Why She Dumped You & Went Back To Her Loser Ex-Boyfriend

Why a woman will dump you & go back to her loser ex-boyfriend even if your game is tight.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who got dumped after dating a girl for 3 months. He’s 26 and she is 20. He thought things were going well, but she went back her loser ex-boyfriend of 6 months who she said was manipulative. He can’t understand why she chose the other guy over him and asks my opinion. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Members Only Newsletter is, “Why She Dumped You & Went Back To Her Loser Ex-Boyfriend.”

Well, this particular email is from a guy who’s kind of scratching his head. He was dating this girl for about three months. It doesn’t sound like they were exclusive. They were just kind of dating. He’s 26 and she’s 20. He thought things were going well. And then all of a sudden, her loser ex-boyfriend, who was apparently just a rebound type of guy, he wasn’t really even officially a boyfriend and who also, she said was manipulative.

He ended up getting back in touch and he was begging, and he was pleading with her to give him another chance because I guess apparently he had jerked her around and he was the one that dumped her. And then when he found out she was dating this guy who wrote the email, then he came back begging and pleading. And so this guy is thinking, man, I thought my game was tight. She was really into me doing all the pursuing. But as soon as he came back in the picture, how did his begging and pleading work? Why did she get back together with him and then blow me off?

Well, leverage. Simple answer is leverage. He dumped her. So therefore, rejection breeds obsession. I had a video newsletter I did in the past week. Another similar situation. Guy started dating this girl. Things were going real well. And then all of a sudden the guy that dumped her came back in the picture and wanted her back and she was still in love with him. So she went back to him. Because they simply had more time in. So this guy had six months with her. He was jerking her around, he dumped her. He rejected her.

So from a leverage perspective, you’re always going to lose. You had three months with her. She had six months with this guy. She obviously got emotionally anchored to him. He tossed her aside like trash. But once he found out she was dating him, and probably because he didn’t find anybody else that he liked, now he wants her back. And so the begging and pleading, it may have been a small event or a one time event, but she’d been missing him all this time because he had rejected her. That’s the difference.

It would have been a completely different story if she dumped this guy six months ago and wanted nothing to do with him, but the fact that he dumped her and now he comes back begging and pleading. Obviously he looks weak when he’s doing that, but he’s communicating that he wants another shot with her, and she was still emotionally bonded and anchored to him way more than she was to this guy that wrote the email.

So the short answer, that’s why she went back, is the other guy had leverage and this guy didn’t. And on top of that, the thing that kind of jumps out at me before we start going through his email is he was dating this girl for three months, and if he had really been following The Book to a T, she should have been in love with him by week 6 or 7 and locking him down to a commitment, and would have been head over heels in love with him by three months.

But that didn’t happen. It kind of sounds like they were just kind of casually dating and hooking up, so I would assume that his game wasn’t as tight as he thought it was. And this is why I say you got to read The Book 10 to 15 times. Because if you just go through it a handful of times or once or twice, you’re going to miss so many of the subtle nuances. You get into situations like this, or you get six months a year down the road in a relationship, and you don’t bother taking the time to learn the relationship wisdom in The Book, things are going to come apart.

You’ll get some attainable success. And that’s what lulls these guys to sleep as they read The Book a few times, they start getting laid left and right and they’re like, “this is easy. I don’t know understand why I need to read this book 10 to 15 times.” And then six months a year later is when they really need it. They didn’t bother. Now they’re in a panic trying to fix things because they never really filled in their knowledge gap. They didn’t think these things were important and they didn’t take me seriously.

I mean, I’ve done countless videos over the years answering emails where guys admit, “I didn’t listen. I didn’t take you seriously.” I hear it all the time. I got phone sessions tonight. I’m sure at least half of those the guys are going to go, “Yeah, I’ve been following you for four years, three years, whatever. And I didn’t take you seriously when you said to read The Book 15 times. But here’s where I’m at now. How the hell do I get out of this situation?”

Viewer Email:

Hi Coach Corey, 

I had been dating this girl for the last 3 months. I’m 26 and she’s a beautiful 20 year old model that is exactly my type, and everything was going great which I attribute to your work and reading your book several times.

