Why Angry, Irritable, Possessive & Clingy Men Repulse Women

Why angry, irritable, possessive & clingy men repulse women & what to do instead.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a 34 year old viewer in Argentina who was casually seeing a hot 21 year old he met at work. He did everything wrong. After he came across my work he continued being angry, irritable, possessive and clingy and kept turning her off and driving her away. He still doesn’t see his mistakes even after reading the book several times. I explain what he needs to do differently. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne, and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Members Only Newsletter is, “Why Angry, Irritable, Possessive & Clingy Men Repulse Women”.

So this particular email is from a guy who’s 34 years old. He lives in Argentina, and he was casually seeing a hot 21 year old that he met at work, and he did everything you could do wrong, he says. And then it went sideways. And then he came across my work and he decided, ah, I’m going to use Corey’s book to show this girl a new me so we can get back to bumping uglies, which they do.

However, he kept being irritable, angry, possessive, clingy, little controlling, and just easily getting butthurt and perturbed, acting like he was entitled to be in a relationship with her when quite frankly, before after reading this, it just seems like they were kind of casually hooking up, friends with benefits. It wasn’t anything serious.

So when they started seeing her again, he was demanding that the only way they would get together again is if she agreed to be in a relationship, which they never were before. And so even though this guy says he’s read 3% Man, he’s not really applying what it teaches. So but it is a good email because you can see the mistakes that he makes.

Viewer Email:

Hey Coach,


My name is Bob, and I’m from Argentina. I’ve been following your work for about nine months. I’ve read the book three times. Yeah, not enough. And I support your YouTube Members Only content too.

Well, thanks for being a Paying Member and everybody else that is watching this.

About two years ago, I met this really beautiful girl at university where we both used to work. I was 34, and she was 21.

So I guess they’re 36 and 23 now.

But I didn’t care about the age gap and took a shot. I asked her out, and we met for coffee, then went for a walk-in a nearby park. I leaned in for a kiss, but she only gave me a peck. I wondered if she was shy or didn’t want to be seen kissing in public.

Well, again, this was before my work. You didn’t know “The Kiss Test”, and so you were obviously trying to kiss her when she wasn’t ready. And that’s why you just got a peck. She didn’t turn her head and gave you the cheek. She just gave you a “kiss”, and that was it. No tongue, no French kissing. Just a little peck.

Surprisingly, a few hours later, she asked to come over to my place, and things got pretty intense. She refused to stay over, took an Uber, and left.

She refused. So just the fact that he words it, “she refused to stay over.” He’s like, “hey, why don’t you stay the night?” “Oh no, I got to get back.” “Hey, no problem.” But he probably argued with her and debated with her. Probably took it personally. She didn’t want to spend the night. That’s what it looks like. And after reading the rest of the email, I’m pretty sure that’s probably what was going on. A woman who refuses to stay over it’s like, why don’t you just. Oh, she declined to stay and went back home.

The following days, she didn’t reach out. I tried to set another date, but she totally ghosted me.

Well, I don’t know if you hooked up or not, but she ghosted you because you turned her off.

I finally saw her again, after two months of trying too hard.

So he kept chasing. He kept pursuing after this girl totally blew him off. So it sounds like she was into him at first and then he totally talked her out of liking him without realizing. Again, this is all before he came across my work.

Since then we kept seeing each other on and off, only when she wanted to.

So that tells me he’s doing all the reaching out, all the pursuing, constantly getting rejected. And then he just keeps coming at it, keeps coming at it.

She was always distant and mysterious.

That’s because she had low interest, and you were not giving her enough time and space away from you to wonder about you, to think about you and to miss you. It’s a scientific fact that women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear. And you are over communicating your feelings and your interests.

I tried many times to make plans, but she either said she couldn’t or just flaked.

And on top of that, she’s blowing you off, flaking on dates, and yet you continue chasing after her. So when you do that, you’re teaching her that this is the way you are, that she can basically blow you off, jerk you around and you’ll just put up with it. No one will ever do or say anything to you that you don’t invite them to do. Whatever you tolerate, you invite more of. So you trained her to be this way. You trained her that you’re a beta male, that no amount of disrespect will make you back off.

After six months, I told her I wanted a relationship.

Obviously, again, he didn’t understand that that’s the woman’s department. And that you’ve been dating or seeing her, I don’t know how often, but doesn’t sound like very often. Like maybe an occasional booty call when she had nothing else going on. She was willing to make time for you, so it’s totally inappropriate to try to lock her down because it’s not her idea, so you’re going to get rejected.

