Some reasons why seduction can sometimes take longer than you expect.
In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who has been on 4 dates with a woman he really likes. However, he still has been unable to seal the deal and is getting too much last minute resistance to seducing her successfully.
After the last date he left her place annoyed and thinks she picked up on that. He is considering not texting her anymore because he is frustrated. He asks my opinion. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
This particular guy, he says he’s been on four dates with a woman he really likes, but he says he’s come that close to sealing the deal but hasn’t been able to go all the way. He’s encountered some last minute resistance, but he also shares some things after day three and four that he thought he might have done wrong, but he’s a little frustrated at this point.
When he left from her house, though after date four, he says he thinks she probably picked up on the fact that he was annoyed that she wouldn’t go all the way because she’s doing things to entice him. This is really an art. The art of seduction and overcoming that last minute resistance. I talk about two steps forward, one step back and 3% Man, because you have to get a woman to a point where she feels safe and comfortable that any point during the selection process, she can say, “Stop,” and you’ll respect that and you’ll back off.
Oftentimes just being willing to respect and back off, then relax, then maybe 10, 15 minutes later, you slowly escalate things through kissing and heavy petting, eventually you wear her down because the idea is she’s got to feel safe and comfortable that she can stop at any time if things go too fast. Quite frankly, most of us guys were in too much of a rush to get to the promised land.
So let’s go through his email and see what we can do to help him tweak his approach. So maybe next time, maybe the fifth date he’s able to get to the promised land, but most women are going to sleep with a guy by the second or third date if you apply what’s in the book. He admits that he made a couple of mistakes during the seduction process.
I hope you are doing well!
I am Bob and I watched several YouTube videos of yours and read your book 10-15 times. I am from Italy but moved to the US for college and have been living here for eight years now. My older brother introduced me to your book during my senior year in college and my dating life changed since then. I wish I read your book earlier.
Well, I wish a book like mine was available in these videos, like when I was in high school. That sure would have been nice. Sure, a lot of things I missed out on in high school in my early 20s that even throughout my 20s, it would have been nice to be able to look back on it now and have those memories, but hey, you know you young guys, I get to live vicariously through you, but I’m bored. Made up for it since then. If I hadn’t gone through what I went through, I would have been able to connect these dots and you wouldn’t even be listening to me at this point.
I have been going out with a girl for about a month. We went on our 4th date a few days ago but I still was not able to get intimate with her. I do believe that her level of interest is between seven and eight and our dates overall went well.
Well, more than likely you should underrate the interest. That’s probably a six or a seven, not a seven or an eight.
Love starts at nine, so you’re not sleeping with her. There’s no way it’s an eight, bro. So you’re overrating her interest, and what you’re really doing is you’re projecting your high interest onto her. So more than likely, that probably comes off when you’re together is a little bit dopey type of behavior, a little too nice, maybe a little too agreeable, willing to go along with things you don’t really agree with just because you’re trying to be nice in hopes that you can beat up her pelvis.
On the first date I kissed her, on the second date I was able to bring her to my place but we only engaged in heavy petting. She removed her shirt (and bra) but I was not able to go all the way. This dynamic repeated also in the following dates.
I’d say there’s something going on there during your seduction process. Maybe you’re going too fast, which is typically the case. Or as soon as you encounter the resistance and you go to take one step backward, you’re just giving up.
You shouldn’t look at a delay as a denial. It’s just it means you’re going a little too fast, that’s all. You’re just going to slow it down. If it was me, if I was in your place on that second date, and she’s removing her shirt and bra, you better believe it’s going boom, boom, boom!
This is an art. This is not an exact science. You can’t pull out your calculator, your slide ruler, your Excel spreadsheet. It’s not going to work that way. You just have to respond to how she’s responding when she feels safe and comfortable, clothes start coming off. When it’s a little too fast, she starts stopping you or slowing down, and clothing may get put back on. It doesn’t mean the end, it just means you went a little too fast. Slow your roll, buddy.
During the dates, I am self-centered, I bring her to different venues/bars, keep conversations light and fun and I passed several of her shit tests. She clearly is interested in me…
Well, if she removed her shirt and her bra on the second date then, and she came back to your house, she was obviously down to hook up, but something happened. You probably went a little too fast.
…Since she sent pictures of her wearing a slutty Halloween costume and was pushing for dinner since our second date. I eventually brought her to dinner on the 4th date. On this last date, she was touching me and we were talking very closely and eventually, we went to her place, but again I was not able to conclude.
No cunnilingus and no meat missile…
I would like to point out a few errors that I believe I made. On the 2nd and 3rd dates, I was not decisive enough in the bedroom.
Ha! Something was going on at the last minute there.
I would use the one step back, two steps forward strategy, but I would desist too easily based on what she was saying vs what she was doing.
So more than likely he was going a little too fast because he was probably too overeager. She told him to stop or to slow down. Then he gave up. He tapped out, which again, two steps forward, one step back, two steps forward, one step back. It’s a process. It’s not two steps forward, one step back, and then you give up. That’s what it looks like he did. So that’s not how you apply two steps forward one step back. You took the delay as an outright denial and you gave up. And so that’s on you.
So maybe I lost some frame there.
Yeah, it sounds like some red pill stuff has been clouding his judgment.
Also, I believe I should have closed the last date after I understood that she was not willing to sleep with me that night. After dinner and going to a bar, she was like “It’s too late, I want to go to sleep but if you want we can go to my place since it’s close.”
I would have been like, “Sure.”
