Why She Says You’re A Great Guy But Dumps You Anyway

Why women say what a great guy you are when dumping you.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who clearly cared more about a girl he just met and started seeing than she did about him. The problem was that he communicated this too often. Instead of being loose he was constantly worried about where he stood. This made her feel tense and unsafe. She dumped him and he wonders what happened. She was really into him at first. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Members Only Newsletter is, “Why She Says You’re A Great Guy But Dumps You Anyway”.

So when a girl basically comes out and says, you’re a really great guy, you’re too good for me. Sometimes they’ll say shit like that. What they’re really saying is you’re just too nice, you’re too soft, you’re too squishy, you’re not masculine enough. You dried me up drier than a haunted house in the Sahara desert. So you’re just too soft and too squishy. You don’t stand up for yourself.

You’re acting too much like a woman, too much like a mangina. And it just turns women off. You got to be the leader. And so this guy definitely over communicated his interest. He was constantly worried about where he stood. Instead of being loose and fun and playful and just hanging out, having fun and hooking up and focusing on creating opportunities for great sex to happen. Instead he was all up in his head.

And this obviously made her tense, made her feel unsafe. And over time, even though she started out really super into him, as you’ll see here in a minute, he just dried her up and drove her interest right into the basement to where she didn’t feel anything for him anymore. So we’ve all been there, done that, got the t shirt. Obviously, if you read my book, you know, there’s plenty of stories in there about me doing the same shit.

So guys that don’t know any better, we all do the same thing. So the key is to learn from it and not make the same mistakes, because you got to correct your behavior and act masculine consistently. Otherwise, women are going to continue to dump you for exactly the same reasons. So let’s see how, because at the end of the day, love is allowing.

You’re  creating the conditions to allow a woman to love you who’s already predisposed to that. And this girl has super high interest, but he didn’t allow her to love him because he always doubted that that was going to happen. And so he tried to force things. He talked about his feelings too much. He was too nice. He just wasn’t masculine enough.

And at the end of the day, it’s a scientific fact that women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear. Women, despite what they say, like you weigh more if they think that they’re more into you than you are into them. This makes them want to seek your approval. And win your favor and convince you what a great girl they are.

And in the old days, the old black and white movies from, you know, World War II era before and really kind of up until the early 1960s until things started to change, that’s what was always going on in the movies. Guys wanted to be playboys and build empires. They didn’t want a family and white picket fences and all that shit.

And then a woman comes along and just convinces them to settle down and nest and have lots of babies and live happily ever after together, because she makes it so awesome for him. So that’s the way it is. That’s what creates attraction. It’s natural and it’s innate.

And so, as Master Yoda said, “You must unlearn what you have learned” because we’ve all been propagandized by leftists, feminists, nonsense that’s in the culture. It’s what way communism, Marxism is. It tries to make the sexes equal. But we’re not equal. And when it tries to make everybody equal, it ruins the sexual polarity with everybody.

Not just heterosexual relationships, but gay and lesbian relationships. Relationships of all kinds have to be highly polarized for there to be real strong, deep burning desire for one another. And when you act too similar, it’s just no sexual polarity, no attraction. It elicits platonic feelings. And if you cause a feminine woman or a feminine essence to feel platonic towards you, they’re not going to want to have sex with you or have a relationship.

Viewer Email:

Hey Corey,

I met a woman on a dating app. She sparked me about 3 months ago and we built strong attraction early. Many shared interests together caused that bonding.

Well, she was already predisposed to like you, and at least in the early stages, you did not talk her out of it. But unfortunately, in the long run, you ultimately did talk her out of it. Because your behavior, the tone of your voice, the words you use, basically where I’m not good enough for you, I don’t deserve you. I don’t think you’ll like me or love me. Mommy, can I have an attaboy, please? Women want a man, not a boy they’ve got a train.

We were texting often, FaceTiming, and she was very engaged—sending flirty photos and videos of herself after a week or so, along with consistent good morning and good night messages a couple weeks in, she initiated them.

