. And so, if you’re just going to keep behaving the same way you’ve always behaved, you’re going to keep getting the same exact results you’ve always gotten.
I met a very attractive woman named Jessica (45) through a customer I was doing some work for. The customer was playing matchmaker for her friend and had kind of hooked us up. I met her for coffee on the first date because I knew nothing about her in the 8-minute conversation we had on the jobsite.
You can go to coffee. But again, what’s the whole purpose of a date? It’s the man’s job to create an opportunity for sex to happen – to hang out, to have fun, to hook up, to do something romantic, not something platonic.
We spoke for 2 hours, and she did a lot of the talking, but I’m very extroverted, so I’d say 60/40 with her speaking more.
Okay, so he’s doing 40% of talking. The book says you should do no more than 20-30%. So, more than likely, he probably talked 50/50. Maybe it was flipped around because he’s probably BSing himself a little bit. trying to puff himself up, make himself look a little bit better. But he says, “I’m very extroverted.” So, in other words, he was doing a lot of talking and not a lot of listening, not a lot of getting to know her.
It was a good ice breaker, and so I asked her out for a night of music the following weekend. That date went really great as well, but I found out she is Mormon and doesn’t drink.
He found that out by the second date. Sounds like he did a lot of listening on the first day.
This is not a problem at all, and we still did some dancing, talking and walking around, and she kept bumping into me as we walked. I successfully went for the kiss that night, but it wasn’t a make out session or anything.
So, she really didn’t kiss him back passionately. If she’s not a good kisser, I’d be flushing her number.
The next date was more casual, and we did some Christmas shopping together.
Christmas shopping as your third date? It’s like, what?
I had her cracking up most of the night but got the cheek at the end. Did I screw this up by being my normal fun self?
Well, you screwed up by going out with a girl that really wasn’t into you. When you go to kiss a girl and she’s a lousy kisser or doesn’t kiss you back, I wouldn’t go on another date with her. Again, this is why you read the book 10 to 15 times. You could have avoided all of this.
Do I have to put on some bullshit stoic mask to keep interest?
Well, you’ve got to learn the material. If you’re not willing to learn the material, there are 51 million YouTube channels that you can follow. And I would suggest you probably go follow one of them, because you’ve been following me for three years and you read the book twice two years ago. You’re not a serious student. You’re not really serious about getting better. Again, if you’re not going to take your personal life seriously, you might as well go waste your time somewhere else.
Do you think religious perspectives slow down or change your normal recommendations?
Look at all of the rationalizations he’s going through, here. “Why doesn’t she like me? What did I do to turn her off?” She’s just not into you, dude.
Should I read your book another dozen times?
Yeah, that’s what the instructions say. And you wonder why you’re three years down the road, and you’ve pretty much got nowhere other than constantly getting friendzoned.
Lastly, I also have the issue that I’m cool being by myself doing my thing. I wasn’t even looking when this happened, and I think my apathy comes through in my dates, even though I’m just having fun.
So, there you have it. His apathy comes out in what he says, what he does, the tone of his voice. Again, this is why you read the book 10 to 15 times, so you focus on building up your life and building a life and lifestyle that you’d be proud of. If you’re not proud of yourself, or your life, or your lifestyle, how are you going to get a woman excited about it?
I’m sure there are others in this boat that aren’t all red pilled but just can’t fit the mold…
So, these are his excuses here on why he can’t be successful. It’s not in the cards for him.
…of being a badass playboy millionaire kickboxer with a Bugatti – just dudes living and making the best of it.
Thanks for your work,
So, this is the excuse, “Oh, well, I’m not Andrew Tate. It’s not in the cards for me, so I’m not even going to try.” That’s your story. People are going to act consistently with how they view themselves to be, and it doesn’t matter whether the view is accurate or not.
So, after going through this email, the guy’s not even remotely serious about trying to improve himself. He feels like he’s already done everything he needs to do, and all he has to do is just show up, and the perfect girl is just going to drop her panties for him. That’s not how it works, dude. Again, if you’re not going to take your life seriously, your personal life, that’s on you. You might as well go spend your time somewhere else.
On the next. Let’s see the difference between a guy who has a completely different mindset, and does take his personal life seriously, and does take his success seriously…
Second Viewer’s Email:
Good morning Corey!
I am a big follower. I have read your book 20 times and follow it to the “T”. I recently found the woman of my dreams by putting myself in uncomfortable situations by learning how to salsa. It was an amazing 2 years. She was everything I wanted with a great career. But then she began to pursue her career move farther from me and cut our time from every day to once a week.
Yeah, she’s changing that deal.
I understand that she needed to do this in her life and become a pilot and international businesswoman, selling private jets. We were in love, but the long-term plan for her to move closer was 2 years. We both have young daughters, and it felt unfair to withhold a family relationship while she was in pursuit of her dreams.
Yeah, you don’t want to feel like you’re competing with a man. She’s not wanting to build a life together if she’s moving away, because she wants to pursue her career. If she wants to be a boss girl, let her go. “Go be a boss girl. I want somebody who wants to build something together.”
So, I told her I love her and that I would not accept the new terms she created. It completely crushed her. I really didn’t feel bad, because I felt like I’ve always kept my center and made my happiness first. She called multiple times trying to get back together, but I simply told her the only terms I would accept would be in the location where we started, which was close to me.
So, notice how a guy who’s read “3% Man” 20 times, he’s very objective about it. He’s very clearheaded about it, he understands the material, he understands her actions and what she’s doing. Instead of getting closer together, she’s moving further away from him. You never try to keep somebody who doesn’t want to keep you. And if her career is more important than the relationship, well, let her have her career and you go find somebody who wants a more important relationship. So, what does he do? Because he knows the material backwards and forwards…
Well, the next day after I broke up, I went on a date, Lol – a girl from a local Facebook group. I simply said, “Hello.” She said, “Do I know you?” I said “No, but we can get to know each other.” I told her, “Let’s grab a drink sometime. I’d like to get to know you.” This girl is gorgeous, 5 years younger, no kids, huge house. It seems like every time I break up I upgrade.
Well, that’s the way it’s supposed to be. The difference between the first guy and the second guy is the second guy read the book, he hit a bump in the road. He changed his approach, became open to something new – because he focused on his outcome, which was a relationship with somebody who is ready, willing, able and open – and boom! I mean, it happened pretty fast. It doesn’t happen like that for most people, but that’s what happens when you’re prepared. As Confucius said, “Success depends upon prior preparation, and without said preparation, there’s sure to be failure.”
The first guy is constantly failing, because he really didn’t change anything about himself. He read my book a couple of years ago. He’s been cherry picking videos and he’s not really taking it serious. Plus, you can tell by the story and what’s in his email that he’s not changed. His mindset hasn’t changed, and he’s just got the aw shucks attitude, “Hopefully somebody will just accept me the way I am and put up with it.” But that’s just not going to work.
If you’re going to continually display unattractive behavior, you’re going to continually get rejected for exactly the same reasons. That’s why beta males have the blues, and alpha males rule, like this guy is. He literally has a breakup, and the next day he’s out with somebody hotter.
Same thing with her, I use the phone to set dates, take my time, stay centered, focus on myself. It drives her crazy. She talks about how I’m the first real man that she has been with. The first date, I went in for the kiss, of course. I’m blunt, direct, honest, and very witty, Lol.
All the things that the other the first guy seems to think he is. But the difference is this guy knows the material. The first guy doesn’t.
For every date, I just tell her what to wear, the temperature, and that’s it. Her friends all ask her what she’s gonna do, and they all follow up with her like it’s some love story, Lol. But at the end of the day, meeting new women has been really easy, as long as you follow your rules and most importantly stay centered and focus on yourself.
If you create a great life and great lifestyle for yourself, meeting women will be a side effect of that.
Third Viewer’s Email:
Dear Coach Corey Wayne,
My name is Bob. I wanted to send you a success story as a long-time follower of your work. I have read your book in excess of 20 times over the last 4 years.
So, he’s been following me for a year longer than the first guy has, and he’s read the book over 20 times because he’s a serious student. And because he’s a serious student, he knows the material so well, he could probably teach a class on it. Let’s see how it showed up for him.
What led me to finding you was multiple failed relationships and dates, once I moved four years ago. Going to a new city relocating for work, I immediately hopped on dating sites. Four years ago, I met a girl I thought I liked a ton with mutual feelings. After the third date, I was told that she “didn’t see this going any further” and that she “just got out of a long-term relationship.”
Kind of the same thing that the first emailer constantly is hearing, “I like you, but I just think of you as a friend.”
At the time, I was puzzled. This was happening far too often.
Just like the first guy’s email.
I decided to evaluate my actions and seek out answers. With every girl I had been out with, I constantly texted all day, was too available, and was always too worried about them liking me.
Just like the first emailer was. This guy admits that he talks too much, and so more than likely, he’s talking way more than he even admits. Because if women are constantly getting turned off and friendzoning him, he’s not even taking the time to get to know them. And then, there’s nothing mysterious about him.
