Why Did She Bring A Friend To Our 1st Date?

Why women will sometimes invite & bring a friend to your date & how to handle it.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who had a woman bring a friend to their date unannounced. He handled himself well and spent time talking with her friend. She seemed to get a little jealous and aggressive and started kissing him several times.

He acted indifferent and asks my opinion. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Well, typically that is a clam slam. Could be a multitude of reasons. She’s not sure of you, maybe potentially keeping you in friend zone, or she’s just hoping to get a free meal and drinks for her and her girlfriend and they’re just trying to use you.

So as I discussed in 3% Man, you should never agree to a group date, but it sounds like in this particular email this woman just made a date and she just brought a friend, which is pretty fucking rude to do. That’s typically what you’re going to see from a garbage human to just bring somebody else, because they do that. Then they expect you to pay for drinks and food for their friend. If that’s going on, then you might want to just politely excuse yourself, go to the bathroom and just never come back, then she and her girlfriend can hang out on their own tab, but this guy decided to hang out and make the best of it.

So what he ended up doing was he was focused on getting to know her friend a little bit. So this woman actually became kind of aggressive and started kissing him.

Viewer Email:

Hi Corey,

I hope you’re doing well.

I wanted to share a recent personal insight that helped me better understand some of the dynamics you teach, especially about why women are often attracted to indifferent men.

I went out with a girl a few months ago, and she brought one of her friends along.

Again, that’s just rude to show up on a date unannounced with a friend. “Oh, this is my girlfriend.” More than likely, I’m assuming this is somebody he met online, or it could have been somebody that he met in person. Maybe he didn’t have any mutual friends, but it’s pretty unusual. Usually, if a girl doesn’t know you and you didn’t spend a lot of time creating rapport with her, she might try to get you to agree to that. “Oh hey, by the way, my girlfriend’s with me. We’re going to meet up.” When that happens, you’re getting cock-blocked, clam slammed, probably won’t be any seduction, but it doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world. You got to roll with it. “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade,” as they say.

Either way, it gives you another situation to practice on, because at the end of the dinner, lunch, drinks or whatever you got going on, if there’s a lot of rapport, then maybe her friend dips once everybody feels that you’re OK and then you potentially could seduce her later.

I started to pay a little more attention to her friend, and at one point, she even came up to me and kissed me. I was like, “What the heck is happening with this girl?” She would even move to different spots while I was talking to her friend, almost as if she was trying to see if I cared enough to follow her. Looking back, it felt like she was testing whether I would chase her or stay grounded.

Definitely trying to see how you handle yourself.

I behaved poorly, after the next dates and after reflecting on it, I realized that indifference isn’t just a superficial strategy but a way women protect themselves emotionally.

Well, masculinity is calm, and women often will see if they can do something to get you upset, to piss you off or get under your skin, so you lose your shit and you’re not calm. Which if you’re not calm, then it scares them. Feminine energy is chaos after all.

I noticed they sometimes “test” to see if you’ll become intense or needy, and even unconsciously look for the worst in you to measure your reaction and boundaries.

This has helped me see my own role and mistakes from a new perspective and how I can work on my emotional growth to become better and someone who leads emotionally.

There is one thing I would appreciate your advice on: You mention dating multiple people to avoid being hung up on one person. The only thing is, I hesitate to view people as resources.

Well, I’m not telling you to view them as resources. I’m telling you to keep your options open, because if you’re trying to learn what’s in the book and you’re like most guys, you tend to over-pursue, you tend to smother too much, you tend to get a little fixated on one girl that you really like, if you’re trying to master what’s in the book, it helps to develop a little bit of a practice squad and have two or three different women that you’re seeing that are maybe in various stages of hanging out, having fun and hooking up. As you meet women that you like more than the other ones you were talking to, they’ll just kind of fade away and you’ll spend more time with the new girls.

As I’ve discussed in the live streams with the girls, to them it’s common sense. Women date multiple guys and interview multiple guys to figure out which one they like, because sometimes when they start dating a guy, it turns out initially they really like him, they think he could be a great match, but after a few dates or a few more weeks of dating, he comes unglued. So to women, it’s common sense. Again, I’ve discussed this with the girls many times in the podcast. So they’re willing to do it, and to them it’s common sense. So you’re not really doing anything by trying to be Mr. White Knight, Mr. Perfect. Most guys, like I say, tend to feel guilty because they’ve just never had enough choices and options to where they could be dating multiple women or going out on dates with multiple women.

