Why Being Too Available & Easy Leads To Rejection

Why being too easy & available leads to rejection & what to do instead.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a 24 year old viewer from Turkey who started seeing a classmate after graduating law school. He quickly became too dopey, compliant, easy and available. She broke things off saying he was more into her than she was into him and therefore she didn’t want to force things. He asks my opinion. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne, and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Members Only Newsletter is, “Why Being Too Available & Easy Leads To Rejection”.

So this particular email is from a viewer from Turkey where the Sultan Erdogan, who believes he’s recreating the caliphate I guess, or wants to, talks like it anyways. Seems like a nice guy. He’s a young dude, 24, started seeing a classmate after graduating law school. However, he became too dopey, too compliant, too easy, and too available.

And so you, if you’ve been following me for a while, you’ve heard me say often, it’s better if the woman thinks she likes you more than you like her. It’s a scientific fact that women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear. And if the woman thinks that you like her way more than she likes you, which is exactly what she said.

She even told him that. She said, “I feel like you’re way more into me than I am into you. And I just don’t want to force things. So bye bye.” And she rode off into the sunset. And so now obviously he’s wondering “Is she potentially going to come back?”

Viewer Email:

Hi Coach Corey,

I’m a 24-year-old Turkish man, recently graduated from law school. She is also a law school graduate, we knew each other from college, and I knew there was a tension between us yet connected only recently. I first re-initiated contact by replying to her Instagram stories. She responded warmly, but for unrelated reasons I stopped replying and effectively ghosted her for a couple of months.

Well, it’s a scientific fact women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear. And so he just disappeared and ghosted her. Rejection breeds obsession. And so, at least at that moment in time, he had all the power. He had all the leverage. But then you’ll see he gives it all away. And then she lost respect and attraction.

Her feelings changed, and at the end of the day, women only care about how they feel about you. Not what a great guy you are or how much they initially liked you. It really doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is how they feel today.

When I started replying again and eventually tried to set up a coffee date, she told me this had upset her and made her question whether I was actually serious or genuinely interested in her.

Well, at the end of the day, it’s still good because she still likes you. She’s still went out with you at this time.

Despite this, she agreed to meet.

Well, because attraction is not a choice. And whether you realize it or not, she actually liked you more when you did that. That’s why, despite her complaining, she still went out with you.

After that attraction escalated quickly. During this phase, she shared personal background with me, including that she lost her father at 13. She also occasionally implied that she saw me as a “player” or someone who had dated many women from school, which I denied playfully.

Again, she had a perception of you in the beginning that you basically revealed to her was all an illusion.

We started seeing each other frequently and talking daily. She initiated contact often, shared what she was doing during the day, sent reels, complimented me, and used affectionate language.

Well, if she’s talking and texting so much, you should be arranging the next get together. So her interest was going [signals upward chart direction] going straight up at that point.

At some point she was like, asking me to send photos more often, questioning why I didn’t say good morning, or why I hadn’t told her when I got home.

It’s a scientific fact that women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear. So still, at this point, she’s like, “Show me more attention!” So if she’s complaining about saying good morning, don’t do it. Do it randomly when you feel like it. And if she complains about it, say, “I’m not going to send good morning and good night texts every single night.”

“That’s boring and that’s not fun. I want to see a good morning text randomly and be surprised. Maybe you send me a naked selfie. Which is even better. I don’t want to be a couple of robots. I like to keep the mystery alive and be spontaneous. Because sending good morning, and good night texts are boring and predictable. And I don’t want what we had to become boring and predictable.”

Or why I hadn’t told her when I got home. I also became very available, often picking her up from work and driving her home, leaving little space between dates.

Well, as long as you guys are hanging out, having fun and hooking up, it’s fine. And at that point, she should be doing 95% of the reaching out. Maybe even 100% if she’ll let you get away with it.

At this stage we were making out every time before I drop her off home. Around weeks two to three, she began asking for my opinions and advice and sharing more day-to-day matters with me. This stood out because later she claimed she only shares such things with someone she loves. From my experience, this didn’t seem accurate—she had already shared work issues, home life, and even made peace with her mom following my advice.

Around this time, we slept together (mutual and initiated by her), though she later said it happened earlier than she expected. We also spent a weekend away together and got drunk—she was eager to drink, I’m not much of a drinker yet she insisted me to drink more almost wanting to get me drunk.

Well, maybe she’s just trying to take advantage of you.

The following morning she was grateful, happy and remained physically affectionate, fed me while I was driving on our way back and watched something together. But something felt off almost like she wasn’t feeling safe and doing the things she was doing only to please me.

So this is where his mindset starts playing tricks. This is too good to be true. This can’t be happening. It can’t be this easy. Would you fear you attract, and what you look at disappears. And this is where knowing the book and read it 10 to 15 times comes in handy, because this is where you start to self-sabotage. This is where your limiting beliefs and your fears come out, especially if you haven’t been with somebody that makes you feel this way.

This triggered my insecurity and I started thinking she was using me. I have this fear for some reason I don’t know. I also began feeling insecure internally about her past and the possibility of other men, which pushed me off my center, even though I tried not to express this outwardly.

