Why Men Who Get Jealous & Possessive Shorty After Meeting Get Rejected

Why getting jealous & possessive shortly after meeting leads to rejection.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a 35-year-old viewer who got jealous and possessive with a 24-year-old girl he met at a meetup. He said they had incredible sex the day after meeting. He started acting like she was his and causing unnecessary drama which is the opposite of what 3% Man teaches.

Instead of being focused on vetting her for character he acted like an overprotective boyfriend and pushed her away. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Well, this is a good email on what not to do. I don’t know if this guy has actually read 3% Man yet. It looks like maybe he’s just a cherry-picker, or he’s new.

He’s 35 and he met a 24-year-old girl, I guess she’s Korean, at a meetup. So the next day after they met, he said they had incredible sex. So she started coming over and hanging out, and he just kind of right away started getting jealous, possessive, and micromanaging her life and who she’s hanging out with, even though they were only seeing each other for a matter of days at that point. So instead of being focused on vetting her for her character to see if she even is somebody that he should be considering to date and have a long-term relationship with, he’s already decided that she’s the perfect girl and he starts acting like an overprotective, overly protective boyfriend, and obviously he’s pushed her away.

So those of you that are actually good students and read the book understand that it’s the woman’s department to be in a relationship. In other words, it’s her job to win you over and convince you why you should be her boyfriend and live happily ever after. Your job is, as the book says, as a man, it’s just to create the opportunity for sex to happen. To hang out, have fun, and hook up. Rinse, recycle and repeat. It’s really simple.

So he also includes this text exchange, which is kind of cringe worthy. It’s just really intense. You know, you’re supposed to keep things light and fun in the beginning, and he’s just coming on really strong, getting really emotional, getting really upset, and when you behave that way, you’re acting like a jack-in-the-box. Basically an emotionally hijacked jack-in-the-box. Masculinity is calm. When you behave the way this guy did, you’re going to turn every woman that you meet off for the same exact reasons, obviously.

So I got the text exchange, and I’m going to go through it with you after the email. It’s just a good email to learn from of what not to do because again, this is laid out in the book and this guy is behaving this way. So you just get another real world example of why this behavior is so repulsive to women. If you want to get rejected quickly, behave this way.

Viewer Email:

Hi Coach,

In December I met a 24-year-old Korean girl at a meetup (I’m 35). I was being playful and vague with details. We left together, but some guys from the meetup tried to get us to join them for food. She wanted to; I didn’t think that would go well for me, so I went home.

Well, obviously no group dates, so that’s going to work better. Who wants to go there and deal with a bunch of dudes that are trying to cock-block you anyways? As the old adage goes from show business, “Always leave them wanting more.”

Later she texted me, came over the next day, and we had incredible sex.

You know, I’m sure the guys she was hanging out with the night before were falling all over her, trying to impress her, trying to show and prove their credentials as to why she should consider them. Meanwhile, this guy goes home and he’s like, “See you later. Hit me up later.” She does, and he gets to the Promised Land the next day.

The next day she said it probably won’t work because her family/friends told her not to date foreigners, and she said she only wanted to date for marriage. I told her to take her time and decide what she wanted.

So when you’re indifferent to that, because again, if it’s her job to win you over and convince you to be exclusive with her, it’s like, “Who gives a shit?” “Oh, your family said this? Hey, no problem. Well, we’d be friends with benefits until you meet your future ex-husband, and between them, we can have a lot of fun!”

Despite that, she started coming over daily and calling every night.

Because again, that’s very masculine. You got to take it or leave it. You’re not attached to any outcome. You like her, but she says, “Oh, I can’t be with you,” it’s like, “Hey, no problem. Hit me up when you change your mind.” Indifference makes a difference.

The first issue came when she attended a dating meetup on December 24th. Normally she’d communicate openly with details and photos, but that night she was vague. When I realized where she was, I brought it up.

Well again, you’re not her boyfriend, dude. Your job is really to create the opportunity for sex to happen. So when you’re dating and you’re vetting, you’re just trying to determine, is this somebody that shows that they have the behavior and the value system to actually be loyal? Or is this a party girl and a hookup girl? Somebody to be friends with benefits, having in my practice squad until I meet somebody that shares my goals and values? That’s the way you should be looking at this. Instead, he’s not being objective, he’s only focused on how much he likes her, and he’s trying to shoehorn himself into her life and get her to be his girl, or commit to only him.

