Here’s why breakups are hard to get over and here’s what you can do to quickly recover, and end the hurting and suffering forever! Breakups, getting rejected or ruining your chances with a girl you really liked can be really hard to quickly get over so you can get back to feeling normal and happy again. It’s hard to get excited about going out and meeting new women to date when you’re still licking your wounds from your last failure. Winston Churchill, who was the Prime Minister of Great Britain during World War II used to say, “success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.” It is true that you must take the time to suffer and authentically feel the pain after a breakup or rejection, but if you continue to only spend time suffering and not doing anything to try to meet someone new, eventually all you’ll know is suffering. It’s an unbalanced way to live your life. If you’re passionate about finding a great girl or a girl who was way hotter and more fun than the last girl you really liked, then you will find a way to motivate yourself to take action by going out and interacting with other human beings even when you don’t feel like it. When you take action, you’ll feel better about yourself and your situation. When you don’t take action, all you’ll do is create more fear and uncertainty in your life which leads to more suffering. The following is an e-mail from a reader in Europe. He got unexpectedly dumped over the phone when he was expecting a girl he was dating long distance to come see him. On top of that, she told him she met someone else. A year later, he’s still having trouble moving on and getting his “mojo” back. My comments are (in bold brackets like this) in the body of his e-mail:
I have found your videos and blogs to be very insightful and helpful, though I could do with your advice regarding a woman I had a long distance relationship with. We both met in my home town over Xmas 2010 while she was on holiday staying with cousins in my home town. It turned out our families knew each other and we both had mutual friends. When she returned home to England, we decided to give the long distance thing a go feeling that we both hit things off pretty strongly with each other. Over the months we made trips to see other. I live in Ireland. We had great weekends with each other though she always found the distance tougher than me. She also had a history of bad relationships telling me that she would fall in with the wrong guys who wouldn’t treat her so good. (That should be a red flag to you.) I also heard this from her cousins, so everyone seemed happy we had met each other. We had made plans for the months ahead with her being the one to usually bring up the subject of planning a holiday abroad or inviting me to her cousins wedding, etc. After 5 months she booked a trip to come stay with me as before, but ended up finishing things with me on the phone about 4 days after booking the flights. It turns out she was getting close to someone else back home, but assured me it was the distance being the problem. (I call BS on that. It was her loss of interest. Her romantic interest level dropped due to attraction mistakes you made.) We ended up having a heated argument about things. (Men who understand women do not argue with them.) I was angry at her for not telling me about the other guy. (It was really none of your business. You were just casually dating. You were more into her than she was into you because you were impatient and tried to rush things. Her actions and words tell me this.) She said that she was too much hard work for most guys and that I couldn’t handle her tantrums had I spent more time with her. (That’s an excuse. If she still had high interest she would not have dumped you.) She told me she has a tendency to “sabotage” something when It feels good with a guy because she is not used to such feelings and she gets nervous. I think she did this a few times with me. What is up with a woman who feeds off drama and conflict? (It’s possible she could be a passive aggressive type of personality. They do it on purpose, knowing they are the one fucking things up, but they can’t help themselves. However, she still dumped you for another guy.)
Nearly a year on I still think about her even though I have been on a string of dates with different women over that period. (You simply have not found someone you like more than her. In order to get over her completely, you have to have something better. You can’t get anything better if you’re still moping about what ended over a year ago.) I don’t have a problem in talking to women as I feel confident in myself and take care of myself regarding looks, fitness, fashion, etc. (Awesome! Good job!) I really wanted things to work out with her and possibly try and bridge the distance. We only texted briefly with each other this past Xmas/New years, as she was curious how my year turned out, etc. It turns out that the guy she was seeing dumped her. Corey, why am I still thinking about this girl a year on after what happened? (You have not made much of an effort to find someone better, therefore, you have not met anyone better. Get busy meeting some new women and setting up dates. You can meet more women online with this article.) I feel bitter and angry that I’m still holding myself back and it has affected everything in my life over the last year. (Well, you can change that in an instant by deciding to. Practice makes perfect. Repetition is the mother of skill. Success with women builds your confidence. You need to work on improving your seduction and attraction skills. Becoming better with women is the quickest way to let your failures go so you can move on and create something even better!) I know deep down that she doesn’t feel the same way, etc. Is this normal for someone? I feel it has affected my life in terms of work/career etc. (You let it affect the other areas of your life by doing nothing to improve your situation by meeting new ladies. You want things to be other than they are, therefore, you suffer. You must let go of what is and accept it… or… don’t, and continue to suffer. It’s your choice. In life you can choose to be a passenger or a pilot. You’re the CEO of your success.) I keep relating certain things, sites, smells, dates to this girl. I’m 31 and single. (You will stay single if you do not get busy practicing to improve your skills.)
Any advice on getting over this for good, etc. would be welcome. (You should never get hung up on one woman until she’s earned it. You should read my book. You can download the Amazon Kindle version of my book to your Smartphone, PC, Mac or iPad in under 60 seconds for only $9.99 by CLICKING HERE to learn how to meet and date the type of women you’ve always wanted and have effortless relationships.)
Keep up the good work!
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com
If you feel I have added value to your life, you can show your appreciation by doing one of the following three things:
From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“I’ve had heartaches, headaches, toothaches, earaches, and I’ve had a few pains in the ass; but I’ve survived to tell about it.” ~ Dolly Parton. “There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” ~ Anais Nin.