Why Do I Always Want What I Don’t Have & Don’t Want It When I Get It?

Why we want what we don’t have & don’t want it once we do.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a 19 year old viewer who says he always wants what he doesn’t have and then once he gets it he no longer wants it. He had a girlfriend but wanted variety. Now that he’s single and meeting and hooking up with many different women, he doesn’t feel anything for any of them, but misses his ex.

My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be “Why Do I Always Want What I Don’t Have & Don’t Want It When I Get It?”

Well, this particular email is from a 19 year old viewer. He says that he always seems to want what he doesn’t have, and then eventually when he gets it, he doesn’t want it for very long. So he had a girlfriend, but obviously he’s young, didn’t have a lot of experience. He really wanted some variety. Kind of sounds like he convinced her to open their relationship up. And then he said trust got violated on both sides and they broke up. And now he’s single and he’s meeting and hooking up with lots of different women, but he doesn’t feel anything for any of them.

And now he misses his ex. He’s like, “this doesn’t make sense to me. Why do I miss my ex when I got what I wanted, now I don’t want it, I want what I had.” So this is kind of a common theme in people’s life. Human beings, we always appreciate what we have to earn and whatever comes easy, we typically don’t appreciate it. Success tends to be long in coming. You’re an entrepreneur. As Elon Musk said, “it’s like eating glass and staring into the abyss of death.”

I remember I heard that quote almost 20 years ago. I was like, that pretty much sums it up. I mean, you got to be a little different, a little mentally cuckoo, I think, to be a successful entrepreneur long term, because you have to stick with things and keep moving forward, even when it looks hopeless or it feels hopeless. People are laughing at you, telling you what a stupid idea it is. I mean, look at Elon Musk. He wasn’t really a rocket scientist or anything. He wasn’t a guy who built cars.

But he’s like, hey, I’m gonna create an all electric car company, which there hadn’t been a successful new car company that lasted in like a century. And at least in the United States. And then he’s like, hey, I’m going to build rockets to land themselves. So people thought he was crazy until he pulled it off. So in life, part of what like this guy is struggling with, is how do you manage the conversation between your ears as a man? How do you move towards the things that you want, but also enjoying the journey?

Because for most people, success is a moving target. “Oh, when I get the girl, then I’m going to be happy. When I win the Super Bowl, then I’m going to be happy. When we go to the moon, then I’m going to be happy.” And then what happens is you look at all the successful people like the Apollo astronauts, they went to the moon. It’s like, how do you top going to the moon? They came back.

A lot of them had drug alcohol problems, multiple divorces, family issues, substance abuse. It’s like they came back and didn’t really know what to do with themselves. They didn’t have a purpose. They didn’t have a mission. They didn’t have an emotionally compelling reason. I mean, the program ends up getting canceled. They didn’t have an emotionally compelling reason to get up every day like they had been.

Whereas like, you know, I remember seeing interviews with the Apollo astronauts talking about they’d be in Texas and they’re driving up to where the big building is, where all the engineers are working, trying to make the lunar lander and all that stuff. And it’s like late at night, two in the morning, all lights are on because everybody’s there committed, staying up late trying to make the thing happen, trying to make the deadline that John F Kennedy had set to land a man on the moon and return him safely to the earth before the decade is out.

So which they pull that off. What was that 1969? It was the year before I was born, and we went there a bunch of times, and then the program ended. So as a man, you’re always evolving. You’re always trying to reinvent yourself. I you know, this guy’s 19. I looked at where I was when I was 19. In my mind, I was in college. I’m getting my Bachelor of Science in construction management. I’m going to get a lot of experience, learn how to build.

And then eventually I’m going to start buying, fixing up and selling single family homes for a profit. And I’m going to do that for the rest of my life, my sole goal, my sole mission and purpose. And then life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans. I get into my mid 30s. I become a platinum partner, Tony Robbins, and I’m like, hey, I’m going to become a full time life Coach.

And I end up, not because I was an oracle on real estate at the time or the finance system, because there are a lot of things I didn’t understand about it, but my heart was moved in a new direction and I wanted to be a life Coach. I wanted to write this book and share with the world everything that I had learned about how to get, keep and attract the women that you want. And get them to stick around because that was something I struggled with.

And so that became my new purpose. And then everything I’ve been spending the, basically the previous, almost two decades since I graduated high school building, I now am doing something completely different. I let my real estate broker license go. My general contractor license go. I completely got out of the business, sold all my houses. And the office building I had with my partners, we sold that like literally about three months, six months before the commercial real estate market started going in the toilet.

Same thing with the I sold my last house when everything was at the tippy top, just because my heart was pulling me in a new direction. That’s kind of the way it is. It’s very destructive to your life when you’re going to live that way. And so, I mean, here I am all these years later, 56 years old. And now I’m reading an email from a guy that’s 19 that I remember where I was at, and what I was doing when I was his age. And this guy’s got it better than he realizes it. I mean, he’s experiencing things that I didn’t get to experience at his age.

He has success with women at his age that I didn’t have. Now a couple of my friends from high school that were living like this, they were naturals and they couldn’t really explain what they were doing. It was amazing to watch, but I didn’t understand the process of what they were doing at the time, and they had their fill of women when they were young and then had their fill all through college, being frat bros.

And then when they graduated, they came home and in a few years both settled down and started families and have lived happily ever after. Because they got to sample the all you can eat pussy buffet. They had whatever kind of woman they wanted. So this guy’s kind of struggling with it because he’s 19. He broke up with his girl. Again, he doesn’t have a lot of experience, so his dad’s like, hey, you should reach out to coach and tell him what’s going on.

Viewer Email:

Hi Corey,

I’m 19 and I’ve followed your work for a while. My dad suggested I email you because I’ve recognized a pattern in myself that goes much deeper than my recent breakup. I always seem to want what I don’t have.

Well, you don’t have something. You have a desire. You have a wish. You know what you want. You know why you want it. And then you’ve got to have a compelling reason to make it happen. So it could be not having a girl. Then you finally get the girl, and then you take it for granted. And then you don’t have the girl anymore. And then you miss having a girl gives you perspective on life. This is kind of like rite of passage. This is just the process of living. Because the reality is living is especially in a relationship, is learning to exist with each other.

When you’ve been together for a few years and you’re out of the honeymoon period. And so it’s managing the conversation happening between your ears and being able to enjoy life and enjoy the journey. Because like I was talking about with the astronauts and like Tom Brady talked about how he struggled with it. If your whole happiness, because success is feeling like you’re making progress in life. And so if you can look at your life and you have a vision, you know where you want to go, you know what you want to create.

And it looks like even though it might be slow as fuck, it always seems like way slower than it is, but at least incrementally, millimeter by millimeter you’re moving towards the things you want. So you can see a little bit of progress and that’s feeling successful. And if you feel successful because you’re making progress, you’re going to be happy. And so that’s the important thing. But if when the Super Bowl or getting the girl, or the house, or the Rolex watch, or the nice car, going to the moon, once you get it, you’re like, is this it? Is this all there is?

And so your happiness was, I’m going to be happy once I get this. Then you get that and you’re like, I still kind of feel the same. I mean, it was cool at first, but after a while, after the girl, 6, 12 months, you go through the honeymoon period, you’re like, is this it? So it’s part of like, one of the things I discussed with one of my closest friends all the time is the art of having fun. And he and I did a Podcast. The Corey Wayne and Bob Podcast, “The Art Of Having Fun” is like what we talk about a lot.

Because he got a golden parachute in the 90s when he was in, we were in our late 20s, got his golden parachute from AOL, and he’s basically been an equity investor and traded stocks ever since. And that’s all he’s done. And he travels the world. He hangs out with his girlfriend and he just lives his life. And when you have everything you can buy anything you want, any car, any house, any of that stuff. The the art of having fun and enjoying your life is really the focus of it.

Because at the end of the day, and I say this a lot, is that we’re all basically on the Titanic, rearranging the deck chairs. And at the end of the day, we all know the Titanic’s going to go under. And depending on where you are in the ship, determines when, how soon or how later you go under. So you might as well pick a nice spot, pick some cool people to enjoy it with, have a couple cocktails, enjoy the ride because it’s not going to last. So you’re trying to find a way to just enjoy life, enjoy the process of living.

