Why being impatient, needy and clingy quickly ruins the romantic spark and attraction and leads to rejection.
In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who has been following me for a long time, but never read the book 10-15 times as instructed. He recently hooked up and spent the night with a woman he met online during their 2nd date. They went out on 2 dates in the 1st week. After he left, he became impatient, needy and clingy when he reached out to set a 3rd date. He kept texting her and wouldn’t wait for her to reply and she became more and more distant. After a week she told him she didn’t feel the spark. He’s focused on how she acted before he came unglued and is shocked that he violated the principles in the book and ruined his chances with her. It’s another good example on what to avoid doing after having a few good dates that lead to a successful seduction. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my video coaching newsletter. And the topic of today’s newsletter is going to be, Why Being Impatient, Needy & Clean Quickly Ruins Romantic Spark & Attraction.
Well, this particular email is from a guy who he says he’s been following me for a long time. And he only has gotten through The Book 4 or 5 times. So I assume he’s been following me for quite a few years. And so, he met a girl online, went out, had a pretty good first date. Second date was much better, and ended up back at her place, in a nice session of the Indoor Olympics where he spent the night.
So, he had two dates in one week. The first date he had set up, and then after the first date, she was so excited she asked him out on a second date. So things went well. And then, what happened was he texted her like later that afternoon, after he had left from the previous night trying to set up a third date. And he just completely lost his composure.
So, you’ve probably heard me say many times masculinity is calm. And so, it’s like, why is it that when a man gets impatient, he gets needy, he gets clingy. Why does it turn a woman off so quickly? And the main reason is, because he’s not being calm. He’s impatient. And so, what this guy starts doing is he’s sending multiple texts. He’s not waiting for her to reply. He’s trying to lock her down to the next date. And then she bounces. And he’s totally perplexed by this behavior.
Now, keep in mind, this is a guy who says he’s been following me for a long time, and he’s claims he’s been through the book, meaning 3% Man 4 or 5 times. And yet he’s surprised. He knows he screwed up texting wise, but he just can’t believe. Especially after all the things that she said on the first and second date about him. He’s like, how could she say all those things, and then just tell me there’s no spark.
So, attraction can evaporate really quickly, especially when you’re in the beginning like this. And it’s like the first couple of dates, he had his act together, but after he got a taste of the Chocha, he couldn’t handle it. And most guys cannot handle it when they date a girl they really like, and they get a little taste, they just totally come unglued. And so, this is a really good email.
These are principles that are spelled out in The Book that this guy clearly violates, and he knows he’s violating it, but he’s just shocked that it ended up with her just basically dipping out on him after things went so well for the first two dates. And so, when I was younger and I didn’t know this stuff, I was doing the same stupid thing.
So I’m not here calling the kettle black. But, when a guy says he’s read my book 4 or 5 times and then he just completely loses his shit the next day, and starts double and triple texting this girl, and probably saying all kinds of things through text he shouldn’t be saying. And then she’s like, oh, there’s no spark.
Shouldn’t be surprised that this happens. But this email, there will be guys that’ll listen to this and go, yeah, I’ve done that before. Yeah, that’s stupid. And then they’ll feel the impulse to do this because something like this will happen to them. Because what happens invariably there’s a chapter in The Book, “Women are like cats, Men are like dogs” is that women will be like this.
They’ll spend a lot of time with you. Like in this case, they were intimate. And then he’s trying to get the next date, because it’s probably clear, at least it appears to me, that deep down, he’s worried he’s not going to get the third date. And so, he’s driven by his fears.
And so, his fears, his fear of losing her, his fear of not being loved, his fear that he’s not good enough, causes him to double and triple text, and do the opposite of what the book teaches. So, it’s a good lesson because these are the kind of painful experiences, especially rejection, when it started out so promising that this is typically what causes guys to change.
It’s like, this happened to me enough times where I did stupid shit like this, to where I realize that you just can’t get impatient with women. You can’t lose your shit, you can’t get angry with them, especially in the beginning. Because then you look like a jack in the box. It’s going to scare them and scare them away, which is what he’s done here.
I feel like I have a real head scratcher…
Every guy thinks, “Oh, my story is unique. It’s totally different.” This is so predictable as the sun coming up in the East and setting in the West.
A little over a month ago, I met a girl via a dating app and quickly moved from the app to setting up a date.
So far, so good. Because the idea is to go from matching on the app, to talking on the phone so you can vet her on the phone, and have a conversation. Ideally, if you can do a FaceTime, even better, because then you can see her, see what she looks like.
And the bottom line is, if the conversation does not flow on the phone, there’s no point in meeting up. If you don’t enjoy talking to her on the phone, you’re not going to have a better time in person. Save your money. On to the next. Especially with online dating. It’s just, another bus every like three seconds.
