How to determine why a woman blew you off and whether or not there is any chance that she will get back in touch with you in the future, so you can get another shot at dating her, and to prevent from getting jerked around.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who met a woman about six months ago. They chatted via Facebook for about a month or so before she suggested they should meet up. Nothing happened on their first date except hugging. Then towards the end of the second date, she said she had a confession to make. She told him she had a boyfriend for a year. He was shocked. He told her they could keep in touch anyway.
A week later, she contacted him again and invited him to meet up. He was becoming infatuated with her, so he agreed. They got together, and she was showing many signs of physical attraction. Then a few days later, she became a little distant. She continued this flakey, hot and cold behavior for the next several weeks, until he got mad and called her an idiot. Now she is ignoring him, and he wonders what he should do. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of his email.
I’ve read your book a couple of times, and it’s fantastic. It helped me become more mature and stable in my approach with women. What led me to your work was this specific girl I’ve been involved with. It’s really specific and complicated. (If you read the book 10-15 times, you will understand the principles and be able to apply them to specific situations like this.) I’m sorry the email may be too long, but the details are pretty important to know.
Half a year ago, I got in contact with a girl that was everything I desired in a girl’s appearance. (Remember, sex appeal is a small part of a relationship. If you don’t enjoy spending time with someone, it may not be a good idea to be in a relationship with them.) She is 20, and I’m 26. After a month-long, humorous and interesting chat with each other on Facebook, she asked if I wanted to meet up, and I responded that it sounded great. (A month of chatting is too much. You should have just made a date right away.) We went out for a walk, and everything seemed great. The following week, we met again and it was even greater. Nothing intimate happened except hugging. (When you do that, it communicates you lack confidence and you’re not sure of yourself.) Then she told me she had to tell me something, and it was that she had a boyfriend for a year. I was shocked, and said that it wasn’t okay to not tell me that before, but she was nice and that we could continue to keep in touch. (You’re putting her on a pedestal.) She contacted me a week later and told me that she wanted to meet up. At that point, I was so interested in her I agreed. All we did was catch up late evenings, but I could tell that she was really into me; playing with her hair, laughing at everything I said, even though it wasn’t so funny, asking me questions about the future and so on. We continued catching up, and when I went to Prague a month later, she blew me off and didn’t respond at all for two weeks. (That tells me, more than likely, you probably called and texted, she ignored you, and you called and texted some more thinking you could force a response. When a woman sees that, the attraction level drops, and she will back away.) I confronted her, and said that no matter how complicated her situation was, she acted disrespectful and nonchalant. She responded that she was sorry, and she was dealing with something in her personal life. I then responded that communication is important, I now understood her better and she could contact me when she figured things out.
In June, she contacted me saying she was dreaming about me and that she wanted me to book a room that night. (You were going to get laid as long as you didn’t talk her out of it.) When I asked why, (That makes you sound clueless. You don’t come across as confident or like this happens to you very often), she said she solved “the thing” in her personal life, and she now was single. I booked the room, we went there and we made out for hours. She said that she liked me, I was a big reason she broke up with her boyfriend and also that she wanted to wait with getting too intimate too quickly. We kissed and cuddled all night, and the next day, she became more and more into me by texting all day, and asking when we could meet up again. (That’s a good sign. She’s definitely into you.) At this point, I was afraid that she saw me as a temporary rebound, but her actions when we met up after that, by not getting too intimate, made me think I wasn’t.
The following month, she became more and more distant, because I was showing up with feminine behavior by texting her often, responding to her immediately and the worst thing, telling her how much I liked and missed her. I also told her I wanted to get serious with her. I know, huge fucking mistake!!! She responded that I deserved a girl that’s fully committed, and that she couldn’t give that to me right away. (She’s saying, slow down dude. Let’s hang out, have fun and hook up. If you try and lock her down to a commitment, it won’t end well.) I accepted it, and we continued to meet up. During this whole time, she asked for time and space, and I gave it to her, letting her reach out to me more. (That’s smart.) Then I became more and more distant, and she got back to me weekly and wanted me to make plans. We met at her place a month ago, drank wine and had a great and funny conversation. We went to bed, made out for hours but I tried to make more moves, and she told me to stop. (This tells me you don’t know what you’re doing. You should read my book some more, so you can learn the seduction process.) The following week we met up, but she didn’t even want to kiss me.
Then she went to Greece and she asked if I wanted to meet up when she got back home. Two days before she got home, she said that she couldn’t meet that day because she had to be with her parents she hadn’t seen in a month, but didn’t set a new available day to meet. (You should have let her come to you. You’re texting and talking too much, being the friend and being her back-up.) A week later, I texted her asking how she was, and we sent two or three texts back and forth. I asked if she had time to meet up that weekend. She responded that she didn’t know and, like the week before, didn’t compensate with a new available day. I responded, “Haha okay!”
She: What is it?
Me: You’re funny!
She: You’re nuts! (In a funny way)
Then I got pissed off with her behavior and said that she was an idiot. (You allowed this whole situation to diminish you, and then you threw a hand grenade.) When she asked why, I told her to shut up, and she responded, “As you want.” Two weeks later, I texted her and asked how she was. She read it and was quite active online on WhatsApp and Facebook, but didn’t respond. This was a week ago.
What do you think happened? (You communicated you were clueless, had nothing else going on in your personal life, and that you were willing to completely piss away six months of your life to be in backup position for this girl. You come across as an inexperienced beta male.) Is she seeing/texting someone else? (Probably.) Maybe the ex? (Maybe. She’s obviously not into you at this point.) Why did she blow me off that badly even though I gave her the time and space she asked for? (You pursued too much and put up with being in platonic friend zone.) Are my chances with her completely ruined? (I’d say it’s a pretty good possibility.) I hope that you can respond in a YouTube video, because I haven’t heard a case like mine, or how to deal with a woman when being treated as the third party. At this moment writing this, I’m not able to give her the “give me a call if you change your mind” speech, because I can’t say or text shit now. (There’s no reason to do that. When a girl is blowing you off or ignoring you, you’re never going to call or text her for any reason. She must come to you for at least three dates in a row, as I discuss in my article and video, “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back.”)
“Men who make the mistake of trying to date women who are in relationships with other men are just asking to be jerked around. Women and men who cheat tend to be narcissistic, selfish, weak, insecure and lack empathy. They show little concern for the feelings of others, and loyalty means nothing to them. People who have lots of choices with potential lovers will never become involved with or put their personal lives on hold for a cheater or a liar in hopes that things will get better down the road. When someone perceives that they have limited romantic options, they often put up with behavior and people who can’t or who are incapable of giving them what they want and deserve. Settling for a life or people who are less than what you really deserve is a sure fire recipe for failure, heartbreak, suffering and disappointment.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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