From her tone, I could understand that she was not ready yet…
Yet in that moment, you gave up too soon, padawan. See, you take the delay as a denial. That’s not what two steps forward, one step back is, dude. It just means slow down, and you went, “Oh, I guess I got to give up not getting any pussy tonight. So I’m going to go home and be mad.”
…And I think I should have left.
No. You should have gone to her place.
Remember, you must love in such a way that the person you love feels free. She’s inviting you in. It shows she’s comfortable and she’s like, “You can stay at my place,” basically. In other words, you’re going to probably get laid as long as you don’t talk me out of it or you don’t just give up.
Instead, I went to her place, at the end when I kissed her goodbye, she said thanks for the night but I did not reply and left.
Well, I would have gone over to her place and just hung out, and it would’ve been totally cool to sleep there or spend a night. She said, “Hey, we can go back to my place.” If she’s really tired and she’s like, “Well, you know, maybe you’ll get lucky in the morning, sweetheart.” Then, kiss her goodnight and roll over.
Now, there have been times where it’s been like late at night and I was just so tired. Just, you know, the two steps forward, one step back. I’m just like, “Oh, maybe in the morning.” It’s like, I could take it or leave it. I was just tired. So I stopped and I just lay back and we’re laying there. Then about five minutes later, I hear her slipping off her panties. So then my underwear came off magically.
You just have to communicate through your actions that you’re indifferent. You’re cool. We can hook up. If we’re too tired, we’ll go to sleep. No big deal. Maybe she’ll get lucky in the morning.
So, I am afraid she understood I was a little annoyed.
Yeah. Being perturbed and then you just abruptly leave like that. She’s like, “He just wants sex.” That’s not smooth, dude.
In any case, I am debating whether I should wait more than 3-4 days before I text her or if I should just see if she texts me instead.
Well yeah, wait four or five days. This just tells me you’re a little overeager. You’re overeager to see her, and you’re overeager to sleep with her. You’re going too fast. You’re going faster, slightly faster than she is, and that’s your problem.
If she doesn’t, I’ll just move on. I like her, but quite frankly I am tempted to just pursue other situations I have. We are not exclusive and she is definitely seeing other guys. She did talk about some dates she had in her recent past and I don’t think I have a lot of competition. One of these guys bought her an Apple watch on the 3rd date.
That’s an expensive gift. That guy definitely doesn’t know what he’s doing.
What are your thoughts on this? Should I text her?
Wait 4 or 5 days and then text her and just make the next date, dude. It’s good practice either way, but I can tell on the date you’re you’re going too fast. Instead of just slowing it down, you’re getting mad, annoyed, frustrated and giving up. Obviously she’s picking up on that. That’s probably what also is kind of getting in the way of you seducing her on the subsequent dates.
If she can tell that you get annoyed and frustrated when she doesn’t give it up, it’s like she’s willing to give it up. I mean, she wouldn’t be inviting you over and taking her shirt and bra off.
Can it be that she sees me as a serious guy with a good job coming from a wealthy family and therefore she wants an actual relationship with me, even though I just want to have fun right now?
That sounds like you’ve been reading red pill nonsense from an incel that never that wrote a nice book that a lot of people read, and that dude’s a dork. He’s weird and awkward around women. You can see him being weird. He just has no charisma at all. You can tell he’s a frustrated man that never got the caliber of woman he felt he deserved. So he wrote this book that has just basically become like a fucking religion. Now, to a lot of incels and guys that don’t have much success with women, it just validates that it’s not their fault. It’s got to be the modern woman’s fault. Which is a shame because it’s fucking a lot of people up, but hey, what you observe, you participate in.
So if you want to consume that shit, don’t be surprised when you get a woman taking her shirt and her bra off that you’re like, “Oh, I don’t know what to do with this. What do I do with these things? What do I do with these fun-bags? What next?
So what you just said is just an excuse that sounds like red pill nonsense, because you obviously have been consuming some of that, because I can just tell by some of the things you say in your email, it’s kind of clouding your judgment a little bit. This is the kind of rationalization that overrides what you’re learning from me and causes you to justify, “Oh, it’s not my fault. She must be seeing me as a relationship guy.” No, dude, you were just going a little too fast, that’s all. You could have slowed down, slow and steady. Like the river that never grows stale. No hurry, no rush. That’s it. Pretty simple situation, dude, but don’t give up on this girl.
I mean, it’s crazy. It’s like you’re right there. She’s ready. She’s ready to sleep with you on each date, but you’re getting mad and butt-hurt and just giving up. Like, that’s absurd. So you need to think about the shit that you’re consuming on the internet. If it’s from some dude who’s in a boring marriage for many, many years and never got the caliber of woman that he thought he deserved, and then all you’re doing is getting his excuses for his failure and then adopting it as a religion, which is what a lot of dudes are doing. Whatever, man, I’m here teaching the fundamentals. I’ve been doing this a lot longer than these other red pill schmucks have, and what I teach actually works.
If you want to be bitter and you want to be sexually frustrated, like the dude that wrote that book, then keep following and listening to what he says because the guy’s got no game, he’s got no charisma. All you have to do is look at him on podcasts when he’s around girls. He’s just a dork that girls never paid attention to and quite frankly, still don’t pay attention to him. That’s a fact.
Like I said, what I would do four or five days, maybe six days, text her and just arrange the next date, be a little more patient, go a little slower. A delay is not a denial, dude. Just you can’t just give up and tap out and that’s your problem. Plus you’re consuming stuff from a guy that doesn’t have a clue.
So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.
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