Well, I say 10 to 15 times for a reason, not just several times or a handful of times. The other thing is, she’s only 20, you’re 26, so I would have to assume she’s 20 years old. Probably a little immature, and just young and inexperienced.

A few weeks ago, she told me her ex. Not even a proper ex, she described him as a 6 month rebound.

So he probably raked her over the coals emotionally and totally emotionally anchored her to him.

Had got back in contact with her because he found out she was dating me. She told me he told her he loved her and begged for them to start again, and I thought it was all fine because she was telling me about this, and I remember thinking how pathetic and weak he must have looked. Nonetheless, she started going cold on me around this time.

Well, again, rejection breeds obsession. If he dumped her, you’re upside down from a leveraged position and you’re going to lose no matter what. But, I mean, you dated her for three months, and if you didn’t really know The Book backwards and forwards, and she’s not a fruit loop, and she was totally over the ex. She should have been in love with you by now. And the fact this guy came back in the picture, She would have wanted nothing to do with him, but the fact that she just all of a sudden started going cold tells me that you guys weren’t really that close.

There was probably a lack of intimacy. You know, if you just read The Book a handful of times, that tells me you were focusing on the Pickup Skills and the Dating Skills and Getting Laid, and didn’t really focus on the Relationship Skills because you thought you didn’t need it. It wasn’t important. Because you were getting laid. And I say it all the time, but guys still don’t listen to me. So all I can do is suggest if you’re not going to listen when you get burned, you shouldn’t be surprised because you didn’t spend enough time with The Book.

You didn’t undo enough of your unattractive behavior. And because if you get involved with a woman like this, that’s got an ex in the background, again, if you spend three months with a girl, she should have been totally in love with you, and asking you to be your boyfriend. And it just kind of sounds like you were kind of a booty call for her.

Last week we met up and she was acting less interested than before, and I noticed she texted this guy multiple times whilst we were.

So I assume he’s in the UK or maybe Australia.

Whilst we were out at dinner together. She told me she was trying to let him down gently but I noticed how quickly she responded to his texts even though we were on a date together, so I could tell something was off.

I would have said, “Hey, we’re on a date together and you’re basically texting your ex-boyfriend. I mean, that’s kind of rude and disrespectful.” But that shows me that she didn’t really respect you, didn’t love you at that point, she was just with you. Again, she probably enjoyed the company, enjoyed the sex, but she never got deeply emotionally bonded to you because you didn’t bother learning The Book.

She told me she had to get up early so I couldn’t stay over which was unlike her.

Probably because she was going to have Chad Thunder Cock come over.

And then the next day I got the “we shouldn’t see each other anymore text” and “I need time to figure things out” bullshit and have been in No Contact since.

So I mean just like that he comes back in the picture after three months of dating you and she just blows you off to go be with him. Yeah, your game was not as tight as you thought it was. Or it’s possible she’s a total Froot Loop. But you spent three months with somebody and she gets one phone call and she’s texting this guy, and all of a sudden, poof, she’s gone like that.

That tells me she probably didn’t really feel much for you. That’s just what happens. You don’t learn The Book, you don’t learn the information. You don’t take the time to make her earn you. You maybe made it too easy. You were just enjoying getting laid, and you really didn’t have a deep emotional and mental bond between the two of you.

Even though I have no concrete evidence she is back with him since she didn’t tell me and I didn’t want to act jealous by pushing her too hard for the truth, all the signs are pointing towards her getting back with him. I just don’t understand why she would’ve chosen him when he was displaying neediness and unattractive, feminine behavior whilst I remained stoic, centered and unphased?

Well, I would suspect I mean, from what it sounds like, there was just a lack of intimacy and closeness between the two of you guys. You were dating for three months and you still weren’t boyfriend and girlfriend. So that right off the bat tells me that you weren’t really applying what was in The Book. Because if you’re applying what’s in The Book and your game is tight, girls are going to be in love with you by week 6 or 7.

And if that would have happened when this dude reached out, she would have said, “Hey, I’m in a relationship with somebody and things are going really well. I love my new boyfriend and we’re really close and he’s special. And you know, I’m just going to see where this goes and you need to respect that I’m in a relationship with somebody else and let me go. Besides, the last time we were together, you were a total asshole to me.” That’s what should have happened. But it didn’t.

