Why Men Who Don’t Make Definite Plans Get Jerked Around By Women

Why men who don’t make definite plans get jerked around by women.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer from Dubai. He met a beautiful Russian flight attendant on a dating app and made plans to see her on a Saturday night and also to spend Sunday together. However, he was vague and indecisive about seeing her because he wasn’t feeling well. Then he finally shows up at 2:30 a.m. They were getting to know each other and then she tells him another guy friend is on his way over because she didn’t think he was coming.

When the guy got there, he was obviously more than just a friend and got upset and pulled her aside for a private conversation. Eventually, she asked him to leave before things got heated. He wonders what the hell happened. He hasn’t heard from her since. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

This particular emailer comes all the way from Dubai. I don’t know if he’s new to my work, but he makes a date with this girl he meets on a dating app. She’s a Russian; hot Russian flight attendant. I guess he’s not feeling well. It seems like he doesn’t communicate well and he just decides to show up late or a few hours late. So I don’t know what time they’re supposed to get together. At like 1:30 a.m., the Uber finally shows up. Then he arrives at about 2:30 a.m. So he starts hanging out because he wasn’t feeling well, and he’s like, “All right, I’m coming.” It seems like he just decided to show up and he’s going to show up a few hours late.

So after he’s there for a few minutes, she says, “Oh, I got a friend coming over.” The guy comes over, the friend and pulls her aside. Obviously he’s not too happy. Then he starts to realize why they’re in the another room, having a smoke, and having a little sidebar conversation, that she basically comes out and says that it’s best that he takes off. So he’s thinking, “What the hell?”

It’s a good email. I don’t know what this guy was thinking. I don’t know what time he was supposed to meet her, but showing up at almost three in the morning, it’s like, what do you expect? So apparently they were going to spend Saturday night together and Sunday they had plans, or definite plans. So it’s just one of those emails you get and you’re like, “What?” I mean, this guy took an Uber, probably an hour, hour and a half. He says the Uber driver fucked up and took a wrong turn. I don’t know how you take a wrong turn when you’ve got Google street maps on your phone, but whatever.

Before I forget, if you’re watching this on YouTube or on Spotify, we now have Exclusive Member’s Area Content. So you guys have been asking for the podcast I do with the girls where we do viewer questions instead of breaking them up into little videos. People have been asking, “Hey, where’s the whole podcast?” Like the whole hour and a half or so podcast where we just go through all the questions. So we put those together. Those are in the Member’s Area on YouTube. They’re on the Member’s Area on Spotify.

So in the video description, on this particular video on YouTube, I’ll have links so you can subscribe to the Member’s Only Content on YouTube. Or if you would rather subscribe on Spotify, you can watch the content there. We’ll be having the full viewer podcast questions. We’ll have special viewer only videos, and we just started filming in the last few weeks, a 3% Man study group and a Mastering Yourself study group with myself and Chunky and the girls. I started filming with Caroline and Jade about two weeks ago. We had two episodes. We film for about an hour and a half usually. Those two film sessions, we’ve got to about page 20/25 on here. So almost three hours just discussing the first 25 pages of The Book where the girls are like, “Hey, I don’t agree with that. What about this? Why are you telling guys to do that?”

It’s really good because they’re challenging me on what’s in The Book from a woman’s perspective. The goal is to really take apart what’s in The Book, and cover it in depth and like in a study group. Just to give you guys some extra content to really drill down in The Book. Those will be in the Member’s Area and also probably end up doing some video newsletters and maybe in the comments if you guys can say, “Well, what kind of stuff would you like to see if you’re a paying member, in addition to what we’re already going to have?”Again, there will be a link underneath this video. If you’re watching it on YouTube, it’ll take you so you can subscribe or join on YouTube. There will be a link that you can go to Spotify if you would prefer to watch the Member’s Content on Spotify. Spotify is pretty liberal, you can say pretty much whatever you want. YouTube, I’ve got to kind of be careful with what I say. So again, that’ll be there, and you can also post in the comments. I’ll pin the links there so it’ll make it real easy. So with that said, let’s get on to our regularly scheduled email.

