Why Did She Stop Texting Me Back?

Some possible reasons why a woman will suddenly stop texting you back after a good 1st date.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who met a really hot girl at his gym. They went out on a 1st date and it went really well according to him. He went for the kiss at the end of the date, but she said she didn’t kiss on the 1st date. He reached out a few days later to set the 2nd date, but she was busy and mentioned the following week after claiming she forgot he had asked her out. He suggested a day and time, but she never responded.

He sees her at the gym and she is friendly, but he still hasn’t heard back from her. She did the same thing before he set the 1st date. So he texted her again four days later and they ended up going out on their 1st date. He is confused at her behavior. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

I got an email from a guy who met this girl at the gym, got her number, invited her out on a date. She left him hanging. Four days later, he reached out to her. A week, later he reached out again and she responded and they actually went out on a date.

What I like about this email is, I mean, this guy is a rookie. I think he’s brand new to my work, probably has even got through my book. There’s a lot of little mistakes and things that are happening here that reveal her interest or lack thereof, that it’s just good to learn from and it lines up with the stuff that’s taught in the book. So I thought it would be a great email to go over because most of the guys that follow me, the biggest demographic is like 25 to 35, and then from there it’s like 35 to 45. Then the next biggest is like 18 to 25, I think.

I’m dealing with younger guys that are watching me. Plus I got dudes that are 70 years old that were with the same woman their whole lives, and she passed away. The last time they dated, they were like fucking 16, 17 years old. Obviously they need to learn how attraction works. They need to learn how to set and make dates, and how to be able to determine whether a woman is really interested or they’re just spinning the wheels, because most women are not going to come right out and tell a guy they’re not interested. They’ll just hope that he figures it out and eventually goes away.

What you’re really looking for is a woman who has the attitude of like, “Hell yeah, I’d love to go out with you. I’d love to spend time with you,” but when you get a girl that’s throwing all kinds of roadblocks in your way, it doesn’t mean you can’t wear them down and overcome them over time.

What I’ve personally found is women that are like, “Hell yeah, I’d love to go out on a date,” or they have the added knot that they’re going to say, “Hell yeah,” but they’re excited that you asked them out and they’re grateful that you called or texted them and they make a date, they keep it and they’re glad to see you, that’s what you want. You go to kiss them and they suck the tongue out of your throat. That what you want. Not a girl that turns her head or cheek and goes, “I don’t kiss on the first date.” A structured woman, obviously. So it’s a good email for the newer guys to that are new to my work to learn from.

Viewer’s Email:

Hey Corey,

I recently went on a date with a very hot girl from my gym. I asked for her number and she gave it without hesitation.

Just because a girl gives you her number doesn’t mean she really likes you. Oftentimes, women will give out the number just to get rid of you. I’ve talked with Caroline and some of the other girls on the podcast about this, and it’s like they give out their number because what happens is they’ve tried rejecting a guy in person and saying, “No, they’re not interested,” and the guys get pissed off and cause a scene. They don’t take no for an answer. They’re just a real pain in the ass. Sometimes they get angry and start insulting her.

Most average guys, their ego is so brittle and they just can’t handle rejection. Women, in essence, have to Kentucky guarantee them or tell a white lie, if you will. The white lie is they give out the number knowing that they’re not interested, and they’ll just blow the guy off later. So guys that don’t know any better like, “You got to pursue. You got to chase. You got to convince her.” Sometimes those things can work, but comparing a girl that’s like, “Hell yeah, I’d love to go out with you,” versus the one that leaves you hanging like this does, it’s so much better with a woman that’s excited from the beginning. She just makes it so easy for you.

A girl like this, she’s hot, but she’s a pain in the ass and she’s not making it easy at all for him to go out with her because she’s not excited, you want somebody that’s excited. It’s like your friends, when you call your best friends to hang out, they’re like, “Yeah, that’d be great. It’ll be awesome to hang out and catch up,” but you call girl and she’s like, “I don’t know, maybe that could work. Maybe next time. I don’t know, I’m not sure I’m able to,” and the guy’s like, “I’m gonna make her mine.”

That’s what you see in the movies. It’s just much better when a girl is really excited and really enthusiastic about you, but you do you, boo boo. I’m not here to make your decisions for you. You want to learn the hard way and beat your head against the wall? That’s your choice. You’re young. You’ll figure it out.

I asked her out via text pretty quickly and she said yes and right away suggested a place that was across the street from her. When I asked her where it was, she gave no response…

If it was me, that would have been the end of it. I mean, you could probably look it up on Google. If she told you the name of the place, you could probably look it up on Google Maps, but she just stopped replying. Why did she stop replying? Because she didn’t give a fuck. She’s not that into it. If it was Justin Bieber, she’d be like, “Hell yeah. Come on over.”

