Why Is She Blocking & Unblocking Me?

What it means when a woman gets mad & blocks you on social media & your phone.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who recently reconnected with an older woman who came onto him last year while he was in a relationship. When he became single he reached out, they went on a date and he says it was the best sex he’s ever had. After some immature behavior from both of them, she started blocking and unblocking him on social media and his number.

He asks what happened. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

This particular email is from a viewer who recently connected with a woman who’s a few older than a few years older than he is. I guess last year he met her, ran into her, she was kind of hitting on him, but he was in a relationship with somebody else. Recently he got freed up, he’s a free agent again and got back in touch with her and they got together, had a date. He says it was the best sex he ever had. So obviously he would like another round of the indoor Olympics.

So what’s interesting is after some kind of immature behavior on both of their parts, he’s let’s see, she’s 31, he’s 24. I can remember doing some of these kind of silly things myself when I was their age and trying to learn this stuff. It’s kind of funny looking back on it now at 55, but I was there once. We all kind of make the same mistakes. So he noticed that she blocked him on social media. He calls her up and he’s like, “What the hell?” They had a conversation, then she blocked him on the phone and I think unblocked him on social media and he’s like, “What’s going on?”

It looks like the girl is really insecure, so you kind of get a good idea on what happens if you come across a woman like that, because then she’s going to be kind of difficult. Again, this is why you apply what’s in the book, because it brings out the best of the best really quick, and it brings out the worst of the worst really quick as well so you can find out what you’re dealing with and pull the ripcord if you need to to eject.

Viewer Email:

Hey Corey,

I hope you’re well. I have read 3% Man a couple of times and think I’m using the principles inside the book pretty well in my dating life. Recently I resurfaced contact with a single mother that is seven years older than me (She’s 31. I’m 24). That woman started teasing me on social media last year and even reached out to me via text and video call, but I was in a relationship and didn’t pursue her at all. I still feel guilty of even talking to her at that time. 

After a while I broke up, but she thought I was still in a relationship and unfollowed me. She was also not saying hello when I was bumping into her on my night outs with friends and ignored me.

It’s like, “I’m going to pretend I don’t see you and you’re invisible to me.” That’s like trying to take, “I don’t care” too far to the point where it just looks like an act. “I’m big mad. I’m going to pretend like you’re invisible.”

Recently, she started following me again and liking my stories on Instagram.

Well, maybe she heard that you were single.

I took the opportunity and messaged her. We went out, had a great time and that was probably the best sex I’ve ever had.

Well congratulations, my man!

She was doing more than 80% of the communication, telling me how much she wanted me, how she couldn’t see me when I was out with friends having fun, not having “access to me” and how excited she is to see me. 

So things to consider: Sometimes women can be overly excited, overly interested to the point where they kind of overdo it and it comes off as a little phony, a little inauthentic. In other words, they speak in hyperbole. It’s a little exaggerated. That’s why it’s so important to just look at what they do, not what they say. Don’t get caught up in the hype or the blue sky promises.

After a couple of weeks, I went away for a one week business trip which she was a bit jealous about (She told me that she’s attracted by how successful I am from such a young age).

Well, she’s getting a little jealous and upset, and you’re just taking a business trip that you have to go on and she’s going to give you a hard time about it? You can just see this girl kind of screams insecurity, which can be really difficult because if she’s incredibly insecure, then she’s going to need an excessive amount of reassurance, and usually it’s not going to be enough.

So with women like this, you usually have to set some healthy boundaries and you’re going to say, “Look, if I go on a business trip, you can’t be freaking out, getting mad, getting upset at me, blocking me, then unblocking me. That just looks incredibly insecure, manipulative and punitive. It’s just not loving and nice. It makes you look neurotic, and I would appreciate if you’re just nice to me. Be easygoing, easy to get along with.”

After I came back, her behavior was a bit flaky, using work and her daughter not being well as excuses to not meet and acted like a cold fish a bit, maybe because during my trip I was a bit off chat.

So you can already tell that if things don’t go her way, she kind of presupposes the worst, and when she presupposes the worst, she gets mean, she gets distant. So these are the signs of somebody that when you’re in a relationship with them, they’ll stonewall you if they’re mad. In other words, if they’re upset, you’re like, “Hey, what’s going on? You seem a little distant. You seem a little upset,” and they won’t tell you. They’ll try to punish you by giving you the silent treatment or being difficult, and that’s just a pain in the ass. That’s not easy going, easy to get along with. It’s the opposite of it.

Again, this is why you take measured steps that are laid out in the book, so you don’t get all caught up and wrapped up emotionally in a girl like this before you realize that she’s incredibly insecure and difficult to be with.

She also told me she’s going through a phase right now in her bumping.

I don’t know what the hell that means. Maybe he misspelled the word.

I respected that and opted for no contact. Five days go by, and I saw her outside with her friends. I didn’t say hello for some reason and then the next day she proceeded to block me from everywhere.

Good times!

So that’s kind of childish too, but were you going out of your way to avoid her? Or maybe she was just busy and caught up with her friends. I mean, if you make eye contact, you can smile and wave to her and you can motion with your finger, “Hey! Come over,” but it sounds like you guys were trying to both ignore each other, which I mean, it’s kind of silly, but we don’t know any better and we’re trying to learn this. We’re trying to figure out the balance between pursuing too much and not enough, because girls will do this.

I remember I had a girl that I was dating. One of my girlfriends, when we were in the dating stage, she had kind of pushed me away and tried to friend-zone me, and things weren’t really going anywhere. So I backed off completely. Then about a week and a half, two weeks later, because she hadn’t heard from me, she shows up at the office because she provided insurance to our clients, and she made an appointment with the girls upstairs. So as I was leaving to go to lunch with some of the other guys, she’s coming in and she just walks right by me. I put my arm and grabbed her and she’s like, “You’re just going to walk by and act like I’m not here and not say hello?” Then she hugged me and was nice and pleasant, but she was like, “I’m busy. I’m here on business. I’m not here to see you.” It was all kind of an act because she was hoping to bump into me, but then when she gets there, she acts like, “Oh, I’m not really there to see you.” It’s kind of funny. That’s what it reminds me of, moments like that. I look back on it now and I go, “We both looked ridiculous, but we were young and dumb.” It is what it is. Everybody’s got to go through it. It’s a rite of passage. I used to do it too.

So he didn’t say hello to her when he saw her out. Then the next day…

I called her and she told me how upset she was I didn’t approach her and ask her how she’s doing and wished me all the best for the future. Then she blocked my number as well. 

So in other words, “Oh, you didn’t say hello. I’m so mad. I’m blocking you. Have a nice life. Take care. I wish you all the best for your future.” This is so silly and so immature. You should have just asked her out on a date, but I mean, to see each other, because you could have said, “Well, why didn’t you come over and say hello to me? What was wrong with you? Were your feet broken?”

So now she blocks him…

I’m a bit confused with her behavior. Although I might not be interested for something long term, her blocking me hurt my ego a lot and I hate to say it but it bred some sort of obsession and misery within me the past couple of days. What should I do? I was thinking to approach her when I meet her outside again and play it cool. 

Thank you for your amazing work, Corey. I truly appreciate it. 

Bob

Well, what has been revealed is that because she’s done this multiple times, she gets insecure, she assumes the worst and she’s like, “Ha ha, I’m blocking you before you can block me! I’m leaving you before you can leave me! I’m dumping you before you could dump me! Ha ha, I win!” It’s kind of the silliness of it. She expects it’s not going to work out, so she wants to be the one to end it before it inevitably doesn’t work out.

So obviously she’s insecure. Her self-perception, her reality filter is one that assumes the worst. She probably didn’t get enough hugs and I love you’s from mom and dad growing up. Just to behave this way, especially with her being seven years older than you and acting like this? This is the kind of thing that you go and you take a step back from because she’s blocking you everywhere. So what you need to do is stop moving forward all together. No reaching out first. Let her do all the reaching out and then just make dates. If she complains about it, just say, “You need to be nice to me. If you’re upset, you can call.” You can say, “Hey, what you did kind of made me feel like you didn’t care or I’m not important to you. So talk to me instead of just blocking me everywhere, because that’s immature, because if you keep doing it, then I’ll just block you back and then I’ll move on. I don’t want to do that, but this is just silly and it’s not nice. It’s not very loving. It’s not kind. It’s very mean spirited. I want a girl that’s nice to me, and this is not nice behavior. If you want to win me over, you got to be nice. If you can’t be nice, if you want to be naughty, well then obviously we’re not a good match.”

So I wouldn’t do anything. You’re blocked, so it doesn’t really matter, but what it did reveal is she’s incredibly insecure, and dating somebody like this is going to be really hard, because she’s going to presuppose the worst and she’s going to take actions based upon stuff that happened in her past, her upbringing and with other guys. They have nothing to do with you. So you’re constantly being viewed through the lens of her past and being compared to guys that jerked her around, or the fact that dad didn’t say “I love you” enough or give her enough strokes as a kid. This is the result of bad parenting.

If you come across a woman this way and she’s blocking you everywhere, I wouldn’t reach out. Ever. I’d wait to hear from her. Make a date. Hang out, have fun, hook up. Let her reach out, but if you have a conversation with her about this, will she stop? It could go either way, but there will be other things that will come up that again, she’ll just assume the worst. Also, if you fast forward it, what’s it going to be like to be in a relationship and have somebody that’s incredibly insecure as your girlfriend? Well, she’ll probably start accusing you of doing things you shouldn’t be doing or talking to other girls or whatever it happens to be. Women that behave this way typically kind of have a loyalty issue. In other words, they’re not very loyal. These are the early signs of it. So it’s not looking good.

If you’re in the vetting process or the vetting stage and a woman behaves this way because there will be a whole truckload of behavior that comes along with it. So if she reaches back out, which she probably will in the future, I wouldn’t reach out to her at all. Just wait to hear from her. Then from that point forward, because he said he was doing 20% of the pursuing, I wouldn’t do any percentage of it just because of this behavior, it typically doesn’t get any better. The more you spend time with a girl like this, she’ll just get on your nerves to the point where you’re going to get worn out and tired of it, so you got to see it as she is.

You can also tell the guy that wrote the email, he’s pretty insecure as well, he’s having a hard time, and girls like this are kind of what help you get over it and learn to exercise self control and not be so needy, hang back a little bit more, relax a little bit more, be a little calmer instead of freaking out at her behavior because her behavior is not normal. Her behavior is indicative of a woman who was raised by a dad that didn’t do a good job, whether he was there or not. A woman that was raised in a healthy family doesn’t behave this way. An incredibly insecure girl behaves this way. It could just be extremely difficult. So it’s not looking good for her. In other words, in the vetting process, it’s not a good sign that she could be somebody long term. You already said you didn’t even think about her long term, but the fact that she blocked you everywhere, you’re taking it personally instead of looking at it and going, “Oh well, this girl’s just kind of insecure because the way she’s behaving is kind of stupid and immature,” especially with her being seven years older than you. So I do nothing.

When you do hear from her, invite her over to make dinner, hang out, have fun, hook up. Obviously, I would imagine she’s going to bring this up at dinner or after you guys have had sex. You say, “What’s with all the blocking and unblocking me? It’s not very nice,” and just have a conversation with her. “If you’re upset, just text me or call me and ask me. We can talk it out. Be easygoing, easy to get along with, because you’re causing unnecessary drama, and I don’t want to deal with that. That’s not how I want to interact with you going forward, so it needs to stop. If you want to continue seeing me, this needs to stop and you need to be nice,” and then see what happens after that. If she gets mad a week or two later and does the same thing, then you’re like, “Alright, this is not going to change.” That’s just the way she is. Parents fucked her up too much. It’s not your fault, but you got to see the reality as it is and recognize she’s just not a good candidate.

So do I think this girl will change? Do I think she’ll respect your boundaries? She may for a little period of time, but as her emotions go up and she gets more emotionally invested in you, it’ll manifest itself in worse ways. In other words, she’ll become more belligerent, she’ll become angrier probably, and she’ll get more upset in the future. When she cares more, she gets upset more. So you’ll see this behavior get even more exaggerated and pronounced, which is not a lot of fun. Definitely something to think about.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.