Viewer’s Email:

Hi Coach,

I’ve been following your work for a few years now. I recently finished 3% Man, and now I am on second read. Following the principles in your book I start to see some success. I relocated to Dubai which is a vibrant city with active dating scene. I’ve met a lot of beautiful women so far, but the problem is it doesn’t last longer than one-night stands or random hookups.

Well, if your game is sloppy instead of tight, especially just this kind of a train wreck of a first date that you’re having with this woman, it’s like you’ve been through The Book once. That’s why I say you’ve got to go through it 10 to 15 times. Because if you had gone through The Book and prepared, this kind of shit should definitely not be happening.

Recently I met this beautiful Russian flight attendant on a dating app.

By the way, flight attendants, people in the airline industry, when you look at like divorces and who cheats the most, flight attendants are in like the top 5% or 6%. So just a little caveat there. If you’re going to date a flight attendant, or a female pilot or whatever. Historically, according to divorce attorneys, they cheat a lot.

Letting her do 80% of calling and pursuing she wanted to see me before her busy flight schedule this weekend. I had work so I couldn’t make it on Friday night. She invited me over Saturday wanting to go out for drinks and then spending the night at her place and also going to another city on Sunday. 

So if they’re going out for drinks, you’re thinking 7, 8 p.m. at the latest. That’s when most normal people get together.

I wasn’t feeling 100% was bit under the weather and delayed getting to her place. She thought I would not make it that night however I took a cab late at 1:30 A.M. and got to her place.

Yeah, if you’re supposed to go out around 7 or 8 like normal human beings do, and then you’re taking a cab at 1:30 a.m. I don’t know if you communicated this to her or not, but she’s not thinking you’re going to make it, because you’re going, “Oh, I’m sick. I’m not feeling well.” So you’re giving the vibe that you’re probably not going to come.

I got there bit late around 2:30 because the Uber driver took the wrong turn.

How does this, in this day and age, an Uber driver take the wrong turn, and you arrive at 2:30 A.M.? You’ve got Google maps like, what’s up with that?

She was waiting outside for me. 

So far, so good.

We went into her apartment and started getting to know each other and she was playful and happy, but then she told me she invited another guy friend over.

Oh, you just spent all this time driving over in an Uber and she said, “Oh, by the way, I got another friend to coming over.” She’s got two dudes coming over. She definitely was looking for a booty call, it sounds like.

Because she wasn’t sure I was coming over, I asked her to tell him to not come.

You’re like, “I just drove all the way over here for an hour and a half. Like, what do you mean you invited somebody else over? We have a date.”

She said he is already on his way.

Well, tell him to turn around. You got a date? We had plans. But then again, I mean, you’re showing up at almost three in the fucking morning, Dude.

In my mind I thought this is just some random guy friend who would spend a few hours and leave.

Ha, ha, ha! So that tells me he’s like, “Oh, this is fine. Oh, he’s just a friend. You don’t have to worry about that.” What kind of a friend comes over three in the morning? When a woman invites a guy; so for those of you guys that don’t know, maybe you’re new; obviously this guy. If a woman is texting you at 10, 11 at night, your only response should just be, “Come over.” That’s it. It’s a booty call. She’s feeling a little frisky.

If she’s inviting a dude over at three in the morning, she’s wanting to get her insides blown out. So, in other words, she was hoping to meet up with you. Didn’t look like you’re going to come, because you did a shitty job of communicating, obviously. If you’re going to come over and have drinks and then spend the night together and you’d show up at three in the morning, what the fuck do you expect? I mean, that’s just kind of stupid. It’s got to be one of the dumbest things I’ve seen happen in a long time.

When this guy got here, he seemed very threatened by my presence.

Yeah, he’s not just a friend, Bro.

He kept asking me questions, then he took her to another room talking to her about me. He wanted me to leave, and convinced her that I should leave.