So, as the book says, there is a chapter in there that women are like cats. And you have to understand that when women are going to be hot and heavy like that, especially in the beginning, and then all of a sudden you’ll get a pullback where they’ll seem a little cold or less interested. When that happens that’s just normal women behavior.

It’s like the weather changing, you know, especially when they get around the time of the month when they start to get their period before, during or after you spend a lot of time together and it’s almost going to seem like they don’t care anymore. You can’t be bothered. You can’t be diminished by that. There’s nothing to fix. There’s no confronting her.

You just have to understand, “Oh, the kitty cat got its fill of me, so let me give it the gift of missing me.” That’s why double texting and triple texting or being impatient reveals that you’re getting upset. Women take time and space away from you to wonder about you, to think about you, and to miss them. And if you don’t let them have it, if you keep pursuing them, then you’re going to turn them off and chase them away.

It’s the equivalent to basically running after a cat after it stopped purring and jumped out of your lap, and then grabbing it and forcefully putting it back in your lap so you can pet it again. That’s what guys metaphorically do to women, and women hate it. It makes them run away and flee and ghost you or dump you completely. So if the kitty cat leaves, you just have the attitude of, “She’ll be back. She’ll miss me and she’ll reach out.”

And you have to be okay with noticing that it seems like her interest is diminished. That’s just it goes up and down, like the weather changing. So as a man, you can’t get diminished by her seemingly changing interest. You should be amused and bewildered. As Rumi said, “Sell your cleverness and purchase bewilderment” because women are beautiful and enchanting like that and you just let him be.

It almost seems like they don’t care anymore. And 3 or 4 days later they call you up, almost kind of worried, go, “Did you miss me? Were you thinking about me?” It’s like, “No, not at all. I’ve been busy. How you been?” “Really? You didn’t miss me?” It’s like “I’m just fucking with you. Of course I missed you a little bit. Maybe slightly. You’re kind of cute, though.

It’s kind of hard not to think about you in impure ways and have naughty thoughts.” Love is playful and fun. Remember that. It’s better if she thinks she likes you may way more than you like her. And unfortunately, this dude communicated the opposite.

We met in person in Santa Barbara one month after knowing of each other for 3 to 4 days and had great chemistry. Three weeks later, she flew out again to see me for 2 days, and that also went well at another beach location. I booked the flight to see her after this trip and you’ll learn below about it. She was investing heavily, bringing me into her world, and even mentioned me meeting her friends and parents.

Well no group dates, as the book says until she’s head over heels in love with you and wants to be exclusive. So when she says that, just say, well, we’re only in town for a couple of days. And I’d really just like, you know, because we’ve only spent time together a few times, I’d like to, you and I to get to know each other better before we start involving our friends and family. And then when your Goo Goo Gaga over me, then we can get together and everybody can meet and then hate each other. No. Just kidding.

About 17 days later, I flew to stay with her for 5 days at her place in Colorado. The first night was good, but the next midday she told me she had started feeling unsure about her feelings about 5 days before I arrived.

And so this is the kind of thing that can’t bother you at all. You have to take that as constructive criticism and feedback. You basically were probably pursuing too much, and you have to be kind of indifferent to this. And so when she says that, you just say, “Well, no problem. Well, let’s just I’m here for five days. Let’s just have a good time together. And by the way, you look pretty cute. So let’s not worry about the future. Let’s have fun. I’m only here for a few days. Then I’ll go back home and you’ll be missing me again.”

You want to think from the end. If everything always worked out in your favor, how would you be? How would you operate? How would you say? What would the tone of your voice be? You’d be calm because masculinity is calm. Feminine energy is chaos. And so you acted too feminine and chaotic. And therefore, when she pulled back, at times you probably freaked out and over pursued and were always looking to know where you stood because you felt her change in interest instead of just being cool with it.

From there, her behavior became inconsistent—sometimes affectionate and present, other times distant and even pulling away from my touch.

So that tells me you’re trying to touch her when she’s not open to it. And the book teaches you to let women touch first and then you reciprocate. So she’s always chasing you, not only verbally, but in the phone or in the text, but physically in person. So you were too touchy feely and then when she’s pulling away, you continued touching, which eventually starts to come off as kind of creepy and weird and awkward.

