Why Did She Break Things Off So Unexpectedly?

Some possible reasons why she broke things off unexpectedly.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who has read 3% Man, 4 times and thought he was doing well. He was dating a girl for about 3 months. They spent a lot of time together during the holidays, but after they were over she broke things off saying her feelings were going nowhere. He’s shocked and doesn’t understand why and asks my opinion. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Members Only Newsletter is, “Why Did She Break Things Off So Unexpectedly?”

Well, this particular email is from a viewer. He says he’s read 3% Man four times so far. He thought he was doing well. He was dating this girl for about three months. And then over the holidays, this past Christmas, I guess they spent about a week together. Things are progressing. She introduced him to all of her closest friends. And then after the holidays passed or “cuffing season” was over, she broke it off saying, her feelings weren’t really going anywhere or weren’t really growing. Now he’s shocked.

He’s like, “What the hell? I thought I was following The Book perfectly.” So he’s like, “What the hell can I learn from this?” Well, the one thing that jumps out right off the bat is if you’ve been dating a woman for three months and she’s still not head over heels in love with you, then you don’t know The Book well enough. Because if you knew The Book backwards and forwards and you’re following it to a T, she should be in love with you by about week seven. So that’s about a little over a month and a half into dating.

And so this guy was at three months. It doesn’t look like they were ever exclusive, boyfriend, girlfriend. Definitely she never fell in love with him. So we have to look deeper. There are some clues in his email that kind of give it away, where the power and the leverage was a little too much on her side, and then probably doing a group date around the holidays and spending a lot of time with her, he probably slipped up. Maybe some of her friends didn’t like him, and so they said some things to her that torpedoed the relationship.

And since she wasn’t head over heels in love with him, not only did she not defend him, but it gave her pause. Because at the end of the day, after three months, her feelings weren’t really going anywhere. So that tells me on some level, he’s still pursuing too much. He cared more about her than she did about him, even though he thought he was following it. He says he was letting her do almost all the reaching out.

But if there are other subtle things that you’re doing where you act weak and unsure of yourself and not masculine, then she’s just not going to get to a place where she falls in love, because it is a process. And it’s obvious if you know The Book backwards and forwards and you know the chapter, “It’s All In The Numbers.” It should be pretty obvious where she’s at and how she feels about you, but I suspect more than likely this guy was more focused on his interest in her, and wasn’t really paying attention to her interest in him.

And so he probably got together and spent more time with her than he should have, when at times he probably should have backed off, he kept moving forward. And it’s hard to do when you really like a girl. But at the end of the day, women don’t dump men they’re in love with. They dump men they don’t respect and they’ve lost attraction for.

Or their attraction has always been low towards. And if you’re dating a woman for three months and she dumps you, telling you, she’s not feeling it, somewhere along the line, you went wrong. Now let’s assuming she’s a normal, healthy woman and not some wacko or some Froot Loop.

Viewer Email:

Hello Corey,

First of all thanks for being there, showing up for us and help us understanding relationships better. I have read your book 4 times and I felt I have been improving specially in the part of being more direct and giving space.

Well, obviously, we know after what’s happened that you weren’t as far along as you thought you were, and this is going to happen. It takes time to get better. It takes time to undo the negative programming and the propaganda, and the brainwashing that happens to us over the course of our lives as we consume traditional TV and media.

I definitely will keep reading way more times to fully understand and remember.

Yeah, there’s so many little things, so many subtle nuances and 3% Man, if you don’t read it and you don’t learn it, you’re just going to miss them. And so if you’re focused on letting the girl do most of the calling, texting and pursuing, but then when you’re getting together in person, you’re acting soft, you’re letting her change the plans. You’re doing other things that communicate to her that you’re a little squishy. You’re a little too afraid to stand up for yourself, your values, what you believe in.

