Why Dates Should Be Light & Fun In The Beginning. No Heavy Topics.

Why dates should be light & fun in the beginning with no heavy topics.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who had a great 3^rd date with a new woman. After several rounds of the Indoor Olympics, he started talking about politics and related topics. He said something that totally killed the vibe, and he started apologizing for triggering her. Eventually things settled down, but the vibe was off, and they went to bed. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne, and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Members Only Newsletter is, “Why Dates Should Be Light & Fun In The Beginning. No Heavy Topics.”

Well, this particular viewer, he’s been following me for a while and so recently had a bit of a hiccup since he actually sent in a success story a while back. So on this particular Friday in question is his third date with this new woman that he really liked. And after they had several rounds of the Indoor Olympics, he made the mistake of talking about heavy subjects. So as I discuss in The Book, you want to keep things light, you want to keep it positive, no heavy subjects.

Because you’ve got to remember, whatever you make a woman feel when she’s with you is what she’s going to associate with being with you. And so he made the mistake of talking about politics and culture and other things, and he clearly said some things that upset her or got under her skin, and it just totally ruined the vibe. It was like a turd in the punch bowl. You go from having a great time together, and then he starts talking about this serious, heavy subject and basically turns her off. And then he starts apologizing profusely, and she’s like, there’s no reason to apologize.

Viewer Email:

Hey Coach,

Bob again. I had a bit of a hiccup since my recent success story email. On Friday, I picked up my new lady friend for our 3^rd date. She looked even sexier than she did on our first two dates and was clearly happy to see me again.

Well, if she’s dressed and even sexier, that means her interest had gone up since the last time, which is good.

Using the phone strictly for setting up dates really gives her space to anticipate our time together with excitement.

It enables you to be mysterious and gives her something to look forward to and be curious about. Because if you’re on the phone all the time chit chatting and telling her all about yourself, there’s a good chance she’s going to cancel the date because she already knows everything about you.

This way, and this is obviously when you have rapport typically, if you meet somebody in person or if you met online, you took at least ten, 15 minutes to talk and chit chat and see how the conversation went. Maybe even did a short FaceTime chat so you could actually see and make sure she looks like her pictures and all that good stuff.

We went out for dinner and a cocktail, then back to her place to watch TV which quickly turned into several rounds of penetration wrestling.

That’s a new one. I’m gonna have to steal that. “Penetration wrestling.“

Ending in multiple finishes for her.

Well, hopefully you got one in for yourself after.

Afterward we relaxed, until I foolishly started talking about politics-adjacent topics.

Yeah, this is fine when you know each other, but, you know, for a third date, probably not a good idea. Because what is the formula? Hang out, have fun while you’re hanging out, and when the signs are there that she’s ready to be touched, ready to be kissed, ready to be seduced, then you make the move. If you start talking politics, especially if you’re a conservative guy dating a wacky liberal woman who’s hot. But she likes the fact that you’re masculine, and then you start talking politics.

She’s going to get triggered. She’s going to get upset. She’s going to behave like the people on TV behave on the news. Because it’s like after 2016, those people normalized having meltdowns and being emotionally irrational on TV to where they normalized it to where they think it’s okay. I mean, if you’ve seen any of the videos, I saw this one dude, this long haired guy, there’s a Tesla Cybertruck driving down the street, and this guy, kicks the car and is banging on the side and yelling and cussing at it. It’s like, what the hell? I mean, the guy sees people behaving that way on TV and thinks, “Oh, that’s normal behavior. I can behave like this in real life.”

So you could tell if somebody’s a liberal and you’re a conservative and you mentioned the orange man that they’re going to go fucking ballistic. Which if you don’t care, whatever, throw it in there. But obviously he’s wanting to get to the promised land and hang out, have fun and hook up. But instead he hung out, had some fun, and then he started talking politics, which wasn’t fun for her. And then it just kind of went sideways. Again it’s like a turd in the punch bowl.

It became clear that I said something that made her uncomfortable which I commented on and asked her what was up. She said she was triggered as I reminded her of a difficult decision she had made in her past, and she told me the details. I felt like such an idiot. To make matters worse, she also said, “I’m sure I’ve probably scared you off now”.

So she says that “I’m sure I probably scared you off by now.” In that moment, she’s worried about his approval. But what does he do? He starts apologizing because she got upset, and she even tells him that he doesn’t need to apologize.

And seemed saddened by the thought of this potentially being the last time she would see me.

In other words, she was worried that she turned him off to the point where he’s not going to want to date her anymore.

This was not good, and it was all my fault for leading the conversation into unfun territory. 

