Why Moving Faster Than She Does Causes A Loss Of Attraction

Why moving faster than a woman is ready for leads to a loss of attraction and interest.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a 27-year-old viewer who has been dating a 22-year-old woman who has a child from another relationship for a few months. He is new to my work. He invited her to move in while she waits for her house to be ready to move into. She started pulling back because she is losing romantic attraction and interest and doesn’t understand why.

She wants space and to take a step back so her feelings can grow naturally. He asks my opinion. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

This particular email is from a guy who is 27 and he’s been dating a 22-year-old woman that has a child from another relationship for a few months. He’s new to my work, so he’s obviously making some rookie mistakes. After only knowing her and dating her for a few months, I guess she was waiting for either a house to be built or a house she had rented to be ready. He invited her to move in with her kid. Things were really great, but she started pulling back, she’s losing romantic attraction, she’s talking about wanting space so her feelings can develop. She’s obviously feeling smothered, so it’s pretty clear that this guy is moving way quicker than she is.

From a cultural perspective. What do we see on TV? What do we see in the movies? This is what all the guys do in the movies and in the movies, it gets the girl, but you do it in real life, what’s happening is his interest and his attraction is way ahead of where hers should be and she’s feeling pressured. When women feel pressured, because they’re kind of like cats, they tend to want their freedom back. So he asked my opinion because it’s pretty clear she doesn’t really understand what’s happening, but instinctively, she knows she needs a little bit more time apart and not to spend so much time together because quite frankly, her feelings are not in the same place as his are. So this is a pretty common thing that most guys experience. Things start out real hot and heavy, he’s like, “Oh, I found the love of my life,” and he gets her to move in for a couple of months and now they’re together every day. She even mentions that, so women kind of instinctively know that absence makes the heart grow fonder. Again, what you see on TV in the movies teaches guys just to blow past that and keep pursuing, keep trying to lock her down and of course, you’ll live happily ever after.

Viewer Email:

Hi Corey,

I just got your book and am going to read it at least three times this month in between my classes and flight school. 

I have been with this girl several months now. I am 27 and she is 22. She has a daughter and she says she loves me and wants to be exclusive. While she was waiting for her new house to be ready to move in to, she was staying at my place for two months. About a month ago, she wrote me this while in my bed:

So let me do my girl voice.

“My life has been changing so fast it’s like all the seasons flew by in a blink of an eye. My heart is torn between what I want to happen and what needs to happen. The love for you I have is very special, yet I feel too weak to fully see the light.”

In other words, what she’s really trying to communicate is, “You’re an awesome dude and I should be way more into you than I am, and that’s kind of confusing, but hopefully with enough time that will resolve itself.” What you notice is, as I continue to go through this email, is that she’s speaking in a woman’s language. She’s saying things that make kind of logical sense, but also to us logically brain dudes, there’s things she’s saying that kind of aren’t really making sense, because all it really boils down to is how she feels about him, and he’s way more into her than she is into him.

You guys that have been following me for a while know that if a woman thinks that she’s way more into you than you are into her, she’s going to like you a lot more and try a lot harder to get your attention and validation, because it takes time for a woman to fall in love, usually about two months. You can tell, I mean, moving in already? That’s rushing a lot, because now he’s spending a ton of time with this particular girl.

“Everything is so new and shiny but you can’t craft deep love over night. It’s hard to long for you when I see you everyday it’s hard to find that feeling I had in the beginning due to the fact of now we just see each other every day.”

So she knows instinctively, “It’s better for us and our relationship and most importantly, my feelings, that we don’t see each other every day,” because she knows it’s starting to kill attraction, because familiarity tends to breed contempt, especially when you only been dating for a few months. It’s just too much, too soon. It was probably his idea to get her to move in. She agreed at first, but after living together for several weeks, now it feels like a relationship and a marriage and they are family living all under the same roof. Her stuff is there, her kids are there and they only known each other for a few months. That’s a lot.

