Here’s why women become cold, distant, flakey and cancel dates when everything seemed to being going great initially. Something that is very important to understand is that when you do things wrong with a woman in a relationship, her interest level in you drops slowly over time. Most men think that once a woman tells him she loves him, that she will always feel this way automatically towards him. This is just one of the many ways men become complacent in their relationships. They become complacent and lazy and therefore, they stop doing the things that made them successful in the relationship to begin with. These guys never have time for their wives or families, but they always seem to find the time for a divorce lawyer. The worst position for a guy to be in is for him to be doing and saying things that turn his girl off and lower her level of romantic interest in him without realizing it. Worse, he doesn’t even notice that her interest level in him is dropping, usually, until it’s too late and she dumps him. Don’t be one of those clueless guys! Guys have a real hard time remaining objective and underrating a woman’s level of interest in him. Most men project their high level of interest onto a woman, while ignoring the fact there are little to no signs of mutual romantic interest. The following is an e-mail from a reader. He’s recently read my book, but instead of using it to meet new women who he can have a fresh start with, he’s trying to rekindle things with women he blew it with in the past. My comments are (in bold brackets like this) in the body of his e-mail:
This is Dias, I have a little concern and want to ask for your advice. I met this girl back in 2010. We were really into each other. Our relationship lasted only 3 to 4 months, and trust me we really loved each other, and it is still the case today. We broke up because she’s an international student. She was saying she might leave the country to Canada soon and she didn’t want to get any deeper into those overwhelming feelings. (Things were going so well and she loved you so much, that she had to break up with you? I think while she initially liked you, you did things that lowered her level of romantic interest in you to the point where she lost interest and just wanted to be friends. She made up a BS excuse about moving away for college as the reason for the breakup. She did not have the guts to be honest and tell you that you lowered her interest level by doing too many things wrong. Most women like to avoid drama and saying things that hurt your feelings. Therefore, they make up half-truths that help them get what they want without creating drama and awkward situations. Women are emotional beings who try to avoid hurting your feelings, even if it means misleading you. They hope that you simply figure things out on your own later.)
So long story short. We finally separated and guess what??? She still lives 2 hours away from me as of today. (Big shock! She was bullshitting you.) After our break up, we kept in touch, Facebook, email, texting, etc. I have tried to see her again several times but at the last minutes she cancelled our dates for obscure reasons. (That is because she really did not want to see you. Maybe she hooked up with an old boyfriend, met a guy who understood women better than you, etc.) She loves me, she misses me. (If she really loved and missed you, she would have kept your dates. You are projecting your high interest level onto her and ignoring the fact she is showing signs of low interest. Women help you when they like you. That includes chasing you and making it easy to get a date with them.) I know, she told me a several times, I do too. (You ALWAYS look at what a woman does, not what she says.) I also know, as you said in one of your articles and in your book, why she cancelled our dates at the last minute several times. Therefore, after realizing my mistakes, I stopped any more contact with her. (Good for you! It takes balls to do that. Most guys can’t stomach the thought of finding out she is not interested in them, so they keep bullshitting themselves hoping things will change. For some weak men, ignorance is bliss!) I stopped trying to see her. I told myself if she really wants to see me, she will initiate the contact first. (Yes! Now you’re talking!) If she does, then I’ll play my cards right and turn this situation around. Despite the fact that she sometimes liked or commented on my Facebook posts, I didn’t try to force the communication, or to contact her. I have just been a cool friend for about 5, 6 months now. On Feb 14th she texted me, wishing me Happy Valentines day and we exchanged texts for just a few minutes. (Invite her to come see you when she does that. Why should you always have to travel?)
She said I forgot her, (Translation: “I kind of miss you since you’ve stopped contacting me.”) while I know exactly how and where to find her. Hearing all her “bla-bla-bla” I just shake my head, and let that pass by. I told her I have come to her neighborhood several times, but never get to see her around. I was lying of course. She was pissed off and said “Please, do me a favor. Next time you come around shoot me a text, hit me on Facebook or something.” So I said, “I might be there again next month, I’ll hit u up” and she said “great!” Now I don’t want to make any mistake this time. Since I have read your book, I feel like I have grown up a little. I want to settle something nice and clean. I don’t want to let her cancel our dates again. (If she is going to cancel your date, there is nothing you can do. You must let it happen. When a woman cancels two dates, she’s out! The only way you should schedule another date with this girl, is if she messages or text’s you first and brings up getting together. Let her bring up getting together or seeing you. If she does not, then don’t bring it up yourself. Why? The last time you were chivalrous enough to invite her on dates, she blew you off at the last minute like you meant nothing to her. Why? Because at that time, she knew she could get away with it and you would still come back; plus she did not really want to see you. You reward a woman’s good behavior and treating you with respect by giving her your time and presence. When a woman is rude, disrespectful, takes you for granted or cancels dates for BS reasons, she gets less and less of your time and presence. You spend your time with women who are grateful to have you in their lives.)
Do you think I should propose to pick her up, so she don’t play with me again? (Make her come to visit you in your city if she contacts you and brings up getting together. You made several attempts to go see her in her city, but she blew you off each time. Unless she’s willing to come meet you someplace in your city, tell her you’re not interested. Tell her that you want to see her make an effort to see you and appreciate you. If that’s too much to ask, she should call some other guy to go out with her.) I haven’t told her when exactly yet I will get there. How soon before that day you think I will let her know? On the actual date, do you think I should talk about our past? How much she has cancelled our dates? Or how we broke up in 2010 thinking of her leaving the country, but that she’s still here? Other thoughts? (No need to bring any of the past up. The past does not equal the future. This also means that if she wants to be in your future, she needs to make a radical effort to treat you better than she did in the past. It takes two. This girl has not made sufficient effort to warrant any more of your precious and limited time. The amount of days you have been on this planet is getting longer, while the amount of days you have left is getting shorter! That’s something to think about before you spend any more emotional or mental energy thinking about her. Get busy meeting and dating some new women. Stop trying to heat up leftovers or rekindle things with ex girlfriends or girls who blew you off. Create something new. You can download the Amazon Kindle version of my book to your Smartphone, PC, Mac or iPad in under 60 seconds for only $9.99 by CLICKING HERE to learn how to meet and date the type of women you’ve always wanted and have effortless relationships.)
Thank you Corey!
“Success depends upon previous preparation, & without such preparation there is sure to be failure.” ~ Confucius