Yeah, you’re driving the fun bus, and instead you thought, “Hey, let’s go play in a bunch of shit. Let’s go play in the pigpen with the poop and the piss and the mud and roll around in it.” No bueno.



I acknowledged that I derailed our fun night with stupid topics and apologized for reminding her of a difficult memory. She insisted that I had nothing to apologize for, and even though she seemed sincere, I could tell she was still upset.

She’ll get over it.

And was no longer in fun mode with me.

Yeah, you apologizing is not going to fix that. You could just say, “Hey, I’m sorry if what I said. You know, you took it the wrong way. It’s just I didn’t want to make you feel bad. Well, how about them Yankees? Let’s talk about something else then. Let’s talk about something fun.” And just change the subject. Don’t sit there and go, “Oh, I apologize, I apologize. Will you please change your attitude if I apologize?” It’s not going to work.

Part of me wanted to apologize more; her past is none of my business and she shouldn’t have to share the dark parts with me. Especially this early while getting to know each other.

Again, who ever’s asking the questions is the one running the conversation. And if you step in doo doo like the puppies did this morning. Holy shit. I woke up this morning and there’s fucking poop all in the pen. The puppies had stepped in it. They ripped up the peepee pads, got away from them. And then I come back. And then they pooped again. And then they lay down in it. So now they’re in the shower, whining away, and I got to give them both a bath. What a fucking mess. Puppies are a pain in the butt, but they’re cute.

So don’t step in puppy poop when you’re on a date with a girl. Don’t be the turd in the punch bowl like this guy was. It just makes things difficult. He had this great, effortless evening there, hooking up, having a good time together. And then he talks about something that was very negative that triggered her because their politics probably don’t jive. So it’s just it’s not helpful. Keep it positive. Keep it fun. Keep it light. It’s right in The Book. And so he didn’t. But he felt comfortable. He thought he could get away with it. Again further down the road it’s not a big deal or as much as of a big deal, but in the first handful of dates, that’s a bad way to go. As you see here.

I decided to drop the subject rather than worsen things with more apologies.

That’s a good choice.

But there was an elephant in the room, Coach. It was 3A.M. at this point, the conversation had died, and though she wasn’t acting like or saying she was mad at me, there was distance between us.

Yeah, because she thought, “Oh, he’s a Trumper. He’s a he sports the orange man. Ah! We gotta save democracy!”

We’d decided earlier that I was spending the night, so I was lying there in her bed trying to figure out how to fix the bad vibes.

Just focus on something fun that makes her laugh, dude. That’s it. You can change it that quickly.

So we could avoid an awkward morning. I eventually pulled her back to me so I could show her that I wasn’t scared off. I wasn’t sure if she would welcome the affection, but she opened right back up and eventually fell asleep lying on my chest.

See? Change of state, pattern interrupt. When she’s laying there going, “Oh, I can’t believe this guy’s a Trumper.” Then you pull her in, and she goes, “Oh, he feels so nice. He’s such a man.”

The next morning, I got her off a couple more times and took her to a beach-side breakfast spot in my neighborhood.  

Well, it looks like he kind of turned things around at the last minute, but you can see it creates an awkward moment. And depending on how far left she happens to be or how woke she is, it’ll be interesting to see if he’s able to get a fourth date, if it really ruins things, or it’s just a bump in the road. So it’ll be interesting if he writes in in the future to see what happens.



Coach, you’ve helped me identify bad habits so that I can finally knock it out of the park with women the right way. However, greatness is not a destination, it’s the result of constant work and preparation for consistently favorable outcomes; this is why I continue to study your book and content. Thanks again. 



Sincerely,


Bob

Well, it is a process. Success is a process. And you know not everybody’s going to apply what’s in The Book perfectly. And this is you know, the guy’s been mostly a good student, but he gets a little carried away. Maybe they were having a few cocktails. He felt a little comfortable with her. He just beat up her pelvis and he thought, “oh, let’s talk about Donald Trump and tariffs or whatever.” And that went over like a lead balloon. So if you’re dating, especially if you’re dating a lefty girl it’s probably best to steer away from politics. You just say, “Oh, I don’t get involved. I don’t talk about politics. We’ll talk about that someday in the future.”

Change the subject. Hang out. Have fun. Hook up. That’s the important thing. Hang out. Have fun. Hook up. Not hang out, talk about politics and upset her. Because then if that happens, you’ll dry her up and you won’t be doing any hook up. So it looks like he kind of turned things around a little bit because they’re hooking up the next day, but we won’t know for sure until he tries to make the fourth date. So it’ll be interesting if he sends us another update.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.