Why It’s Better To Leave With Love Instead Of Staying & Cheating

How a viewer’s 3 year affair turned into a toxic mess full of drama.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who decided to cheat and have a 3 year affair with another married woman. Eventually he realized his affair partner was a little nutty and toxic. She inserted herself into his life, broke into his house and he had to get the police involved once he tried to end it. His life almost became like a real life fatal attraction movie.

My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “Why It’s Better To Leave With Love Instead Of Staying & Cheating”.

So this guy had a basically a three year affair that turned into a toxic mess full of drama. So he said his marriage was on the rocks. He has kids with his wife. And so he started having an affair with another woman who was also married. So they’re both cheating.

That went on for like three years, I guess towards the end, she wanted to be more involved. He’s trying to back away because she started displaying more and more toxic behavior, to the point where she showed up and actually broke into his house. She confronted his wife, told her that she had been sleeping with her husband for a better part of the last three years.

I guess, apparently, they had mutual friends, so she’s torching all their mutual friends. She took his keys, wouldn’t give them back and then left. He had to call the police to get his keys back. So as I was reading this, if you older guys, you Gen X guys like me that were growing up in the 80s, there was a movie with Michael Douglas and Glenn Close and Anne Archer.

Annie Archer played Michael Douglas’ wife. And so he starts having an affair. And the title of the movie was called “Fatal Attraction”, and it just turned into a toxic mess. And so as I’m reading this, I’m thinking, wow, it just kind of reminds me of that. A woman showing up, breaking into your house, that’s exactly what the character from the movie did.

So if you’re not happy in your marriage, and you know you don’t want to stay, it’s better to leave with love instead of staying and cheating and doing what this guy did. Because I would imagine he’s probably not too thrilled about how things turned out. But it is a good email to go through just because a lot of times I get guys that are, you know, they’re kind of down on their luck or they’re feeling sorry for themselves.

And then what they often say is, “You know, Corey, it’s like, what I love about your channel is if I’m having a difficult day or I’m feeling bad about myself, like some of these emails, I go, man, at least my life ain’t that bad. At least things in my situation aren’t that fucked up. So I feel better about myself.” So this is like one of those sayings. It’s a cautionary tale, obviously.

I think the guy has learned or hopefully is learning his lesson or has learned it. But it’s like, man, I just saw over the weekend down here in South Florida. It was reported. I think it was like Little Havana. It was reported as just a shooting. There was two people killed actually, and a third person died. And so it turns out there’s another Hialeah divorce. Because I remember seeing the report.

They’re like, “Oh, there was a shooting in this neighborhood.” And all the neighbors are like, “Oh, I can’t believe this happened here.” And, and so it turns out like after the dolphins went down in flames last night, I was watching the evening news came on and they had an update. And so when it turned out was that a guy who was, I guess, an ex-boyfriend of this woman showed up and basically shot and killed his ex-girlfriend and her new boyfriend. I think he took himself out, if I remember right.

And so it was kind of like a murder suicide type of thing. So if you mess with somebody else eventually, if you’re going to mow another guy’s lawn, you’ve got to remember you’re risking the Hialeah divorce. Again, it’s like down here in South Florida. It’s like, man, this stuff is pretty much on the news just about every night. My friend that is in law enforcement down here they’re the one that told me that nickname for it is a Hialeah Divorce. And it’s like murder suicides.

It happens all the time. So you guys that like to live dangerously, it’s like you’re literally risking your life, especially if you live in South Florida and you’ve got a crazy ex-boyfriend or ex-husband or whatever, or an affair partner. It’s just, constant. I would never do what this guy did. But again, it’s something good to learn from because there’s just so much downside risk and so much unpleasantness. I would imagine he’s probably regretting it.

Viewer Email:

Hey Coach Corey,

I am currently coming out of a three-year affair with someone I truly thought was my best friend—that “once-in-a-decade” person you often talk about.

Well, we also tend to do is when we get all up in our feels and our feelings, we tend to project our fantasy onto somebody else and get carried away on our emotions. And then the vetting process goes right out the window. You’ll make excuses for all kinds of things. The glaring thing obviously here is that he’s cheating, she’s cheating, acting out of character because of weakness.

Because if he’s really not happy and his marriage, instead of either fixing the marriage or leaving and finding somebody he jives with, he takes what he thinks initially is the easy way out, and he’ll just have his little side piece go on. It’s like he had a whole other life going unbeknownst to his own family, and vice versa. She was doing the same thing to hers.

We had an amazing connection unlike anything I had ever experienced before. We seemed to love the same things and shared the exact same goals. When I met my affair partner, my marriage was on the rocks. I didn’t have the courage to leave, mainly because of my children.

So he was staying in it to protect the kids and keep the family together. And then, as you’ll see, then the kids get to see this crazy ass drama. And the Fatal Attraction girl breaking into his house. And the police getting involved. So there’s that.

She was married with children as well. Instead of handling our situations properly, we started an affair. We met at our local gym, began training together every day, and entered global competitions, where we achieved great success.

Well, one of the places where a lot of affairs begin is in the gym. Guys going and working out, taking care of himself, the wife sitting at home, gaining weight, not caring, letting herself go. Woman shows up to work out and take care of herself. Her husband doesn’t give a shit, stays at home, just gets fat, turns into a fat slob. Doesn’t care.

They’re both there for the same reasons because they’re taking care of themselves. Neither one of them is happy in their relationships. They start talking. They find out they are in similar situations. They can tell there’s an attraction. One thing leads to another.

However, around the two-year mark, my wife found out. Even after the discovery, the affair didn’t completely stop, and that is when things turned extremely toxic.

Yeah, that’s what happened in the movie. Michael Douglas tried to end it and he was just like, hey, it’s kind of just sex. And then this girl is hooked. She didn’t take too kindly to that. She starts showing up. If I remember, I think the kid had a pet rabbit or something like that, and she killed it, or put it on the stove and boiled it on the stove or something. And then obviously, Michael Douglas wife finds it and sees this.

And eventually, at some point, he’s got to admit that he was having an affair with a Froot Loop that he couldn’t get rid of. And I don’t want to spoil the ending if you haven’t seen it, but I remember when it came out, I was like, Holy shit. And so it’s a good movie. It’s like 40 years old. I think it was in ’85, ’86 back when Michael Douglas was obviously young.

Glenn Close (who played Alex Forrest, the mistress) young and attractive. Long hair looked very feminine. So it’s definitely worth your time to check out. It’s a good movie, but like I said, it’s like, again, I see this in the news all the time.

My affair partner showed up at my house and broke in just to talk to me because she was terrified, I would leave her.

Yeah, that sounds totally normal and sane. Yeah, I’ll just break in your house.

Even at that stage, she still hadn’t told her own husband; my wife was the one who finally informed him.

Well, it was nice of her. Got everybody all involved here.

On another occasion, I had to call the police on her just to get my car keys back because she stole them right in front of me and refused to return them. I also have recorded voice notes on my phone of her screaming at me, saying that no one cares about me, that it is just “you and me against the world,” and that no one else matters.

Well, that sounds a little psycho.

If I didn’t answer her calls, she would repeatedly ring until I did, or she would show up at my workplace.

That’s what Glenn Close does in the movie to Michael Douglas’ character.

Looking back, I believe she was severely trauma-bonded to me.

Well, on top of being a little cuckoo.

What I didn’t mention before is that she came from a broken home and had a terrible upbringing, during which her mother would abandon her for weeks or months at a time as a child.

So again, you see the same thing over and over. Girls from broken homes. You got to pay attention to that. Parenting matters. Did the dad do a good job or not? If she adores her father and looks up to and admires and respects him, trust his judgment, listens to him, seeks his advice and counsel, then listens to what he says and doesn’t nag and badger him to get him to change his mind or to cave on what she wants.

That’s what you’re looking for. But as soon as you find out a girl is from a broken home like this, it’s like, character is destiny. But, I mean, they’re both cheating. So they’re both acting from a place of low integrity.

During the final month before everything went completely south, she constantly threatened that I should block her if I didn’t want her in my life.

Eventually, I reached my limit. The day I finally had enough, I blocked her everywhere. The very next day, she called me from a burner phone to tell me she was ready to be with me and that she loved me. I told her firmly that I couldn’t do this anymore. At that point, she completely flipped—likely because she has a fearful-avoidant attachment style.

Uh, maybe because she’s a little cuckoo again. Glenn Close’s character did not like it when Michael Douglas entered the fair or tried to end it.

That same evening, she was already talking to our mutual friends, claiming that she was the one who ended it, that she hated me, and that everything was my fault.

Well, you are the leader, so that’s technically correct. It’s a man’s job to avoid these situations.

She took absolutely no accountability for the situation.

Well it sounds like so two years into it, his wife knows about it, he continued. Maybe he lied and told his wife that it was over. Maybe she believed him, I don’t know, maybe she’s naive, or maybe she’s just willing to forgive him.

From there, the lies kept coming.

Well, this is a big shock. Again, you got another girl from a broken home. It’s like a bad way to go.

She began fabricating more stories, which mutual friends called her out on. A month later, she slandered my name to mutual friends again, claiming I was seeing other women. When I didn’t respond to those lies, she sent a message to my wife exposing everything.

By that point, however, I had already confessed the full nature of the situation to my wife. My wife and I have decided to try and work through this to save our marriage. Yet, despite how terribly I was treated, I still find myself thinking about the good times with my affair partner.

Yeah, that’s what happens. When something ends, you tend to forget about the bad times and the reasons why it didn’t work or you didn’t get along. We all tend to kind of look at the past through rose colored glasses.

On the other hand, I am filled with remorse about my wife and the immense trauma I have put her and my children through. What would you do if you were in my shoes?

Well, why are you staying with your wife when I mean, if you would much rather be with somebody else for the last three years and keep a secret affair going on, I don’t know if you were still even sleeping with your wife over the last three years. It’s like, do you really want to be with your wife or are you just doing it because you feel guilty? So staying out of guilt doesn’t really solve the problem, you’re just continuing to perpetuate the lie.

So as you said, it was easier just to cheat with somebody else than blow up your marriage. And now you are for whatever reason saying, now you want to work it out. Is it because you really want to work it out? Because that’s what you feel in your heart and you want to do it? Or are you just staying because of guilt and what you put your wife and your kids through?

Your overall issue, like from the beginning of the email is you’re not being authentic, you’re not being honest, you’re not being real. You’re taking the easy way out. You’re, being weak. So I suspect again, I don’t know what’s in your heart, only you do. But it would seem to me. And, you know, I would imagine probably a lot of the viewers would agree. Maybe you guys can post in the comments what you think, but at the end of the day, if you have a problem being honest and your heart’s not really in it, then you’re just continuing to lie to yourself and everybody in your life.

When the reality is, if you were really happy in your marriage, you wouldn’t, as you said, you were on the rocks in your marriage. And so it was easier just to go and sleep with somebody else and keep this affair going until it blew up in your face and kept getting worse. So at the end of the day, everything that turns you off about your wife, that caused you to not want to be with her, that puts your marriage on the rocks.

It’s not like she changed and became a different person. So staying out of guilt, how does that serve you, your wife or your kids? Because if you really care for somebody and you really love them, you want them to be happy even if it’s not with you. So if you know, deep down, you don’t really want to be with your wife and you’re just bullshitting yourself and basically putting on an act, it will be better for you and for her and for your kids to end the marriage and go find somebody that you’re happy with, and vice versa.

Allow your wife to go find a man who really loves her and wants to be with her, instead of stringing her along and making her think you really want to work things out when maybe the only real reason is you’re staying because you’re guilty. Again, I don’t know what’s in your heart. Maybe after all this, you decided you really want to be with her. But again, if it was me, I would have never been in this situation. I wasn’t happy in my marriage.

And I did meet somebody else or ran into somebody else I used to know that I always liked when I was younger, and the feelings that it stirred in me caused me to recognize it. It wasn’t fair to my wife or to me to stay, because my heart wasn’t really in it. And so it was better to leave than to continue living a lie. And so that’s why I left. And obviously, that led to me completely changing careers and doing this to teach the stuff that I learned so guys wouldn’t make the same mistakes as me.

And they could get, or attract and keep the women that they wanted instead of feeling like they’re settling. So to me, it looks like you’re settling, but again, I don’t know what’s in your heart. Maybe you and your wife are totally both committed to it. Maybe she’s committed to do the things she wasn’t doing that led you to seeking fulfillment outside the marriage. I don’t know, but again, like I said, only you know what is in your heart.

But if deep down you really don’t want to be there, the best thing to do is to leave. So you can go and find somebody and have a good marriage and provide a good example to your kids. Because look what your weakness did. It caused you to carry on an affair and lie to everybody. And look how that turned out. Wasn’t good for anybody, even though initially you’re like, “oh, this will be a better way to go about it. I’ll stay in it for the kids.”

So send us an email, let us know what you decide. But that’s a tough situation, but it is good for a cautionary tale for you guys that are thinking about hooking up with that other married girl, the girl that’s taken. It could end like this. It could end in a Hialeah divorce, and then I’ll hear about it, or we’ll hear about it on the news someday, which is just a bad way to go.

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