When you understand how women get love and support from their fathers when they are little girls, you realize that women are already preconditioned and trained to pursue the men they love and desire. The more safe and comfortable a woman feels with a man, the more comfortable she will feel pursuing him. The more things a guy does right with a woman, the higher her interest level will go and the more she will chase him. The less things a guy does right with a woman, the lower her interest level will go and the less she will chase him.
The very act of chasing a woman, calling her when she does not call you back and trying to force progress by initiating excessive calling and texting, communicates to women that you don’t understand how attraction works, or how to interact socially with women. Needy and insecure men who chase women trying to force things, are the guys who become stalkers and violent boyfriends. That is why women will purposely not call a guy back right away, or not respond to his text right away. It’s a defense mechanism, and a prequalification technique women use to screen out bad relationship/sex playmate candidates. Feminine women are attracted to masculine men. Women are supposed to be the weaker sex. However, it’s obvious from my work that men are actually the weaker sex. Men need the most help in relationships, unfortunately, since most men are so egocentric, they would rather continue to fail instead of learning the proper ways to handle their relationships and interactions with women.
All of the mistakes you can make with women, I used to make. I was so insecure and so afraid of getting rejected, that this irrational fear drove me to try and gain certainty of where I stood with women I was interested in. If they did not call me back right away, I assumed I had done something wrong or had blown it. I did not trust that a woman would love me the way I felt I deserved to be loved. Why? My mother was a cold block of ice. She never touched us, told us that she loved us, etc. Being raised by her was like being raised by an emotionless zombie. She never praised us, but instead was always quick to point out our flaws or faults. When I became an adult, I had no concept of how to interact with women. My father was just as bad. He was and still is an emotionless zombie. My parents did not get along with either side of the family, nor did they have any friends or spend time with other people outside of our home. I had no problem making friends, but when it came to communicating or expressing my emotions or feelings, I was clueless. I had to teach myself the skills you read about in my articles & book totally on my own. It’s like once I became an adult, the real work started on learning how to be comfortable in my own skin.
Because I came from such an emotionally messed up household, I did not feel that I was worthy of being loved. Every single interaction I had with women I was interested in, I was flying totally blind. I didn’t know what I didn’t know. I was always the male girlfriend because I was too nice. Because of my fear of not being loved and that I was unlovable, I was constantly seeking a woman’s approval that she still liked me. Even when I was reassured, I did not expect it to last. My mother, even though she did the best she could, conditioned my brother and I to constantly seek love and approval from women who were unwilling or unable to give it. This also caused me to get hung up on women who I had no chance with for months at a time. I wasted several years of my life holding out hope that certain women I wanted would eventually choose me, or become single so I could date them.
In sales, it is common knowledge that people buy based upon emotion, and they use logic and reason to justify their purchase. Women date you based upon the good emotions (hopefully) that you make them feel. They later use logic and reason to justify their choosing you. However, the emotions come first. Without the emotions being engaged in having fun with you, and feeling comfortable, you ain’t got a chance. Your pedigree and resume are of no concern. Only her emotions matter. If they are not engaged, its like trying to drive a car that has no gas. It ain’t going anywhere! The following is an e-mail I got from a reader. He’s does all of the things I used to do that got me rejected. My comments are (in bold brackets like this) in the body of his e-mail:
I need your help with a girl. Shes 18 and I am 30. I met her when she was 15. I’m an artist and so is she, but her brother chills in my studio all day everyday. I asked him if I can date her at first. He said, “na, its up to her.” The 3 of us went to an art gallery and her open mic poetry. He was always making sure not to leave us alone, and gave us a bad feeling like he was gonna watch us the whole time. (He was being protective of his sister so she did not feel uncomfortable.)
A month passes, me and her texting mostly trading poetry. I only called her twice in the 3 months cause he’s always around, or it wasn’t the right moment. (What an incredible waste of time! You should have asked her to dinner. If she liked you and was single, she would accept. If she did not, she would turn you down. Now months of your life have gone by with you obsessing over her.)
I texted Jan 4, 11:50pm: “I have been thinking of some things. I’m smart. I have a lot of things going for me. I’m destined to be somebody great. (You can’t use logic and reason to cause a girl to feel attraction for you. Its like giving your resume saying, “Here’s why I’m qualified to date you and why I think I am a catch. You act like you are seeking her approval. Very weak. You don’t help your case at all saying things like that.)
I want you and your influence in order to reach a higher artistic level. (Bullshit, you want to take her out on a date and you beat around the bush hoping she will get the hint. This is what women do. You are acting like a woman. You are acting feminine. Men who are successful with women get right to the point. They either make a date, or move on to find someone who is mutually attracted to them.)
You don’t have to hide your pretty face behind too much make up. Life is too short, open your heart. (Women open their heart when you make them feel safe and comfortable. All you are doing is making her feel awkward and uncomfortable, along with communicating that you are a needy insecure guy who acts like a woman and has no idea how to create attraction and interact with women.) I accept you like you are, and for however you will be. (You don’t know her well enough to say things like that yet. You are projecting your own high level of interest onto her, and paying no attention to whether or not she actually feels the same.) ps I will cook you dinner sometime :)” (That comes off like a bribe. “I will make dinner for you if you go out with me.” You invite a woman to dinner, not tell her that you want to be her butler.)
She replies Jan 5, 5:51pm: “What’s on your mind?” I reply same day 6:35pm: “How is a rabbit like a plum?” and again at 8:44pm “Whats on my mind is you.” She never replies, (You have communicated over the past few months that you don’t have the guts to be a man and ask her out properly. You also are doing things that guys who become stalkers do. This behavior scares women and causes them to ignore you.) so at 2:25am which is the 7th, I text: “Whats up gangsta? How’s the thug life?” 4 days go by she never replies, the longest we haven’t texted. (She obviously wants to be left alone. That is why she does not contact you.)
So I text this poem style thing Jan 12, 8:53pm: “I’ve been insanely busy… I want to see-know more of you.. (Obviously she does not feel the same way.) not because you have a nice ass, and I mean that as a compliment..light ALWAYS illuminates dark..if you weren’t producing light no one would see what you create..freedom from concern..through honesty absurdity expression..follow your dreams with extreme determination.” (Dude, when you text a woman, you must wait for her to reply. Some women will purposefully not call/text/email/etc. you back right away to see how you handle yourself. Needy and insecure guys will chase when they don’t hear from her. Their multiple attempts to initiate contact tell her they don’t get it. So they don’t get her. They only get her voicemail, and make their fingers tired from one-sided texting.)
No reply still. I want to call her on Sunday, and if she doesn’t answer I’ll text: “the silent treatment has me confused. What’s the matter? Whats going on? Talk to me. Tell me whats in your heart, why are you so upset? I like hearing from you.”
(This girl is not interested in you. Even if she was, you blew it. You need to download the Amazon Kindle version of my book to your Smartphone, PC, Mac or iPad in under 60 seconds for only $9.99 by CLICKING HERE to learn the basics of approaching, dating & understanding what women really want in a man. I would also recommend you book a phone coaching session so I can help you cut out the behaviors you are exhibiting that are blowing your chances with women by CLICKING HERE.)
Please help me,
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.”-Eleanor Roosevelt