Why Beta Male Behaviors Are Hard For Men To Break

Why beta male behaviors are hard for men to break and they often revert back to acting weak and overly emotional.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email update from a former coaching client of mine who needed help after a breakup last year. He was acting too soft and weak and got dumped. He read 3% Man 12 times and started doing really well with other women. Then his ex came back into the picture and he slowly dropped the other women to focus on her again.

He can tell that despite the fact she does all of the calling, texting and pursuing, she’s not deeply passionately in love with him and it’s more of a casual friends with benefits type of relationship with no strings attached for her. He wants to know what he can do to make her really desire and want him. He’s obviously reverted back to his old beta male ways without realizing it and is seeking her attention, validation and approval. He’s also communicating that he can’t emotionally handle being with her again which is disgusting and a huge turnoff for her. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

There are some things that he said in his email that he had some discussions with her. The problem is, he wants a relationship. He’s getting all dopey over this girl once again, but to her it’s just like a no strings attached, casual, friends with benefits type of relationship, and she’s like very adamant, “Hey, I don’t think we’re compatible long term.” You could tell he’s reverting back to all those old behaviors that got him in trouble the last time around.

It’s a really interesting point here that when you’re applying the things that are in my book, it’s like you’re trying to overcome a lifetime of emotional anchoring to dysfunctional ways of showing up as a man. In other words, society, movie TVs, TV shows, it’s all about masculine guys getting them to talk about their feelings. Being overly emotional. Basically, teaching men to act like a bunch of little girls. Immature little, overly emotional girls, and women find this repulsive, even though you can get a room full of them together. “Oh yeah, I want my guy to talk about his emotions and his feelings.”

At the end of the day, when they get with a guy that behaves that way and this guy’s getting a little emotional and he’s been communicating that he can’t handle it emotionally because he’s getting feelings. In other words, he can’t handle being with her. He’s communicating all these weak things. It’s not clicking with him.

He doesn’t realize that he’s doing all of these unattractive behaviors and he’s kind of thinking, “Well, she’s doing all the pursuing.” Yeah, if she’s doing all the pursuing, but then you get together in person and you act like a total fucking pussy, you shouldn’t be surprised that you’re just a casual friends with benefits to her, even though you’re thinking, “I want to get serious with her again.”

With that said, we’ll see what we can do because in his email he’s like, “What can I do to get her to fall in love with me?” It’s like, all the mindset, everything he said is just completely gone out the window. Whether he realizes it or not, he’s slowly reverting to the guy he was that got dumped by his ex.

Viewer’s Email:

Hi Coach,

I discovered your work around this time last year after a breakup that really tore me up, and we did a phone coaching session where you basically told me I was acting like a bitch (ha ha).

Well, that’s why people pay me the big bucks, because I’m going to give you the unvarnished truth. I’m not going to be blowing sunshine up your butt like probably most people in your life are.

When I use terms like that, a close friend, somebody that knows this stuff and understands this stuff and you’re acting like a little bitch around your girl, he’s going to pull you aside and say, “Hey man, I love you, but you’re acting like such a pussy with her, and it turns her stomach and that’s why she walks all over you or she disrespects you or she mistreats you.”

That’s what a good friend would do, is pull you aside, jerk a knot in your ass and say, “Dude, you need to man to fuck up. Come on. Stop acting like a little pussy.” That’s what you need. That’s what a good friend is going to do when he sees that you’re screwing up. I keep it real. I tell it like it is.

It’s funny. Like when I do phone sessions, a lot of times the guys will tell me, he’s like, “Hey coach, I want you to know if you think I’m being a pussy man, please tell me. If you think I’m being a little bitch or acting like a little bitch, I want you to tell me. That’s why I booked the phone session, because I know you’ll be honest with me.”

That’s what people want. People pay me to be honest and not blow sunshine up their ass and be real, because that is what’s going to cause them to change their behaviors. When somebody is so real in a way and calls them out and uses shocking terminology, because that’s the kind of thing.

It’s what’s called a pattern interrupt. It’s the kind of thing that can cause you to switch your behavior, because you don’t want to act like that. You don’t want to act like a bitch. You don’t want act like a pussy. You don’t want people that you admire and respect, your close friends or whatever, to think lowly of you because you’re doing stupid stuff to, in essence, shoot yourself in the foot in your personal life, which is what this guy is doing.

Since then I have read your book 12 times and I’ve had great success casually dating many different women. After a while I met one who I clicked with and everything went textbook. She asked to be exclusive after about five weeks. During this time the ex I called you about originally got in touch with me because she needed help with something.

