Why men who lie and women who cheat belong to the streets and typically don’t change.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss 2 different emails from 2 different viewers. The 1st email is from a 23-year-old viewer who has been following my work since he was 16. He recently broke up with his girlfriend because she lied to and cheated on him multiple times. Despite this, he is delusional and wants her back.
The 2nd email is from a viewer who is a serial and habitual liar. Despite countless chances his now ex-girlfriend gave him over the past several years, he continued his lying about anything and everything. She finally dumped him. These are 2 good emails that perfectly illustrate the harsh truth that character is destiny. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the bodies of their emails.
We kind of get two sides of it here. You get one guy who broke up with a lying, cheating girlfriend and another guy who got dumped by his girlfriend just because she got tired of his lying. After countless times forgiving him, he assumes she’ll forgive him again. And this is part of the problem with people that behave this way, is that they’ve got people in their lives that enable their behavior, that always tolerate it.
If more people cut them out of their life and they learn the hard way that if you’re a habitual liar and cheater, if you’re dating somebody that’s a good quality, good high character person, they’re just not going to put up with it and they’re going to leave. But when your emotions are involved and you really care for the person, as you’ll see with this first guy’s email, he makes all kinds of excuses.
First Viewer’s Email:
What is the play here and what are your thoughts on this situation? I am a 23 y/o male, and my girlfriend is my age as well. Recently, we broke up due to her cheating on me with a coworker.
Well, if you take her back, then there’s no consequences. You’ve just basically given her permission that, hey, she can get away with it. And as you’ll see in the second email, the guy got away with lying constantly for years, and the girl always forgave him. But eventually she reached a breaking point. And in this particular case, he’s caught her cheating with the the one coworker, but there’s other dudes, other orbiters that are probably in the background he doesn’t even know about.
And it’s interesting, when he confronts her about it, the responses that she gives, she communicates that she knows she belongs to the streets, in essence. This is just who she is, and she can’t help it. It doesn’t sound like she wants to change anyway. And remember, as Maya Angelou said, “When somebody shows you or tells you who they are, believe them the first time.”
I have been following your work since I was 16 years old, and you took me from a scrub to a certified closer.
Well, the idea is that you’ve got to screen out the liars and the cheaters. You just can’t continue to be with somebody that’s going to treat you this way, because then you’re teaching them it’s okay. You’re, in essence, teaching them to continue doing it, and there’s no consequence, so why should they change? It’s just like the girls that get constant attention from men.
There’s always another simp willing to line up and throw money at them, or spend time with them, and validate their life choices. So, why should they change? It’s not like they’re ostracized from society, because there are so many thirsty dudes. If it’s a pretty girl, they’ll put up with all kinds of ratchet behavior, thinking they’re going to be Captain Save-a-Hoe or the White Knight that’s going to fix everything.
I had been with my girlfriend for a year and a half. Our story starts in February of 2022 when we started dating. After 1 week of dating, she moved into my house with my father, brother and I because her parents did not approve of us being together. So, I told them to piss off and come to daddy.
Dude, you moved in with her? Come on, man. Seven years you’ve been following me, and you think moving in with a girl you just met after a week was a good idea?
She has 12 brothers and sisters. Her home life is not that great; she had been kicked out previously before as well, (daddy issues). Long story short, things went great for the first 8 months, then I found her texting another guy.
Well, he thinks they were going great for eight months, but it’s only eight months in that he caught her texting another guy. And of course, what does he do? Because he loves her and she’s living with him, he forgives her. He’s just like, “Oh, I can fix this. I can work with this. She’d be a great girlfriend if she just wouldn’t text other men.”
Well, if she’s got daddy issues, she’s typically going to constantly be seeking attention and validation from other dudes. That means even though she might be married or in a relationship, she’ll give out her number to other guys, because she likes the attention, she likes being hit on. Because Daddy never paid attention to her growing up, she has an attention need that is unusual and not normal, just because she wasn’t raised properly, if you will.
I kicked her out for a week, and we agreed we lost intimacy and we needed to work on our relationship.
“We needed it.” Well, your girlfriend just needed to be loyal and faithful, but obviously, she’s not capable of it. The fact that you kicked her out for a week and then you took her back, you just basically said, “Hey, that’s okay with me. I’m cool with it. I don’t mind you texting another man, and showing interest in him, and inviting interest from him, even though you live with me and my family.” It’s like, come on. “Oh, I’ll just kick her out.” Can you imagine the conversations? She’s living at your family home, and everybody in the house knows that she was texting another guy.