Again, when you see the kind of behavior that she’s displaying, it almost looks like she potentially is a town bicycle and she’s a party girl, a hookup girl, a rotation, a practice squad girl. Not somebody you wife up. Again, it’s her job to convince you why you should commit to her.

She shut down and said she wasn’t ready to date and needed to focus on her English…

Because you basically said, “Hey, I’m your boyfriend. You can’t do this.” So naturally it goes from being casual to you being possessive. Then that’s why you get the, “I’m not ready to date. I need space,” that kind of thing,

…Then apologized a few hours later. Things went back to normal after that.

So that was his first jack-in-the-box episode. Again, you’re not her boyfriend. You don’t have the right to do this. Again, if it’s her job to convince you to be her boyfriend, then like, who really gives a shit? If she’s going and hanging out and it appears she’s sleeping with other random dudes ,and she’s naive and constantly invites attention from other men, well, you’re just like, “Hey, she can hit me up and we can hang out, have fun ,and hook up, and I don’t really care what she does when she’s not around me because I’m not considering her for a girlfriend anyway. She’s somebody to have fun with until I find the right girl.” That should be the attitude, but he’s not objective. He’s only focused on that he wants to lock her down, and he’s basically acting like a woman here, an insecure woman at that.

The next issue happened when a male colleague invited her to his three-year-old sister’s birthday. She’s been naïve before about men liking her, so I suggested he might be interested. After that, her behavior changed.

Yeah, because she realized that if she tells you what she’s up to, you’re going to freak out about it. What happens then is she just starts hiding things from you and not telling you what’s going on because you can’t handle it. Ideally, if you’re vetting, you want the woman to think that you trust her completely and implicitly. If she’s behaving like this and hanging out with all these other dudes and has lots of beta male orbiters and very few female girlfriends, if any, well when you see those kinds of things, it’s like, “Hey, this is just a girl to have fun with, friends with benefits. So I don’t really care one way or another.” You should practice safe sex, obviously.

For three days she insisted he wasn’t into her. I said maybe not, but it was possible. I suggested she text him to ask who else was going, but she avoided it this went on for three days.

Again, he’s acting jealous and possessive like he’s her boyfriend. Meanwhile, he’s just one of the guys she’s hanging out with and hooking up with. That’s what it looks like.

I then asked if she’d told him she was seeing someone. She said no, because he hadn’t asked.

Well, that just shows you you’re not that important, or you’re just a guy that she’s casually hooking up with and you’re going, “Did you tell him you’re seeing somebody? Did you tell him that you’re mine?” Again, this is the opposite of what the book teaches, and this is how to get a woman to bounce.

At dinner she mentioned another guy she’d known before me had reached out, but she had told him she was dating someone. That made me feel like she was clear with men she wasn’t interested in and doesn’t tell the ones she likes, I pulled back, and she started reaching out more.

On the day of the party she was quiet, so I texted that if she didn’t want to tell people we were dating, we could just be friends with benefits and stay open to meeting others who want commitment.

The latest update is in the screenshots below.

Kind Regards,

Bob

So let me pull up his text exchange here, which this is just repulsive, disgusting, unattractive and repulsive, and it’s really not your place.

Jessica: “OK, I’m a bit busy right now, so I might not reply properly. Sorry. And I wasn’t angry yesterday. I was just sad about the situation, but I wasn’t mad.”

Bob: “Enjoy.”

Jessica: “Are you angry?”

Bob: “There are points over last few days when I was. And I kind of want to explain where that came from. When you’re free, I’ll write it down and send it.”

So again, hang out, have fun, and hook up. Now he’s getting all serious and he’s going to tell her what triggers him. This is not attractive, dude. Making a woman deal with your inability to maintain emotional self control, let’s put it that way.

Bob: “Will sleep soon. So here it is. When I was engaged two years ago, I had the mindset that I could handle anything. So I ignored a lot of red flags, like my friend sending me her Hinge profile that showed that she was active three months into our relationship when she had deleted it, and other similar events. It’s made me a wee bit hyper aware of changes around me.”

Jessica: “Sorry, I just finished watching a musical. It just ended.”

Bob: “I thought that was the case, little one. Mamma Mia! Here we go again! I’ll sleep, but if there’s anything you want to say, send it through and I’ll respond in the morning.”