Of course she did. Plus, she knew that you were probably pretty easy to manipulate and you would drop what you were doing to be with her, pay attention to her, give her time or help unclog her toilet after a Chad Thunder Cock messed up her plumbing or whatever with his bear shit in the morning after he left.

At this point I was just over her, and wasn’t interested in her, so I let her come over and helped her out. We started talking again and eventually became decent friends over the next several months. Well, I broke up with the girl I had been dating and one night when the ex (the one I called you about) came over to hang I said fuck it and made a move. That was around three months ago and we’ve basically casually hooked up since then.

Things started getting interesting when we got in the habit of sleeping at each other’s places and for the last month or so it evolved into a situation where I was basically living with her…

So you’re basically making her the man in the relationship once again, which of course she’s going to resent and it’s going to turn her stomach. It’s disgusting behavior, dude. Come on, man.

…And she would text me all the time. I never pursue or initiate contact, by the way.

Yeah, but if you act like a bitch in person, it doesn’t really matter. It’s just like a guy that’s super good looking. Women want to date him because he’s so handsome and yet he acts like a total pussy.

I had a friend of mine growing up that was like that. The guy was very handsome. Girls are always like, “He’s so cute,” but he was the biggest fucking pussy. Every time he started dating a girl and he’d come out of the chute, great, but a month or two into it, he’s locking them down to a commitment. Then three or four months later, he finds out this girl is cheating on him just because he was such a pussy. He’d be so whipped. I mean, it was disgusting and we would tell him, “Dude, you act like such a pussy around this girl. She’s cheating on you,” and he would stay with her, thinking he’s going to fix her.

This guy could pretty much have his pick of women, but as soon as he got together with a girl he liked, it’s like they were Kryptonite to him. He just fell apart. It was like total crash and burn one after another, and that friend was a great guy. He ended up marrying a girl that he wasn’t really that into, because at least this way, he didn’t have to worry about getting hurt.

You can see the look in his eyes as we got older. It’s like he was a defeated man. He’d been broken, his spirit had been broken. He had every advantage, came from a very wealthy family, good looks, smart, had every advantage, and he just settled and gave up. It’s like you see it in his eyes. It’s really aging him as well. It’s heartbreaking, you know, growing up and seeing that your good friend’s turning into that and that’s so brutal.

We have a trip planned to go abroad this coming January.

OK, so today we’re in early July, almost the middle of July at this point, and he’s talking about a trip abroad 5-6 months in advance. Come on, dude.

The problem is that after this period of seeing each other so often I can feel old feelings creeping back in for me…

In other words, “I can’t handle it, Corey. I’m losing my shit.”

…And the way she’s acting I can tell this is simply a no strings attached situation for her and she doesn’t really see me as compatible in a long term sense.

Keep in mind, he blew off all the other girls he was dating and put all of his eggs back in her basket and then basically has started to revert back to the same beta male that he was. Even though she’s doing all the calling, texting and pursuing, he gets together in person and wants to act like the overly emotional chick. It’s not attractive, dude.

I was straight up with her and told her that I felt that us behaving like we were in a relationship and hanging out and seeing each other so often was going to be difficult for me moving forward…

Come on, man. What are you thinking saying some shit like that to her? “I can’t handle it emotionally being with you. I’m losing my shit. Oh my God, you’re so beautiful and hot. You’re so much better than me. I can’t believe I even got a second chance with you at this point, Your Highness. Oh my God, can I please kiss your feet and lick the gum off the bottom of your shoes? I’ll do anything.” That’s what it sounds like. It’s disgusting, dude. Come on, man.

…And that I was happy to keep it casual, but thought we should talk less and hang out less and treat it more like a casual hookup situation than we had been because it was starting to feel less casual for me.

“I just can’t handle the emotions, man. I just can’t handle it. It’s just too hard.” Jesus dude, maybe you need to lay off the soy based products. Maybe that’ll help. Maybe got a little too much estrogen in your body.

She told me…

Probably in a stoic way.

…She understood, and that it was definitely more of a no strings attached situation for her because she didn’t see us as compatible in a relationship.

In other words, you’re such a fucking pussy. It’s like, “There’s no way in hell I would ever want to be in a long term relationship with you, but hey, the sex is good. You’re good for now, until I find a guy who really acts like a man long term. Then I’m going to blow you off like I did the last time.” It’s basically what she’s saying.

She may be right, but I can’t help that I’m having these feelings…

This is called emotional self control, and this dude’s got zero.