Over the next few months things have been great, nothing has been wrong, we have been going on dates, texting, talking and loving.
He says, “it’s great.” In other words, you’re getting the version of her that she is selling you, and you’re believing it like a sucker.
Recently, she got a job far from home, about 30 miles away, being a student aide for the special needs students at her work. About 3 weeks ago, I caught her making plans to go with her male coworker on a hike that she had been hiding from me.
She belongs to the streets! I mean, character’s destiny. Here it is again, and again, and again.
I had confronted her about it and that she could not go. Ironically, that day her phone got lost at school and her car broke down on the side of the freeway. After this happened, I had been debating kicking her out. I had told her that I do not trust this guy…
You don’t trust the guy, but you trust her? You shouldn’t trust either one of them.
…as I read their messages, and he was a heavy orbiter.
Well, she was the one inviting the attention from the male orbiter because, again, she didn’t learn a healthy way to seek attention from men. No man was loyal to her when she was growing up, therefore, this hoe ain’t loyal either. It’s who she is. She’s a fuck buddy, friends with benefits, sex playmate, hookup girl, part of your rotation, but you never get serious with somebody like this. You can’t turn a hoe into a housewife.
And it’s not your job to fix her or save her. Her family already fucked her up. It’s your job, especially for a guy who’s been following me for seven years, to recognize, you’re not going to fix her, you’re not going to change her. It’s noble that you want to do these things, but if you look at her actions, she’s trailer trash, man. That’s reality. I know it’s not nice, but somebody needs to shake your ass and wake you up.
I packed her stuff and gave her a choice to leave or cut off the coworker. Her excuse was “I enjoy the attention.”
She enjoys attention and validation from other men, because she didn’t get enough strokes as a kid from Daddy. So, she gets it from other men, including men that are not her boyfriend. In other words, “Hey, I enjoy the attention. I can’t help myself.” She doesn’t care, because you’ve always forgiven her in the past. So, why should she assume you won’t forgive her this time?
She cut out the coworker, (so I thought).
Yeah, sure. She told you a lie and you believed it.
I found her messages with him a few days later, and it turns out they had been building a relationship behind my back, and ultimately, I kicked her out again. They had been going on dates after school, hooking up in his car, and everyone around them, the staff at the school specifically, encouraged it.
They’re like, “Oh, it’s so cute.” Meanwhile, she’s living with her boyfriend and his family. At least she’s honest about why she’s dishonest, if you will.
Her excuse is that she likes to feel like a whore and do slutty things… almost a high level of self-sabotage.
There it is. She knows she’s a hoe. She knows she belongs to the streets. But she doesn’t care, because she loves it.
The coworker gave her the attention as well as I gave her attention and courtship.
This girl is not going to change for you, man. It’s not your job to fix her or to save her. But it is your job to recognize that she belongs to the streets and treat her as such. I would boot this girl out of my life and never see or speak to her again as long as I live, because she’s not going to do anything except bring negativity in your life and enable all kinds of ratchet behavior. Plus, you’re risking getting a disease with somebody like this because she doesn’t care.
I do see the 50/50 of the relationship, as if I did something wrong.
So, what does that mean? He was pursuing 50/50, wasn’t following the book. But what that’s going to do is it’s going to turn any woman off, good women and women that belong to the streets. But the difference is a girl like this, who belongs to the streets, when you’re 50/50 and she has feelings of platonic friendship towards you, she’s going to have zero remorse about fucking other dudes behind your back. She’s just not going to care.
However, I checked back and I did everything almost right.
Well, you kept enabling your behavior by forgiving it.
Took her on dates, made her feel special and we were even talking about how we are perfect soulmates a few days before.
Yeah, perfect soulmates while she’s fucking somebody else. You can’t believe anything this girl says. She’s just doing it because she knows she can manipulate you, because you’re a doormat, you’re a beta male. You don’t apply what’s in the book, dude. You invite this attention, you invite her to treat you like dirt.
What is the play here?
Kick her out of your fucking house and say, “Don’t ever call or text me again.”
I love her so much, and I realize she has a lot of issues to deal with.
Well, it’s not your job to fix her or to save her. Her parents screwed her up. At this point in her life, she isn’t going to change for you. You’ve already given her multiple chances. She says, “Oh, I won’t do it again. I cut that guy off,” and yet she’s still fucking him. Yeah.
I really want to be with her and talk to her, however, I have pulled no contact due to the fact that she said she needed space.
She “needed space,” okay.
As it sits, I’m sure she is fucking the other guy, but I do not really care, as I am focused on bettering myself and maturing me.
Thanks, Coach. Any input would be great.