Because I struggled with this when I was younger, I get the house, I get the girl, I get the car, I get the awesome business. I’ve got all those things. And I was like, man, I checked my bucket list. I traveled everywhere I wanted to go. I finished my whole bucket list in my early 30s, which is kind of disconcerting because then you’re like, now what? What the hell do I do with my life? Is this it? Is this all there is? I still feel the same. And so I was like, “oh, I become a life coach. I’m gonna do this. I’m gonna move in this new direction.”

And then, you know, again, if success is a moving target, you’ll be happy for little periods. But it’s not sustainable. So it really is an art. So that’s one of the things you got to focus on is even though you’re 19, is that what do I have to be grateful for about my life? What can I be excited about? What can I enjoy and what can I do to have fun next? So you got to focus on that because again, whatever you focus on is what’s going to expand.

And when you look at people that are depressed, where they do, they ruminate in their problems all day long. So if you’re constantly ruminating on your problems, you’re telling your brain to focus on something that sucks or something that’s problematic in your life. And it just expands and gets bigger and it feels like it’s worse than it is. Instead of just getting busy trying to take action that is productive to move you from where you are in life to where you want to be in the future.

And some days are going to be great and amazing and other days are going to suck ass and you’re going to feel like it’s not making any difference what you do and you’re not getting anywhere. And there’s a lot of that. And so life’s not all sunshine and roses. There’s lots of days where you feel like, what’s the fucking point? Why me? I am even trying right now. But you’ve just got to keep moving forward because it does get better and it doesn’t always stay better. Stuff will happen.

Somebody will die or something happens, your stock goes the other way, or a tree falls on your house and now you’ve got a big hole in your roof. It’s just it’s life. Somebody steals from you that works for you that you trusted or the industry changes, it affects your business monetarily. It’s just one of the things I love about Andy Andrews said. He says, “you’re basically either in a crisis headed for a crisis or coming out of a crisis. That’s just that’s just life.”

So you got to learn to to laugh at yourself and enjoy the journey, and also learn to embrace things sucking and sucking for a long period of time. Because again, great things take time. You got to learn to think in the terms of decades. If you’re not really happy where you are right now and you got some big goals and ambitions, it’s like you think, man, it’s going to take me at least ten years, probably longer to get from where I am to where I want to be.

So you got to learn to think in terms of decades, because we tend to overestimate what we can do in a year, but we underestimate what we can accomplish in a decade. So don’t take yourself so fucking seriously, because at the end of the day, you’re on the Titanic as well, just rearranging deck chairs. So find a way to enjoy the fucking ride because we’re all going down. In the end, it’s a Greek tragedy.

Hi Corey,

I’m 19 and have followed your work for a while. My dad suggested I email you because I’ve recognized a pattern in myself that goes much deeper than my recent breakup: I always seem to want what I don’t have. This has been present for a long time and in different areas of my life. I can desperately want something when it’s unavailable, but once I get it, my attention eventually shifts toward something new or unavailable. Then if I lose what I had, I suddenly recognize its value and want it back. I want to understand why I do this and how to appreciate what I have while I actually have it.

Again, like my little diatribe I just went on. It’s really an art. Again, if you focus on what can I be excited about? What can I have fun at today? One of the things that Steve Jobs used to do, he said, every day you look in the mirror and say, well, if today’s my last day on earth, what I want to do, what I’m about to do today. And when the answer was no, too many days in a row, he knew he needed to mix up something in his life change his routine. Change something. Do something. Just to break up the process. What’s called a pattern interrupt and life coaching. So you’ve got to catch yourself when you’re thinking negatively. If you’re thinking, oh, my life sucks, poor me. It’s like dudes 19 years old. And as you’ll see, he’s living the Chad Thunder Cock lifestyle. But he’s not really happy because quite frankly, sex with people you’re not really that into is kind of like glorified masturbation, but it’s still fun. It’s nice to bust a nut, but as you have your fill, you realize, man, it’s much more meaningful to be with somebody you really like. And I always use this analogy for us guys, is how often do you meet a new best friend? That’s like, that’s something maybe once a decade. Very rarely do you meet somebody that becomes close and they’re always in your life. And so you’ve got to think in terms of women the same way. How many women do you really meet that you genuinely like being around who like being around you. You’re attracted to each other and you love having a good time together. How often do you really click with somebody like like you would a best friend where you feel that close and on top of that, you like each other.

