Why Does She Want To Wait To Have Sex If She’s Not A Virgin?

Some things to consider if the girl you’re dating is making you wait for sex if she’s not a virgin.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who started dating a woman who originally said she wanted to wait until marriage for sex. A few weeks later now she’s saying let’s wait a little while longer to have sex. He wonders why her story is changing and why is she making him wait when she didn’t make previous guys wait. He says she’s unfairly punishing him because of previous men who treated her poorly. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne, and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Members Only Newsletter is, “Why Does She Want To Wait To Have Sex If She’s Not A Virgin?”

Because she doesn’t want to have sex with you. Because you’re soft and squishy. She doesn’t respect you. Maybe she’s using you. Maybe you’re just a gay male girlfriend and you bought her a load of bullshit. So this particular email is from a guy. He started dating a woman who originally said she wanted to wait until marriage for sex. And so a few weeks into dating, now she’s saying, “Well, let’s just wait a little while longer before we have sex.”

And so I was wondering like, “Why is her story changing? Before it was like no sex until marriage.” He continued dating her. And then she’s like, “well, let’s just wait a little while longer.” And so he feels like he’s being unfairly punished because she said that other guys she had sex with in the past were assholes to her. So she says that, it’s like, “Well, that’s not fair to judge me based upon your previous exes. I’m nothing like them.”

And if you’re not into waiting until marriage to have sex, you got to say, “yeah, that’s a deal breaker. I’m not into that. That’s not my value system.” Especially talking to a woman who’s had multiple boyfriends and slept with all of them. It’s like, “come on. Don’t give me that born again crap.”

Viewer Email:

Hi Coach,

I hope you’re doing well. First off, I want to say I absolutely loved your book it really resonated with me. I’m reaching out because I’m feeling a bit confused about a situation in my current relationship, and I could use some guidance. I’m a 36-year-old man, and I’ve recently started dating a 31-year-old woman. Early on, she shared that she doesn’t want to have sex before marriage, citing both her faith and past relationships where sex led to poor treatment. We talked about this, and it shifted from a firm, “no sex before marriage” to, “let’s wait a bit longer” before anything physical happens.

So, as the book says, your job is to create an opportunity for sex to happen. Hang out, have fun, hook up. If you guys really are super religious and you’re virgins and you want to wait till marriage to have sex, well, that’s your choice. But in reality, in the real world, if you’re dating a girl and she wants you to wait, your job is to wear down her resistance and seduce her. That’s how the process of submission goes. She feels safe and comfortable enough with you to let you come on inside. Park your car in her garage.

I’m reaching out because I’m feeling a bit confused about a situation in my current relationship, and I could use some guidance. I’m a 36-year-old man, and I’ve recently started dating a 31-year-old woman. Early on, she shared that she doesn’t want to have sex before marriage, citing both her faith and past relationships where sex led to poor treatment. This past week, we planned to spend the weekend together, and I asked if she’d like to stay over, but she declined, citing the reasons mentioned. We spoke about it again, and she reiterated that it feels too soon for a sleepover.

So again, you’re not really following the book. The sleeping over should just be a natural part of the evening. Remember, hang out. Have fun while you’re hanging out. When the signs are there that she’s ready to be touched. Ready to be kissed. Ready to be seduced, then you make your move. You don’t say, “hey, let’s have a sleepover date this weekend.” It’s just, if she’s hanging out and it’s late at night, she falls asleep in your arms, that’s what happens. If she wants to leave she can ask you to take her home, or she can get in her car and go home.

We’ve also planned a getaway for next weekend, but she expects we’ll have separate hotel rooms.

It’s like I wouldn’t be agreeing to any of this shit. You’re treating her like a girlfriend when you haven’t even slept together yet. That is just ridiculous. In your mind it’s like you’re in a serious relationship. In her mind, she’s just kind of casually dating you. You should have never agreed to be exclusive. I don’t know if you did agree to be exclusive, but it kind of looks like it. At least you’re acting that way. These would be preconditions that she has to satisfy in order for you to agree to be her boyfriend. i.e., if you don’t want to wait till marriage to have sex, just say, “I’m not down with that.”

And if she wants to be exclusive, it’s like, “well, we can be exclusive once we’re actually intimate and sleeping together. But if we’re just casually dating and maybe a little kissy poo here and there and holding hands, it’s like, that doesn’t warrant exclusivity in my book. I’m not down with that.” And on top of that, the fact that you’re on a date and you already have future dates planned, you know you’re making dates in the future. You make one date at a time. It’s too much, too soon.

I’m struggling to understand the shift from, “no sex before marriage” to, “let’s wait a bit”.

Well, it tells me she’s kind of warming up, but again, you’re not really following the book. It’s like you look like a cherry picker, just kind of by the way you’re interacting with her.

Especially considering she has had sex in the past. I also feel like I’m being somewhat punished for her previous negative experiences, as she’s mentioned that no one’s ever made her feel truly appreciated or cared for after intimacy.

This also sounds like you’re probably trying to talk her into having sex with you, instead of understanding the book and actually seducing her. So you can’t talk a woman into loving you, and you can’t talk her into fucking you. You have to seduce her when the signs are there in the book. And so again, you’re clearly not following what’s in it. Maybe you haven’t read it yet. Maybe you think you’ll just be able to cherry pick, and you’ll be the one exception that cherry picking works and you won’t be.

Whenever we spend time together, whether it’s on dates or just hanging out, we have a great time. There’s real passion, and we have some really meaningful conversations, but I’m still left feeling uncertain about the boundaries and expectations in our relationship.

Again, I wouldn’t consider this a relationship. You’re just kind of casually dating.

Do you have any thoughts or advice on how to navigate this?

Thanks so much for your time and insight.

Bob

How about read the fucking book and actually apply it? Everything is designed in there to teach you what to do, when to move forward, when to back off, when to initiate seduction, when to back off. Two steps forward, one step back when you encounter resistance. And it just looks like you’ve watched a bunch of videos looking for the magic pickup line that’s going to be the panty dropper, and you haven’t really taken the time to really learn to understand the book. You said you absolutely loved it, as if you read it once and you’re like, “oh, I’m good. I got this all figured out.”

But this is why I tell people to read it 10 to 15 times, because you’re still doing things are the complete opposite of the book and you’re absolutely clueless as to the fact that you’re literally doing the opposite of what the book teaches. So if you do the opposite of what the book teaches, you shouldn’t be surprised that you’re not getting laid and it’s not progressing, and it feels more like a platonic friendship. And the other thing is, you shouldn’t be trying to talk her into sleep with you or stay over at your house.

Again, these are just things that naturally happen as a consequence of the evening progressing and her feeling safe and comfortable being with you. You got to read the book 10 to 15 times, Dude. There are no shortcuts to success. Because even though you said you went through it, when I read your email, it looks like you’re a guy that just started watching some videos and that’s it. I can just tell from your actions, you have no fucking clue what you’re doing and you got no game, and everything is just kind of clunky.

And you’re trying to verbally talk this woman and convince her to do the things you want, and you’re getting pushback because it’s not the way to do it. Women want to be in a love story. They don’t want to be talked clinically like talking to some doctor and having a relationship and having sex or staying over. That’s just not how it works, man. But this is what happens. You read the book once, you’re like, “oh, it really resonated with me, I got this, I don’t need to go through it anymore.”

And then I read your email. It’s like, come on, man, you’ve got to participate in your own rescue. If you want to get to the promised land, if you want to plow them strawberry fields, well, you’ve got to actually read the book and apply it because you’re not applying. I don’t see any evidence that you’re actually applying what’s in the book properly or even at all.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.