First date went great, heavy flirting and even had the opportunity of a gentle smack on her ass as she headed to the ladies room. It was consensual, I promise ha ha.
And so, just the fact that he’s talking that way kind of sounds like this is something that’s ever happened to him before. Like he’s not used to that.
At the end of the date, we had a make out session that was amazing. That first date happened on a Monday, and by Wednesday she was initiating a date for Friday.
Hey, it’s her idea. And as The Book says, if she’s the one bringing it up, then that’s fine. She’s contacting him. She’s saying she wanted to see him again. He makes the next date.
I know I shouldn’t have agreed to twice in one week, but I had a strong feeling about this one.
Well, this is okay according to what’s in The Book, because she asked for it was her idea. Because normally you just do one day of a week. You’re trying to go slower than she is. Because when you do that, her interest level grows faster than yours does. And then she wants to call more. She wants to text more, and she wants to see you more.
And then it starts her chasing you, and it moves at her pace. Because when you try to move at your pace, a guy’s pace, typically because we’re logical driven, and we’re driven to succeed in overcome challenges, break through barriers, make things happen. But with women, you got to give them the time, and to let them be for their interest to go up slowly.
So, the idea is you go slower than they do. You call less, you text less. Like I said, the book says just one date a week. Unless she wants to see you. So, it looks like this guy really doesn’t know the book that well. Probably just mostly a cherry picker in videos here and there.
Kind of half assin it, not taking it too seriously. And it’s not until he goes out with a girl like this that he really likes, and he blows it. He’s like, “Oh, maybe I should have listened to Corey. Maybe I should have read it 10 to 15 times, then I wouldn’t be making these rookie mistakes.”
So, we go on date two on Friday, this time I pick her up at her place, get a tour of her home, etc.
Which is her basically saying, “Hey, this is where you’ll be naked with me later, unless you don’t talk me out of it.”
We go out for a couple hours, played putt-putt, went to two different bars for drinks.
So, he’s going to three places. Again, that’s right out of The Book. Because each time you go to a different place in one evening, because most guys pick a girl up, they go to dinner and then they take her home. Here, you got dinner. Maybe you start out, you have a happy hour. Like in this case, you did putt putt golf.
Then, you went and had drinks and had fun, at a couple different places after. So, each time you get in the car and you travel someplace else, it’s almost like the experience of a different date, like having three dates in one night. And most women sleep with a guy by the second or third date. So it helps facilitate that. Has facilitates the seduction.
By the time we start heading back to her place – the conversation of sex comes up. So, we get back and she asks me inside. Little bit of chit chat and then some petting starts. I lift her up on the counter as we make out and ask if she wants to take it to her room, which she confirmed.
Instead of asking her a question, asking her to make a decision which is very effeminate and girly, because you’re supposed to be the decision maker, you should invite her. So, you should have said, “Hey, why don’t we go take this to your bedroom?” And she can say, “Yes.” She can say, “No. Let’s stay out here.”
These are little subtle things that communicate where you’re coming from. Whether you feel like you deserve to be there, and you’re a man who’s the leader. Or you’re a guy that tends to pedestal these women, and kiss their ass and be super extra nice and accommodating. And more like a butler and a manservant, then an equal or a teammate.
Once there, and after she goes to the bathroom and comes out naked.
Well, that was fortuitous, mate. Well, we know what she’s thinking.
We proceed to have some Indoor Olympics that went great. During the event, she mentioned things like “Best orgasm ever!” “This rarely happens.”
Yeah. If I had a dollar for every time. “Oh, I don’t want you to think I’m like this. I don’t do this with many guys.” Okay.
About doing this on a second date, etc.
Blah blah, whatever. She’s like, “I’m not a slut. I don’t sleep around.” Whatever.
I end up sleeping over there and leave in the morning, as she has to head to work. I text her later that day asking how her day was.
Why? The phone is for setting dates, Dude. This is right out of The Book. And so, what’s happened here? He really likes this girl. He got a little Chocha. And so, he just completely comes unglued. Whatever little bit he learned or understood from the book, went right out the window.
I text her later that day asking how her day was. And by this point, she’s already acting distant.
You shouldn’t have been doing this. You should have waited till Monday, Tuesday, the following week. But you’re not following what’s in The Book.
She’s not responding right away, minimal words, etc.
Why? Because this is usually what happens to her when she sleeps with a guy. They just can’t handle it. She’s like Kryptonite to this guy. He just totally comes unglued. Goes from being confident and calm to needy, neurotic, multiple texting.
I attempt to just plan the next date and stop messaging her over the next day or so.
That makes it sound like they were texting a lot, and he’s probably saying a lot of stupid things through text.
To which she responds, “Being too busy.”
