Why Lunch Dates Are A Trap For Gullible Men

Why you shouldn’t go on lunch dates unless you only want friendship.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a 37-year old-guy who is blatantly violating principles from my book and is angry and confused that he’s not getting anywhere. He’s been seeing a single mom who claims she can’t afford a baby sitter and takes her son to all their lunch dates. He’s says he wants to see her alone without her son, but then she gets mad and says he only wants sex. She claims that she only has sex when she’s in a relationship.

She also refuses to do any evening dates. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

This particular email is kind of funny. I mean, you feel bad for the guy, but you read through it and he’s kind of angry and upset because he’s dating this girl and I guess he doesn’t have a lot of money, she doesn’t have a lot of money. He’s 37, she’s got a son. It’s like, it’s not clicking with him that he’s only going out on lunch dates with this girl, but it’s not progressing anywhere. He says, “Well, she doesn’t have the money to get a babysitter and neither do I,” yet she always has her son there. So when they go on their lunch dates and he tries to kiss her, her son yells at him. He doesn’t like that and tries to, in essence, every time they go and they do something, she brings her son along because it’s a cock-blocker. She’s using her son to cock-block this guy, and he hasn’t made the mental connection that that’s what’s going on here, that she’s just probably using him for the lunch, the free lunches because he feeds her, he feeds her son, entertains them both. She occasionally kisses him and that’s it, and because he says, “Well, I want to just go out with you and me and not your son,” then she says, “Oh, well you only want sex,” and in the same breath she’s like, “Well, I only have sex with guys that I’m in a relationship with.” It’s not progressing because he’s continuing to only do platonic things, like he’s violating a principle right out of the book.

This is why you don’t do lunch dates. Especially guys like this, I mean he probably should really be focused on trying to make some more money, or at the very least, he shouldn’t be dating a woman that’s a single mom that supposedly can’t afford a babysitter. So what is that? If a woman’s a single mom and she can’t get a babysitter, she can’t get her mom, her dad, a sister, an aunt, a grandparent or somebody close to her to watch the baby, that’s a red flag, and the excuse, “Oh, I can’t afford it,” like, why would you want to date somebody that is that broke? I mean, that’s just kind of silly. It brings up a good point because this is an issue where he’s trying to apply what’s in the book, but he’s ignoring the fact that this woman always has the kid with her and the excuse is, “Oh, I can’t afford a babysitter,” and he doesn’t have the money to afford a babysitter. So he’s probably taking her out, he’s paying for the kid, he’s paying for her and nothing ever happens because all they do is go to lunches. She won’t do any dates in the evening, only day time dates, lunch dates, and her kid is always there.

This is why you do not date women that insist on bringing their child. A woman who is a good mother is not going to go out on a first date and bring her son. She’s just not going to expose expose her child to other people until she’s vetted them properly. So number one, it’s irresponsible on her part as a mother. Number two, it looks like at this point she’s clearly doing it because she likes the entertainment, she likes the free food for her and her son because obviously she’s broke and this guy is just too gullible to realize what’s going on here. He’s frustrated and angry because he’s not getting anywhere, because he obviously wants to lay the pipe and have a good time, but the son is already there, always there and it doesn’t click in his head that he’s doing these platonic dates and getting nowhere. He’s violating a blatant principle in the book, and this is why it’s in there, so you don’t get in these situations, but he’s doing it anyways and he’s upset. He’s like, “Well, how do I adapt the book to my situation?” It’s like, you don’t. This is exactly why. This is a good email to learn from, I should say, learn what not to do.

Viewer Email:

Hello Coach Corey,

My name is Bob and I am 37 years old. The reason I am so angry and confused is because I have listened to your audio-book several times, but I still don’t understand how to apply the information to my particular situation. For example, I have heard you and other coaches say that it’s much better to go on dates in the evening, because basically there will be a more romantic vibe and a greater chance of intimacy if the date happens at night…

Well again, I say you got to read the book 10 to 15 times. So he probably hasn’t even read the book because he’s lazy and he’s half-assing it. He’s just trying to cherry pick some stuff in the videos. The principle in the book is you don’t go on lunch dates because this is why. Guys that go out on lunch dates and take women to expensive lunches, get all dressed up and they get a peck on the cheek, there’s no romance there. Women will go out with a guy, especially in this case, this woman probably doesn’t have a lot of money, and it sure is a hell of a lot better than staying at home looking at the four walls. So she’s got this guy that she’s going out with, he takes her places, picks her up, he entertains her, entertains her son and it’s just friendship. All she has to do is say, “Well, I only have sex with guys that I’m in a relationship with,” but he’s not going to get to that point because they only do lunch dates. She won’t do anything else.