Jessica: “Yeah. Now I’m free. I didn’t know you went through something like that. I can understand how what happened between us this time could have felt triggering or sensitive for you.”

It’s like she’s kind of trolling him.

Jessica: “I don’t have any anger or hurt toward you anymore. I’ve never really had conversations like this with a partner before where we openly share all of our inner feelings. Because of that, these kinds of conversations have been very difficult for me. I think that’s why I wanted to avoid it. If my avoidance made you feel upset or angry, I’m sorry. English isn’t my first language, and that made it even harder. I realize again how easily misunderstandings can happen between us, and when I’m trying to listen and express myself in another language. Even in Korean, conversations like this take a lot of emotional energy. Doing it in English was honestly very exhausting for me. Thank you for telling me why you become more sensitive to changes around you.”

In other words, “Tell me why you’re such a fucking pussy.”

Bob: “Yeah, having these conversations, even in a mother tongue, can be exhausting in the moment, but hopefully healthy in the long term. I saw how difficult it was for you, and it seemed we both got confused by the lack of labels.”

Keep in mind, this is only like a couple of weeks they’ve been hanging out and hooking up.

Bob: “And we’re acting like a couple while not being a couple.”

No, YOU are acting like you’re a couple. She’s acting like she’s keeping her options open.

This is what happens when you focus on your interest in her and you just don’t do anything to vet. Obviously, this is the same thing that happened with the girl that you were engaged to. You were focused on locking her down. You weren’t trying to vet her. You just had decided that this was the girl for you, and that’s what caused you to completely ignore all the red flags that she was displaying until eventually you obviously got burned. You think you’re three months in a relationship, yet she’s still on Hinge going out with other dudes. That’s called being clueless, dude.

You should read the book. It’s free to read, if you’re new here, in the Members Area of my website. You can try before you buy. Once you see how good it is and how well it works, then you can buy an audio-book, a paperback, or hardcover. Nobody else does that. I wonder why…

Bob: “I definitely felt anger at points, but I was more confused because of what I mentioned above. The way we were acting together.”

Again, he’s only focused on his feelings.

Bob: “I think we can work through the language and cultural barrier, and even the openly sharing of inner feelings, just by taking what we learned about each other today and applying strong trust is built over time. I’m up early for my Vietnamese class. Did mommy and auntie enjoy the show?”

Jessica: “Yes. We’re having a lovely time!”

Bob: “OK, sexy bum. Think about what I said and let me know.”

Jessica: “Huh? What exactly do you want me to think about?”

Bob: “Reconciliation in a healthier way, silly one. Or walking away on good terms.”

Jessica: “Ah I see. Can I think about it a little more? But Bob has told me that, so I thought you didn’t want to talk to me anymore.”

Bob: “Yeah. Let’s treat it as a breakup. And after your family has gone home, we can talk about it that way. We can both just go out and enjoy ourselves and see if we miss the connection. Bob is trying to be a good friend and is interpreting me, asking him to make sure you have someone in London as I’m done.”

Jessica: “I understand. OK, let’s do that.”

Bob: “Amazeballs.”

So again, he’s just getting overly emotional and having these long, drawn out conversations. He’s only known her for like a couple of weeks. It’s like, dude, what are you thinking? Women like a guy that’s a challenge. She’s supposed to be winning you over, and instead you’re trying to win her over and lock her down in the first two weeks after meeting just because you got your dick wet a few times. It’s like, come on, bro! You gotta read the book. You gotta fill in your knowledge gap because the way you’re behaving is incredibly unattractive, and when you behave this way, all it’s going to do is if you’re dating a disloyal woman, and a woman who doesn’t qualify for a girlfriend or a wife, she’s just going to start hiding what she’s doing right away, and it’s going to take you a lot longer to find out, maybe months, several months longer. By that point, you’re really hooked and really emotionally invested in her, and the breakup is going to sting way more. In those cases, it typically takes most people 18 months to get over the breakup.

So you need to check yourself before you wreck yourself, dude, because the way you’re going about dating is inappropriate. Your job is to create the opportunity for sex to happen. All this unnecessary drama, bullshit, and long, drawn out conversations is just not the way to behave as a man if you want to get a woman to the point where she’s trying to convince you to be her boyfriend.

So you got some work to do, dude. You need to spend time with the book because there’s no shortcuts to success. The way that you’re going about this is literally the opposite of what I teach. That’s why you’re getting burned and that’s why things are difficult for you.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly.

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