The idea is you’re trying to get better, because the reason why you try to get better is when you meet somebody that really knocks your socks off, if you haven’t practiced, if you have the attitude of, “Oh, I’m only going to go out with a woman that really knocks my socks off,” but you’re not used to spending time with women that you feel that way about and then you finally do get on a date with somebody you feel that way about, your game is going to suck. You’ll come on glued and you’ll do and say things that turn her off.

So the goal is to prepare yourself because again, you got to get experience. Repetitions is of mother of skill. When you meet somebody that you really like and then you blow it, it takes a lot longer to get over somebody like that versus somebody that you have kind of a “take it or leave it” kind of attitude. Again, women date multiple people at the same time and it’s common sense. It’s like, “Well, why wouldn’t you do that?“

I want to find a committed relationship without feeling like I’m using anyone.

Well, I don’t tell you to use anyone. The idea is you’re going out on dates because you’re trying to see what happens. That’s the attitude that women have when they go on a date. It’s like, “Do I like this guy? Is he good for me? Are we a good match? Are we good together? Do I like them? Do I like hanging out with them?” That’s what they’re trying to feel. They’re trying to find out how they feel. So you should go out with women that you like and who have the opportunity, potentially, to win you over, but it sounds like you got kind of a story and you’re just making excuses, a little bit of oneitis. When guys like you don’t practice the book and then you go out with somebody you really like, nine times out of 10, you’re going to blow it, because when you’re with somebody that you’re not super into, it’s a lot easier to do more things right and wrong.

My goal is to help you see the patterns that are in the book showing up in your life as quickly as possible, so when somebody comes along that really knocks your socks off, you’re prepared, because at the end of the day, everybody starts out as a novice. You don’t start out as the greatest kisser, the greatest lover, the greatest dater, or the most charming guy. It takes time, repetition and practice to develop yourself. Sometimes you go out with a girl you may not be too into, but she’s so cool and easygoing, easy to get along with, and over time she becomes more attractive to you. So you don’t know what you don’t know. As long as you like her, you want to spend time with her and you enjoy talking to her, you give her the benefit of the doubt just to see what happens because again, that’s kind of the attitude that women have. Just see what happens.

Thank you for your teachings, which have been a guide for me, and I wanted to share this important reflection.

An advice for most men out there: Be careful. I behaved poorly, but most of the time, this girl was a little bit manipulative, taking the worst out of me. The one big mistake that I made was pushing her and asking her to be her boyfriend.

So you’re not really following what’s in the book, and this is exactly what I’m talking about. You’re too focused on locking a girl down and getting her to like you. You’re seeking a woman’s attention and validation, and it sounds like you probably tend to over-pursue, you talk too much, you text too much, you’re too serious too soon, too nice, too compliant, too soft, too unwilling to stand up to a woman and tell her no. That’s probably one of the reasons why she brought her friend along, because she thought you were soft and squishy.

As you said, this girl was manipulative. You probably didn’t know that right away, but after dating her for a while and then looking back on it after she rejected you, you realize that you should have practiced more. Doesn’t mean you were going to get into a relationship with her, but you want to learn as much as you can from your interactions as fast as you can. You want to shave the time off that it takes for you to really learn and master this stuff.

So the more women you date, the more you read the book, the more you practice it, the more you do cold approaches, the more you go out on the dates, the more you take women through the seduction process, you just get quicker, better. Then when you do meet somebody that you really like, you do more things right than wrong.

Guys, please take time to listen to Corey. Don’t do that. She is dating two guys at the same time now, so I understand her character is not aligned with the kind of woman I want. 

Best Regards,

Bob

Well like I said, I don’t know if that means, more than likely she’s not boyfriend/girlfriend with him, but she is dating multiple guys. So you you just got to see what I was talking about and what the girls tell us about on the podcast. It’s like to them, it’s common sense to date multiple guys, interview multiple guys and vet multiple guys because you don’t know which guy is going to measure up. Some guys are usually great for the first two or three weeks, and then after two or three weeks, they tend to come apart and their flaws and their faults get revealed. Then the girl goes from being super excited initially to completely being turned off two or three weeks later.

So there’s a method to the madness. Being Mr. White Knight, Mr. Goody Two-Shoes is not a good way to go. If you’d had multiple women, your game would have been a little tighter, you’d have been less inclined to jump through your butt, and you wouldn’t have been so desperate trying to get her to agree to be your girlfriend. Again, that’s detailed in the book. That’s the woman’s department. The woman should be the one trying to lock you down. Instead, you were trying to lock her down.

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