She said she wasn’t interested in that but still wanted to keep seeing me as we were doing.

So in other words, she’s like, she likes the casual friends with benefits and that’s it.

I refused and told her to call me if she ever changed her mind. She tried to reach me several times, but I kept it short and distant, just like she was with me.

So now we flipped it around.

Still, I couldn’t get her out of my head. After four months of No Contact, I found your work. I read the book and saw all the mistakes I’d been making like over-pursuing, focusing too much on the relationship, and coming off as needy. I decided to try things again with her. So I asked her out once again. We went on a date the next day, had fun, and slept together. She told me, “I really missed being with you.” Five days later, there was a party at the University, and she reached out to invite me. I accepted, even though I was breaking one of your rules.

Yeah no group dates. They’re there for a reason. But he thinks he knows better. So how’d that go?

But I thought, “She’s reaching out and she wants to see me. What’s the worst that could happen?” Spoiler, everything went wrong.

Well, that’s a you problem. But again, this was the first girl you’re trying to apply the book with. Rejection breeds obsession, and you’re too far down the road. She’s like Kryptonite to you, even though you’ve read the book. I think you said three times it’s not enough. So you don’t really know the book. And on top of that, you’re not really applying it. You’re just bending the rules. But even though he’s bending the rules, the girl had high enough interest where they were still able to bump uglies.

The plan was to meet at the party and then go back to my place. We arrived separately, hung out for a bit, then I was talking to some female friends when three guys approached her. One started flirting openly, and she seemed to be into it. I didn’t like that, but I stayed calm. I kept telling myself, “Relax, she’s coming home with you at the end of the night.” 

Well, again, this is like you just started hanging out with her the second time. After, what, four months of not talking? She’s not your girlfriend. You don’t have any rights to her. You agreed to take a group date. Even though the book says don’t do that. I would have just said “no, I’m not really down for that. But why don’t you and I get together for dinner? What’s your schedule like?” But he didn’t do that. He didn’t listen. He did everything on her terms because he was too afraid to stand up to her and offer her different plans that were more aligned with what he wanted to do. If you act like a bitch, women will treat you like a bitch.

A few minutes later, the guys left, so I asked her if she wanted to come over. She said, “Okay, but since we came separately, we should leave separately.” I didn’t like that either.

Well, again, you haven’t seen her hardly. This is second time you’ve seen her after four months of no contact. She’s not your girlfriend. You don’t own her. You don’t have any right or claim to her. And what you should have done was you should have invited her over to your place to make dinner together. Three dates in a row. That’s what 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back says.

I didn’t like that either but I played along.

But another thing to keep in mind. He just turned her off to the point where all of his over pursuing doesn’t seem like she really gave a fuck at that point anyways. He was just one of the guys that she was friends with benefits with. And I would say probably his saving grace was she liked having sex with him, even though she didn’t like his behavior. She enjoyed the sex and that’s why she was willing to keep seeing him, but with making minimal effort on her part.

I went to the bathroom, which was a bit away, and told her to meet me there in five minutes. When I came out, I saw the same guys talking to her again. As I passed, she pretended not to see me. When I headed for the exit, she was still flirting with one of them and texted me, “Wait for me at the entrance, I’ll be out in five minutes.” I didn’t really know how to react. I was furious.

I was like, why? She’s not your girlfriend. And she’s rubbing these other guys in your face like this because quite frankly, she doesn’t respect you and she thinks you’re a bitch anyways. And she was also doing it to test you and see how you’d react, because you always used to get angry and upset before. And so she knows how to push your buttons. And that’s what women do. If they know your weaknesses, they’re going to test you on it and see if they can upset you.

I thought about leaving alone, but I waited. When she finally came over, I called her out and said, “This is the first and last time you do something like this.” But I still took her home. I was so mad I didn’t say a word the whole way.

You’re supposed to be unperturbed again. This is not your girlfriend. This is not even your ex-girlfriend. This is just a former fuck buddy that you turned off to the point where she didn’t want anything to do with you, and you’re acting like you own her, and she’s not allowed to talk to anybody else. You didn’t even speak for four months. And just because you slept together again doesn’t mean you’re entitled to control her or have domination over her life and who she talks to. You should just look at it as this is one of the girls in your rotation.

Once we got there, I asked her, “What if the roles were reversed? What if I pretended not to see you and stayed flirting with another girl while telling you to leave on your own, would you like that?” She said, “Don’t take it personally, I just don’t want to be seen with anyone.” 