She’ll test you more, and you’re not going to really notice those things. Because again, if you didn’t really take the time to learn The Book, you’re going to have blind spots and you’re going to have a knowledge gap, and you’re not going to notice when things are going sideways. It’s just impossible because each time you go through The Book, the 250 page book, you maybe get 7%, or 8% of it. So if you read it four times, maybe he knows about 30, 35 pages of The Book fairly well. But there’s so many other things in The Book that he’s just not going to know.

He’s going to completely miss it, and he’s going to be making mistakes, and he’s not even going to be aware that he’s making mistakes. Because, again, he doesn’t know The Book well enough. And so in his mind, he’s doing everything right. But what he spent more time with is all of the propaganda and the brainwashing from TV and movies over the course of his life. And so he doesn’t know what he doesn’t know. The known unknowns, or “The unknown unknowns”, as Rumsfeld would say.

I live in Canada and my name is Bob, 33 years old. My situation is this. I met a girl through a dating app, and it was very easy from the beginning. I went in for the kiss first date and she was very excited. By second date we slept together.

Well, if you follow what’s in The Book, most women are going to sleep with you by the second or third date in the West. And obviously, if you really click. And the other thing that I know, having done this for 20 years is, guys, most men, focus on the “Pickup” and “Getting Laid Skills”. They don’t really focus in the “Dating” and “Relationship Skills”. And it’s not usually until several months in where you really need those.

And if you don’t know them, things will unravel pretty quickly for you. Like when I look at other dudes that are teaching this, especially the younger guys, that’s usually all they focus on is Pickup and Getting Laid and Seducing the girl. Not anything about Dating, Going Steady, Having a Relationship, Communicating, any of that stuff. They just don’t pay attention to it, because to them it’s not relevant.

By second date we slept together and since there we were going on dates at least two times per week.

Well, again, if you’re dating a woman for three months and you’re still only seeing each other once or twice a week, she’s not in love with you. If you’re following what The Book teaches, by the time she’s in love with you, she’s pretty much going to be at your house, or you’re going to be at hers just about every night. She’s going to be in contact with you multiple times during the day. She’ll text you. She’s going to call you. She’s going to FaceTime you. That’s just what women do, especially the younger women.

Most of the time I spent nights at her place since I have a roommate.

Okay. So that’s one little thing there that I notice. If she has her own place and you’re always going to her place because you have a roommate. Well, from a leadership role, or a masculinity perspective, you’re going to her all the time. You’re staying at her place. She’s not coming to yours. It’s, you know, maybe she makes more money than this guy does, but that does communicate something. If she’s not coming over to your house very often and you’re always going to her, you’re always pursuing her.

So that’s something to pay attention to. You know, maybe you’re still living like a broke college student. Maybe your place isn’t together. It’s just one little thing like that. You’re dating a woman who makes enough money to have her own apartment, and you’re living with a roommate, and you never have her come over because your roommate’s always there. So it’s a little bit of power you’re giving away, whether you realize it or not, because it looks like she’s more masculine and successful than you are.

You might not think it’s a big deal, but again, it communicates a power dynamic. So from her perspective, she’s ahead of you. You’re like a little boy still living the college life, whereas she’s a little bit more established. Again, it’s subtle, but it communicates a lot as far as confidence and self-reliance and you being masculine. Because again, you’re always going to her place. It’s just like if you move in with a girl, you move into her house, you go to her all the time.

We have a lot of things in common regarding hobbies, and everything was very easy, no drama or discussions. I followed the principles and let her reach out to me, and setting dates and hooking up.

Well, if you were following what’s in The Book, she should have been 90% to 95%, maybe even 100%, if you could get away with it, of the calling, texting, and pursuing. Women just naturally do this over time. If you really know The Book backwards and forwards, and you’ve practiced enough, and you dated enough women, that’s what you’re going to see, is that other than the first few weeks, it’s like once she starts calling and texting you, then you really don’t have to pursue at all, it actually becomes counter productive.