So, in other words, “Oh, work is crazy. It’s just crazy. You have no idea. It’s just so busy. I just can’t find time.” Remember, this is a girl that spent two dates with him in one week and asked him for the second one. Now she’s, “Oh I’m so busy.
So busy.” So, she’s obviously changed how she feels towards him. He started to become needy and clingy, like pretty much most guys that she’s going to meet, that encounter that really like her.
So, I let it go. I text her four days later trying to setup a date again, and she eventually comes out and says she didn’t feel a spark between us.
She eventually comes out. So, I can imagine what was going on in here. So it just sounds like there’s a lot of back and forth, and he notices that she’s distant. He probably says something about it, and she’s like, oh, she doesn’t feel a spark. You’re acting like every other 97% Dude.
This is the exact opposite of what The Book says. It says, “Don’t do this because this is exactly what happens.” And he did it anyways. You didn’t exercise self control. You showed her you were not calm. You were not centered. You didn’t have it together. You were just the typical feminized, needy, neurotic, insecure dude.
Now, I’ve only read Your Book five times over a long time period. I’m currently reading vigorously to commit to at least 15 times.
Yeah. It’s usually not until you get burned, and this happens enough, where you’re like, “You know, if I keep doing what I’ve always done, I’m going to continue to get what I’ve always got.” Obviously he’s not happy with the results he’s getting.
And I know I made some mistakes with the texting between the date and this point but considering the things she was saying to me.
Hey, whatever a woman says to you, it only applies in that moment. Just like a weather report is only good for that day. It’s going to change. Women are like Mother Nature. And so, he’s looking back to all the things she said and did in the first two dates.
And he’s thinking, this totally applies after that. So the book goes out the window. He’s keyed up on what she said before. He’s ignoring the fact that a woman’s feelings change, like the weather, based on how you’re showing up. And when you’re blowing her phone up, and you’re saying inappropriate things through text, instead of just making the date, this is what happens.
I know I made some mistakes with the texting between the date and this point but considering the things she was saying to me and the attraction I could feel there was, I was shocked at this.
Dude. This is as predictable as the sun coming up in the East and setting in the West. This is why these things are in The Book that tell you not to do this. And you did it anyways. And you got rejected for exactly the same reasons that I got rejected when I was young and in my 20s, and I didn’t know any better.
So now to my question. When things are going so well, should I have never texted her after that, and waited for her to text me back?
Yeah, dating is like tennis. You text her, you’ve got to wait for her to text you back. Obviously you did not. You sent her barrages of texts because you became impatient. And the confident guy that you appeared as in the first two dates, she realized that you just didn’t have your shit together.
You were able to hold out a little bit longer than most dudes, so, you got to the promised land. But, you had a date on Friday, you shouldn’t have been texting her that afternoon trying to set up a third date. I would have waited until probably Tuesday or Wednesday of the following week just to see if she’ll reach out to you.
Because she already did this apparently that’s what it seems like. He wrote here that she reached out, and she was adamant that she wanted to see him again that same week. So, if he had been following what was in The Book, he wouldn’t have texted her a few hours after he left her house saying, “Hey, how’s your day going?”
He would have let her be. Because the time and space away from him, gives her a chance to miss him, to wonder about him, to think about him. For her to start wondering, “Is that it? Is he just going to hit it and quit it? Does he really like me?”
But when you act like this, it goes from her being really interested in you, to the point where she’s ready to have sex with you. To the point where she’s like, “Pfft. You’re out. No spark.”
Should I have called instead? I know I need to read The Book more, but is there any other advice you have?
Appreciate your dedication to helping!
Well, it helps if you read The Book, and you actually apply it, not do the opposite of it. And like I said, The Book tells you and teaches you one date per week. And the only time you go out on more dates is if she’s calling and texting you. Because, as The Book says, if she’s reaching out to you and there’s no conversation threads open. Well, you should assume she wants to see you.
Make the next date, and then get off the phone. But again, he didn’t do that. So, what he should have done was never texted her on Friday after he left her house. He should have let her be. More than likely she would have texted him. And then he could have set the next date.
But instead he blew up her phone. He acted needy and neurotic. And then four days later, she’s like, “Yeah, there’s no spark.” That’s basically her way of saying, “Hey, dude, you turn me off, and you’ve made my pussy drier than the Sahara Desert. So congratulations, you get no more Chocha.”
I would never call her or text her again. Maybe she reaches out a few weeks or a month or so from now, but it looks like you screwed the pooch on this one, Dude. But I appreciate you sending it in, because this will help a lot of guys that will listen to this, and they’ll watch the video, they’ll read the article on the website. And it’ll be enough to prevent them from doing what you’ve done. So you’re actually going to help a lot of dudes with this. So thanks for writing in.
So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.
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