Why Patience Turns Women On & Impatience Turns Them Off

How to handle making dates, cancellations & unpredictable behavior to turn her on.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who was getting impatient with a woman he was trying to date. He was also talking and acting way too serious despite the fact they barely knew each other. She told him she wasn’t looking for anything serious and he’s confused by her behavior. He gets easily perturbed when she doesn’t do what he expects and this is causing her to back away. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “Why Patience Turns Women On & Impatience Turns Them Off”.

So this particular email is from a viewer who is clearly getting impatient with the woman he was trying to date. She would say things not always necessarily follow through. She wouldn’t get back to him in a timely manner at different times when he had reached out and texted her.

And he’s communicating that this is bothering him and getting under his skin a little bit. Because you should be indifferent to these things, these things should not bother you. Especially if you’re meeting women online they do this on purpose. They’ll purposely take their time to get back to you.

They’ll purposely say, “Hey, I’ll text you later. I’ll call you later. I’ll do this for you tomorrow or whatever.” And then two days later, they reach out just to see if you blow your top and you get upset. And so this guy’s also, he’s acting way too serious despite the fact they barely knew each other and he refers to her as his ex.

Maybe they actually dated before, but when I look at the interactions, especially some of the things she says, it doesn’t look like they’ve even slept together yet. And just in some of his texts to her, his texts are longer and hers are shorter. You’ve got to pay attention to those things. It just shows the level of investment.

You know, if you’re texting long paragraphs and she’s sending you 1 or 2 word answers or 1 or 2 short sentences, that shows you’re way more into her than she’s into you. And at the end of the day, women like you more if they think that they’re more into you than you are into them. And so this guy is definitely overcommunicating his interests.

He’s just too serious, too soon. And plus, she’s just telling him she’s not looking for a relationship, not ready for a relationship because she feels pressured. It even mentions that in their text exchange. And he’s his attitude is like, “Well, how could that be? I never even brought up a relationship.” It’s not the fact that you didn’t bring up the relationship. It’s your behavior that’s communicating impatience.

And plus, the way you’re talking to her is way more serious about her than she is about you. And you’ve got to pay attention to that. You’ve got to pay attention to her level of interest and level of effort, as it’s detailed in 3% Man. So you can’t just pay attention to your feelings and get upset if they’re not reciprocated. More often than not, we’re typically way ahead of the women, and it just takes time for them to fall in love.

You’ve got to take them through the process that’s in the book. Some of them start out hotter for you and more interested than the average ones do. Some of them start out with low interest and then get really high interest if you take them through the process that’s in the book. Because really what matters most is how they feel about you.

And it takes enough time and uncertainty in their part on how they behave. We’re expecting a FedEx package. I can’t believe it’s like they’re on the second floor and it’s so loud. I’m on the third floor and they go tearing down to the first floor because the FedEx guy is here now. Anyways, working out those wrinkles, it’s just amazing how it echoes all the way up through the building though.

Viewer Email:

Hi Coach,

I recently started talking my ex again. With hung out had wonderful time and she wanted to see me more whenever I try set up a date she hit me with, “I’ll let know. After a couple of the “I will let you knows” I finally told her she need make up her mind about if she truly want to hangout or not.

You shouldn’t say anything like that. And the other thing is that, you know, when I go through some of the text exchanges here, you can tell he’s just asking her to make a choice, make a decision. You’re supposed to be the appointment setter. You’re supposed to make the date. You’re supposed to invite her to join you at a restaurant or a specific place to hang out. A definite date, definite time, definite place. You don’t say things like, “Well, when do you want to hang out?”

And then you expect her to tell you and dictate terms. That’s basically expecting her to be the man. And women don’t like it. They expect you to have the plan. And she even comes right out and tells them that. I don’t know if he’s actually read my book or not, but it just shows that when you don’t take the lead and women see that, that even just making a simple dinner date or reservations or coming up with a place or a plan or how she should dress, and then when she asks you and then you just say, “Well, what do you want to do?”

Without inviting her to do something you already thought was a good idea, women want to relax and look hot and have a good time, and you handle all this stuff. But when a guy doesn’t do that, he’s going to open himself up for more testing and more inconsistent behavior, just simply because she’s showing up in relation to how he’s unsure of himself, and he’s dithering and he’s hesitating, and he’s not being direct and decisive in getting to the point.

And so if you tell a girl, “Hey, figure out your schedule and let me know.” When she talks about getting together, you ask her out and she says “she’s not sure of her schedule.” Then say, a couple of days go by, or maybe this is in the morning you’re talking and then she texts at you at night and says, “Hey, what are you doing?” Then you just say, “Hey, great hearing from you. Did you figure out in your schedule?”

You just assume she’s getting back to you and you go right into appointment setting mode. You don’t need to say, “Hey, how was your day?” Or any of that kind of nonsense. She told you she’s going to get back in touch when she gets her schedule together or figure it out. And so the next time she contacts you after that, you should assume that that’s what she’s done and that’s why she’s reaching out. But 99% of the time, she’s not going to say, “Hey, I checked my schedule and I’m available Tuesday after 7 p.m.”

They’re not going to do that. Typically, they’ll just say, “Hey”, but it’s up to you to redirect it towards the date and make the appointment. It’s your job to create the opportunity for sex to happen, which is what a date is after all. So you have to do those things. And when you show up and you don’t have a plan and you don’t know what to do, then you’re going to get a pullback.

And especially when you start, you know, lovey dovey, all this languages if she’s already your girlfriend when you barely have even been on a date together. So you’ve got to meet a girl where she’s at. You can’t act like she’s already a girlfriend when you met her one time. You know, it looks like he’s just kind of laying it on a little thick, and it’s just not authentic and real. And then on top of that, he’s getting a little upset with her.

Sometimes she will agree hangout and cancel last day.

So if she cancels a date on you then from that point forward, you’re not going to ever bring up getting together again unless she brings it up first. So say you have a definite date, definite time, definite place to get together, and then like the day before, the night before or five hours before you’re supposed to get together she cancels for some BS reason. Her tone is real flat. “Oh sorry I couldn’t make it.”

Just kind of seems like she doesn’t give a shit. Then you’re never going to bring up getting together again unless she brings it up first. So if she texts you, send 2 or 3 replies back and forth and just say, “Hey, I gotta run. I’ll talk to you later.” If she calls you or Facetimes, you talk for maybe three minutes, maybe four minutes, then just say, “Hey, it was great hearing from you, I’ve got to run. Talk to you later.”

And one of two things will happen. She’ll either bring up getting together or she’ll stop contacting you. And so what’s happening is unless she brings up seeing you in 2 to 3 minutes of talking or 2 to 3 texts, then you’re going to assume she’s just looking for attention and validation and she’s just wasting your time. So you’re just not going to give her any attention.

And again, since she wasted your time, which is the greatest gift you can give anybody by cancelling, that’s why you don’t ever bring it up again. Now, the late, great Doc Love, his attitude was if a woman cancels on you and is flat and doesn’t bring up a reschedule, She’s out forever. It means you flush the number and you never give her another chance. Because if you put up with it, you’re teaching her that it’s okay to disrespect you and waste your time.

And plus, she had low interest anyways. However, my attitude is if she asks you out, you’ll give her a shot at potentially redeeming herself. But if you made a date and she cancelled, then you got to let her do 100% of the reaching out. Even if she does reach out and brings up getting together, then you go on a date and that’s a good date. Then the next time she reaches out, then you can ask her out. But you got to let her do the contact initiation from that point forward as well. If she screws it up she’s got to fix it. If she takes you for granted she’s got to show you that she’s seriously by at least reaching out and pursuing.

I truly like this girl but am afraid I may had turn her off with my impatient.

Well, see, he already kind of knows that he’s impatient. You cannot get that way. Masculinity is calm. The number one strength characteristic women love in men is confidence. So when you get impatient, it shows deep down you don’t believe she would really want to go out with you. And that communicates that you’re not popular with other women and women like you more if you’re more popular with other ladies.

When they think you can’t get a date to save your life, it’s like you couldn’t even get them to piss in your mouth if your teeth were on fire. It’s like, it doesn’t matter. They don’t care. So you’ve got to make sure that she reciprocates interests and has enthusiasm. Again, feminine energy is chaos. Masculine energy is calm. And so when you’re impatient, you’re being chaotic and you’re acting like a girl.

That’s why it’s such a turnoff to women you get upset. When you hear from her, just be, as Rumi said, “Sell your cleverness and purchase bewilderment.” Be amused that she told you that she was going to get back to you the next day, and then she waits till two days later to reach out and then apologizes. “Oh, sorry. Work was crazy yesterday.” Don’t ever be bothered by that. You know, maybe she was doing it on purpose to test you because maybe you met online or a lot of guys that she meets get really upset and impatient.

That’s all it takes for her to blow them off and not go out with them anymore. Because if they’re getting upset right away and they’ve barely met or haven’t met, then the more she gets to know that guy or he gets to know her, the angrier he’s going to get. And so when they see you get upset or impatient it scares them, doesn’t make them feel safe. And the legs are going to close and she’s going to stay away from you if she doesn’t feel safe.

Especially if you’re impatient. You just cannot be that way because it’s unmanly. It’s not masculine. It’s not attractive. It repulses women. And so again, women will do that a lot. “Oh, hey, I’ll call you tomorrow.” Or “Hey. I’ll give you a call around 6:00 tonight.” And then 3:00 tomorrow afternoon they get in touch with you. “Oh, hey. I’m so sorry about it.” “Hey. No problem babe. Good to hear from you. What’s your schedule like? What’d you figure out?”

Then you just make a plan like it’s no big deal. It doesn’t bother you, doesn’t ruffle your feathers. She can stay. She can go. You don’t really care because you’re looking for enthusiasm. You’re looking for. “Hell, yeah. I’d love to see you.” You’re looking for a girl that’s just easy going, easy to get along with. And even if she says, “I’ll call you tomorrow”, then she calls you two days later, you’re just happy to hear from her.

And then once you pass those tests a few times, she won’t ever do it again. But in the beginning stages, you should expect that kind of behavior. Especially with girls you’re meeting online, they’ve got to have a way to weed out the psychos and the impatient, upset beta males that get perturbed at everything. So you’ve just got to understand that it’s really a test of your masculinity and how manly and masculine are you.

If you get butthurt that she’s a few hours behind what you expect or tells you she’s going to call you and the next day she does it. It’s like nothing should bother you. You’re just glad to hear from her. Hey, she’ll get back to you when she can. Maybe she was busy. Maybe something came up. Shouldn’t be a big deal.

If one of your friends does that, they’ll probably apologize. But you’re not like, “You dickhead. You said you’re going to call me yesterday. You didn’t. I hate you. I don’t want to be friends anymore.” You’re not going to freak out like that. You’re like, “Hey, no problem, man. Shit happens.” So you should have an indifferent attitude. You should be unbothered, unperturbed.

Also, after our first date when so well she called me and said she had a great time so I told her I would like to see her again. I have been very consistent with checking up on her and being understanding toward her.

Well, you’re not supposed to check up on her. You’re supposed to make dates, hang out and have fun and hook up. So you don’t check up on a girl and see how she’s doing throughout the day or throughout the week. The phones are for setting dates, not getting to know her. Women care about how they feel about you. They don’t really give a damn about how you feel about them. That’s the most important thing to understand.

I have been very consistent with checking up on her and being understanding toward her but that has made her slow pulled away and less responsive.

Well, again, if you’re checking up on her, instead of using the phone to make dates, you’re acting too serious. You’re acting like you want a relationship. You’re starting to act like a boyfriend when I mean, quite frankly, it looks like you guys have only got together one time.

We talk on video yesterday and she mention that she isn’t ready for anything serious, but I think she’s saying isn’t any wanting anything serious with me.

Well, obviously the only reason she’s saying that is because she feels pressure. She feels like you want a relationship and you’ve got to understand, women go out with the attitude of, “is this guy good for me? Do I like him? Are we good together? Are we compatible? Do I have fun with him? Do I like him?” They’re not sure. They’re skeptical and they’re selective. And that’s just part of the process.

And quite frankly, as a man, you should be that way. You should be skeptical. You shouldn’t be already convinced before you even meet her, or just after one date, that she’s the future ex-wife that you’ve been dreaming about for years. You don’t know anything about her. And people can hide who they are for the first 90 days. So you need to be selective, and you need to slow your roll.

And you’re trying to go slightly slower than she is. So she becomes more attracted and calls and texts you more. Otherwise you get impatient and you’re just going to push her away. So here’s like a text exchange. A lot of times when people send me their screenshots, their texts, they get all mixed up and discombobulated and then they overlap each other.

She said, “Good morning Bob. Sorry for the last response, I needed to think about it. I could come up to Chatt next weekend. But if you’re still planning to come down on the weekend that works fine too. I hope you have a great day! I will warn you though, it’s supposed to be crazy busy in the city this weekend because they’re having some event called 404 day Imao”.

He said, “Chattanooga sounds great next week. I’m not sure about battling the 404 day. Looking forward towards seeing you. Have a great day and happy Easter. Talk soon and am excited about meeting next week.”

She said, “Do you have Easter plans?”

He said, “No, not really. You got something in mind?”

She said, “What will I have in mind? No l figured you may have had plans with your family since you weren’t coming here this weekend”.