…So four days later I asked again if she wanted to go there Wednesday evening and we went there.

She was in a little bit of a different headspace. She said yes. She didn’t have anything else going on that night. She’s like, “Well, at least I get a free meal out of this.“

There was zero awkwardness and we had a lot in common. Laughed a lot, went for the kiss at the end of the date, but she said she doesn’t do that on the first.

Bull fucking shit. She’ll do that with Justin Bieber or a guy she really likes, or she really is a structured woman. The bottom line is, she’s like, ” No kissy poo for you. Thanks for the free food. Now fuck off.”

Even that wasn’t awkward at all. I see her quite often in the gym, since we both go around rush hour.

That’s the worst time. I wouldn’t go to the gym during rush hour. It sucks.

Sometimes I talk to her there and a little less than a week after the first date I asked her out again for next Friday while in the gym. I was too vague and didn’t specify a time or a place. She said it should work, but that she had to check when she had class that day.

So he didn’t make a definite date and just left it up in the air. He wasn’t direct, he wasn’t decisive, and he didn’t make it happen. The reason why he’s asking around the gym is because he’s afraid she’s not going to respond because she’s got low interest. He’s projecting his high interest and kind of ignoring the fact that she’s just, “Shoo fly. Don’t bother me.”

Thursday evening, I texted a time and she said she forgot…

Sure…

She didn’t forget. She didn’t care. She’s lying to you, but it sounds like, “Oh, I totally forgot. You asked me out for Friday night. I’m going to check my schedule and get back to you.”

Here’s another thing I got to say. You have to give women the opportunity to follow through on their plans and their commitments with you, or to flake out and disappear from your life forever. When you texted her, “Hey, where’s that place at?” And she just ghosted you, I would have never texted her back. It’s possible a week later or two, she might have reached out. Maybe because there’s another guy, maybe there’s an ex-boyfriend and her life. You just don’t know.

Dating is like tennis. You don’t double and triple text because it makes you look needy. Especially if you go for a kiss and she’s like, “I don’t kiss in the first date,” that would have been the end of it.

It’s fun to have a playful comeback. You could say something like. “Why? Are you a bad kisser? Do you have really bad halitosis or something? What’s up? I mean, I can teach you. I’m a pretty good kisser. All my girlfriends have always said I was a pretty good kisser. We can work on that.” If she still won’t kiss you after that, it’ll probably crack her up, make her smile, but she just doesn’t like you. Fuck her rules. Interest cuts through everything. If she’s really into you, she’ll kiss you. She only tells guys she doesn’t kiss on the first date that she doesn’t like, but she appreciated the free meal.

…And was now going out with friends.

Yeah, she didn’t forget. She just had something more fun to do. She didn’t want to see you.

I know this is a sign of lower interest.

Do you think?

The part that really confuses me…

If a woman really likes you, you’re not going to be confused about her interest.

…Is that she said, “What about next week?”

Well, you just look at what a woman does. She suggested next week, but did she actually make a date for next week? Let’s see what happens.

To which I responded by suggesting a time and date (Yes, I now know it is better to first ask her when she would be free). She hasn’t responded in three days, which is very weird to me when she herself suggested next week.

Because she put it off, thinking, “Well, maybe I’ll feel different next week.” Again, a woman’s feelings change, like the weather. So you have to look at her actions and take it on a day-by-day basis.

It doesn’t matter what she said last week about how she feels, the only thing that matters is how she feels now, how she feels today in the present moment, which is where you should be living. Not in the future or in the past, just in the present moment. Guys make the mistake of taking what a woman said or did in the past as having any as being applicable to today, and it’s just not.

When we talk in the gym she also makes jokes about stuff we talked about during the date, which makes me think that there is still interest. I know you will suggest not to text, so I won’t. Even though last time I did that after four days of no response it was a success.

Well, how did that go? “I don’t kiss in the first date.” This is why the stuff is in the book. So you have a good experience, but guys that are hard headed and they really like a girl, they’re not going to listen. It’s like you can do whatever you want. I’m just telling you from my experience as a 54-year-old man at this point. The fact that I’ve been teaching this stuff for two decades now, and done phone sessions with tens of thousands of guys over the years, it’s like, if you don’t want to listen to me, that’s on you.

My question is should I even talk to her about this in the gym and ask again?

I wouldn’t go talk to her. If you see her in the gym and you happen to make eye contact, smile, wave, and then just go back to your workout. If she wants to come over and talk to you, she will. If she won’t come over and talk to you, what does that tell you? She’s not interested. She doesn’t give a shit.