Now, if you’re following what’s in the book, naturally the progression is women are going to come and stay with you more and more, and they’ll just slowly start moving things into your house and taking over the countertop in your master bathroom, and then you’ll just get a tiny little spot.

So I got the puppies for a couple of days, so you have to bear with me. There’s some dogs down the hall and they constantly are like barking at each other, so it’s a lot of fun. I apologize for the barking.

“What I’m saying is I love you but want to start over. It will be much easier to do that when we get our own space back and feel that magnetic force we once had. I really just need to cut the BS and say I think it would be best if we could just be what we were in the beginning…”

“When we didn’t live together and spend that much time together,” because you were a mystery. Now, what she’s basically saying is, “There’s nothing mysterious about you.”

“…And work slower on the love we both know we have for ourselves and each other. I can feel myself unraveling with confusion and frustration about how I’m feeling and I’ve been thinking on how to put all this in words and I hope I did it correctly.”

Again, women know naturally absence makes the heart grow fonder and they didn’t have enough time and space away from each other for her to fall deeply in love and be unsure of herself. Remember, it’s a scientific fact that women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear. They like you more if they have to work for you, if you’re a challenge. So as soon as she moved in, after only a couple of months of dating, all the challenge and mystery went away. Now it’s like they’re the old married couple, feels like they’ve been together 10 years, but she knows it’s just way too much, too soon. The confusion is basically, “I was really into this at first and now I’m not, and the fear is that our feelings are going to go down and keep going down.”

“I’m also feeling a bit rushed with meeting your family and being around them for three days when me and you aren’t even figured out completely.”

Yeah, so he’s already treating her like his wife and his girlfriend. He’s living together, he’s introducing everybody to his family. It’s just way too much, too soon. It’s a bad way to go, my man.

“But I want to make you happy but I’m starting to see my own boundaries disappear and I’ve worked hard on those. We just need a step back and to look at everything before we just ruin it all…”

Meaning she ruins it all.

“…Because of forcing the pieces together…”

So she feels like he’s forcing her into his life and his family, because again, this is what all the movies and the TV shows do. “You better get a ring on her finger or some dude’s going to steal her.”

Notice how it makes her feel. She feels like things are being forced, and she’s going along with things because she doesn’t want to upset him or hurt his feelings.

“…When they are not ready to be placed down yet. I hope I’m making sense.”

Now that she has moved in and I’ve set everything up, I have been watching almost all of videos until the book came. I am taking the step back that she basically had asked for so that she can miss me more and more with the gift of my absence. I would love your help and am willing to book a 1-on-1 towards the end of the month.

Well, if you’re going to book a phone session, which I appreciate, you got to get through the book at least one time, just because if you haven’t read the book and then you book a phone session with me, what ends up happening is I’m teaching you things that are in the book that, quite frankly, you could read for free in the Members Area. All you got to do is put your name and your email address and boom! It’ll instantly open up and you can read the information. So if you’re going to book a phone session, you want to book a phone session, make sure you get through the book at least one time so we can be more efficient and you can get the biggest bang for your buck. I’d rather not teach you things that are in the book that you can read for free on my website.

I am staying focused on my life and staying calm, indifferent to the outcome. Any advice?

Thank you for your time, Coach. 

Bob

You just got to let her come and go as she pleases. You need to back off. Stop being so serious. Stop trying to introduce her to your friends and your family. What you should be doing is kind of matching and mirroring her level of effort and seriousness towards you at a slower pace, so she should be the one kind of starting to introduce you to her friends and her family. Then slowly you can introduce her and reciprocate to your friends and family, but you put the cart before the horse because again, like all of us, you can’t help but be brainwashed by what you see on TVs and the movies, especially if you didn’t have a good example at home growing up.

You have to let women come to you at their pace. This is just a typical, “I need space.” It would be good since you guys live together, go do things with your friends, go to the gym, go hang out and see your mom, have a boys night out or a poker night or whatever. Just do things to where she wonders where you’re at and what you’re doing. I’m not saying to go out and party, get VIP tables and have a bunch of girls around you.

