Why Is My Girlfriend Crying & How Do I Respond?

How to handle your woman getting emotional & crying unexpectedly.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email success story from a 36 year old guy from Poland who started dating the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen. They met at work and he found 3% Man when they first started dating. He says everything went textbook. They are 7 months in and somethings when they are together she gets emotional and starts crying. He doesn’t know how to handle that and asks my opinion. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “Why Is My Girlfriend Crying & How Do I Respond?”.

Well, a simple answer is obviously she’s emotional. And the second answer is you should take that as a compliment, that she feels safe and comfortable enough with you to be emotional. You’ve got to remember, feminine energy is chaos. And if you’re her rock and her mountain, you’re going to get to see the whole range of her emotions. Everything’s not going to be all sunshine and roses.

Sometimes women just wake up and they get emotional and they cry. It could be hormones. It could be that time of the month, something happened. But she feels safe enough with you to emote. And it’s important that you don’t turn into a robot and freak out or turn into an emotionless zombie. What’s important is that your girl feels safe and comfortable enough around you to express her emotions. And you don’t shrink or wilt or run away from it or tell her to snap out of it.

You want to encourage it because you’ve got to feel it to heal it. So if you ever watch how kids express and feel emotions, they go from happy to angry, happy to crying. Whatever happens to be, they feel their emotions. It moves through their nervous system and five minutes later they’re fine. They run around chasing each other, having a good time again. And so women are pure emotions and you should expect that. And you need to be able to handle it and encourage it.

And one of the best things is to be like, “Why are you crying? What are you upset about, Honey? Talk to me. Are you okay?” And you’ve got to get her to talk. It’s not like a problem solving mode, but if you feel like you want to give her advice after she tells you why she’s crying, you can say, “Do you want my opinion or do you just want me to just listen and be a sounding board?” And if she says, “I just want you to listen, to be a sounding board.”

Then it’s your job to keep her talking, even if that means she continues to cry and the tears are running down her face and snots coming out her nose and everything. Give her a Kleenex, wipe it off for her. Hug her, embrace her. You want to make her feel safe. You want to think of it as like a little girl being upset. So you want her to know that it’s a safe environment. That she can do, that she can freak out, she can get upset, she can get emotional. She can have waterworks with snot running down her face.

Her makeup can smear and everything. And you’ve got to be there for her. You’ve got to be present. Because if you can’t handle it or you don’t handle it, well, then she’s not going to feel safe expressing herself in her emotions, and you may notice that the legs start to close up a little bit. This is part of making a woman feel heard and understood. And again, like I said in the beginning, you’ve got to take it as a compliment, but you also don’t want to fuck it up.

You want to facilitate her expressing and feeling her emotions because the energy has to move through her nervous system. And once it happens, she’ll feel right as rain. And you’ll get things like, “I feel so much better, Honey. I’m so glad we talked. You’re such a great support system. You’re such a great listener.” Those are the kinds of things that you’ll be hearing. So with that in mind, let’s go through his email, because the email is actually a success story of how well his relationship is going.

But, you know, sometimes they’re hanging out together and she just starts crying for no reason at all. And you can tell he’s a little uncomfortable with it because he hasn’t dealt with it yet. But it’s super important as a man that you handle it appropriately and that you encourage her to feel emotional. You want her to feel, especially if she starts apologizing; “Babe, you don’t need to apologize. You know, whatever’s on your mind, whatever is in your heart, you’ve got to get it off your chest. Just share it with me.”

Viewer Email:

Hi Coach,

I am writing to you with somehow success story and a question which is truly baffling for me. I am 36 year old man from Poland. After eight years of terrible marriage I’ve got divorced. I have two kids with this woman, six and four year old boys. We share 50/50 custody. After first episode of depression and missing my family I made a commitment to better myself.

Well, as Jim Rohn said, “I’ll take care of me for you. And you take care of you for me.” Because at the end of the day, if you’re going through a tough time and you want to lean on your girl, you get maybe 6 to 12 months of doing that, but you’ve got to pull yourself out of it and you got to turn things around. You can’t turn her into your mommy or your therapist, because then she’s going to start to feel unsafe and you’re going to force her into her masculine energy, which she’s going to resent because you’re supposed to be the rock. You’re supposed to be the mountain.

You’re supposed to be the guy that has the solutions to everything. And if you’re depressed or you’re having a hard time or you’re worried about work, don’t share that shit with your woman. They’re just not set up to handle it. Even, like when they say, “I want you to talk about your feelings.” It’s it’s not going to make you look attractive if you tell her that you feel like your world’s crashing down, you’re going to lose your job. You’re going to lose your business. You’re going to lose your money in the market. Or those options that you bought are going the wrong way, and you’re going to lose a lot of money.

All you’re going to do is transfer your fear to her, and now she’s going to worry. If you need somebody to talk to, talk to your therapist. Talk to your best guy friends. But only the ones you know will keep their mouths shut and not broadcast your problems or your issues to everybody in town, because you don’t want that getting back to her. Like I say in the book, if it’s not going to make you look more confident and masculine and able to handle everything that life throws at you and your woman throws at you, then it’s going to diminish you in her eyes, and then she might get a little bitchy.

She might test you a little more because she doesn’t feel safe, because she’s worried that you can’t handle things. Because women want to know that you’ve got yourself on lockdown and therefore they can turn their brain off, basically, and just be a girl around you. That’s the important thing. And so you have to be able to handle anything and everything. Again, don’t share all your problems and your issues with your girlfriend or your wife, even though people on the left and feminism encourages that. It’s not going to help your relationship.

It’s going to make you look like a bitch at times, and especially if you’re going through a bad or a rough time and you turn your girlfriend into your mommy and your therapist, that’s a quick way to close her legs up, and lose access to the box, which creates other problems. And like I said, I’ve been doing this 20 years. I got guys that have been in multi-decade relationships. They’ve raised their kids, they’ve watched their kids go off to college and turn into really great humans and have families of their own, and then a guy will go through a business challenge or a life challenge or a health challenge, and they think, “Well, you know, we’ve been together 40 years, we’ve been together 35 years, we’ve been together 25 years. I felt like, you know, because I was going through a difficult time that I can just lean on her.”

I was like, “Yeah, you get about 6 to 12 months, and if you don’t fix your shit, she’s going to start getting distant, and it forces her to be in her masculine, and she no longer feels like she has a man that she can lean on. I know it’s not fair, but you can’t turn your girlfriend or your wife into your mommy or your therapist unless you want to dry her up and eventually have her leave you.” Because you’ve got to handle things as a man. That’s why she’s with you. Because you’re supposed to be the strong one.

I have started piano lessons, went to the gym and took care for some old hobbies, which I had no time for with two small kids.

Well, how can you ever have the time if you never take the time? Nothing becomes real unless it’s scheduled, and that’s part of being disciplined and being a man. You’ve got to remain the same, well-rounded, fit and shape dude and fun dude that you were when you met her. You can’t just say because we’re married, we got a 30 year mortgage, that you can just sit on the couch and drink beers and eat pizza and get fat and fart all day and make the kids laugh. It’s not going to work. Your girl will leave you. Women want to be in a love story and you got to maintain that. Again, I know it’s tough. If you don’t like it, don’t get into a relationship with a woman. It’s your duty.

After a one and a half year after divorce I have attracted a 33 old woman which is working for the same company as me, it is a huge corporation so we do not work with each other at all. When I first saw her, I thought she is most beautiful women I ever saw, but I had no idea who she is.

Well, the title of the book is “Woman of Your Dreams. Winning the Heart of the Woman of Your Dreams”. It’s not how to get some mediocre girl that your dick doesn’t even get hard for. It’s how do you attract somebody that’s spectacular and you feel like checks all your boxes and lights you up on the inside. And you light her up on the inside, because you act like a man consistently. And if you’re new here, if you haven’t read 3% Man, you can subscribe to the Email Newsletter on my Website. Put your name, your first name, your email address. Create a password and it will open up right in your web browser.

After a while I went to the office where she worked to give training to some new employers and saw her. I took her number and after a week I have called her to invite her for a walk. She needed to go abroad so we made a definite date three weeks from then. She said she has cleared her whole schedule for this day.

Well, that sounds like really high interest. Women help you when they like you. The door just opens right up. And even in this case, they’re willing to wait three weeks to go out on a date with you. So that’s a good sign. It’s a sign of high interest. And that’s what you want. You want a woman that’s like, “Hell yeah, I’d love to go out with you even if it’s three weeks from now.”

I need to mention that at this point I didn’t know about you yet so I have made few mistakes such as talking with her on a phone for an hour few times before the meet up, afternoon date, not kissing her after, inviting on second one whilst still on a date.

Well, those that go against the book but when you have high interest starting out, you can get away with a few mistakes like that. But if her interest is like a five on a scale of 1 to 10 and you do that, you’ll typically get ghosted.

Anyway it went great, we were talking and walking for seven hours, hit a restaurant and said our goodbyes. I really liked her so started to google some relationships advice and I’ve met your work. I was a “Mr. Nice Guy” so I couldn’t believe the shit you were saying but gave it a try.

Well, I say it all the time. Even if you think I’m totally full of shit. If you apply what’s in the book, you’ll get better results than you were getting on your own. You can totally read my book for free. And then once you see that it works, then go buy a physical, a digital copy, or an audiobook. You get the try before you buy. It costs you nothing other than your name and your email to create an account on my website. Anyway, and it’s UnderstandingRelationships.com even though it’s on the screen here, there will still be people going, “Hey, what’s your website?” Even though it’s like literally right in front of them. Anyway, it went great. They were walking and talking for seven hours. And so this is after he googled me saying that he was a nice guy.

Before second date, one week from the first date, I have read your book six times.

Six times in one week. That is somebody that’s a serious student. I get guys been following me for ten years and they barely got through the book twice, and then they wonder why they struggle. So when you take that kind of a serious attitude and if you’re really trying to get the reads in, if you’re in the middle of a difficult situation, you’re trying to turn around, the best way to get the information in your mind, so you really concentrate on the words that are written on the page, is to put the audiobook on 2X, and then follow along with a digital or a physical copy of the book.

Don’t listen to the audiobook when you’re working out or driving in your car, or doing other things, because most of the time you’re going to be distracted. But if you’re looking at the words as they’re being spoken, and then you’re hearing them at the same time, and you’re sitting in a quiet room in your office. It could be your car somewhere, some place where you’re not going to be disturbed. You’re not going to be checking out women or things aren’t going to be happening around you. You need peace and quiet to really concentrate on it. Because if you just listen to the book as background noise, you’re checked out most of the time and you’re not really paying attention.

It’s like the equivalent of being in a class, and you need to pay attention when the teacher is showing you how to do a calculus problem and you’re daydreaming about surfing or something else, and then you go home to do the homework. And even though you were watching the guy do it, you weren’t really paying attention. And it went in one ear and out the other. So good job for reading the book six times in like one week.

When I have finished, I have started again, and again and again.

Well, this is why it’s a good success story, because he took it seriously. You’ve got to read the book 10 to 15 times because, as the book says in the very beginning, you’re only going to retain maybe 7 to 8% of what you read each time you go through it. So especially if you’re making mistakes and you’re screwing up and you’re dating a girl and you notice her attractions dropping, which, you know, it gets harder the more you’re emotionally invested. So that’s why, you know, especially like if you do like audible and then you get the Kindle.

There’s a whisper sync feature with a Kindle and Audible, so audible will highlight the words on the Kindle as they’re being spoken. I think I believe in yellow. I think it’s always yellow. You may be able to change the color. I’m not sure I haven’t used it in a while, but it’s a really great teaching tool. If you really want to concentrate in the material and try to get it in your brain with as few distractions as possible, because again, if you’re in a situation you’re trying to turn around, you need to get the information into your brain and not half-ass it or thumb through the book because you’ll just make mistakes.

After second date didn’t stop. I was surprised as hell when it went precisely as you said.

Well, again, when you learn the book backwards and forwards, women are as predictable as the Sun coming up in the East and setting in the West.

She asked me about exclusivity at week five, “Are you doing these things with all your colleagues?”, I was prepared.

In other words, he read the book a bunch.

So I asked, “What do you mean? You want me for yourself only?” “Yes, I would”. We are now at seven months at it is so easy I cannot believe. My boys love her, I love her, her attraction is at 10 for sure. I am centered, leading and I keep reading and listening to your book all the time.

Well, this guy’s a serious student. This is why things are easy and effortless. And he’s saying “it’s so easy. I can’t believe it”, because again, he was a good student. I wish everybody was like that. But that’s why I’m here.

The only thing I am stunned about is, sometimes when we are alone together, she starts crying. Not moaning, no sounds, just tearing up.

Well, that’s because she feels safe with you. You are a dad after all, and you’re raising two small boys so she feels safe and comfortable with you. And she trusts you that you’re not going to judge her. You’re not going to make fun of her. You’re not going to rip on her. You’re not going to tell her. “Oh, don’t be emotional. Enough with the waterworks. Come on, we’re busy. We’re going somewhere. We’re doing this. We’re doing that.” You want her to feel like she can express her range of emotions and totally be yourself with you.

She will absolutely adore you if you can do that. Because, quite frankly, that’s what her father did yet assuming that she was raised in a good home with a good dad that knew how to raise kids and teach them right and instill a set of values. That’s why it’s super important if you’re going to date and be in a long term relationship, especially if you want to have kids with somebody or in this case, have a good stepmom for your kids. She’s got to love her father.

She’s got to respect her dad, admire him, look up to him, trust his judgment. Because what happens is he’s her rock, he’s her mountain. And then you take that place when you become her boyfriend or later on down the road or husband. And you’ve got to be up to the task, because if you can’t handle it and her dad can, that’s going to create problems for you.

At first, I have tried open her up, after that I am just offering my presence like hugging her and just saying that I am with her but I have no idea what to do with it.

Other than that, she is perfect. Any wise words?

And thank you very much for changing my life! For the audience, just listen to this guy.

With best regards,

Bob

Just say, “Are you okay? What’s the matter? Why are you upset?” Just get her to talk about it. Because you’ve got to understand she becomes overwhelmed, like by her emotions and waterworks happen. And again, you need to take that as a compliment that she feels safe enough with you to do that. And so you want to embrace it. You want to encourage it. You want her to feel that this is a safe environment. And it’s like babe. And she’s like, “Oh, I’m sorry for getting all emotional.”

It’s like, “Honey, it’s okay. I’ve got two kids. It’s like, you know, that’s what I’m here for. I’m your man. I’m your rock, I’m your mountain. I want to know what’s going on. I want to know why you’re upset. I want to know what’s bothering you. If you need advice, let me know. Otherwise, I’m here to be a sounding board for you. So what else? Tell me more. Why are you so upset?” And sometimes it’s just her talking about something that makes her emotional. And other times, maybe she’s overjoyed. You could even tease her about it. It’s like, “Why are you crying?”

It’s just like, “I don’t know.” “Is it just because you’re so happy and so elated that you have such a great boyfriend like yours truly?” With a smile or a shit eating grin on your face and make her laugh. And he’s like, “No, I’m just joking. Tell me what’s going on. Why are you so upset?” And then let her talk about it. And once she’s done, she’ll be like, “Oh, I feel so much better. I’m so glad we talked. You’re such a great sounding board. You’re such a great listener.” Those are the kinds of things that you want to hear. You don’t want to shrink from it.

You want her to feel it’s safe to do it, and you want to encourage it. So it’s actually a beautiful thing. And again, you should take it as a compliment. That’s the way I do. And it works great. Women love that. You’re masculine, you’re centered. You don’t fucking freak out because she’s crying or run away or “Go call your mother. I don’t want to deal with this shit, call one of your girlfriends. I don’t have time for these emotions.” Don’t ever fucking do that. That’s the quickest way to close her legs and dry her up. Because after she gets done with her waterworks, she’ll want a hug and get close to you. And then you can be [imitating pounding].

Remember, what’s the formula? Hang out, have fun while you’re hanging out. And then when the signs are there that she’s ready to be touched, kissed, and seduced. So after she emoted and after she cried and her makeup was running down her face, you obviously get her to clean it up a little bit and then you can [imitating pounding]. Get your reward. It’s really beautiful. So congratulations on the good relationship that you got going so far. And obviously you created a high level of trust in her that she feels comfortable being this way.

So pat yourself on the back. Good job dude. Good job being a good student. And for other guys that are being lazy and cherry picking because I know you’re all watching and you’re probably laughing and giggling and some of you are going to be up be on a phone session with me in the near future because you’re not listening when I say read it 10 to 15 times. But again, that’s why I’m here.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly.

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