Why Does My Girlfriend Always Seem To Be Mad At Me?

Some reasons and possible solutions to why your girlfriend always seems to be mad at you.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who says he’s read 3% Man, 9 times. He’s been with his girlfriend for about 2 years now. He says she always seems to be mad at him over something. It’s clear she is insecure and assumes he is doing inappropriate things with other women. She constantly needs reassurance that he cares and he always seems to be on pins and needles to keep from upsetting her. He asks my opinion. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my video coaching newsletter. And the topic of today’s Members Only Newsletter is, “Why Does My Girlfriend Always Seem To Be Mad At Me?”

Maybe she’s a Froot Loop? Possibly? Potentially. Let’s take a closer look. So this email is from a guy he says he’s read 3% Man nine times. He’s been with his girlfriend for about two years now. And he says that she always seems to be mad at him over something. She’s obviously insecure, and she assumes that he’s always doing inappropriate things with other women. Maybe he is, maybe he isn’t. But when a red flag is when you have a girl who’s insecure, who’s constantly accusing you of lying and cheating, and doing naughty things with other girls.

Remember, people will never do or say anything to you that isn’t a direct reflection of how they feel about themselves in a moment. In other words, they project what’s inside. Somebody that’s constantly accusing you of infidelity and lying and cheating and other things. It’s typically because they’re probably like that. And when you hear things like that and when you set healthy boundaries and she continues to violate them, then you have to assume that she’s probably the one that’s doing that stuff. And the interesting thing about people that are liars and cheaters, they just assume everybody’s the same way and they can’t fathom it any other way.

She constantly needs reassurance that he cares, and he always seems to be on pins and needles to stop from upsetting her. So let’s go through his email. Because you got to remember what is a woman supposed to bring into your life? Peace, and joy, and love, and family, and happiness. And if most of the time when you interact with your girl, she’s disturbing your peace and upsetting you. She’s accusing you of things, or she’s needy and neurotic, which it looks like this woman is. And is constantly needing reassurance.

And so, you’re trying to validate her emotions and her feelings and make her feel better because she didn’t get enough hugs and “I love you” from mommy and daddy. That can be really draining. You get sick of it, because when she doesn’t get the love and attention that she expects you to give her, then she gets upset and mad and angry at you. Which what is behind anger? Fear. Fear that we won’t be loved. So you have a little girl, that in essence, the little girl inside of her, doesn’t feel loved. And always assumed that she’s not going to be loved. And so, somebody like that needs more reassurance than the average person. But it gets fucking tiring. It’ll wear you out.

Viewer’s Email:

Coach,

I have read the book 9 times. The book has been a game changer, and real paradigm shift.

In spring of 2022, while working and minding my own business, I met my now current girlfriend. We locked eyes, and I felt her attraction to me. A day before this happened, I committed myself to being a better soldier in my mission and to be content with being single but prayed if there was a good woman for me to go on this journey to send one. A few days after us locking eyes; with a fellow coworker my girlfriend pulled me to hall and expressed her interest in me saying I was really cute.

She’s very forward.

I made a date on the spot. When I first met her, I thought she was so beautiful and so confident. Like an Angel.

See, he’s projecting his fantasy on her. He’s like, “Hoo. Hoo. Hoo. Hoo!” Cooing like a dove. “Hoo Hoo.” Calm down, buddy.

She was a peaceful and calm spirit.

So she appeared. Remember, people can hide who they are for the first 90 days. And when you meet somebody and you eye fuck each other, and you just go, “she’s an angel. Hoo. Hoo.” You’re not going to remain objective. You can’t see anything that’s going on. You will talk yourself out of any or acknowledging any red flags that come along.

After the first date, she expressed some insecurities that I did not think was insecurities at the time but rather some “flaws” that she was comfortable with. Normal woman stuff (skin, butt, chest) but again I mistaken that as a confident woman to be able to talk about yourself this way. Like no matter what I look like, I love myself. Now keep in mind this is a really beautiful girl overall.

He’s hypnotized by the beauty.

To be fair to her: in the beginning I was transitioning from being single to committed. During this process, some friends that I already had who are females, I couldn’t be friends with. Due to her jealously.

So your female friend, she’s like, “no, you can’t talk to her.” Does she have a bunch of guy friends? Is there a double standard going on?

One girl called me after 9pm and I didn’t answer because it was unusual call. Which from the friend that called later telling me it was her daughter calling me. This caused big rift.

Yeah. It’s not good that one of your female friends, her daughters, is calling you late hours of night. Anyone’s going to be like, “why isn’t she calling her boyfriend or husband or her uncle or father or grandfather? Why is she calling you at 9:00 at night?”

Another person we work (with (call her Ashley)we exchanged numbers, cordially talking. I was friendly but satisfied with my girlfriend who I was still fresh with at the time no more than 4 weeks of us talking. This somehow turned into a mess, as Ashley told other workers that she (Ashley) was going to invite me to a dinner and wedding.

Oh, that’s helpful in the workplace.

This was NEVER discussed between me and this other woman. So this caused some drama but we beat it and moved passed it as I told her the truth on what happened.

The truth shall set you free.

Fast forward 2 years later to the problem. I never cheated, I don’t talk to other women; Unless for check in purposes or for necessity (business stuff). But as of lately she has been really mad at me.

Well, you got to remember what’s behind anger. It’s always fear. Fear that we’re not enough, or fear that we won’t be loved. And probably on some level, because this is a relationship, she fears that you’re not going to love her, or that you’re going to take your love away. Because daddy didn’t love her enough or daddy wasn’t present. Daddy didn’t give her enough hugs, I love you, I’m proud of you, that kind of thing.

It’s kind always been this way, meaning she constantly finds something that I didn’t do, or should have done to give her reassurance.

So what’s happening is you are constantly catering to her needy and her neurotic tendencies. And when you reach out to your girl or you express affection, you want it to be from your heart because it’s something you’re feeling in the moment, not because you feel obligated to do it, because she’s going to get upset if you don’t. Because then it feels robotic and then there’s no real romance. It’s nice in the middle of the day to get an “I love you” out of the blue or “hey babe, I’m thinking about you.”

Those kinds of things, or “hey, you’re a great girlfriend” or whatever it happens to be. But it can’t be something like, “you must text me every morning. You must say good morning to me. You must say good night before you go to bed. If you do not, that means you are fucking somebody else. Err. Don’t do that. Err.” You want to be natural and easy going, easy to get along with.

She needs me to call her multiple times a day, or text her good morning everyday.

Uh. Ew. Uh. No way. That takes all the spontaneity away and everything feels like a chore with her. Even fucking her is a chore. If you’re not fucking her enough, she’s going to assume you’re fucking somebody else.

Not a simple good morning either, she specifically mentions it has to call her princess and say how beautiful she is and all the Disney movie type stuff.

Ugh. Whoa! Jesus. This is the kind of thing I’d be like, “Honey, this is kind of unusual. If I do that, I want it to be spontaneous. I don’t want to have to do it every day. And if you can’t handle that, you probably should go talk to a therapist about it. Because it’s neurotic and it’s needy. And I love you.

I want to show that I love you, but I want to do it in my own way. I want to feel like a robot or it’s an obligation and vice versa. I don’t want you to feel like a robot or like you’re obligated. I want you to do it because it’s coming from your heart, and it’s something that’s spontaneous that you feel in the moment.”

I’ll be honest and say I don’t do it everyday. I try to but when it’s forced I just leave it alone because it just feels robotic or worse – unauthentic.

I would tell her that. Just the conversation I just had. You need to have a heart to heart with her, to say, “I don’t want us to be a couple of robots. I want us to when we express affection or we say nice things about each other, I want it to come from the heart, not out of obligation. Because if it’s out of obligation, then it’s not real. It’s fake. I don’t want to fake things with you. I want it to be real. So when you call me and you tell me you love me and you miss me, I want it to be real. I don’t want you doing it because you feel obligated to do it.”

I do love her, but between the insecurities she displayed along with constantly having to give her reassurance, even to her throwing up things/gestures that she has done for me (buy me items in the home, towels, pillows, sweatpants, food), not to mention just the overall neediness where she is selfish with me and my time. Sometimes it gets stuffy when a family member is at my house to hang out while her being there.

Well, you also got to say “babe, I got to spend time with my family. I got to go hang out with the boys. It’s like us guys, we need time alone in our man cave at times. And I have to be present for my family members. I’m not going to disown everybody in my life just so you don’t feel insecure. And if you can’t handle that, you need to get professional help and talk to a therapist.

I will totally support you in that. But the way you’re acting and the way you’re behaving and your demands are unreasonable, they’re neurotic. And it’s needy and it’s inappropriate and it’s not fun. I don’t enjoy it. It makes me not like being in a relationship with you. When you treat me this way, or you get upset about these things.”

I just don’t know what to do.

You got to set enforce healthy boundaries. And you’ve been letting her get away with this for years, and so you’re constantly jumping through your butt to please her. But no matter what, she’s still going to be upset with you. And on top of that, you’re going along with things that are inauthentic and you don’t want to. And that’s upsetting to her because that’s displaying weakness.

I always try to go back to your teaching when I’m really in a tough place but I’m at an impasse now. She tells me she loves me, she doesn’t cheat, she doesn’t go out, she is a good girl. But her mom is the same way with her dad.

There you go. If that’s what she learned, then she treats you the same way the mother treats the father. That’s why it’s super important to look at how mom treats dad when you’re dating a girl. Because that’s how she’s going to treat you. That’s what she was trained. That’s what she’s emotionally anchored to and bonded to.

And if you want that to interrupt that pattern, I would suggest that she go get a really good therapist, that she likes to help her work through her childhood issues and her trauma, but you also have to let her know it’s like, this is inappropriate. This is abusive, it’s verbally abusive, it’s emotionally abusive, and it’s mentally abusive. And I don’t want to be in an abusive relationship. I want a woman who dotes on me and adores me and brings peace and joy and love and great sex into my life.

Not a woman who needs me to be her emotional support human because it’s unreasonable and it’s obnoxious and it gets on my nerves and I don’t like it. I’m tired of it. This needs to change if we’re going to stay together it’s got to change. Because the way we’re going is not sustainable.

They always are angry with something.

Meaning her parents.

And if she had a bad day, she brings it to our conversation and makes it seem like everyone does her wrong.

Well, instead of trying to solve our problems, just get her to talk about it. “Oh, really? Why do you feel that way, huh? What else? Tell me more. Why do you feel like that? Why do you think they did that?” Just get her to talk and help her work through it.

She apologizes after a while but the bipolarness; be nice, get angry and talk shit, back to being nice – I just can’t get with it.

Yeah, she sounds like she needs some help.

I don’t function that way.

And this conversation you got to have these conversations with her. The things I’ve been saying in the last couple minutes, like you should include those in a heart to heart because your relationship is not going to survive, because eventually you’re just going to be like, fuck it, and you’re going to leave her.

She has mentioned “I see why women can cheat” or “someone is going to love me the way I deserve” comes up.

Yeah. So that’s something else you should bring up, is like when, I’m in an exclusive relationship and all the things I do for you, for you to be going. “Oh, yeah, I see why women cheat or somebody else is going to love me the way I deserve.” You’re basically saying, “screw you, I’ll just replace you.” It’s like, if you think you can do better to me, sweetheart, don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.

But if we’re going to stay together, then you’re going to treat me the way I want to be treated. And you probably should go talk to a good therapist. Find somebody that you like that makes you feel better. Not somebody that you go and you do an hour of therapy with, and you walk out of their office and you feel worse. You want a therapist that can really help you. And she needs to do that. Remember, what did Jim Roan say? “I’ll take care of me for you, and you take care of you for me.”

And she’s not taking care of herself for you. She’s being a pain in the ass and making you her emotional support, human. And on top of that, she’s hinting that she may cheat on you if you don’t comply with her. I think the stats are like 95% of the relationships end. They don’t last because what happens is eventually the guy you know, in this case because she’s the one that’s always saying these things, eventually the guy is just like, “fuck it, I’m out.” He gets tired of putting up with it because again, she’s disturbing his peace. She’s not bringing peace into his life.

But I don’t get worried because, I know from reading your book: as long as I give my best and do all I can, if she leaves then someone better will come along. What do you think I should do?

I think you should have the heart to heart with her that I just said, because you’re allowing her to walk all over you and treat you like shit. And you’re enabling this behavior. You got to sit, enforce healthy boundaries, dude. And it definitely sounds like she needs to go talk to a therapist and get professional help for this.

Am I wrong for not texting Good Morning every morning?

Absolutely not. It needs to be spontaneous and it needs to be fun. And it needs to come from the heart, not a robot. And if she’s going to blow her top and lose her shit, that’s again another reason why she needs to see a good therapist. She has a problem with regulating her emotions, and that is something that therapists are qualified to help with.

But again, there are shitty therapists out there, so you got to interview several and pick one that you really like. And if you’re going to be involved, maybe you should meet her therapist too. And it should be somebody that you like. Because the worst thing that could happen, you get a man hating therapist and she ends up fucking your relationship up.

Instead of helping your girlfriend, and you have a better relationship. So it should be a therapist that you both like and that she likes especially. And it actually helps her and makes her feel better and helps her become a better version of herself. Because the way she is right now, eventually you’re just going to get tired of it and you’re like, “fuck it, I’m out.”

In your experience how often should I tell her that I love her or call her beautiful.

Well, make sure she does it more than you. That’s addressed in 3% Man. So, I mean, if you’re saying for every ten times you say, “I love you”, she says it once, that’s wrong. If she says, “I love you” eight times and you say it 2 or 3 times, then that’s better. It’s a scientific fact that women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear.

Women like you more if they think that they’re more into you, than you are into them. This girl’s got self-esteem issues and has kind of a negative self-worth. And again, a good therapist can really help her with this, but she has to be willing. If she’s like, “I don’t need, I’ll screw you.” And she’s like, “I’m just going to stay this way.” You’re like, “well, if your behavior doesn’t change, eventually I’m going to break it off because I can’t take it. It’s not fun.”

Am I messed up in the head since I don’t do this. Because after really mastering your stuff I don’t feel the need to do it anymore. It’s unnecessary and I think I use to do it in the past because I thought that’s what you had to do to get the woman interested, which real 3% Man should know you don’t have to do really anything like that.

Please help Coach! Thank you and have a blessed day.

Bob

Yeah, when you feel it and when you’re with a girl, you tell her you love her all the time. It’s not a big deal. And she’ll say, I love you all the time. But again, you got to be cognizant of how often she says it. It’s when the other person starts to take it for granted that you want to back off a little bit, but right now you’re dealing with a wounded little girl on the inside that needs some professional help it sounds like. And if she’s not willing to do that, if she’s not willing to get help, it’s your choices.

Are you either put up with it, you can set the healthy boundaries, but until she deals with her issues, it’s going to keep coming up. I mean, I had a situation like this with a girlfriend I had once. It was like same way constantly. Oh, you’re cheating on her, or you’re hitting on her, or you’re encouraging her to hit on you. And I was like, what are you talking about? I finally had to sit her down. I was like, look, this is your issue. This is your problem. Go seek professional help. Go talk to a therapist if you need to for that. But I’m a loyal dude. I’ve never cheated on anybody, and you need to accept that.

And if you can’t, then I’m not the right guy for you. I’m not going to put up this shit anymore. I don’t want to hear it ever again. I don’t want to hear you accuse me ever again of doing something inappropriate with another woman. And to her credit, she never, ever brought it up again. But in your case, I mean, you should try that. You got to have a heart to heart with this girl and see how she reacts. But she really needs to be in a place where she’s constantly bringing peace into your life.

Remember, easy going, easy to get along with. And this girl is not that. She’s a pain in the ass. She’s a needy, neurotic, pain in the ass. And you can do better. She needs to become better and she needs to work on herself and get some professional help if she wants to stay with you. And if she’s unwilling to do that, then she’s not the right girl for you. Because you’re already at the point where you’re sick of it. I wouldn’t put up with it. I would have set the healthy boundaries a long time ago, and if she didn’t fix herself, I would have been out because life is too short.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page on my website, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.