Why Indifference Is An Attraction Superpower With Women

Why indifference is an attraction superpower with women & how to use it properly.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who shares a success story of how he started employing indifference with a woman he was hooking up with who dipped after he over pursued and chased her out of his life. She recently came back and now she’s all over him.

He’s puzzled as to why she wants him so much and is trying so hard to win him over, whereas before he was treated like an afterthought. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

So this is a nice little short success story from a guy. He started employing being indifferent to a woman that he was hooking up with, but he over-pursued and then she dipped and he literally chased her right out of his life. In that time, he read my book and started studying my work. Then when she came back, he was prepared. So now she recently came back and it’s like night and day different. She’s just totally all over him, working hard to get his time and attention, and he’s just puzzled as to why she wants him so much and is trying so hard to win him over more. Whereas before it’s like she didn’t give a fuck.

So it just shows you how quickly you can turn things around. Even when you make mistakes, even when you act like too much of a beta male and you pursue too much, you still can recover when you act like a man consistently, and you act in ways that are in accordance with the book.

Viewer Email:

Hey Coach, 

I’m a big fan of your work and appreciate everything you’ve done for me. I’ve read your first book going on three times now and plan to continue my journey mastering what you teach. So there’s this girl that I met a few years ago that was friends with my son’s mother who I’m not with anymore.

So that’s kind of a sticky situation, but this is pretty common because anybody that’s had a hot girlfriend and then they went their separate ways and they bump into that former hot girlfriend’s friends, or in this case, his baby mama’s friends, and they’re single and no longer with the ex, it’s interesting what happens. “I’ve always liked you. I always had a crush on you. I always thought you were too good for my friend.”

Anyways, we’ve hooked up 5-6 times over the years, but I actually wanted to date her about a year ago. After trying WAY too hard, I eventually chased her out of my life but not completely. Long story short, I started doing things right once I found your work and it got to the point where her friends and my friends kept asking me if we were together or not, but she just refused to have that level of commitment with me.

So again, your job is to create an opportunity for sex to happen. To hang out, to have fun while you’re hanging out, and when the signs are there that she’s ready to be touched, ready to be kissed, ready to be seduced, you make your move and you escalate. The whole purpose of seduction is to get closer and closer to a woman until you ultimately end up inside of her.

So that’s what he focused on. He wasn’t trying to lock her down to a commitment, he wasn’t chasing her, he went no-contact, and he let her come back to him, which she eventually started doing. He let her do the pursuing and let’s see what continues to happen,

So eventually I lost interest because I’m 31 and looking for more, so I put her in the playmate category. Well, she ghosted me a few months ago and now she suddenly reappears as if nothing happened, and I went along with it and we hooked up twice the night we hung out. What you say is true, when you stop caring results come.

That’s a video I did years ago. I think I was cruising on my dad’s yacht. I think we might have been in South Beach at the time, it’s literally called, When You Stop Caring, Results Come. I think it was in one of his cabins filming it because you know, the grind continues. Even when I was traveling, I had videos to do and I was still doing videos. It’s so true.

So like as soon as he stopped giving a shit, as soon as he stopped being overly invested, stopped seeking her attention and approval, just waited to hear from her and made dates that could lead to sex when he heard from her, her attitude completely changed. She went from treating him like an afterthought to…

I just don’t know what I should do moving forward because I don’t like being disrespected, but then again she’s in the playmate category now and not the girlfriend material anymore. But now she’s calling me and trying to text me all day. I just don’t get it. When I want her she doesn’t want me…

Well the problem is, you were chasing her. It’s always better if the woman thinks that she likes you more than you like her. That was always the problem in the past. She knew you were way more into her than she was into you. Now it looks like she’s way more into you than you are into her, and that’s why she’s all over you.

I know it doesn’t make sense, but this is the way they are because women are attracted to strength and competency, so you’re not jumping through your butt trying to get her attention anymore. It’s like you have to “Take it or leave it” kind of attitude. The difference that makes the difference with women is indifference. I think it was Brent Smith who was the first person I heard say that many shit was about 20 years ago, close to 20 years ago. It is absolutely true. When you could take it or leave it, it’s amazing. It’s like boom! It’s like a switch gets flipped in the woman to where she goes out of her way to try to get your time and attention, whereas just days and weeks before and months before, she didn’t give a fuck if you got hit by a bus. So this is the difference.

So like what I realized when I was younger, it’s like the girls I didn’t care about were crazy about me, but the girls I was really super into, they couldn’t have given up flying fuck. They cared at first, but within two to three weeks, they didn’t give a damn and often just ghosted me. When I would ask them what happened, why they didn’t want to see me, or why they only wanted to be friends, it was just like, “Ah, I can’t explain it. There’s no chemistry. There’s no spark. I should feel something more than I do. I feel something at first, but I don’t feel the same thing now. I don’t feel the same way now that I did in the beginning,” and it was just because I cared too much. I treated the women that I really liked differently. I didn’t act like a man consistently with the women that I was really into, but with the women I could “Take it or leave it,” I just did what I wanted.

…But when I don’t want her she wants me. Help me make more sense of this please.

Thanks, Coach Corey!

Bob

Again, it’s because you can do without it. That’s what really turns women on, because that forces women into the role of the pursuer and the one that has to get the man’s attention. Think about it. They do their hair, they do their makeup, they do their nails, they shave their legs, they try 10 different outfits on and 15 different pairs of shoes before your date. Women know that us guys are visual creatures and they work to get our time and attention.

Remember the movie It’s a Wonderful Life that I talk about often? It’s a great movie to watch. It was from 1940, I think 46, 47. In that whole movie, Donna Reed’s character is always trying to get Jimmy Stewart’s character, who he plays this guy named George Bailey, this kid that grows up into a man. She always had a crush on him since they were little boys and girls. She grew up and she always wanted to marry him and wanted her kids to look like him. There’s even a part in the movie where they’re sitting in bed one night and she says, “Oh George Bailey, I want my babies to look like you.” That’s what happens, because it was her idea. The relationship was her idea. Just like now, it’s totally her idea. It probably was in the beginning, but when he started to over-pursue her, it turned her off because he basically acted like a girl, he ruined the sexual polarity. When you ruined the sexual polarity, women see you platonically, but when you act like you could “Take it or leave it,” they have to work for you. You’re a challenge now.

Women love a guy that’s a challenge. They don’t want an easy, squishy pushover of a guy. They want a real man. A man they have to chase and pursue. You could ask a bunch of women in a room, “Do you like to pursue men, or do you prefer to be pursued?” They’ll probably all say, “Oh, a guy’s got to pursue me,” but when you ask them questions about who they actually date, who they were most into, which boyfriends and exes they were the craziest about, you find out that these boyfriends did the exact opposite of what they claimed that they wanted. So when you understand this, now the guy is basically acting like a man, he’s treating her the same way, he’s treating her just like the girls he doesn’t really give a shit about, and it’s driving her bananas because again, that’s what women do. They try to seek our attention, our validation and get us to pay attention so we seduce them, impregnate them, have families and live happily ever after. They’re hardwired like this. That’s why when you act like a bitch, you get treated like a bitch. When you act like a man, they chase your ass all over town trying to lock you down. That’s what’s going on here.

So enjoy it, dude! Continue to read the book. Continue to enjoy it. Read it 10 to 15 times and you’ll be the one that gets to decide whether or not you want a relationship with her or she’s the one that tries to convince you to have a relationship with her, and you can choose to say yes or no. It looks like you’ve already decided that she’s “friends with benefits” category only. Maybe other things happen where she treated you poorly, or she’s got character flaws, but still, she’s hot and she likes to fuck and you want to continue doing that. So congratulations, dude!

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.