This is why you don’t agree to do lunch dates, because a woman who’s not really interested in you romantically will not go on an evening date. She’ll insist on the lunch dates and use a good logical excuse that, “Hey, I got my kid. I don’t have a babysitter.” So she’s got no family, no friends, doesn’t have the money to get a babysitter so she can have some romance? What’s really happening is she puts her child to sleep and Chad Thundercock comes over, rearranges her insides and then he leaves. Then this poor guy doesn’t know any better and he’s too lazy to read the book, so he doesn’t know what he doesn’t know and he’s blatantly violating a principle in the book that’s there to prevent getting used by women that aren’t really interested in you romantically, but they sure do like you feeding them and feeding their child, and all they got to do is pretend to be interested and give you a peck on the cheek. Then when you want to do something in the evening, all he cares about is sex, so they try to make you feel guilty about that. it’s like, if you’re that much of a sucker that you’re going to continue to agree to do these things, well then quite frankly, you kind of deserve what you get. All I can do is suggest, and if guys like this don’t want to read the book, I mean, he’s got bigger fish to fry. He’s got bigger problems than dating.

Number one, he should be focused on his purpose and his mission and find a way to make more money, reduce his expenses so his revenues exceed his expenses. Instead, he’s trying to shoehorn what I teach to fit his situation, and he doesn’t see that he’s just getting jerked around on purpose.

…But what if the woman only wants to go on dates in the afternoon?

The only reason she only wants to go on dates in the afternoon is because she doesn’t want you to have or have a chance at potentially sleeping with her, and she doesn’t want any uncomfortable situations, and she keeps it platonic, but she sure likes the free food for her and her son and whatever entertainment you do.

What if she wants to continue bringing her 4-year-old son on the dates because she doesn’t have a baby sitter and neither of us can afford to pay for one?

Well, then you don’t go out with her. I mean, a good mother is not going to bring her child on the first few dates. Good women are going to wait until you’re close to being in a serious relationship before they introduce you to their kids. Number one, she’s kind of irresponsible, but number two, she’s obviously using the kid as a blocker to get in the way of any insects or intimacy happening.

How is intimacy going to happen with a woman under these circumstances…

It’s not. That’s why she’s doing it to you, so no intimacy happens.

…Especially when the woman’s 4-year-old son gets upset when he sees me hugging and kissing his mom and yells at us to stop because he thinks that hugs and kisses are, “Very bad?”

So on top of that, she’s bringing the kid and the kid yells at you when you try to kiss her.

I have already tried inviting this woman to go for a walk on the beach with me at night, and I also told this woman that I would really like to be alone with her, but I think this made her upset…

Because he’s just too much of a pussy to stand up for himself as well. He doesn’t see that he’s being used. He assumes that because she spends time with him, that sex and romance is on the table, and he’s buying her excuses, “Oh well, I just don’t have a babysitter.” “OK, so we’ll take your son and then any time.” That’s why she brings her son, is to cock block you to prevent you from trying to sleep with her, because she doesn’t really want to.

…Because she then asked me what I mean and why I wanted to be alone with her, and then she accused me of only wanting sex and told me that she can’t make love until she is in a committed relationship. She also asked me after our first date why I kissed her if we are, “Nothing.”

Why would you want to continue going out with this woman? She always insists that her child is there, yet you’ve got to pay, pick her up, drive her around and spend your gas money. It’s like, man. You’re just getting fleeced, dude. You don’t even realize it. This is why you got to read the book.

I have heard you say that a man is just responsible for hanging out with a woman, having fun with her and then hooking up, even before a relationship happens…

Well your job, again you didn’t read the book because you’re a shitty student and you’re lazy, and quite frankly, you deserve what you get. I’m sorry, it’s like you’re making life way harder on yourself than it needs to be, you’re not a serious student, you’re trying to cherry pick some information in the videos, and you’re looking for the magic phrase. It’s just going to cause her to drop her panties so you can have your way with her, and you’re ignoring the fact that she’s bringing her child around you on purpose to prevent anything from happening. Yet you keep wanting to go out on dates with her for lunch.

A man’s job in the courtship is to create an opportunity for sex to happen, to hang out, to have fun, to hook up. It’s also to prevent women from wasting your time. That’s why you do dates in the evening, because that can lead to sex and intimacy at her place or yours, but she always insists on bringing her son and she always insists on a lunch. Then you’re a fucking gullible sucker and you deserve what you get, which is nothing other than blue balls because you’re being used. She’s doing this on purpose. If she was hot for you and she couldn’t get a babysitter, she’d have you coming over later after she put her son to sleep, then you guys can get busy, but she’s doing it on purpose because she knows you’re gullible, you’re a sucker and you’re too much of a pussy to stand up to her. It’s just a fact of life.