Well, you can’t fix that, dude. You can’t make good wine from bad grapes. I mean it just seems hilarious; she cheated on him, and she needs space. That’s so rich. It’s like, come on, dude, have some self respect. Seriously.
Second Viewer’s Email:
Dear Corey Wayne,
Thank you for taking the time to read this email. I’ve been listening to your audiobook and YouTube videos for several months now.
Well, it isn’t going to help you if you don’t apply it.
My brother introduced me to your book a year ago, and I naively doubted its potential. Months later, I gave it a listen after messing up with my girlfriend, and the relationship advice worked wonders for our arguments. I became very in tune with my girlfriend’s emotions and felt like I was walking on air. I’ve listened to it on repeat since then.
Well, that’s good.
One habit I was never able to break, however, was lying. It made it very hard for her to trust me.
But every time I tried to work things out, she always gave me one more chance.
Well, she sounds like a saint. And you sound like you belong to the streets!
I think this gave me the out that I needed not to look inward to solve the problem.
Yeah, as you see, he’s a habitual liar. “Hey, she forgave me, so nothing to fix. I’ll just tell her I’m sorry and it won’t happen again, and then the next time she catches me, I’ll say, ‘Hey, sorry. It won’t happen again,’ and she’ll buy it.” Why should he change? She puts up with it.
Why should the girl change in the first email? The boyfriend puts up with it. Even though she in essence at this point has left him for another man and he’s kicked her out, he still sounds like he’s willing to forgive her again. And meanwhile, she’s got several other dudes that don’t care that she had a boyfriend, because they’re thinking, “Hey, we’re going to be soulmates, we’re going to be together.”
So, there are always a lot of guys that are willing to validate that behavior. That’s why like attracts like. People that like the same things tend to like each other. And if you get involved with a liar and a cheater and you continue to stay involved with them, well, you deserve what you get, because you’re inviting it. No one will ever do or say anything to you that you don’t invite them to do.
I know now, after what happened, that it should have been at the top of my list to work on.
Yeah, “being honest, I should have worked on that a little harder.” Character’s destiny. It’s like you don’t value truth and honesty and being a good person.
After nearly four years of this, I lied over a simple problem when all was going well…
Four years this shit went on. This guy is not going to change either.
…and she cut me out completely.
I mean, everybody’s got their breaking point. It’s like, four years of habitual lying and promising to change and not changing, she isn’t going to trust your masculine core, because you say one thing, and you do another. You’re not a trustworthy man. You’re a liar. You just don’t have any integrity. You’ve never operated from a place of integrity. And the reality is, I don’t think you’ll ever change.
I’ve never seen any case. I’ve seen a few emails and comments from people who are like, “Oh, I used to be a habitual cheater, and I haven’t cheated for like six months now, so I’m completely fixed.” Yeah, we’ll see. Email me in ten years, dude, and tell me where you are.
I tried the no contact rule, but my weak heart caved after 4 days and I blew up her phone, begging her to forgive me. (I know, come on man.) She told me several times that she was done before I gave up, and that she could never be with a dishonest person.
Yeah, you’re dishonest. I’ve had so many encounters with this. I’ve had people that worked for me. I had one that used to work for me that was a really cool person, and they just constantly lied. It was just constantly something else. And that’s who they are. You want to forgive them and give them opportunity to reach their potential and be better, a good high quality person. But, hey, if they want to continue to act like a ratchet, well, they get sent back to the streets. Because if you tolerate it, then guess what? You’re going to attract even more liars and cheaters into your life.
I ended up mailing her a letter apologizing for never changing, saying I plan to seek help for the lying, and thanking her for the great relationship.
“I plan to seek help,” that doesn’t sound like it’s a real priority. It’s like, “Yeah, I’ve got to get around to fixing that lying problem.” I would definitely say, go seek a therapist or somebody that can help you with that if you’re really serious. But, quite frankly, I don’t think you are. Because you got away with it with this girl for four years, and more than likely, there’s probably another girl out there that will forgive you and put up with this shit for a period of time. And then, eventually, she’ll probably leave.
I still find myself hoping that she’ll reach out to me after no contact, but her reaction to my toxic behavior makes me think she likely won’t.
You don’t deserve it either, dude. It’s like, let the girl go.
Have you ever heard of an ex reaching out after something like this?
Well, everybody’s got a breaking point. I mean, look at the first guy. He’s still willing to forgive that girl. At least that’s what the tone of his email says. So, there’s a sucker born every minute, as they say. And you’re obviously good at finding suckers that will put up with your BS, for a period of time anyway.
I understand now that any reasonable person would leave at the first sight of dishonesty.
Good people do.
I know that the best solution is to accept it, break my bad habits, and move on, but I can’t help but think that God gave me my perfect match to see if I could handle her.
We had all of the same interests, and she gave her everything to love and understand me, despite all we had been through.
You didn’t value it, so now you get to experience losing it. And when somebody else comes along, do I think you’ll change? Nope. I don’t think you’ll change at all. I’ve just never seen it. There’s like a 99.999% chance that this guy is always going to be this way. He’s just going to constantly be lying about things. He can’t help himself.
What’s interesting, when you look at the prison population, the overwhelming majority of the men that are in there grew up in single parent households. There was no dad around. If there’s no man to teach them how to be a man, to have honor and have integrity, your word is your bond, the neighborhood and the streets are going to raise them. And that’s why these people belong to the streets.
It’s not your job to fix them. They’ve chosen their course. Like, this guy’s made it to adulthood. That other girl in the first email has made it to adulthood. And, I mean, this guy can’t help himself. He doesn’t want to help himself. He talks about helping himself, but doesn’t change. And the first girl, she’s like, “Hey, I’m a hoe.” She’s totally cool with it. She knows what she is, she admits it. And if you stay with her after she admits that she’s a hoe, well, that’s on you. You can’t turn a hoe into a housewife.
How can I move on with the feeling that I lost my perfect match?
Well, quite frankly, there’s another bus every 15 minutes, but you’ll probably lie to her too. And eventually, she’ll get sick of it and leave you, and this will be your life. And if you ever have kids, your kids will be just as dishonest as you are and maybe even end up in jail someday. But hey, maybe you’ll prove us all wrong. Maybe you’ll be one of the 0.001% that potentially could change. But it doesn’t sound like you have any intention of it. You’re just like, “Yeah, I’ve got to work on that problem of lying all the time. I’m going to get around to that. I’ve got to fix my tennis elbow first.”
It feels like every person I try to date after this won’t come close to the love and connection she gave me.
Well, it’s normal to feel that way after a breakup. But look at the girl from the first email. It’s like, there’s always another dude willing to put up with her shit. And, quite frankly, there will be plenty of people out there that are suckers, plenty of girls that will put up with your lying and your deviousness. And then you’ll probably just continue on the same way, because whatever.
After you get rejected enough and you run into enough high character people that won’t put up with your shit, maybe you’ll change, but I wouldn’t bet on it. Me personally, I wouldn’t trust you as far as I could throw you, dude. I know it’s harsh, but masculine energy grows through challenge. Maybe you’ll prove us all wrong, but that’s on you to do.
And so, this was an email update he sent the next day. It says…
Please excuse my previous email. As a man still discovering his purpose and masculinity, I suffered a lot of emotions in a short amount of time. After talking to friends and family and listening to a lot of your videos, I’ve realized that this is a learning experience for me.
I could not expect her to continue with a flawed man, and it is now my time to work on myself, so I can be ready for my perfect girl whenever she comes along. Besides, as a 24-year-old graduate student still living at home, it was now or never to start my own life and focus on what matters. Thank you for all of your educational material, I plan on continuing my education in the art of mastering myself and understanding women.
Thank you, Corey, for the help and the resources to improve my relationship with women.
Well, it’s great I can give you the resources to improve your relationship with women, but I can’t turn you into an honest person, because character is destiny. I don’t believe you’re going to change. Hopefully, you’ll prove me wrong. That’d be nice. That’d be a good thing for humanity. But people like you typically just don’t. You make excuses. But maybe you’ll be different. Maybe you’ll be the 0.01%. that will actually change.
So, as you can see, you’ve kind of got both sides here. You’ve got the guy that’s on the receiving end of lying and cheating. And then you’ve got another dude who got dumped because he was always dishing out lying. And who knows, maybe there was cheating involved. He didn’t mention anything like that. He just lies about all kinds of things.
And I’ve met so many people like that in the course of my life. I’ve had people that work for me. I’ve worked with people that are like that on other jobs, and I’ve never known any of them to change. I’ve had long conversations with them. They’re worried about what other people think, they’re worried about acceptance, and it’s just easier for them, because they’ve done it so many times. Thousands and thousands of lies they’ve told over the course of their life that it’s just easier for them to do that, and they just don’t really have the motivation.
Like I said, maybe this last guy will prove me wrong, but if you’re one of the people that’s dating somebody that’s a liar and a cheater, look at the first email; they aren’t going to change. And it’s not your job to fix or to save them. They must do that themselves.
So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.
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