I even brought up exclusivity and acted insecure, (gross I know). I was the one driving the relationship forward, and it never worked out. I cared too much too soon and was the nice guy.
Women really like you more if they have to work for you. That’s just a fact of life. And if you can create a life and a lifestyle where you’re just surrounded by beautiful women that you’re going to continue to see and get to know off and on, just because they’re in your group, I mean, if there are more women around you than there are dudes, that makes it pretty easy. They go out of their way to get noticed by you. They’re trying to get your attention.
Once I found you, everything flipped. I began by watching your videos and just trying to grasp what your philosophy was. Shortly thereafter, I purchased your book and kept reading it over and over. I realized that I was over pursuing and acting like the woman in the relationship. Over the last 3.5 years, I went on over 50 first dates and always stuck to your principles and mindset.
Again, this guy’s had 50 dates in 3 1/2 years. And what about the first guy? It sounded like he went on four dates two years ago, and then the latest one that he was going out with who had no interest in him. But he’s thinking because he got set up, “Well, this girl must like me.” He goes for the kiss, she doesn’t kiss him back very passionately. And then, he goes out again and gets the cheek and he’s surprised. He should have never gone on that additional date. But because he’s got nothing else going on in his life, he kept giving her a chance. You’ll see, this is important. This is the difference between this guy and the first guy…
What I learned is that you CANNOT make a woman like you, and it is truly a numbers game, paired with strong game and confidence. Just what you teach.
Women are already predisposed to like you. The problem most guys have, and that I used to have, is that you end up talking them out of out of liking you right away.
Some girls you will go out with, have a great time, get the kiss, and they may get flakey. Or some, you may hook up with after the second or third date. What I always kept in mind was to keep circulating and never let one girl bring me down.
That’s something the first guy continues to do.
If she said she didn’t want to see me anymore after hooking up, I always just said, “You’re great, and if you change your mind, let me know.” For your new readers and listeners getting hung up on one chick, you really need to not worry, because when you meet someone who is right for you, she WILL make it easy.
Like the quote that’s in the beginning of my book from Adam Carrolla, “When a woman likes you, the door is open and all you have to do is walk through it. If the doors start closing in your face, then you walk away.”
Case in point. Two months ago, I went on a fantastic first date with a girl who is awesome, who I was just asked to become exclusive with. From the start, everything was easy. I just “do” it for her and still don’t really know why.
Attraction is not a choice. Mother Nature has handled that.
From setting the first date to where we are now, I was always patient, never in a hurry, and never reached out during the day or night when I was working or busy with plans. Even the once or twice when she didn’t contact me for a day or two, I held back the urge to reach out. She would always end up reaching out asking how I was. I just set up the dates and followed your principles. I never mentioned anything in the future and stayed in the present with her. Damn this is hard guys, but you need to flex your emotional muscle, it makes all the difference.
It’s called emotional self-control. And obviously, emailer number one is has been, at least up until this point, unwilling to exercise it. He just makes excuses, just like, “Aw, shucks. This is the way I am. I’m just very extroverted and I talk all the time.” If a woman doesn’t feel heard and understood, the legs ain’t going to open for you, bro.
I’ve even had instances of her insecurities coming out, where I was able to get down to her emotions and make her feel better and relieved.
He made her feel heard and understood. This is what guys do. When a woman is like, “Ahhh!” the guys shrinks it down to nothing. And that’s what he did, just through listening.
This girl is really special, and I’m psyched to have met her. What a difference your book has been, and I truly thank you for helping me become a 3%er. It’s a fun feeling.
So, you can see the difference. The beta male complains and says, “This is the way I am, and I can’t do anything about it. I’m busy, I don’t have the time. I don’t have the money. I’m starting a new business,” blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. My old business partner was always going to get back into his music. “I’ve gotta do this. I’ve got to sell my jet skis, I’ve got to get my taxes in order,” blah, blah, blah. And then he’s on his deathbed. He’s like, “I’ve got to finish,” and he didn’t finish. He died with his music still in him. That was pretty sad. But that was his choice. And unfortunately, way too many people make that choice.
But again, you can see the contrast in the emails here – an unserious student, and two guys that are very serious. So, it’s obvious why the Alphas rule. They get shit done. They don’t say, “Oh, poor me. I don’t have time, I’m too busy. I’m too smart, I’m too rich, my business takes too much time.” They don’t make excuses. They recognize they’ve got a problem, they recognize that what they’re doing ain’t working. They learn the book, and then they apply it, and then they get the results. It’s pretty simple.
So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur