What it means when a woman you are dating waits a day to respond to your messages.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a guy who is dating a woman who has become distant over the last several weeks. He says during the last two weeks, she has taken a day to respond to his texts when she initiates contact. His last message was asking her to let him know her schedule to get together after she sent him some nudes. She hasn’t replied in the last five days.
He asks what it means, because he wants to take her out for Valentine’s Day and he really likes her. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
He had noticed things were starting to go a little bit sideways, and I would suspect he’s probably become a little dopey and she could kind of start to tell that he’s more into her than she is into him. Oftentimes, that causes women to back away a little bit. And all too often, we project our high interest onto the other person, and we ignore that they’re not reciprocating.
You’re one of my idols in life and have had a big impact on my life.
Well, I appreciate the kind words, but don’t put me on a pedestal. I’m just another dude, just an average guy trying to do extraordinary things.
I’ve read your book over 20 times in the last 4 years and have listened to probably a thousand videos.
Obviously, he’s talking about “How To Be A 3% Man.”
This is my first time writing you. I’m 28 and work as an engineer. I spent most of my early twenties learning about self-development and investing. I’m very humble and try my best to help others, (which is really hard, most people are just looking for pity).
Well, everybody watching this, we’re all surrounded by mostly average people who live mediocre lives in all areas that of their lives that are important to them. And so, you’ve got to understand, when you start applying the fundamentals of the science of high achievement and you start getting success and results, you’re going to notice that there’s people that you thought cared about you that don’t like to see you doing better than them. And usually, they will say and do things to try to sandbag your success, knock you down a few notches, back to their level, because they don’t like being reminded that they’re average and mediocre, and they’re not really doing much to shape and change their destiny for the better.
That’s why it’s so important, as you become more successful, you continue to meet new people and invite them into your inner circle. Because successful people like hanging out with other successful people. And if you’re the most successful person in your peer group and then you start to become even more successful, you’re going to get pushback. And it helps to have people that are already at that level to support and encourage you.
Two months ago, my relationship of 3 years ended. I believe we outgrew each other. Right now, I am dating three women seriously with more as contenders. One is in the process of becoming a doctor, another one is psychologist, and the last runs the office side of her father’s company. All of these women are great and beautiful. But the company owner’s daughter absolutely blows my mind.
So, he’s probably a pedestalizing her, treating her a bit like a celebrity, and she’s starting to treat him like a fan.
I feel like I have fell in love with this girl after our second date.
That’s a bad way to go, dude. You’re projecting your fantasy onto her, and you’re getting carried away in your emotions. And the reality is, you’re still in the vetting process. You don’t know what you don’t know about this particular girl. You’re projecting your fantasy of what you want and what you want her to be, and this makes it hard to spot the reality. He’s thinking about asking her out for a Valentine’s Day date. But when you look at her behavior, it doesn’t look like the interest is reciprocated.
But I know I’m still not done vetting her.
Well, that’s good.
I need to ensure our goals and morals in life are aligned. In the past 8 weeks, we have gone out 5 times. Three weeks of that she was away on a family vacation. She also has a son that makes it hard to have spontaneous dates. The last 2 weeks, however, she has been very slow to respond. She will initiate the conversation by sending me a text, but not respond to mine until a day later.
So, you want to match and mirror that kind of behavior. And you should pay attention to that, because if she was always quick to respond and now she’s slow to respond, obviously, that shows that the interest is dropping. You’re not as much a priority to her as she is to you. And there’s also the chance that there’s an ex or some other guy in the background that you don’t know about. This is why it’s important to remain objective in the vetting process.
The last time we went out was a week ago. The next day, afterwards, she texted me that she had such a great time. I then proceeded to ask her if she would like to plan something else. That she read, but did not respond to it.
The idea is, you want to invite her to do something, not say, “Hey, would you like to see me again?” That doesn’t sound very confident, if that’s how you phrased it.
The next day she sent me a bunch of nudes.
He didn’t really say specifically what he said, but he asked her to do something. She doesn’t reply, but the next day she sends a bunch of nudes. So, you’ve got to look at that as, the nudes are the response, even though it was a day later.
I thank her for them. We swap a few messages. Then I send her this: “Okay, I’d love to make plans either in the morning or an evening. Hit me up when you figure out your schedule.” She did not respond. That was 5 days ago, which is pretty unusual.
So, it’s interesting; he’s asking her for a date, she doesn’t respond until 24 hours later, and she sends him nudes. The nudes are kind of like a thirst trap. It’s like, “Hey, stay interested. Stay busy focusing on my nudes, while I figure out what’s going on in my life,” probably with other guys. It’s like giving you a cookie. It’s like throwing a frisbee to a dog, “Wow, nudes! Oh my God.” She’s like, “Oh, those nudes will keep him busy for a few days.” So, based on this, that’s what it looks like is going on here.
On our last date, she hit me with the question, “What do you want out of a relationship?” I answered it by basically saying to share my time with another complete person. She also paid for our ski lift tickets, which are expensive. I low-key have been obsessing about this girl…
Don’t do it.
…and thinking about her non-stop.
I know it’s hard, but you’re ignoring reality. You’ve got to bottom line her actions right now. If you just look at the actions, you invited her to spend time with you – which is the greatest gift you can give anybody, the gift of your time – and she gave you a non-answer, but dangled the carrot in front of you, (i.e. the nudes). So, the nudes are like the red frisbee that you throw to a dog to kind of keep it busy. Politicians are great at doing that with the media – throwing a red frisbee to the media, so the media will go pay attention to something and ignore what the politician wants them to ignore.
I’ve still been going on multiple dates a week, but I’m unsure how to react if she does not respond.
Well, you don’t react at all. Because for whatever reason, she went from being hot to being cold. Typically, it’s because there’s another dude in the picture, or maybe an ex that came back in the picture, or she’s a fruit loop. Maybe she’s mentally messed up. There are women out there that are like this. That’s why you just bottom line the actions. She knows you want to see her again, but she wouldn’t make plans, she ignored it. But like I said, the nudes are the red frisbee she threw to you.
I think that I’m either being tested, or maybe someone else has entered the picture. Should I try one more time to contact her after a week or 2 has passed?
Absolutely not, because you must be congruent with your words. As a man, if you love and value yourself, you know that somebody who likes you as well will reciprocate. I mean, it’s not hard when you ask somebody to do something. If they want to do something, they will make plans. If they don’t, they’ll make excuses or they’ll change the subject, just like a politician does with a red frisbee. In this case, she sent you nudes to keep you kind of destracted going, “Oh, she really likes me. She sent me nudes!” The nudes are to distract you for a bit, to keep you busy and preoccupied while she figures out what she really wants.
I did want to take this girl out for Valentine’s Day…
She hasn’t earned that. Sorry, not with this behavior. Nope, absolutely not.
…which I think is triggering my sense of urgency. But I don’t want to take a girl out who’s not 100% into me.
Yeah, based on this behavior, she doesn’t get a Valentine’s Day date. And if she says, “What are you doing for Valentine’s Day?” say, “I’m taking my mom out for dinner.” She’ll go, “Oh, that’s so sweet!” Or say, “I’m going to take my sister out,” or whatever. Or, “Hey, it’s guys night out.” Because women know, if you take them out for Valentine’s Day, you’re the most important girl in their lives. And based on this behavior, she she hasn’t earned it.
I forgot to mention, she brought up over text 2 weeks ago about me going on a family vacation. I brushed that off as not thinking she was really all that serious.
Well, if you just look at her actions, it doesn’t sound that serious. Maybe she’s just throwing it out there. Maybe she felt that at the time, because she was feeling really close to you. But again, you’ve got to look at, how is she showing up right now? So, when she mentioned that several weeks ago, she was feeling that in the moment. And if she hasn’t brought it up since, she’s probably not too serious about it.
She then brought it up again on our last date. She asked me if I wanted to go, I said “I kinda do,” with a smile on my face. Nothing was said afterwards, besides me asking when it was, about 3 weeks from now.
I love your videos Corey, and I appreciate everything you do! My heroes are the ones who put out free educational content and help others.
So, I would just look at this, and I would never call or text again for any reason, because you’ve got to be congruent with your words. You’ve asked twice now when she’s reached out to you to make plans, and she basically ghosted you. So, no to the Valentine’s Day date. If she asks, you say, “I’m taking my aunt out,” or “I’m taking my grandma out for Valentine’s Day,” or whatever. That’s what you tell her.
And like I said, no, you’re not going to reach out, because you have to be congruent with your words. Because you said, “Get in touch when you figure out your schedule.” So, if she sends you nudes or something else, just say, “Hey, great to hear from you. I want to see you. I wanna see your face. When are you free?” Just be direct and decisive. Don’t send three or four texts back and forth. Get to the point.
Again, she could be just be stringing you along. Because women will do this. They’ll string a guy along, throw nudes at him every few weeks, send them a random text here and there, just to kind of keep him on the hook. Dangle the carrot, because she wants you as a backup while she’s exploring things with some other guy. And then when it doesn’t work out with the other guy, then she gets all hot for you again. That’s why you do nothing in these situations.
Let her wonder about you. If you just disappear, if you’ve got other choices and options like you say in here, who cares? You want a woman who really wants to be with you, and based on her actions, she doesn’t really want to be with you. Like I said, for her to go all hot like that in the beginning and then go cold, there’s probably another guy that you don’t know about. That’s typically what happens. Or again, she could be a fruit loop.
So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Women who wait 24 hours to respond to your messages are either doing it on purpose to manipulate and frustrate you to see how you respond, or they are being polite by responding instead of ignoring you, but not really interested romantically. You should match and mirror this behavior while you continue looking for someone else who is excited to hear from you and see you for romantic dates. Enthusiasm either exists or it doesn’t. You can’t make someone feel something their heart doesn’t feel. Their actions tell you everything about their true intentions and feelings.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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