But again, if you’re three months down the road and you’re still only seeing each other twice a week, that just tells me there’s a lack of attraction. She’s not in love with you. And so somewhere along the way, you miss some of the things in The Book, but he’s only been through it four times, so it’s understandable. And as he said, he thought he was really getting it. More than likely he read it the four times. He’s like, I got this. I don’t need to go through it 10 to 15 times. Because I hear it all the time. I see it in the emails.

I hear it in the phone sessions. One of the first things I always ask guys is, “How many times have you read The Book?” And I usually hear a giggle and a laugh from the guy on the other end, and “I haven’t read it enough. Or I just read it for the first time last week.” I was like, “How long have you been following me?” “For years.” I was like, “You’ve been cherry picking for four years.” He’s like, “I know, I know, go ahead and roast me, I deserve it.” I was like, “Well, we’re on the phone together. And if you had just followed instructions, you probably could have avoided all this heartache.”

But people are lazy. They want the easy, lazy man’s way, the shortcut to easy access to the box. There’s no shortcuts to success. If you try to take shortcuts, well, you’re shortcutting your success and you get to experience the pain of rejection like this guy is. It’s usually when this happens enough times the guy is like, “Okay, I’m going to take that shaved headed fucker on YouTube a little more seriously. I’m going to read The Book 10 to 15 times so this doesn’t happen again.”

Communication was open and we had many pillow talks that she told me really appreciated.

Well, I don’t know what you were pillow talking about. Where you drooling all over her? Were you talking about the future? What was the context of that?

During holidays, we spent a week together since we were off work, and she introduced me to her best friends.

Well, again, if you’re three months in but you’re not exclusive, and she’s introducing you to her friends, and she’s not head over heels in love with you, it’s kind of like a group date. And so if you go into that kind of a situation, and you’re not exclusive and she hasn’t told you she’s in love with you, and these people that she’s close to, maybe there’s some dudes in the group, or usually some beta male orbiters that have always liked her. And if she’s not that into you or not in love with you, and people in her peer group don’t like you, maybe you had a little too much to drink, which is a common thing I see all the time in emails or on the phone sessions with guys, is that they drank a little too much.

They get blackout drunk, they say stupid things, they do stupid things. They grab a girl’s ass who’s boyfriend is there because they’re drunk and they don’t even remember it happening. And it’s just, you know, just constant stuff like that. So if she’s in love with you, you can get away with shit like that. But if she’s just kind of like, “Eh.” And just going along to get along, and you’re kind of dopey at this point. Because usually, you know, if you’ve watched any of The Podcasts with The Girls, especially the 3% Man Study Group, it’s like we talk about this a lot. Most guys are good for about three, four weeks in.

‘And when they really start to care, they come apart. And everything they learned in The Book goes right out the fucking window. And then you get about another 3 or 4 weeks and then the girl’s gone. So most guys you got about a 60 day time period, they’re not going to get further than that. The average guy gets 3 to 4 weeks. And then they get the boot, if they make it that far. And again The Girls confirm that over and over and over when we’re doing those Podcasts, because I want guys to hear it from the ladies as well, because they’re going out and they’re talking about how they’re really into these guys at first, and they really have high hopes for them.

But once they get about 3 or 4 weeks and then they start doing and saying all saying all kinds of unattractive things. And it’s usually when their emotions really get engaged and they really start caring that they just totally come apart, and start acting extremely unattractive. And so I suspect things are going well the first few weeks. The guy is getting laid all the time. He’s probably thinking, “Man, I got this. I don’t need to read The Book 10 to 15 times. We’re fucking all the time. We’re hanging out, we’re having fun, we’re hooking up. She’s doing most of the calling, texting, and pursuing. I got this, this is so easy.”

And then they start getting a little dopey. They care too much. They care more about her than she does about them. And the reality is, women like you more if they think that they’re more into you than you are into them. Even Caroline, in a recent Podcast, we were talking about that. She likes it that way, she prefers it that way. It doesn’t go well when she’s dating guys, where the guys were way more into her than she was into them. And being a beautiful girl like she is, it’s, that’s usually what she sees. Dudes get dopey around her and most of them, again, they get got about three weeks over there, and they get so dopey that she gets turned off and wants nothing to do with them anymore.

We dated for almost three months and always tried to be on the listener side of things.

Well, again, if you’re dating three months and she hasn’t said she’s in love with you, hasn’t asked you to be boyfriend and girlfriend, and you’re only seeing each other once or twice a week, you’re basically like a regular booty call. And then she spends a week with you at Christmas time, Cuffing Season. Maybe she was a little bit more into you, or it seemed like she was more into you just because the Holidays were coming up. And so she made more of an effort, but she wasn’t really feeling it.

It was more of a mental effort so she could tell everybody, “Oh look, this is a guy I’m seeing”, instead of getting a hard time from her family. But now that the Holidays are over and you spend a lot of time with her, you did a group date. You hung out with her friends. Maybe you drank a little too much, maybe you said some things you shouldn’t have. But at the end of the day, women don’t dump men that they’re in love with. They dump men that they’ve either lost attraction to, or it never really went anywhere.

A few days ago, she called me and told me she was having fun, but feelings were not evolving, didn’t want to waste my time and it’s better to not see each other.

In other words, her interest wasn’t going anywhere. So that tells me, because I’ve been doing this 20 years now, that probably once he really started to care, he was probably good for about the first 2 to 3 weeks, his game was probably tight. And since he didn’t know The Book and he was only focused on his feelings towards her, he stopped paying attention to her interest and effort in him, and he thought, “Well, we’re hanging out. We’re hooking up.” But he ignored the fact that three months of dating and she’s not in love with him. Three months of dating, she hasn’t asked him to be her boyfriend. That’s not good.

And then when she says, her “feelings aren’t evolving.” So that tells me her feelings flatlined for a period of time. So again, if I was a betting man, I would say once he really started to care about this girl, he no longer was able to be objective and he only focused on his interest in her and didn’t really pay much attention to her interest and effort towards him. Because in his mind, “Well, at least they were still seeing each other and hooking up.” But he couldn’t tell that she really wasn’t that into it. Again, if you’re three months down the road and you’re still barely seeing each other once or twice a week, you’re basically a glorified booty call, a weekly booty call.

She said this crying on the phone. It took me by surprise because I thought everything was okay.

Well, this is where reality hits you. You can ignore reality, but you can’t ignore the consequences of ignoring reality. Again, you’re three months in. The girl’s not in love. She hasn’t asked you to be boyfriend and girlfriend. And you’re only seeing each other about twice a week. So that just tells me her interest, it went up for a little bit, and then it just flatlined. Because again, he only went through The Book four times, he didn’t really know it. And again, he was like, “I don’t understand what happened.”

I don’t understand why she told me this via phone.

Well, the reason she tells you over the phone is, again, she’s just not that into you. It’s a scientific fact that women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear. So you’re always going to her house because you have a roommate. Maybe you’re ashamed of your place. Maybe your place is kind of crappy, and maybe she makes more money than you, and she’s got a nicer place.

And so you’re always going there. So she’s kind of like the man. You don’t really think it’s a big deal, but obviously it mattered because maybe it bothered you. Maybe she picked up on the fact that you were a little ashamed of your living conditions compared to hers. So again, you’re supposed to be more confident and more successful than her, or at least you expect to be that in the future.

I don’t understand why she told me this via phone and why she didn’t make any comment or communicate first about any discomfort before ending up things.

Well again, that’s why you read The Book, and especially The Chapter, “It’s All In The Numbers.” You could not tell where you stood with her. You didn’t even know. You just thought everything was good. “Oh, well, we’re going on dates and we’re fucking, so everything must be great.” That’s where you went wrong.

I told her I understand, I appreciated the time together and have no complaints, and if she changed her mind give me a call. Since then, I have not made any contact.