So in other words, she doesn’t want anybody to know that she’s fucking you. Why? Because there’s probably other guys that she wants to fuck there or is trying to date. And you’re her fuck buddy. You’re her friends with benefits. And you shouldn’t give a shit about that. Your job is to create the opportunity for sex to happen, not to get into a relationship.

You’re still doing the same things that you were doing in the beginning, which you thought you were correcting, which was you were too focused on a relationship. And you’re still focused on a relationship and possessing this woman like you’re entitled to it for some reason, just because you fucked one time doesn’t mean that she has to be your girlfriend. It’s not how it works, dude.

As we argued, she said, “You seem really angry.”

Like Ocean, because the puppies are annoying her. You don’t see it off camera. They’re sticking their faces in her face, trying to get her to play with them, and she just wants to lay there.

“You seem really angry. I think I’m just gonna call an Uber and leave.” I told her, “If you want to go, then go.” But she stayed, we slept together, and she left in the morning.

So if she says, oh, I’m going to call an Uber and leave, I was like, hey, you know, if you want to go, go. But she stayed. And the reason she said she was going to go is because she wanted you to beg her not to leave. And you did. And you’re like, hey, if you want to go, go. Don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out. But again, you’re angry. It’s like, you can’t do this with women. Masculinity is calm, dude, and you’re not calm at all. You’re all butt hurt and angry over this woman that you’ve seen once in the last four months. It’s like you don’t have any rights to her.

I didn’t trust my judgment and thought I was being too harsh for calling her out.

Yeah, it’s inappropriate at this point.

So, I started pursuing her again. Of course, she flaked, didn’t respond, and things went back to how they’d been. 

Well, I would have waited a week or two before I got back in touch, just to see if she reaches out.

I saw her a couple more times, but deep down, I knew I should see her no more. It was extremely hard to realize this, because I really liked this girl. I explained to her we couldn’t keep seeing each other because she had hurt me.

Bro, you’re not a fucking woman. You really hurt me. I was like, come on, dude, this is so inappropriate and out of line for the context of what you guys actually are to each other. You were an occasional fuck buddy of hers. That was it. You weren’t her boyfriend. You weren’t even close to being her boyfriend. And most of the time, you were always begging and pleading and chasing to be with her like a beta male. And even though you cleaned up some of your game, for the most part you’re still behaving the same way and you’re still turning her off for exactly the same reasons.

She cried and apologized, but I knew I couldn’t fix her. I quit my job in April, and on my last day, I asked if she wanted to see me one last time. We went to a bar, had some fun, and slept together. But she spent the whole night on her phone. 

Which I’m sure sent him into orbit.

A month later, she reached out again, asking to see me. I declined and said that the only way of seeing each other again was through a monogamous relationship, but she wasn’t interested.

Dude, you’re not following the book. All relationships start as casual hanging out, having fun, and hooking up. And if so, you went No Contact and a month later she reaches out. You should have been like, “hey you! I’d love to see you. Why don’t you get your cute little ass over here. We’ll make dinner at my place.” But instead, you didn’t talk for a whole month, and you say, “no, you have to come over and be my girlfriend.” I was like, what? That’s not what the book teaches. What are you fucking thinking?

So I told her to call me if she ever changed her mind. As I know I shouldn’t keep someone in my life who doesn’t want to keep me.

She reached out to you in hopes to see you and get her pelvis beat up, but instead, you got all butthurt that she didn’t want to immediately be your girlfriend. Which is dumb and stupid and not what I teach. But you’re like a butthurt baby. You’re like a man child. You act this way around women, you’re gonna scare all of them off Dude. You act like a lunatic.

I wished her the best and moved on. Meanwhile, I’ve been practicing with other girls, reading the book, and guess what, I’m doing great.

Well that’s awesome, but, you know, we can understand this girl that you were with before. She’s kind of like Kryptonite to you, because in your mind, she should be your girlfriend and want to be your girlfriend. And you’re pissed off that she’s not there. As the book says, if you do what it says, it’s going to take almost two months for the girl to fall in love and bring up being exclusive with you, but you are too impatient. You still got the same issues that you had in the very beginning. They’re not as bad. They’re not as pronounced.

That’s why you were able to see her and hook up again. But the fact that you were putting a stake in the ground and demanding that she become your girlfriend when you hadn’t even been speaking, that’s ridiculous and absurd. And that’s not how women work. You know this is why you got to read the book 10 to 15 times, because you’re missing the subtle nuances of how the book is supposed to flow because you’re a cherry picker.