She even used to tell me how exciting it was that I didn’t chase her and go crazy over her like all the other guys she’s known. She is incredibly attractive, so clearly isn’t used to this.

Yeah, but at the end of the day, she bounced on you within a matter of days. Seems like 48 hours after he got in touch, she was gone. You thought just because you were hanging out and having fun. And I assume hooking up, that she was yours. But the fact that she just dipped like that tells me that you completely missed the subtle nuances that were in The Book, and you never got close. Women don’t dump men that they’re in love with. They dump men that they either have no attraction for, or they’ve lost attraction and respect for them.

It’s making me want to go against everything I know and reach out to her, confront her about this guy and try to win her back.

Again. That that mentality is not the mentality of somebody that knows The Book backwards and forwards.

Because why the hell did it work for him?

Because they had more time together and she was emotionally bonded to him.

The only thing I can think of is the fact that it was him that dumped her, and she described him as a master manipulator, so clearly she still had some emotional investment into this guy.

That’s exactly what it is. She had more time with him. She had six months with him versus three months with you, just, you know, a casual booty call type of thing. It sounds like you guys are only going out maybe once a week or twice a week. So it just wasn’t serious because there was a lack of closeness, a lack of intimacy between the two of you guys. You were kind of hooking up, but it seems like emotionally and mentally you were just strangers.

They weren’t even in an official relationship so how did he hold so much leverage over her?

Time. He had six months with her and he dumped her. Rejection breeds obsession. So she spent a lot of time craving him and wanting to be with him, but she was unable to be with him as much as she wanted. And that’s how women get emotionally bonded. And when you know it’s in The Book and you know it backwards and forwards and you apply it properly again after three months of dating, she should have been there with you, but she never got there again.

That tells me probably there were times you should have pulled back a little bit and let her work harder to be with you and really get wound up to where she really missed you and was like, “I miss you. I want to see you. We haven’t been spending as much time together as I’d like.” It’s just none of that really happened. It’s just if I look at her actions and I bottom line her actions, it just seems like she blew off a booty call. You were a booty call. That was it.

That was about it. That’s as far as she got emotionally with you. And you just assumed, since she was having sex with you, that she was yours. Again, if you only go through The Book a handful of times, you’re going to miss the relationship aspect because like most guys, you’re focused on getting in her pants, which you did successfully, but she didn’t emotionally bond with you. She was still bonded to him and not to you. That’s why you lost.

I really did not expect her to go back to him after he came crawling back in such a pathetic way. I would really appreciate your advice on this situation. 

All the best, 

Bob

Well, again, you’re looking at the one time event of him to come crawling back and begging. But she’d been pining after him for months because, again, she never really emotionally bonded with you. You really weren’t emotionally that important to her. And I know that’s probably hard to hear, but if we just look at her actions, if we bottom line her actions and we understand that women vote with their feet. Well, she voted for him. So therefore she was emotionally bonded to the ex, even though, as you said, they were never really serious. But then again, neither were you guys.

Three months of dating and you’re just hanging out once or twice a week. If you really knew The Book backwards and forwards, after three months of dating, she should have been at your house just about every night. Or you should have been at her house just about every night. And it doesn’t sound like it ever got to that point. In other words, you just weren’t that important to her. And that’s why you got to spend time with The Book. You got to put the time in so you get those subtle nuances. So when you notice that she’s a little lukewarm at times, you got to back off.

And you probably never did because you were just focused on the fact you were getting laid and you were spending the night at her place. So if I were you, I would spend the time with The Book because it didn’t work the first time around with this guy. And so more than likely, after a period of no contact, she will come back. But if she does, you got to let her do 100% of the calling, texting and pursuing. And you make dates at your place for at least the first three dates.

And as long as you hang out, you have fun and you hook up all three times in a row, you can meet her out. You can pick her up, you can go on dates, but you got to let her come to you at her pace. And I suspect you didn’t do that the first time around, because you were focused on your interest and the fact that you were getting laid. So by going through The Book and spending the time with it, it will help you figure out where you went wrong.

Or maybe your game was a little sloppy because there is no way, after dating for three months, that you should be barely seeing each other, and she would just get one phone call from this guy where he begs and pleads and boom, she’s gone. It was easy for her to leave because she didn’t really feel anything for you. So you got some work to do, my man.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.