Another thing that this guy is probably doing is he’s probably blowing off all of his friends and is only focused on her and her kid and trying to be a family basically, and he’s just smothering the shit out of her. The fact that he’s already introduced her to his family already, especially as she says, “Before we are even figured out,” which she’s basically saying he’s making a mad dash to the marriage altar, and she’s just not even on the same page. So you got to slow your roll. It’s much better if she thinks that she’s way more into you than you are into her, because what you’re going to do is you’re going to smother her and you’re going to chase her out of your life. You got to think in terms of like, women are like cats. What this kitty cat has done is it got tired of being petted. It stopped purring. It’s jumped out of your lap. What you basically been doing is running after it and going, “Pay attention to me. Live with me. Spend time with me,” and it freaks the cat out. The cat’s going to come to you when it feels like it, so you just got to let it be.

The other thing you should also focus on is make sure she’s doing 90%-95% of the calling, texting and pursuing. Hopefully you didn’t start off just absolutely smothering her, because if she’s doing most of the calling, texting and pursuing, she’s the one always trying to push things along further, it’s just way better that way. Besides, when you look at the movies from the 30s, 40s, 50s, early 60s, men and women acted normal and healthy. The women were always pursuing the most eligible bachelor men and trying to lock them down to marriage and a commitment and babies, and the guys were like, “I got purpose. I got a mission. I got to see the world. I’m going to get out of this small town. I got big plans, I got big hopes, I got big dreams,” and she wants to jump on his fun bus. Again, that’s just not the archetype that you see today. What’s presented today is women are taught to act like men, and men are taught to act like women. It is just totally dysfunctional and it’s unnatural. As much as the elite may want to propagandize the people into being this way and feminism, it’s just not natural and it doesn’t work. It doesn’t work for heterosexual relationships, it doesn’t work for lesbian relationships, it doesn’t work for gay relationships. It ruins the sexual polarity.

If you follow what’s in the book, you let her come to you at her pace. Let her be the one to get more serious and want to spend more time together. At some point, it’s like you put your foot down on the gas, you drop the hammer all the way, and she’s like, “Well, you got to slow your roll, bro.” So you got to slowly back off, especially if you’ve been doing more than 20% or 30% of the pursuing since you met. You got to back off and keep backing off ideally, especially with as much time and the fact she’s living with you to where she’s doing 90%-95% of the reaching out. If a woman is always chasing you, you don’t have to worry about getting dumped. If you’re the one always doing the chasing, the pursuing, moving her into your house and moving her along into a relationship after only a few months of knowing her, she’s going to bounce on your ass. So you just let her come and go.

Think of her as like a cat. You’re happy when she’s there, but if she’s gone, you look forward to the next time she comes back, because what happens is that coming and going, what happens is eventually she’s with you every day and you’re just always together. It’s just a natural progression. It’s like women do the nesting but in their own time. If you try to force it because you’re fearful of losing her or you want to lock her down because that’s what you saw in your favorite movie, you’re going to end up chasing her out of your life. So you gotta back off and just follow what the book says.

So if you guys haven’t already signed up for our paying Members Only content, you get six additional video coaching newsletters, just like this one, that only paying members have access to in addition to obviously the free ones that everybody has access to. We do a weekly 3% Man Study Group podcast and a weekly Mastering Yourself Study Group podcast where we literally go page-by-page in the book. We discuss viewer questions and topics related to in the books. Plus we have other special interviews and viewer questions podcasts that only paying members have access to.

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If you get a question or a challenge and you really want to get my help, like this guy mentioned, he wanted to get a 1-on-1 phone session with me. Obviously, I want you to read 3% Man first. If you have quality of life issues or purpose stuff, I’d want you to get through Mastering Yourself at least once, that way we don’t have to spend any of the time and the phone session talking about stuff that’s in the books. I’d rather talk about much higher level stuff if you got a baseline understanding of what’s in the books.

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