…So I was just trying to protect myself.

Man, that sounds like something a chick would write. Come on, dude. God, talk about shooting yourself in the foot. You’re just like, “I’m coming unglued. I can’t handle it. She’s breaking up.”

You ever see The Six Million Dollar Man? It was a TV show, and they had a bunch of movies, Lee Majors was in it. In the beginning, he’s flying this experimental plane. He crashes, gets injured severely. So they build them back stronger and better than before with bionic limbs and a bionic eye, and it’s pretty cool. “She’s breaking up. She’s breaking up.” This dude’s crashing his little love plane.

We ended up hooking up later that night and I told her I was happy to keep seeing her super casually…

You didn’t need to tell her any of this shit, dude. Just be busy and go do other things, but you’re like, “I can’t handle it. I’m too emotional. Mommy, I can’t handle this.” You want a blankie? You want your blankie? Just say, “Mommy, can I have my blankie? I’m going to go hide under the bed. This big, mean girl scared me. Scared me with the baloney curtains. I can’t handle it. They’re just so good and delicious.”

…But I needed to pump the breaks a little and date other people more so I could keep it that way.

If you look at the attraction table that’s in the book, the chapter, It’s All In The Numbers, where everything is laid out on a scale of 1 to 10, what behaviors you’re going to get, if you could tell the girl is not that super into you and you’re getting all dopey and you go, “I can’t handle it, Mommy. It’s too much for me. I’m going to date other people because I’m going to get my heart broken again.”

It’s so disgusting what you have been saying to her. It’s so unmasculine, so of course she’s going to say, “Oh yeah, it’s just casual,” because you just basically said, “I’m not man enough for you,” and she’s going, “You’re right. You’re not man enough. You’re still a bitch. You’re still a bitch I dumped last year.” That’s what she’s communicating, but she’s being nice about it at least.

It was overall a super productive and loving conversation, and we’re still traveling abroad together in January and still plan to hook up occasionally.

The more you talk about the future together, the more you lower your chances of being in a future together with her.

My question is, I understand that I can’t do much about someone feeling like we aren’t compatible long term…

Dude, women don’t give a shit about what a good guy you are or what a nice dude you are. They only care about how they feel about you. You should be doing things that are going to make her feel desire for you. If she’s just treating it casual, as the book says, you match and mirror that behavior.

You don’t go, “I’m so emotional. I can’t handle this. I’m just like a little girl. I got to date other people because my heart’s going pitter pat. Oh my God, I can’t handle it. I’m so emotional right now.” It’s like, come on, dude. You just start being busy doing other things. “Oh hey, I can’t see you this week. I’m sorry, I’m out of town.” Or ,”Hey, how about Thursday of next week? We can get together.”

It’s like if you’re feeling yourself getting emotional, you don’t go vomit this shit to her because, “Oh, we love it when men talk about their feelings.” No, they don’t. They’ll tell you that, but it’s disgusting to them. You’re like a dopey little drone that has been programmed by the TV and the media. It’s like waddling like a little seal. “Mommy, pay attention to me.” I know I’m exaggerating, but it’s like, come on. I want him to see how ridiculous he’s sounding and acting, like this is your problem.

…And are more just friends with benefits, but is there anything I can do to get her to the point of wanting more?

Well, number one, stop trying to get her to the point of wanting more, because your job is just to create an opportunity for sex to happen. To hang out, to have fun, to hook up. You should be acting more like her.

The last thing you want to do is get tied down with your ex, because at the end of the day, you don’t like how things ended with her, but the casual friends with benefits thing is cool and be dating other women. Women that treat you better, spend more time with them, instead of putting all your eggs in one basket, “How can I lock this girl down?” I mean, you’re doing the opposite of what the book teaches, dude.

Like I said, she does 100% of the calling, texting and pursuing…

It doesn’t matter if you’re acting like a bitch when you get together in person, dude, just like my friend that I grew up with had every advantage. He had rich parents. He went to the best schools. He was incredibly handsome. All the girls liked him, but he was the biggest fucking pussy in the world when he got to dating somebody that he really liked and he just fell apart.

These chicks walked all over him. They cheated on him. They jacked him around. He’d be up showing up at their house, trying to chain smoke cigarettes, trying to figure out what they’re doing, who she’s with, if she’s cheating on him, if she’s being faithful. It was so pathetic to see.

Then to see my friend, who had every advantage, just marry some average mediocre girl that he wasn’t that into because it was safe. Then to see the look on his face over the course of the 10 years after they had gotten together, he was a broken man. It was so sad and pathetic.