You probably went through it a few times and you’re like, oh, I got this is it. I don’t need to read it 10 to 15 times. I used to teach at school. I’m a university professor. It’s like, you’re not as smart as you think you are because this 21 year old. Well, I guess she’s 23 now. And you’re, what do you say, 36? So, I mean, it’s ridiculous. She’s running circles around you and you’re acting like a butthurt beta male man baby, man child.

The thing is, none of these girls really matter to me.

I wonder what will happen when the next unicorn shows up.

Wish you all the best,


Bob

Well, at least you’ll have a clean slate and you won’t have all this other behavior. But the reason why this girl jerked you around is because she knew you couldn’t handle dating her. And that’s why she only came around every once in a while when she was really fucking thirsty for some good dick. And, you know, pat yourself on the back because obviously you’re good dick. Because despite all your neuroticism, she was still willing to see you hang out, have fun, hook up. Your job, as the book says, is to create an opportunity for sex to happen. Not to meet a girl, sleep together one time and expect her to be your wife or your girlfriend. It’s not how it works. There’s a process.

It takes time for women to fall in love. It takes time for them to fall out of love. If they fallen out of love when they were in love with you, it takes time to fall back in love. There’s a period of several weeks. Usually about 6 to 7 weeks is what it takes from the time you meet till the time they want to, they bring up being exclusive, you know, cherry picking stuff that’s in the book, or only reading it or flipping through it three times and not really knowing it. That’s why you’re making mistakes and you’re doing things that are inappropriate and out of sequence. And the relationship is the woman’s department.

It’s right out of the book, but you’re still not listening. You’re still demanding that she should be in a relationship when you were never in one before. You were just occasional fuck buddies, and that was it. So next time you hear from her, invite her over. Just hang out, have fun, hook up. When she leaves, just say, “call me later” and just wait to hear from her. And then keep dating these other women and getting better with them. Because if you behave this way with the new ones, you’re going to run them off just like you did the first one, Dude. This is a really simple, easy situation.

I mean, the girl reached out to you after a month and you got all butthurt that she wasn’t ready to be your girlfriend. I mean, that’s again, that’s just dumb. That’s not even what the book teaches. I know you said you went through it three times, but if you’re a university professor and you read my book three times and you still think it’s a good idea after not speaking to somebody for four months and they call you on the phone, and the only way you’ll allow them to come over is if they agree to fuck you and be your girlfriend. It’s like you’re reading comprehension sucks.

Maybe English is your second language, but when I read your email, I mean, it’s very it’s very easy to understand. The grammar is good. A couple little mistakes that were in there. But you got to do better, man. You can’t just cherry pick things here and there and think you’re going to have great results, but at least you’re doing well with the new ladies. And so hopefully if this girl reaches out again. Your game will be a little tighter because you’ll be a little bit better experienced. And you won’t act like such a neurotic, needy, insecure, controlling jackass.

I know it’s harsh, but you got to do better, because if you don’t get this right, you’re going to fuck the next one up and chase the next unicorn off for exactly the same reasons and there’s still a chance there. I don’t really I don’t see what the issue here is with this girl. You’re getting butthurt that she was talking to other guys, but she didn’t respect you as a man anyways. You’re just an occasional booty call. That’s it. So you should treat her as such. She’s not at the place where she deserves to be your girlfriend or deserves consideration for being your girlfriend. Hang out. Have fun. Hook up. That’s it.

If she wants to get serious with you, it should be. After several months of dating and you spend a lot of time with her and seeing how her behavior changes, especially around other guys. And before you agree to become exclusive, once she brings that up, you say, well, there’s some things that you’re going to have to address. If you want me to consider becoming your boyfriend and being exclusive with you and you hanging out with all these other men and, oh, they’re just guy friends, it’s like, I’m not down for that. If you want to keep all those guy friends and keep hanging out with them, then that’s fine.

But we’ll just be friends with benefits and I’m going to continue to date and sleep with other women until I find a good one that I can have a relationship with. And then when that happens, I’m not going to be able to see you anymore. But I’m still open to giving you another chance and letting you win me over. But these are my terms for getting into a relationship. Now that you are saying you would like to have a relationship with me, and she’ll either agree to your terms or she won’t. If she won’t, then just say, let’s just stay friends with benefits. I’m totally cool with that. But you can just, you know, hit me up when you’re available and you want to see me and you can come over and we’ll fuck each other’s brains out, and then you can go on your way and do whatever. But again, understand, as soon as I find the right girl for me, I’m going to be out.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.