Well you know, I suspect at some point, maybe in the beginning he was letting her do most of the reaching out, but once he started caring, she probably started backing off and not calling and texting as much. Her texts became shorter, she used less emojis, she took longer to reply, and he ignored that. He just kept the hammer down and kept moving forward as she backed off he probably pursued a little bit more, and she never had enough time and space away from him to wonder about him, to think about him, to miss him, to become unsure of herself.

Because as soon as he felt a little tension like, “Oh, I haven’t heard from her in a couple days.” He’d probably reach out to her thinking, “Oh, it’s only been a couple of days and we’ve been dating for 2 or 3 months, so this shouldn’t be a big deal.” But in reality, he didn’t realize that he was trying to force things and shoehorn himself into her life. And again, we’re assuming she’s a normal, healthy woman.

What conclusion can I get from this?

Well, it’s pretty clear you were way more into her, than she was into you, and you were totally clueless and had no idea. And that’s what happens when you just read The Book four times. And you should also spend some time with The Chapter, “It’s All In The Numbers.” There’s a bunch of paragraphs in the beginning that tell you if her interest is 80% or on a scale of 1 to 10, this is what she does. If it’s a six, this is what she does. If it’s a seven, this is what she does. And so you didn’t know that. And on top of that you’re writing an email going, “I don’t know what happened.”

So this is why you have to read The Book 10 to 15 times. I say it over and over, but the majority of what I see is guys don’t listen. Because most people major and minor things. And especially he made the same mistake all guys do, it’s like, “Well, hey. We’re having sex, I’m getting laid. Everything must be great.” But this is why you got to pay attention to her interest in you. And I would say, again, he was only focused on his interest and her.

And he didn’t notice that she wasn’t that into it. Again, if you’re three months down the road and she hasn’t asked you to be exclusive and you’re still doing a lot of reaching out and you’re only seeing each other a couple times a week, she’s not that into it. And you got to pay attention to that shit. Because this Because this is what happens, you think everything’s great, “Oh, well, she’s with me.” Yeah. She’s not in love with you. She hasn’t asked you to be exclusive. And you guys hardly see each other. And you’re always going to her house.

What can I do better?

Read The Book 10 to 15 times and take it seriously.

Do I still have a chance with this person?

Thanks a lot Corey.

Bob

Flip a coin. It could go either way. She may come back, she might not. But, I mean, it’s very telling the fact that she just called you on the phone and ditched you after three months that tells me her interest was low. And so you thought everything was great, but on a scale of 1 to 10, her interest was like a five. And then it fell to a four and you were out. Simple as that. You got to pay attention to the woman’s interest in you and the effort, and you got to be able to recognize when it’s time to back off and when it’s time to move forward. And from your email, I can tell you are just pretty clueless. You didn’t notice it.

And plus, you’re going on a group date during the Holidays and spending a lot of time. Usually drinks are flowing, and oftentimes when I do phone sessions with guys, they’re usually doing, and saying things, they had a little too much to drink. And if the girl’s interest is already not very high, and you turn off her friends, they’re all going to sandbag your relationship and cause her to boot you out of her life. So all you can do at this point is nothing. If she ever reaches out, invite her to your place, tell your roommate to get lost, hang out and have fun and hook up at your place. If you got a crappy living situation.

If your apartment’s a mess, if you got crappy beat up furniture, if all you got is a coffee table and a TV and like a beanbag in there, and her house is all nicely decorated with new furniture and paintings and pictures and you look like you’re a broke college student. Those little things communicate something. And like I said, you got some work to do, man. You got to fill in your knowledge gaps and you got to live this stuff, and you got to got to act in ways that are consistent with The Book, because you shouldn’t be this far down the road and then date somebody for three months and then be shocked that you get dumped and you don’t even understand why.

Because if you knew The Book backwards and forwards, you would have been able to tell that her interest was low, and you had no idea what sailed right over your head. Because again, you were focused on your interest in her, and you just assumed since you were hooking up that everything was great. And that tells me you probably focused on The Pickup Skills and early Dating Skills, and other than that, once you were getting laid, you felt like you didn’t have to go beyond that. And that’s where you got burned.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.