How to discover what the real reason is why a particular woman or women in general do not seem to like you or want to date you if you believe it is because of your looks or that you are simply undesirable to women.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who shares his text exchanges with a woman he had only one date with. He sent her a barrage of text questions after their first date that pre-supposed she did not like him and did not find him attractive. He basically talked her right out of liking him and giving him a chance. Women don’t like to hurt people’s feelings and usually will never give a guy a straight answer when he questions why she is no longer interested or is not interested in dating him at all.
His email highlights some of the most common problems guys create for themselves when they seek a woman’s approval and are confrontational about why they appear to not be interested. It’s a good example for guys who are learning what to say, and what not to say, when trying to create attraction and set dates.
I recently discovered your channel and love the advice. I am a 34-year old male. I am going to buy your book, because I get rejected all the time and don’t know why it is girls don’t like me. (That’s your belief system. That’s the story you tell yourself.) I think it’s all about the looks, and if you are not attractive enough to her, you can’t do or say anything to make her like you. They come up with all sorts of bullshit to not make you feel bad. I also included a picture of me. I am very introverted, insecure and very shy. I’m also, very rational and an atheist, if that is even relevant.
I had one date with a Philippine au pair girl, who is here in my country for two years. I met her on Tinder, and arranged a date. We spent time together from 9 p.m. – 3 a.m., and she even stayed over at my place, but on the couch. She insisted on sleeping on the couch. (At least you got her back to your place that first night.) Below is the chat log AFTER the date, which I hope you can make sense of, because I sure can’t. The conversation was spread over seven days, because it always took her a very long time to reply. (As I discuss in my article and video, Dating Is Like Tennis, you’ve got to be patient. If you don’t wait for her reply, you will look needy, desperate and like a total fruit loop.) I am aware that I act like a total pussy at the end, but I just wanted to get the most out of it, learn something for the next date, and see if she could give me the real reason. (You’re wasting your time. She’ll never give you a straight answer.)
Me: Let’s go have ‘sushi all you can eat’ Thursday!
She: Where is that?
Me: At UGC, the cinema center close to the station
She: Sorry can’t make it this Thursday coz the parents are a bit busy these days, the grand opening for their shop will be this Saturday so they’re always home late so I need to spend longer hours with the kids and even put them to bed. Maybe some other time. (That’s not a good response, because if she really wanted to see you, she would have suggested a better time.)
Me: If you don’t want contact anymore, just let me know please (Come on man! You pre-supposed she doesn’t like you.)
Me: Friday! (it was a few days later I suggested that.)
Me: Can’t really make it these days.
She: Yah maybe next week. (When a woman says maybe, she means no.)
Me: Hey Amor. Missing you a little. How are you?
She: I’m good.
She: How about you?
She: Maybe during the weekend by next week. I will look at my schedule.
She: If we could have sushi together.
She: Just if you want to. (I would have said, “Great. Figure out your schedule and get back to me, and we’ll plan something then.”)
Me: Well, I asked you. That would imply that I want to. Yes.
Me: Silly (girl’s name)!
Me: I loooooooooove sushi
Me: And they also have other things at that place, like chicken and duck, like a 100 different things
Me: And you can eat as much as you want
She: You want me to get fat then.
Me: Yes! we’ll stay until you’re fat!
Me: Maybe best no strong beers for you *grin* (because she got drunk on the first date)
Me: You barely talk, you sure you want to go for dinner with me? (Come on man. Seriously. Do you think James Bond would say something like that?) I really like you, but I have doubts if you wanted to, or just said yes to do me a pleasure. I want to know you better! Chat some more. It’s fun!
She: I was just shocked that you liked me that fast. Sorry to say that. (That tells me she’s saying, dude you’re coming on way too strong.)
Me: You are sweet and not pretentious. Good quality.
Me: I am also surprised that you like me, well I hope you do at least. We seem both a bit insecure! (You sound like a clueless teenager.)
Me: Can relate to that a bit
Me: Are you taking good care of the kids today??
She: You seem to be a good guy.
She: But I think we can be good friends. (You went from her being interested in going out on a date to wanting to be friends.)
She: Is that possible?
Me: Friends? Why?
Me: What is it that you don’t like about me?
Me: You can say honest. My appearance, character, behavior?
She: Do I have to give a reason?
Me: I would appreciate it very much. Very honest reason.
Me: Won’t be mad for anything
Me: Want to know what the problem is
She: You’re too formal
She: Plus you’re smart.
She: No not really.
Me: Not spontaneous?
She: You’re very spontaneous.
Me: What do you mean with ‘formal’ then?
She: Hey gotta go. I’m in the city need to cycle back home, I just sit around the corner with free wifi. (Now she’s trying to leave the conversation.)
Me: But please explain… I need to know
Me: You think I am not attractive? And what do you mean with ‘too formal?’
She: No please don’t get me wrong.
She: You’re such a nice guy.
She: You’re too formal especially the way you speak. I’m below your level.
She: Hey really need to cycle now.
Me: Below my level? Come on…I don’t believe that
Me: Can you explain a bit more later when you are home? I really want to know.
Me: Okay, thanks. Drive safe.
Me: I think you are telling me all of this to avoid having to tell me that you don’t find me attractive enough
Me: Because ‘too formal’ makes no sense to me.
Me: Sorry I am just very insecure and want to know why girls don’t like me. (Come on man. Think about that. Did that make you look attractive and desirable?)
Me: Any explanation is fine, as long as it is honest.
Then no replies followed anymore. What do you make of it? (That’s about as bad as it can get. If you had waited a few weeks you might have had a shot, but instead you literally talked this girl out of liking you. You need to read the book 10-15 times and learn the basic fundamentals of what I teach.)
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“When you are trying to create attraction with someone who you want to date, it is inappropriate to seek the other person’s approval by asking if they like you, if they think you are attractive enough for them or if they think that you are their type. Why? This instantly communicates that you do not feel worthy or good enough for them, puts them on a pedestal they have not earned and makes you look like a weak butt-kissing celebrity worshiper. They therefore will have no choice but to agree that you’re not worthy and reject you. Instead, you should come from the perspective and mindset of, “I’m awesome and a great catch. Are they good for me? Should I give them the gift of my time on a date?” This levels the playing field and causes them to treat you like an equal.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne