Why Her Interest In You Must Be Higher Than Your Interest In Her

Why her romantic interest in you must be higher than your interest in her.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer whose friend told him it was OK to make a move on a woman he no longer wanted. However, as soon as he put the moves on her, his friend starts cock-blocking him and lying about it. Both her and his friend are lying to him. However, he’s so focused on his interest in the girl he’s ignoring the low character behavior they’re both exhibiting.

My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Otherwise, you’re going to have problems. Especially if she knows that if she thinks she likes you more than you like her, typically what women do is they back off a little bit.

So in this particular email, this guy’s got some interesting wrinkles going on here and I think pretty much every guy has had, especially when you’re young and you’re still trying to figure out who’s really my friend and who’s not, who’s a poser, who’s an acquaintance, who’s somebody that I can trust and rely on and who is somebody that will knife me in the back the first chance they get like a fucking Judas goat.

So this particular guy, he’s got one of his friends who was dating this girl, and he just really wasn’t that into her, was no longer seeing her and he goes, “Hey man, I really like her. Would you be cool if I went out with her?” He’s like, “Oh yeah, I don’t want anything to do with her.” So he makes his move, starts trying to hang out with her. You can tell his game’s not really great, because the thing he’s got going on is his buddy didn’t want this girl, but he does. So now the girl has been rejected by his friend, and what happens? Rejection breeds obsession. So you can imagine she’s going to really be interested in the guy that blew her off this dude’s friend. So what ends up happening is that as soon as this guy expresses interest in her, the friend starts in the background talking shit about him, cock-blocking him and then hanging out with the girl.

So we got some IHOP moments here. I don’t believe there is any Fight Club moments that you know. At least I don’t. I mean, you see those on YouTube or you see them on Twitter a lot. A lot of Fight Club stuff going on at the Waffle House and IHOP. Especially late at night, things get a little a little out of hand and people had a few too many cocktails. Makes for entertaining videos though. It’s good food, good waffles, lots of sugar, but damn good food.

Viewer Email:

Hey Coach,

OK, so the story goes.

So my so-called friends like this girl, but he decided to go for another girl and that didn’t work out. So before I hopped on the girl that he liked before, I asked him, “Bro, you sure you don’t wanna talk to her?” And he said, “No.” I asked him four times separately. Like, I asked him four times and he said no I can have her. So when she unblocked his phone number, because we all three were hanging around his friends when she unblocked his phone number, she made a group chat with all of us in it.

Well, that makes things a little interesting. So probably if she blocked his number, she was either really mad at him or maybe he was a real dick. He was an asshole to her. Maybe he’s the Chad Thundercock. Maybe this guy’s friend is actually Chad Thundercock, or maybe Bob Thundercock or Don Thundercock or Tom Thundercock. You don’t know.

Now I took this girl to the fair. I took her out to eat. We talked and it’s clear we liked each other. She said she wanted to move slow and start off as friends…

So when a woman says “Friends only” or, “Let’s be friends first,” usually what she’s really doing is friend-zoning you, but she sure likes the free meals and the entertainment. So it’s important when a woman says that, uses the F word, the “friends” word in relation to you, you just say, “Hey, I’m down to be to be friends with benefits.” Just say it just like that. She says, “No, friends only,” I would be like, “No, I’m not interested in something platonic, but we can be friends with benefits. No attachments. I’m totally down.” As a man, you got to stay committed to what it is that you want.

…And we always were teasing each other about when we were going to kiss.

So men don’t tease about kissing. Little boys tease about kissing because they’re too afraid to kiss. If you do that, you hang out with a woman, you joke about kissing her and you never do kiss her, she’s going to think you’re a pussy or you’re gay, but usually just a pussy. So don’t do that.

Don’t joke about kissing. Just fucking kiss her. The kiss test is in the book, and if obviously you’re watching this, you should be a paying member or a premium member. I mean, if you’re just on YouTube or Spotify, then go to UnderstandingRelationships.com and then subscribe to the free email newsletter and the book will open up right in your web browser. You got to read the book. You can’t just be cherry picking videos. Don’t be half-assing this stuff because again, if you’re following my work and you’re joking about kissing her and not kissing her, that tells me you’re just cherry picking and you’re not going to be very successful. That’s why you’re getting dicked around here in this situation, because you don’t know what the fuck you’re doing, and it sounds like your buddy, your friend, is an asshole, and it’s having a strong effect on this girl because people want what they can’t have.

Now all of a sudden, my so-called friend, I believe, is cock-blocking me and telling lies behind my back.

Well, when you’re young, you’re going to have a lot of people in your life that you thought were your friend, but really, they’re just an acquaintance and they don’t really give a shit about you. Typically as you get into your late 20s or early 30s, you kind of start to see, “OK, here’s the real friends and I can count them on one hand, and everybody else, they’re just acquaintances.” So don’t treat an acquaintance like a super close friend, or else they’re going to knife you in the back or can knife you in the back. That’s why character is destiny. You got to evaluate how people operate. It’s just going to take time. It’s going to take months and sometimes years to really evaluate whether somebody deserves to be in your inner circle. As the old saying goes, “If somebody’s been in your life for seven years, they’ll probably always be in your life.”

Every time I don’t go to work, I talk to my other co-worker and I just asked what they’re doing there…

Because I guess they all work together.

…And he said they’re not there. They always go out to eat when I’m not at work…

That’s swell. Maybe they’re going out and having nooners because you’re joking about kissing, but your friend Chad Thundercock is actually hanging out with her all the time and probably fucking her brains out.

…But when I mentioned to go out to eat, she says she’s on a diet.

What does that tell you? She’s giving you excuses. So when you went out with her and you joked about kissing but you didn’t have the balls to kiss her and your buddy who said he wanted nothing to do with her and that rejected her, they’re probably hooking up and you’re stuck in friend zone and you don’t even realize it, but I’m sure she likes the attention she gets from you, and they probably are laughing at your expense. It’s just the way it is, man. All’s fair in love and war. This friend is not really a friend. He’s an acquaintance. He doesn’t give a shit. I mean, character is destiny.

This reminds me, as I was sitting here this morning writing this, I had a guy that I knew that I went to high school with. He was a really cool guy, a lot of fun, joked a lot, was pretty good with the ladies. I remember we were in Gainesville, this is for Gator Growl, this is back when we were like 19, 20 years old and we were staying with some girlfriends of ours that we all went to high school with, and her roommates was really hot and she liked me, but I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing back then. Then my buddy, who was more experienced, he could kind of tell that I should have just made a move and kissed her, but I was dithering like this guy was. Next thing I know, my friend who knew I liked her is hooking up with her. I was like, “What the fuck?” I was like, “What happened to bros before hoes?” It’s like, it didn’t apply to him.

So he ended up majoring in the same thing I did, which was construction management. Then if you fast forward all these decades later, I was talking to a really good friend of mine last year, we were hanging out at the yacht club that he belongs to, and this particular acquaintance who I, at one time when I was younger, thought he was my friend, he’s really just an just an acquaintance. He was there, we see him, again, he’s a fun guy to hang out with, but he’s got a construction company and he does well, but pretty much my buddy, my closest friends who I’ve learned a lot from about the ladies over the years, he said pretty much everybody that he’s ever built something for just thinks he’s a fucking dickhead, kind of a dirt-bag, there’s always problems in the job, he overcharges them and he just seems kind of slimy. I listen and I go, “Hey, character is destiny.”

Remember, how did he treat me when we were 19, 20? He saw I didn’t have any game. He didn’t care that we were friends or went to high school with. He wanted the pussy. So he went after her and he got her. That’s kind of a dick move. You shouldn’t do those kinds of things to your friends, but he did. So all these decades later, we’re talking, you know, 35 years later, his reputation in the construction industry is like a fucking shyster, basically. When I look at that now, I go, “Oh, that makes total sense.” If I look at how he treated me because he’s dicked over other people at the yacht club and stuff, and I was like, “Huh.” Still a funny guy, but I wouldn’t trust the fucker as far as I could throw him. So that really rubbed me the wrong way when I was 20 years old, because we all went up there together, it was like three carloads of us, 19, 20 year olds. There was, I don’t know, 15, 18, 20 people total, plus all the girls that were up there, it was probably 30 people in our little entourage that we had, but when he dicked me over, another thing was we were using the same fake ID, and then I let him use it. Then he never gave it back to me. He just claimed that he lost it. He didn’t lose it. He just didn’t want to give it back because it was a good idea. It was from one of our mutual friends, older brothers, and they looked like both of us.

So it’s like the guy dicked me over twice. When I think about it, my fake ID and with the girl all these decades later, I hear that pretty much all of his clients think he’s a dirt-bag and they would never do business with him again. He’s funny, he’s charming and he constantly gets new work, but my buddy was telling me is like, “Everybody does business. What a fucking asshole. He rips everybody off.” I was like, “Well, that makes sense.” Character is destiny.

I know it’s a long little diatribe, but it’s important because I just turned 55 a few weeks ago and it’s like, man, it’s neat to be able to look back on that and just see the progression through the decades. It’s like he’s been pretty consistently a dickhead, a dirt-bag, and now he’s screwing clients over or has been. So yeah, it’s par for the course. So I’ll see him from time to time. Every year or two I run into him, we’ll joke around, we’ll laugh, we’ll laugh about our experiences in high school or Gator Growl and stuff like that, but again, I wouldn’t trust the dude as far as I could throw him. So you got to determine who’s your close friend. My buddy who I’m close friends with, he would never do anything like that to me. He never did. He had plenty of opportunities. He fucked whoever he wanted when we were younger. If I was into a girl, he’d back off, and he would honor that, but this guy didn’t care. Just like this dude’s friend, he don’t fucking care either.

So they’re going out to work. This guy is asking around. She says, “Oh, I can’t. I’m on a diet.” She doesn’t want to go out with him. So it looks like she already made up her mind that she doesn’t want to date this guy because your friend is now fucking her, and you’re kind of like the punching bag behind their back. This is just the way some people operate, man. These are the kind of people that you can just laugh with them at work, but don’t trust them. Don’t hang out with them. As far as this girl goes, if you’re asking her out and she’s telling you, “I can’t. I’m on a diet,” then don’t ask her out anymore. Start dating other girls. I wouldn’t hang out with this other guy.

…And another time I wanted to go out to eat. He said he forgot, and this is our lunch break. So I mean, they say it’s not going on, they’re just friends, and they say I’m tripping.

They’re both liars. They deserve each other, man. Like attracts like. People that like the same things tend to like each other.

What really made me mad is we got out of work one day late and they went to IHOP. Usually when he’s hanging out with so-called friends, he’ll text me, “Hey, we’re at IHOP. When you get off, come meet us here,” but he never texted me. So when I text him, “I’m off work,” he didn’t text back. So I called him and he said, him and Jessica are at IHOP.

This is interesting…

I went to IHOP and confronted them and told them that they are always going out without me and they don’t include me, and I feel like I fucked up because I do like this girl.

Yeah, bro. It’s over. You lost. Go in there and go, “Oh, you didn’t invite me. Wahhh. You’re mean,” it’s like you just make yourself look like a bitch when you act that way. So that’s why he wouldn’t answer, didn’t want to talk to you, is because he didn’t want to admit he’s with this girl that he said he had no interest in, and he clearly does, and the girl he went after, he didn’t get. He went back to this girl, and he’s still lying to you. He’s punking you. So revenge is a dish best served cold.

The best thing you can do is, I wouldn’t hang out with this guy. I wouldn’t call him. You got to read the book, man. Figure it out, fill in your knowledge gap and start applying it. Then next time you all go out, you see each other and he’ll see you with a badass bitch. Then he’ll probably come over and lay his rap and you just say, “Dude, get the fuck away from my girlfriend. Don’t be hitting on my girlfriend. Get your fucking ratchet ass out of here!” You might have to say that to him. Don’t be throwing down. I don’t want to see you on a Twitter video with Fight Club happening at IHOP, which those are entertaining videos, but you know, you got to respect the staff and people’s property there. Don’t be fucking wrecking shop at the IHOP because then you’re going to go to jail. That’s not good. This guy’s a piece of shit. He’s not worth it.

Just like this other guy. He’s funny as fuck, but I wouldn’t trust a dickhead as far as I could throw him. I would never have him build anything for me. I wouldn’t recommend any of my friends have him build anything for them, and if I knew somebody that was, I would totally tell them exactly what the truth is about that guy and I wouldn’t feel bad about it, because it’s the right thing to do, because he’s a piece of shit, but he’s still funny, and we’re still going to run into each other because again, we all went to school together and during the holidays, he’s out and he’s fat and bald, but he does well successfully and he’s married and he doesn’t look very happy. It’s like, I’m fit and in shape, he’s fat and bald, not very happy and he’s screwing people over. So how did life really turn out for him? You reap what you sow.

He says he explained to her why I feel like that, but I don’t think he is. How do you think I should feel and handle the situation?

Well, I would write them both off. That’s what I would do.

I really feel like I need to back up and just continue to go to work, because I really wasn’t like this, to even have co-worker friends and they think I don’t know they go out when I’m not there.

Bob

Yeah again, revenge is a dish best served cold. Go to work, do your fucking job. You got to look at this as, “Hey, it’s a learning lesson.” You learned that he’s a snake in the grass, he’s not a friend, and if he refers to you as a friend, just say, “We’re not friends. We’re work acquaintances. We’re co-workers.” That’s it. “Dude, you ain’t my friend.” If he says why, it’s like, “You told me it was OK to date this girl and then here you are, hanging out with her all the time behind my back and lying about it. Honestly, I think you’re a piece of shit, but we work together and I’m not going to create any drama at work, but what you did just proved to me that you’re a low character, low class, low IQ, fucking moron. We can be cordial and friendly at work, but I don’t want anything to do with you.”

You don’t have to be that harsh, but it’d be better to go hang out with people that are good to you, good for you, good for your soul. Not someone that’s going to dick you over, try to steal your girl, talk shit about you, or steal your fake ID and then say, “Oh, I lost it. It got taken.” That was another thing this guy did. I was like, “Hey man, can I get my ID back?” He was like, “Oh, I lost it. It got taken.” I was like, “What? You lost my fucking ID? Are you serious?” “Ohh, it got taken,” and then I hear from somebody else who’s like, “Oh yeah, he was using so-and-so’s ID.” What an asshole, just fucking lied to my face because he’s like, “I don’t want to give it back to Corey. I need a fake ID and I’m keeping it. Screw him.” So he had the last laugh. He’s fat, bald and miserable, and here I am. Here I am with the Rock Star. What’s up buddy? And his little girlfriend is about to pop this weekend. It’ll be 62 days. It’ll probably be a lot of little puppies running around here and shitting and pissing all over the fucking place, so that’ll be fun. That’ll be a great adventure!

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.