It was like, obviously because he’s been fucking her and you’re the new guy.

Then this guy started acting like her boyfriend saying I need to spend time with my girl.

I would have been like, “Dude, we’re supposed to have a first date tonight, she and I. I don’t know who you are. She said, You’re just a friend.” This is horrible. Then the guy tells him, “You should call a cab.”

You should call a cab.

I didn’t like the tone of his voice and I wasn’t gonna take orders from him so I said I will stay till morning and will leave then. Besides I didn’t even know you existed, and she never mentioned having a boyfriend. He took her away again for a smoke and then when they came back now she started siding with him saying it is uncomfortable and would be better if you go back to your place.

My response was you invited me over to spend the night. I came all the way for you even though I was feeling under the weather, and we had plans. But this guy comes over and now you’re asking me to leave canceling on our plans.

Yeah, she’s got more time in with this guy. And besides, you showed up at three in the morning, dude. I mean, how fucking retarded are you to do that? That’s just dumb. That’s one of the dumbest things I’ve seen a guy do and go, “Oh, I’m surprised.” You realize that you’re not the only guy that’s beating up her insides. This is not your future wife. This would have been a booty call, a sex playmate. That’s it. Besides, for you to drive all the way across town, and now she’s like, “Hey, get lost.” She doesn’t give a shit.

I tried to stand my ground, but it started to turn into an argument, so I left. I hugged her goodbye.

I wouldn’t have even hugged the bitch. I mean, like, that’s just rude and disrespectful. Lose my number.

I hugged her goodbye and left, she hasn’t called or text to explain anything. I am not expecting her to do so either. I am trying to understand what went wrong and how can I improve my standing next time. 

How about fucking show up on time? You show up at 3:00 in the morning and you make her think you’re not coming. That’s got to be the dumbest, stupidest mistakes I’ve seen a guy make in a long time. You deserve to get roasted. Everybody in the comments, feel free to roast him because this is just dumb. This should have never happened.

In front of this guy, she started to act like we’re just friends she wanted me over to go out for drinks that’s all but in our text and calls she was pretty clear she wanted to spend the whole weekend together. 

Best Regards,

Bob

It’s like, it doesn’t matter. You fucked up. If you make a date, you got to show up on time. You got to be a man of your word. You can’t be rolling in at 3 A.M. Then again, maybe it was later at night, 10 or 11:00, and I don’t know. I don’t know what you were thinking. You gave the girl the impression that you weren’t going to show, you were flaky and you were indecisive.

If you’re flaky and indecisive, you’re basically acting like a woman. So you act flaky, indecisive, and then you actually show up acting like a chick. It’s like, what do you expect? She just called another dude was a booty call, and she probably was already hooking up with this guy. So he was a friend with benefits. She left off the with benefits part, and you were going to be a friend with benefits, but you cock blocked yourself by just being stupid. So better luck next time, Dude.

You’ve got to be direct, decisive. Get to the point. Make a definite date, with a definite date, definite time, definite place to get together. You can’t be vague and noncommittal on a date night and tell a girl, “I’m feeling under the weather, I might not make it,” then show up at three in the morning and be surprised that there’s some other dude there. Again, that’s one of the dumbest things I’ve seen a guy do in a long time.

You need to pull your head out of your ass, dude, and take reading The Book seriously. I’m sure you felt like a chump. I feel like a chump for you. Probably everybody else is like, “Man, can you imagine spending an hour and a half in an Uber to get to some woman’s place, and some other dude shows up?” The guy that she’s been hooking up with, I mean, you’re dealing with a hoe bag. That’s pretty much what you’re dealing with. If you arrive and she’s out waiting and she knows the other guy is coming over, I can tell you right now, she doesn’t respect men. She probably doesn’t have any kind of a father figure in her life. To do something like that, to have two dudes show up for her. She probably got off on it a little bit. “Oh, see which one’s the most man.” That’s the most masculine man. That’s the guy I’m gonna sleep with tonight.” That was her attitude. Gotta do better, man.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page on my website, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.