…But how can I possibly hook up with a woman under these circumstances…

You’re not going to.That’s why she’s doing it this way again. This is in the book. It’s laid out for you. It explains. This is why you don’t go out on dates with women that insist on bringing their kids. Oh, I can’t get a babysitter. So she’s got no family, no friends, nobody to watch her kid. That should be a major red flag. That this woman’s got some problems. Why would you want to date somebody like that?

…When the woman does not want to have any physical intimacy with me or even be alone with me, because she wants to continue bringing her 4-year-old son on all her dates with me?

Bob

That’s exactly why she’s doing it. It’s because she doesn’t like you romantically, she doesn’t want to sleep with you, and then when you bring it up, she says, “All you care about is sex,” or “I only have sex with men when I’m in a relationship.” She knows that you’re so soft, compliant, desperate and needy, that you’ll put up with this shit. All she has to do is feign interest and go, “Yeah sorry, I got to bring my kid.” Like, I would not be wasting my time. It’s a red flag. You should not want to cohabitate. You should not want to have children with a woman who insists on bringing her 4-year-old son to a first date. That is just stupid. Maybe you met her at work or something or you kind of knew her through somebody, but you never, ever do this.

You got to have some self-respect, but again, you’re lazy and you didn’t want to read the book because you’re trying to cherry pick, copy and paste a solution from a video that’s going to fix your issue here. When the reality is, just date a woman who doesn’t have a kid. A good woman who has children is going to make sure the kids are taken care of and have a babysitter so she can go out and have a life outside of her children, but this woman is not willing to do that because she’s not into you. She’s using you for the free food, entertainment and the emotional tampon that you’re being to her, and you’re continuing to go out with her over and over and over again.

I haven’t seen an email like this in a long time, and I was just I was surprised that this guy actually wrote this in to me. I don’t know how many dates he’s gone out with this girl or how much money he spent on her, but all he’s gotten is blue balls. On top of that, the kid doesn’t even like him. It’s like, why would you think it’s a good idea to go out with her again and spend what little hard earned extra money that you have on somebody like this? Like come on, you just say it like, “I want to go out and get to know you. Quite frankly, we barely know each other, and it’s inappropriate for you to be bringing your child on a date.” You shouldn’t have to tell her this. You just should not be going out with this woman at all, because it’s clear she’s just using you and jerking you around.

I mean, at some point, you got to have some self-respect, and you’re not interested in reading the book, even though it’s free to read on my website. It’s like, there’s not really a lot I can do to help you. I mean, you’re like a guy that’s beating your head against the wall and you’re wondering why you got a headache, yet you keep beating your head against the wall, thinking that that’s going to change this particular situation and she says, “Why do you want to go out in the evening?” It’s like, “Because I want to have a nice romantic date with you and I.” “Oh, I don’t have a babysitter.” It’s like, “OK well, if you ever are able to get a babysitter or you have some family, like you don’t have any family, any friends that will watch your child at all? You have nobody close to you that you trust to watch your child?” I would not waste my time. I just think you’re nuts for even entertaining this and think that this is a good idea.

I feel for you dude, but you’re spinning your wheels, you’re wasting your time and you’re wasting your money. I’d say the big part of the problem is he’s focused on his interest in her, and he’s completely ignoring the fact she’s not doing anything to make it easy. She’s just dangling the carrot, talking, giving them the impression that down the road the sex and intimacy will happen, yet he’s got to continue taking her to lunch. This is like the most basic one-on-one level of understanding of dating that a guy needs to have. A woman who insists only on on afternoon dates, no evening dates, won’t get a babysitter, can’t afford a babysitter? On top of that, the kid gives you a hard time when you try to kiss her? Don’t waste your time, dude. Don’t waste your time if she doesn’t think highly of you enough to get a babysitter, then she doesn’t care. You’re not that important to her.

Again, this guy is focused only on how much he likes her and is ignoring the fact she’s not doing anything to accommodate them and make romance between the two of them possible. Then she just says, “Well, I only have sex when I’m in a relationship.” Well, you’re never going to get to that point because you can’t even really go on dates because the kid’s always there. She’s bringing the kid there on purpose. A good mother is not going to do that. So it just sounds like a scam artist. Like come on, dude. Have some self-respect and get a good candidate to date. Man, ike some guys, it’s so brutal, but if you like the results you’re getting, then keep doing what you’re doing. If not, just say, “I’m not interested in day time dates.” Again, it’s right out of the book. You don’t do this. It’s amazing to me that this guy is as surprised that things are not going well. There are women out there that are broke and they will use you, and she’s using you for free food and entertainment for her and her kid, and you don’t even see it. That’s just sad. I feel bad for you, but you’re doing it to yourself, man.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.