The strongest example is my ex, Jessica. I genuinely loved her, but when we were exclusive I struggled badly with lust and wanting sexual novelty.

Well, that’s because you’re a young dude and you don’t know what you don’t know. You have ideas about what you want, what you think you want, and you see all these beautiful women that you have access to. Because at your age, especially when you’re in college, which I mean, you’re college age, so I assume. You’re probably in college, you’re never going to have more access to as many hot, single young women who are away from mom and dad and are ready to get their freak on as you are in college. So it gives you the opportunity to really get your fill a variety of different kinds of women to see what you like and what’s more important to you, because what you think is important, then you get to experience it. You go, “Well, those were kind of great characteristics, but she had some others that kind of sucked. I really liked this. I’m going to change kind of what I want and what I’m looking for.” And in 19, you know, my parents, they got together, they went to prom together senior year. And then they became a couple, then got married and had me when they were 21. So but that was a different era. People are different now. And you go to college, you’ve got different things. And back then you marry your high school sweetheart typically, and then you start a family. That’s just what people did. And when you don’t really know what the fuck you’re doing too. I mean, they were basically kids when they had me. And, you know, obviously you guys read the book when you don’t know what you’re doing and you’re fucked up, you’re going to fuck your kids up. As you get older and you get more mature, you’re going to naturally become a better parent, a better human being. As your skills grow, as you gain wisdom and experience in life. So you got to be patient. You’re 19, you don’t have to have your whole life figured out right now. You just rock out with your cock out and focus on making yourself happy. Because when you’re happy, you’ll attract a woman who’s also happy, and then you can share your happiness and completeness together.

Eventually our relationship became complicated, we had an arrangement that gave me more freedom.

Meaning he could probably fuck other girls.

And things happened on both sides that damaged our trust and ended the relationship.

So she probably started hooking up with other dudes and they probably hid it from each other. But at 19, you can’t be expected that you’re gonna settle down and live happily ever after because you don’t know what you don’t know yet. You don’t know what you really want. You think you know what you want, and then you go and get it. You’re like, well, that was nice. That was wonderful. But I want to see what else is out there. Because, I mean, Al Pacino just had a had a kid with his 29 year old girlfriend in the last year or two. It’s like he’s 82 years old. It’s like, come on, you can always have kids. You can always start a family.

Now everything has flipped. I’m single, have plenty of options, and have been seeing and sleeping with different women, but they don’t fulfill me.

Yeah, you don’t really connect deeply with them. It’s like, like I said earlier, it’s like glorified masturbation, but it’s nice to fuck a beautiful girl. But when she leaves in the morning, you’re like, I’m kind of glad she’s gone. I know the feeling. So one of the things that Doctor Donald Epstein said that I thought was really good and I found it to be true, is that, as you get older you start to appreciate this. But when you’re young and dumb and full of cum, you’re doing a lot of variety and you’re getting that and you’re realizing what’s great, but not that great. You really like a deep connection or a deeper connection, I should say. And so what Doctor Epstein said was, “don’t share your body with somebody until you first shared your souls.” In other words, really connect with somebody emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and then physically. Have somebody that you mentally like being around and vice versa. You don’t have to fuck every girl that you can fuck and who wants to fuck you. So you can be a little more selective.

I compare them to Jessica and she almost always wins.

Well, again, because she’s better than most because of the connection. And that’s the difference. And so you want to find an even better connection. But again, are you really ready to settle down and have kids of your own? It’s like, probably not. You’re still a child yourself. So have fun. Rock out with your cock out, man. Practice safe sex. And again, if you don’t really dig the girl or even if you do, you don’t have to sleep with her. You can be selective.

I’ve even had sex with another girl and afterward found myself missing Jessica and thinking about my faith, discipline, and how badly I wanted to get my life back under control.