Or is that too confrontational? Should I just say hi and go about my business?

Like I said, don’t go out of your way and go talk to her. If you see her and she doesn’t see you, just go work out. Do your own thing. If she wants to come over and talk to you, she will. If you make eye contact, smile, wave and then go about your business. Don’t go over to her.

It’s clear if she doesn’t even text you back, she doesn’t give a fuck. That’s rude. You don’t reward rude behavior with more of your attention. All that does is teach her it’s OK to blow you off and jerk you around and you don’t love, value and respect yourself or your time. If you don’t respect, value yourself and your time, she ain’t either. Women can’t love a man they don’t respect. If you have no self respect, you’ll get no respect from women.

If she had not suggested to get together next week and showing mixed signals I would have left it alone already, since I don’t like to chase too much.

Well, you’re already chasing. You’ve been chasing since the beginning, and you’re ignoring the low interest.

Usually when we talk in the gym it is because I go up to her and the last few times I didn’t to see if she would come talk to me. That didn’t happen either.

Well guess what? Women vote with their feet. If they’re with you, it means they voted for you. She won’t even come over and say hi after you took her out and spent money on her. She don’t care. She’s not interested.

She is the hottest girl I ever dated…

Whoa, bro! You hung out and bought her dinner. He went out on one date.

…And has many similar interests, which is making it harder to not care as much.

Well, never try to keep somebody who doesn’t want to keep you.

Background info: I am 24, reading your book for the second time now. Just started cold approaching girls a handful of times now.

Do more of that. That’s way better than trying to do online dating, because quite frankly, online dating is just a fucking cesspool of losers. Doesn’t mean there’s no good women out there. It just means the chances of finding a good woman are very low on a dating app.

You’re going to have to go through a lot of crap. It’s like fishing in the sewer. You’re dealing with a lot of broken girls. Girls that come from broken families. They don’t have friends. They’re weird. They’re awkward. Some of them are just girls that don’t know anybody because they just moved to town. That’s OK. I’m just saying there’s a lot of swiping and a lot of work. It’d just be much easier to bump into a girl living your life. You’ll have a much better connection in person, and the dates will go much better. Plus, when you meet people through your network, through how you socialize, like attracts like. People that like the same things tend to like each other and you’ll just have a much better experience if you do that.

I am dating one other girl and just stopped dating another.

Working on reading your book 10-15 times,

Bob

If it was me, I wouldn’t go up to her. I wouldn’t go talk to her. If she happens to come over to you and start talking to you and was like, “Hey, we should get together for a drink. When are you free?” Just go right into it. Make a date, but definite date, definite time, definite place to get together. If she won’t do that, if she’s like, “I have to check my schedule and get back to you,” and was like, “All right, we’ll do that. Well, I’m going to get back to my work out because I got to get out of here quickly. I got plans later. Figure out your schedule and get back to me.” Then don’t ever call her or text her. If she doesn’t get back to you, she doesn’t care. If she does, that’s a good thing.

You got to pay attention to when a woman blows you off. Like in this case, when you get the cheek or when a girl turns her head, “I don’t kiss in the first date,” you never call or text a woman that does that again for any reason. That’s what the book says. You just don’t do that. The only way you’ll give a structured woman another chance is if she reaches out to you when you disappear.

You got to remember the book, The Rules, is out there and it tells women to don’t kiss the guy, cancel dates at the last minute, jerk them around. It’ll really get hooked on you. So you could be coming across a woman that’s just trying to do that because she actually does like you, but she’s trying to game you because of the book, The Rules. So there’s that to consider.

Whether or not you shouldn’t be trying to date somebody that’s blowing you off, ignoring you and ghosting you, when you keep coming after somebody that does that, you’re basically saying it’s OK to treat you that way, and you’re training her to treat you that way. It’s not good, my man, but thanks for the email and just clean up your game.

Again, go out with girls that are excited. Girls that respond to your text. Don’t don’t be chasing after chicks that ghost you and blow you off like this. Doesn’t matter how hot she is, she’s probably an asshole anyways, and somebody you don’t want to date and maybe even be a fruit loop. If she reaches out, try to make a date. If she comes to you in the gym and is flirty, talking and playing with her hair, then make a date on the spot and actually a definite date, definite time, definite place. I she gives you that, “I got to check my schedule,” say, “All right. Figure it out and get back to me,” and then don’t call her and text her a few days later because you can’t hold out, because all that does is make you look like a bitch. If you look like a bitch, you’re going to dry her pussy up. Pretty simple.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.