Again, you can’t get jealous of other guys. You should be amused by her interest in other men. It’s her job to win you over anyways. Your job is just to create the opportunity for sex to happen. So if she blows you off and rides off into the sunset with another guy. Who fucking cares? There’s another bus every 15 minutes. It’s her job to lock you down, not the other way around. And now, because you’re starting to get emotionally engaged, now you’re thinking about being serious, and in a relationship. And you’re basically starting to act like a woman at this point, which is going to cause her interest to drop like a rock.

Around week three or four I was feeling she was pulling away slightly and didn’t act on it or pointed out anything, finally she asked to “talk,” saying she was having good time with me yet confused and unsure where things were going.

Well, I’d be like, “Well, what do you mean? Why do you say that? Where do you want things to go? Where would you like to see things go?” You’ve got to ask good quality questions. It’s really super important to understand how to communicate like that. “What do you mean?” When she says something, I was like, “What? What do you mean honey, I don’t understand where you’re coming from.? Why would you say that? Why would you say you’re confused? What are you confused about? And where do you see things going? Or where do you want things to go?” And if she goes, “Well, I don’t know. What do you think?” I’d say something like, “Well, you brought it up. You’re the one that’s unsure. So why don’t you tell me more about that?

I thought this was the “what are we” talk but later, she told me she felt I was more interested than she was.

Aha. So that probably sent you right into. “Let me lock her down. She’s ready to be my girlfriend after only sleeping together one time.” I was like, eh.

Despite continuing to act physically affectionate. Holding my arm, touching my face and cheeks, kissing, and somewhat possessive when we met. She also said she would be jealous or upset with someone she loved, yet she never showed jealousy toward me or behaved in a way that reflected emotional investment.

Dude, it’s only a few weeks in. Usually it takes six seven weeks for a woman to fall totally in love with you, and that’s assuming you’re applying what’s in the book properly.

Eventually, she framed the issue as a lack of passion, ended contact saying she didn’t want to force feelings, and I went completely silent.

Which is the right thing to do. And so what happened was you talked and texted her out of liking you. You definitely communicated you cared way more about her than she did about you, and she just assumed that her feelings were never going to go anywhere. And that’s why she dipped. And that’s why you’re inaction and going completely silent is the best thing. Because in her mind, your feelings aren’t going to go anywhere.

And because it’s not the first time this has happened to her with other guys. So she just assumes it’s never going to go anywhere. And that’s why No Contact is so powerful, because after a few days or a few weeks go by, I mean, you’ve known her for years.

She starts to think, “Oh shit, did I screw up? Is Bob dating somebody else? Did he really not care? He doesn’t seem to be bothered by the fact that I blew him off. Why is that? Did he meet somebody else? Is he fucking my best friend? What’s going on? I don’t understand. Was it all an act?”

It’s a scientific fact women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear. And so she gets to experience life without you. So you should be following what’s in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back.

What I’m trying to understand is where I actually went wrong. Was I too available and emotionally present, lowering attraction?

Yes. You were a shitty poker player. You communicated. She even said that you’re way more into her than she is into you. And women like you more if it’s the other way around.

Or was I too cool and nonchalant, coming across as detached or even rude while trying not to over-invest?

Oh it definitely wasn’t that. You over communicated your interest. There was nothing mysterious about you. All that picking her up, and you basically started acting like a boyfriend like within a first week or two. It’s too much, too soon. You take measured steps as the book lays out for you, and then it’s her idea to reach out and pursue you all the time, then you’re not going to get rejected, because again, it’s her idea. But when it becomes mostly your idea, then you’re pushing a wet noodle and you’re going to get blown off.

Because the only thing that matters to women is how they feel about you. And you did not do a good job of stimulating her emotions consistently. You acted too girly, too emotional, over communicated your interests and women like a guy that’s a challenge. She would like you a lot more if she had to work for you. I mean, look how she was when you re-engaged. She was all butthurt about it.

Those first few days or a week or so when you re-engaged she was really into you. And then once you started to care, like as soon as you got a taste of the Chocha, then things completely came apart. You stopped being masculine and mysterious, and you acted like a big man-gina. And women don’t want a man-gina. They want a strong man that can beat up the baloney curtains properly, of course. With lots of happy finishes.

Given the mixed signals—seeking closeness and advice, yet later denying emotional depth—I’d really appreciate your perspective on what killed attraction here and whether re-attraction is realistic or if this dynamic was fundamentally misaligned from the start.

Bob

Well, you just don’t understand women, that’s all. The book will help you fill in your knowledge gaps so that’s why I say you’ve got to read the book 10 to 15 times. Because at the end of the day, you display too much unattractive behavior. You lowered her interest, you lowered her attraction, and you dried her up drier than a haunted house and the Sahara Desert. And so that’s why she dipped.

Because in her mind, it’s never going to go anywhere. And this is why again, like I said earlier, No Contact is so powerful. So the best thing to do is nothing. When she reaches back out, just say, “Hey you, I’d love to see you. When are you free?” And then invite her over to your place to make dinner, hang out, have fun and hook up. Follow what’s in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. It’s very easy.

If I was a betting man, probably in a few weeks, she’ll probably be reaching out. It’s like a 50/50 chance. In the meantime, continue filling in your knowledge gap with the book so if she does come back, she’s going to test you and you need your game to be tight so you don’t fucking blow it.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.