Well, dude, the way I look at this is you’re experimenting. This is what life is about. How do I know what I want? How do I know what I like? How do I know that this career path is the right career path for me? Well, you got to look into it. How do you know that dating a certain type of woman is the right girl for you? Well, you got to date women like that, and you date and you get experience. So you’re getting a lot of experience. And you realize that most of these girls you don’t care for. Again, just because you can get laid a lot. You realize, wow, that’s not really that fulfilling, but it sure means a lot more when you really deeply connect with somebody. And when you look at people, I mean, you’re at the beginning of your life. When you look at people that are on their deathbed, what do they always say? Oh, we should have taken more risk. I wish I’d have spoken up. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. I wish I had spent more time with my friends and family instead of working so much. So at the end of the day, when people are about to lose their life, they think about the people they love the most and regret that they didn’t spend enough time with them. And so your goal really should just be a little more selective and try to spend more time with women you click with. So instead of sleeping with ten different women, maybe you sleep with one and you really have a good time with her.

When I had commitment, I craved novelty.

Well, obviously deep down you didn’t feel 100% content fulfilled. And it’s good that you honored that. Because you have to. Because if you don’t, then you’re torturing yourself and forcing yourself to be inauthentic. So you’ve got to get that experience. And like I said, a couple friends of mine, they were alphas and whoever they wanted in high school. And same thing in college, they came home and they became family men. Because the girls that they ended up with, they really deeply connected with. And they had lots of girls. Girls that were honest, girls that were great girlfriends, girls that were shitty girlfriends, girls that cheated on them. They experienced it all. And they got to learn the characteristics of the right kind of women to marry long term, and they’re all still fucking each other’s brains out and having a good fucking time. They still kind of act like teenagers in that regard, even though they got adult kids now. So they’re having a blast. And that’s important because they chose wisely. After playing the field and sampling it and both those guys I’m talking about were, like 26, 27 when they got married. But they batted around plenty when they were younger, so they knew it was out there. They knew what they were capable of, and they really cherished the women that they chose. And they didn’t fuck around because they didn’t need to. They knew what else was out there. And you don’t know that. You’re just gaining the experience. And you realize that most women, even though you can sleep with them, you don’t really click with on a deep level. And that’s okay. That’s how you learn. You got experience. There’s a lot of guys there going, what’s this guy bitching about? They’re complaining. They can’t even get laid, or they haven’t met a girl in a long time, and you got your filling. And you’re like, well, it’s and you’re taking it for granted. So you should appreciate what you have, where you are.

Now that novelty is readily available and Jessica isn’t, I crave the relationship I gave up.

Well, remember, one of our six human needs is certainty. And so that relationship gave you certainty that you don’t have. But another one of our six human needs is variety. And you need change. You need different things. And quite frankly, again, in 19, you’re not ready to settle down and have kids or a family with anybody. You’re just trying to improve the quality of the women you date and the quality of your relationships and your ability to vet women and friends properly. And it’s through getting burned and coming across ratchet people that you start to learn who’s good and who’s not.

I’ve also realized that female attention has started regulating my self-worth.

That’s not good.

When several attractive women want me, I feel great; when nobody is texting me, especially Jessica, I feel worse about myself.

Well, you can’t live your life according to other people’s expectations. This is why it’s most important for you at your age, to get to a happy place where you’re enjoying your life and you can’t need validation from other people because you’re always going to disappoint a lot of people, and they’re not going to be happy with you no matter what you fucking do. So don’t even try. It’s a waste of your time and your energy.

If they don’t like it or like the way you’re living, they can go fuck themselves. And the older you get, the more you realize that’s the best way to live. As the late, great Steve McQueen said, “I live for myself and I answer to nobody.” That doesn’t mean you’ve got to be a selfish jackass, but you’ve got to be selective of who you allow into your inner circle in your bedroom.

Since the breakup, I’ve also become obsessive about checking Jessica’s social media and looking for evidence about what she’s doing or whether she still cares.

Well, remember, when you’re in a long term relationship, your whole identity becomes associated with that person. So now you’re getting use to not having a girl around who you really like and who likes you. And used to having lots of other beautiful women around, but you don’t click in the same level. And so that’s just the way it is.

You’re not going to click with most women. That’s okay. That’s why when you choose to be with somebody who you really do click with, it’s much more fulfilling and rewarding. Just like hanging out with your closest friends is much better than hanging out with people that are casual acquaintances at work.

I’ve heard through mutual connections that she’s asked about who I’m seeing, so there may still be emotions on both sides, but I know analyzing every signal is driving me crazy. I reached out about a week ago saying, “we need to talk”.