…And she’s still attracted enough to me to have sex with me…

“Oh, I got an attaboy.”

…But she isn’t super crazy about me where she just wants to have sex all the time and is in love with me.

Yeah, because you’re not acting like a man. Simple as that. You want to know what you can do? Act like a man consistently. Stop reverting back to a little overly emotional girl.

I think my game is pretty tight…

Sure, dude.

…And my gut instinct is that I’m just not the type of person she sees herself with long term, and that’s all it will ever be.

Well, as long as you keep acting this way, then yeah, you’re absolutely right. That is a true statement, but you’ve got to start acting desirable. You’ve got to start acting like a catch, and you’re all focused on, “How can I lock my ex down, who blew me off for acting like a pussy before when I’m still acting like a pussy now?”

That’s what you’re basically trying to do instead of, “Hey, we had a great time. It’s nice that we’re hooking up, but she’s just one of the girls I’m seeing. I don’t really want to be serious with anybody. I want to see what is out there. I got some other girls I’m dating.” That’s what you want to focus on. You want her to be the one trying to lock you down on commitment, because that’s the feminine energy. So stop acting like a chick, dude. It’s unattractive. It doesn’t work.

I just want to know if there’s anything I can do to change that.

Act like a man consistently. That’s a good start. When you vacillate back and forth between the leader and being masculine and being feminine, that’s why her attraction is like this. You’re doing enough to keep her interested in sleeping with you, but not enough to develop deep feelings where she respects you and admires you in a man, as a man. You just act like an immature little boy. You’re like a man baby.

I never chase, and I intentionally created space between us more for myself than anything…

“Because I can’t handle it.”

…Because I was feeling like if I kept seeing her as much as I was, I would end up hurt…

“Because I’m a butt hurt little baby.”

…Because I just don’t sense that she’s ever going to be into me that way. 

Well remember, people will act consistently with how they view themselves to be, and it doesn’t matter whether the view is accurate or not. This whole last sentence I just read is nothing but a bunch of bullshit. It’s a limiting belief, it’s the story that you tell yourself, and it justifies to continue acting this way and thinking your game is tight. Dude, your game is atrocious.

Overall, your work has changed dating and relationships for me. I have a totally different attitude towards myself in the context of relationships and life and the women I’ve dated since I originally dated her have all been crazy about me…

Well, you treated all those other girls perfectly because they were more into you than you were into them, and you have the opposite problem with this girl.

…And I was crazy about one of them as well but had to break it off for other reasons.

I don’t know what those are. He didn’t elaborate.

I consider this a success story for the most part…

Well, you’re doing better than you were, I should say. At the end of the day, you’re still acting like a bitch and you’re still going to get dumped and replaced because you’re not man enough.

…And when I had the conversation with my ex above I spoke my truth even if it wasn’t in a way that you recommend doing typically, but I knew it had to be said.

Best,

Bob

Why? Tell her that you’re a little bitch and you can’t handle dating her? You’re just emotionally losing your shit? That doesn’t need to be said at all. That’s the thing that you share with your close friends. You don’t go tell this to a girl you’re trying to attract. You just basically said, “You’re on a pedestal, Your Highness. You’re a celebrity and I’m just one of your little peon fans. If there’s ever a puddle of muddy water, let me know and I’ll put my $5,000 jacket coat over it and you can walk across it because I don’t want any muddy water to get on your shoes and your beautiful toes, Your Highness.”

“If any does, I will be sure to bend down and get on my knees and rip my $2,000 pants up in the knees so I can lick the dirty water off your feet, Your Highness, because you don’t deserve to have dirty water on your feet. Your feet should be clean. As a matter of fact, I’ll even suck out the toe jam from underneath your toenails because you’re so much higher and so much more amazing and above me and I’m just a little peasant compared to you.”

That’s basically how you sound, dude. It’s disgusting. It’s atrocious. Of course, you’re just a guy she’s sleeping with. No woman is going to get turned on by you acting this way. Whether you realize it or not, your behavior is pretty much the same exact behavior that got you dumped the last time around. If you don’t knock this shit off and jump up and down so your balls finally drop and start acting like a man consistently, you’re going to get wrecked again for a second time because your behavior has not changed.

So I know it’s been a harsh dose of reality, but you need it, and you know what? There’s going to be a lot of guys that are going to watch this video over the years that also need to hear this message as well because they’re doing the same damn thing. This is what a good friend, a good coach, would do, is to jerk a knot in your ass and say, “Wake up!”

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.