He said, “No not really. I mean If your available yes I’ll come down there spend time with you but if you’re unsure of what you want then I can wait until next week when you’re in Chattanooga. just need you be decisive of what you want.”

Don’t say that in a text. Don’t ever do that.

He said, “Yes I will like see you this weekend but I want make your going to follow through and not change plans last minute.”

You can’t say this. This shows I’m mad you didn’t do what you said you’re going to do.

He said, “So if you want and your available this weekend I’ll come just let me know your cool with it.”

She said, “Know you probably think am upset or whatever but that’s truly not the case. am in Kentucky taking care of something’s but I will call you when I get home tonight. Be safe on your way home”.

She said, “I didn’t know you were in Kentucky. Why you all the way out there?!”

He said, “Yeah,          Kentucky be exact. They sent me, Jessica and Bob to go repair some carbon steel pipes that were supposedly “repaired” already.

But let me knock out this last pipe RQ. I’II call you when I get home sweetie. Again be safe on your way home!!”

She said, “Hey are you up?” [and sends him a TikTok video].

She said, “Good morning. Hope you got yourself some good rest & have a great day”.

He said, “Good morning luv, buggg. I did, hope got enough sleep in yourself. Hey, I apologize if I had said something or if you feel rushed last night. I was extremely tired and was trying force a conversation. I don’t really remember much of anything expect your face expression lol.”

Does that mean he drank too much on the date?

He said, “If I had crossed a line or came off as pressing you into anything I apologize, it wasn’t intentional. Let’s continue hangout, have fun and enjoy each other’s company and whatever happens is cool!”

She said, “I appreciate you for correcting it lol I was just a bit taken back by how you said it as if it was like I’m ready for this to happen NOW. and I just wanted to be sure I was effectively communicating and letting it be known that I was not looking to rush into anything serious. Although I’m taking this very seriously, just don’t want to rush. But again thank you for clearing that up, and yes I look forward to having so much fun with you.”

Thanks for clearing that, I can’t really. It gets cut off.

He said, “Perfect! Am glad we’re communicating and making sure we both on the same page.”

She said, “Same. Now we just need to hug it out”.

He said, “Exactly!!! Let me know your availability n we’ll most definitely get together!”

She said, “I will do that for sure and keep you posted on if anything changes this week or next”.

He said, “Sounds perfect”.

She said, “Talk to you later if you’re feeling up to it”. [she sends him an emoji]

He said, “The reason is because we’re supposed be outside for one of them and according to the weather it 40% chance of rain it why I don’t want to say anything yet because l might have come up w something diff replace what I originally have planned.”

She said, “Nothing’s wrong with the plans changing I just want to know what you have planned so I can be mentally prepared”.

He said, “You said something about your having back pain few days ago, I got something planned out for that after that we are going to drive go karts and later on I’ll have reservations somewhere for nice dinner and if the knight still young we can go downtown and walk around n stuff as such but if we’re both ready be inside then we can grab bottle wine kick it in the hotel & call it knight. But like I said anything could change”.

He said, “Am at church baby. Let me call you when I leave”.

She said, “Okay cool. You don’t have to book another massage. I know I said my back hurts but it’s fine my back always hurting. Have you started booking things already? And I know I said before that I was okay with us spending the night together but honestly I’m not sure if I’m ready for that.”

He said, “Well. You need decide what u want because am not willing loose another $200 plus on hotel. And okay”.

She said, “I just told you. So if you want to get a hotel for yourself to stay in that’s fine but I’m not ready to sleep with you. If you’re not okay with that then you don’t have to come.”

So this conversation is not going well. If this is like your second time and you’re going to go to her city, I guess where she’s at, then you should just be happy to go and visit and you’ll see her when she’s available. It’s like, you’re cool either way. But you know, again, if you made plans and booked a hotel, then she cancelled, I wouldn’t be making plans and paying for her hotel she needs to come see you. But you can just tell the exchange here, she’s just pissed off. And so here’s another exchange. Again, these are kind of mixed up. And so I don’t really know the order.

She said, “Good morning Bob. Sorry for the last response, I needed to think about it. I could come up to Chatt next weekend. But if you’re still planning to come down on the weekend that works fine too. I hope you have a great day! I will warn you though, it’s supposed to be crazy busy in the city this weekend because they’re having some event called 404 day Imao”.

He said, “Chattanooga sounds great next week. I’m not sure about battling the 404 day. Looking forward towards seeing you. Have a great day and happy Easter. Talk soon and am excited about meeting next week.”

So that tells me this is before the very first message was in the exchange and where she says, do you have Easter plans? And so he had kind of talked about meeting, but he just kind of left it up in the air. And so he just wasn’t really decisive. And so he’s kind of like unsure. And it looks like this is all taking place before they meet for the first time and then they met. But you can just see that doesn’t really have a plan.

She kind of calls him out on it. She’s expecting him to plan something and then tell her what to wear, where she’s got to be, what she’s got to do, that kind of thing. Again, you’re supposed to be driving the fun bus and you’re picking her up. Either if you don’t know her, you’re going to meet her there. But if you’ve met her before and you’ve got good rapport, then you go pick her up at her house. Definite day, definite time, definite place to get together.

He said, “Sleep with me as going to bed together or sleep with me as in intimacy?”

She said, “Either or”.

He said, “Okay”.

She said, “Let me know what you going to do”.

He said, “Honestly, I didn’t have nun that in mind but I am glad you said something before I book room thought”.

She said, “We talked about sleeping together before so I just wanted to clarify before you spent any money”.

He said, “I got you, no biggie. Glad we both on same page”.

She said, “Or wasted your time lol. Okay cool”.

He said, “I got you, I mean my intention w you is pure. Am not rushing anything and whatever happens am cool with it as long as I know I give it my absolute best”.

She said, “I understand”.

How can I re-attract her? She said she feels pressure be in a relationship by me.

Or keep in mind it looks like they only met in person once. And again he’s referring to her as an ex in the email. He’s like. Like I said, from all I can tell, it looks like they went out on like one date.

I have never asked her to be in a relationship, so I don’t understand why she feels that way. Please, any feedback will be well appreciated.

Bob

Well, again, the way you were talking to her in texts again, it looks like you only had one date with her, and you probably hadn’t even kissed her. But you’re talking to her like she’s already a girlfriend, and you’re serious about her, and you’re getting upset about going and getting hotels and different things. So again, when you get butthurt and you’re expressing how upset you are, you’re getting jerked around.

It’s like, again, as I was going through that, I was pointing out how I just wouldn’t have phrased things that way. It’s not so much what you say, it’s how you say it. And the way you’re communicating it shows that she’s getting under your skin, and you’re supposed to be unperturbed while things don’t bother you. I mean, you’re not going to let somebody waste your time.

But in the same token, you’re not going to be getting butthurt and upset. If they don’t treat you properly or they cancel dates or blow you off, you’re just going to go spend time with somebody else. There’s no butthurt or no bad feelings. It’s just, I’m going to give my time to somebody that appreciates it. You don’t need to tell her or rub it in her face. You just go and do it and act accordingly, especially after she’s cancelled on you.

That’s why she’s got to bring it up. You made a date and she cancelled and gave you a BS reason. You lost your 200 bucks on a hotel, whatever it happened to be. At the end of the day, the way it came across the way you made her feel was that you were booking a hotel because you were expecting to get laid, and then you were upset that you booked a hotel and then lost your money, and then you didn’t get laid.

That’s the way it came across. And it’s not helpful. But then again, since it sounds like she was willing to come to your city, I would not be traveling to her, especially after she had already cancelled a date on you. It just shows that you don’t really value your time and you don’t mind her wasting it. And you just you’re right at bat giving her another opportunity to waste another evening.

So again, that’s why I said earlier in the video, when a woman does that, she’s got to bring up getting together. And if you traveled and lost your money on a hotel, the only way you’ll see her is if she’s got to come to your town and she can get a hotel, she can stay with you. She can drive back. I don’t know how far away they are from each other. But again, it’s just your text exchange.

You’ve got to think about how these things are coming across. When you’re constantly getting upset instead of just easygoing, easy to get along with. You know, again, it’s like you had one date and she’s already saying, hey, I’m not looking for anything serious. You came on too strong and you pressured her just by the way you talked and you acted towards her.

She’s supposed to be convincing you why you should stop being single and only be in a relationship, or only date and see her. That should be the attitude. And you’re willing to go out on a date and see what she’s like. See if she’s a good person, she has good character, those kinds of things. You’re supposed to be vetting her. So if you’re vetting her, you’re not sure of her because you need to spend enough time with her, you’re going to be a little skeptical.

You’re also going to be selective. So don’t give the girl the impression right away that she’s already won the race, and you’re ready to have her as your next girlfriend. So she’s supposed to be convincing you, but otherwise, in the meantime, you just want to hang out and see how it goes. That’s why I say hang out, have fun, and hook up. Keep it simple, my man.

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