I would have never say that to somebody, especially if you want to talk to. I’d say, “hey, you. I was thinking about you and I’d love to chat. Hit me up.” Or “I’d love to chat and see you. Hit me up. I’d love to chat and see you and catch up. Hit me up.” That’s all you’ve got to say. But “we need to talk” is like, “hey, let’s have a really unpleasant conversation.” It’s full of negative emotions. Don’t say that to women.

And haven’t received a response, although there’s a real possibility she had my number blocked and never saw it.” 

It’s like, who cares? You moved on. Have peace with that. Because you have to become uncomfortable with uncertainty because now you have uncertainty. You’re like, what if the next girl is not as good as my ex? That’s what kept me in the relationship with my first wife. I felt the same way you did. It didn’t feel right. I was like, man, what if this is the best I’ve ever had? What if I leave her and I never find anybody as good as her. I’m an idiot then. But my heart was like, this is not right. You’re not ready to get married. I don’t want to do this, but I did it anyways because I didn’t know better.

And I let everybody else talk me into it. And quite frankly, it’s like my friends I was talking about who understood women. We’ve talked about that many times. And he’s like, I knew that wasn’t going to work. He’s like, well, why didn’t you say anything? He says, well, you don’t want to tell your buddy that, hey, you shouldn’t marry that girl. I was like, well, you know, honestly, I probably wouldn’t have listened to you anyways because I was so full of fear back then. And so we laughed about it. But it was true. But I had to go through it. And you guys have the benefit of learning from that. Because that’s another thing Steve Jobs said. “You’ve got to trust your heart, your curiosity and your intuition because they somehow already know what you want to become.” So again, at 19, it’s going to take time to meet somebody that you really care about again. And so that’s the beauty of it. You’ve got to keep searching until that happens. Maybe it’s two years from now, maybe it’s five. Your path is your path. You’ve got to focus on becoming a better boyfriend and a happier man so you’ll be a better companion. Because if you’re not happy, you’re not going to be a good companion.

Whether she saw it or not, I’ve decided not to contact her again unless she reaches out.

That’s the correct response.

I’ve now started taking time completely away from hookups, pursuing women, checking Jessica’s social media, and seeking female validation.

A man should never seek female validation. Women are designed to seek ours, so become a man worthy of getting sought by women so he can give them his attention and validation. That’s the way it’s supposed to be. That’s the formula. That’s what women crave. So don’t act like a fucking chick. Because the way you’re thinking is thinking like a chick. So stop it.

I’ve had periods before where I ignored women and focused on my business, fitness, faith, and goals, and those were some of the most peaceful and productive periods of my life.

Well, again, that’s why I love the movie “It’s a Wonderful Life”. It’s from like 1946, I think. You should watch that movie. It’s black and white. It’s old, but George Bailey is like, I’m getting out of this town. As soon as my brother’s done with college, he’s taking over the family business. I’m getting the fuck out of here. I’ve been saving all this money. I’m gonna go see the world. And little hot Donna Reed is like, oh, I’ve always liked George Bailey. I’m gonna make him mine someday. And she conspires with the women in the neighborhood to create interactions between the two of them. And George can’t help himself because she’s a smoke show. And so long story is he ends up settling down because she pulls him into her vision. He’s like, that is a pretty good vision because life is much better with you in it. And they live happily ever after. It’s a beautiful love story. But the important thing is, is that George Bailey’s character, he’s got an idea of what he wants, and life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans. A woman comes along or she’s always been there. She’s just too fucking irresistible. And he can’t say no. He just wants to make her happy and build something there where everybody loves him. Anyways, he’s the most popular guy in town, the most eligible bachelor. So be like George Bailey. Become so awesome, so interesting, so fun, so successful that women are coming out of the woodwork to try to make you theirs. And that’s another thing you see in the movie is other women. There’s, Violet, all the women in town are like, George is the man and Violet has all this attention from these dudes. Can I buy you something, baby? Can I take you somewhere? Can I take you to dinner? And George is like, he wants nothing to do with it. And she’s like, oh, hold on, boys. George. And she goes running after him. You want to become that guy. Because quite frankly, you don’t need female validation. Because again, like I said earlier, that’s like you thinking like a chick. So you need to focus on is being more like George Bailey and the man about town. The man who loves himself, loves his business, loves all the things that make you happy because then you become a beacon of happiness and fun and love and everybody just, everything you want will be drawn to you. And then you can go, okay, I’ll take you or you, or you, or you or just you cutie. And then you have your pick.

My questions are: Why do I chronically want what I don’t have?

Well, that’s just human nature. We all want that because that makes us appreciate it. If everything comes easy, we don’t appreciate anything. So that’s why good friends are hard to come by. Good women are hard to come by. Good business partners are hard to come by. Even good customers. So good people are worth your time and vice versa. So make sure you’re managing the velvet rope of your life to your VIP area very carefully.

Why do I want novelty when I have commitment and commitment when I have novelty?

Well, a commitment wasn’t fully satisfying. And what’s the word? In other words, the feelings are the language of the soul. So it’s your soul’s communicating to you as wonderful as Jessica is, we’ve got to move on, bro. We’ve got other things over the horizon. We got to go check out. I know it’s going to be scary. I know you’re going to be uncertain a lot of time, but that’s what’s exciting about life because better always comes. We’ve got to see what’s over the hill. We got to see what’s at the top of the next fucking mountain. This is what being a man is all about. So focus on climbing the mountains that have your goals, and most importantly, you’ve got to enjoy the journey on the way there. I think you’re doing great, dude. You’re just again, one of the things that Wayne Dyer said is when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. So look at all the reasons why you have to be grateful. Now you can be more selective with women. And the women you do hook up with will be a lot more fulfilling, and you’ll probably want to see them more than just one and done. So just try to get better. That’s it. Get better at enjoying your life and being more selective with the women you take to your bedroom.

How can I tell whether wanting Jessica back is genuine love and clarity versus scarcity?

Well, if you get her back, everything that caused you to not want to stay with her is still there, and you’ll just move on. You need a deeper, stronger connection with a woman in order to want to stick around. You’ll know when it happens. When somebody is really awesome, when you really click. I mean, you guys can watch the, for all you guys who read the book, my ex-girlfriend Katie, the English ex-girlfriend from the book, we did a podcast with her probably three years ago. Those are in the Members Area of the Website and YouTube and Spotify, and you can go check those out. There’s two of them. That was like 3 or 4 hours. People just ask whatever questions they wanted to who had read the book. And you guys can see the connection on camera. It’s undeniable. And that’s what you want. You want people that you deeply connect with on a soul level, not just the women that you’re with, but your friends as well. You want deeper connection. Better quality relationships. And as wonderful as Jessica was, you had your time together. Now it’s time to move on so she can find somebody who really wants to be with her long term and vice versa.

How do I learn to value what I have before I lose it?

Well, again you didn’t do anything wrong. You followed your heart, your intuition, and it was time to move on. And you haven’t found anybody that you connected on that same level. Most guys last about 90 days before they freak out. We’ve talked about this with the girls a lot, is that they break up with their boyfriend or the guy dumps them, and within 90 days they ain’t found anybody better, and they freak out and they want to come back. So that’s pretty common. And so I had same thing happen to me when I left my wife. It terrified me. But at the end of the day, it felt really good to be focused on my mission and purpose and sleeping on a four inch piece of foam mattress and my best friend’s floor and my clothes and piles. We didn’t have any furniture in there. He had a bed and his bedroom set, and there was an entertainment center, a couch, and a couple coffee tables. That was all it was in this house that he he had bought. And because we were working so much, we were hardly ever there. And then we ended up moving closer to town. And then he let his mom move in that place. But those were some of the best times of my life, because I didn’t date anybody after I left my wife for like six months. It was awesome. And then I really started wanting the comfort of a woman again. So again, the journey is in the book.

And do you think taking a period completely away from women is the right way to reset this pattern?

Thank you,

Bob

Dude, you need to do whatever feels right for you that’s your soul talking to you is through your feelings. And when it’s time to settle down and time to get married and time to be a family man, you’ll know it. It’ll feel right. When it’s the right business to start. You’ll know it when it’s the right career to really stick with. You’ll know it. It’ll feel right. It’ll feel exciting. It’ll feel effortless. You’ll be excited to do it.

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