Like you have no self-awareness that she’s pulling away and is unattracted you didn’t recognize it, but if you had read the book 10 to 15 times, or at least a couple of times, you would have understood that. And so you have to understand this is part of the natural mating dance. She wants to see how you like when she’s not overly into you or affectionate, but you’re communicating that you’re constantly diminished. You probably got upset.

You probably noticed it probably like, what’s wrong? You can’t be bothered. You’ve just got to understand that. Just let her be. And maybe an hour later, then she’ll start touching you again. So again, women need that time and space away from you. So if you’re walking down the street and holding hands and she lets go, you let her hand go. You don’t take her hand back until she starts.

As you’re walking side by side, swinging and bumping into your hand again with her her hand. Or she might just reach over to grab your hand so you just let them be. They can come, they can go. That’s the way cats are. It’s the dance. Be amused by that. Again, this is all detailed in the book.

Despite still cooking for me, planning things, and showing care, the emotional and physical connection felt unstable and really heavy energy than compared to before.

So that’s chaos, man. That feminine energy is chaos, bro. You got diminished by the chaos. You got upset. You got upset she wasn’t as excited. Instead of going, “Oh, this is just a temporary thing. You know what? I gave her a little too much of me, so I’m going to back off and not touch her again until she starts touching me.” It might be five minutes. It might be two hours. It might be half a day. It might be the next morning. You can’t be bothered to diminish in any way by that.

After I got home, she took a few days and told me that although she enjoyed our time and thinks I’m a good guy, she didn’t feel.

Because the only thing doesn’t matter what is what a great guy you are. Women don’t care about that. They only care about how they feel about you.

She didn’t feel the level of connection she needs long-term.

In other words, my interest dropped and I dried up.

She said her “body wasn’t fully relaxing”.

That’s because you were not relaxed. You were not setting the tone properly.

And her nervous system was resisting.

Because you were basically acting like another chick. And so she didn’t feel safe because you were uncentered.

So she’s choosing to trust that feeling. I replied, “I appreciate you taking the time to share that with me. I really enjoyed our time together and the connection we had. I respect your honesty and where you’re at. Wishing you the best.”

I would have just been like, “Well, hey, you know, you’ve got my number. Hit me up when you start missing me terribly and you want to come and be my cuddle buddy again.” That’s because James Bond is always taken from the end. He’s gonna be like, you’ll be back. I’m amused by this. He can’t be bothered.

My question is does this sound like a case where attraction just wasn’t high enough to sustain once things got more real? 

No, it’s because you acted too unattractive. That’s why you need to read the book. I’m assuming you’re new here, and you’re probably cherry picking videos. And you haven’t read the book, so the light bulbs haven’t really started going off yet. As you know, obviously they’re going off by watching the videos, but you’re not really connecting all the dots just because of the fact that I can tell by the way you wrote this that you’re pretty much bamboozled.

But this is so predictable. When you understand women, they’re as predictable as the Sun coming up in the East and setting in the West. So again, once you start reading the book, the light bulbs are going to be going off and you’re going to be having all these aha moments like, ah, now that makes sense. Okay.

Or did I over invest early through too often communication and time together? 

Well, you just drooled all over her too much. You were paying more attention to how much you liked her, and you weren’t really paying attention to the fact that her interest in you was up and down and fluctuating. And so you kind of the idea is you’re trying to go slower than the woman. So she thinks that she likes you more than you like her. When that happens, you are perceived as a challenge and she works harder to get your attention, which is what women are designed to do naturally. You just basically made it too easy for her.

Would pacing things slower have made a difference, or just delayed the same outcome because of long distance?

Thanks,

Bob

Well, you should be responding to how she’s showing up. And something as simple as walking down the street together and holding hands. And when she lets go, not touching her hand or grabbing her hand again until she starts bumping your hand again. And it might be two minutes later, it might be 20 minutes later, it might be five hours later, it might be the next day.

So you just can’t be bothered by that. When she starts touching you or bumping into you, that’s her invitation, that she’s open to physical touch, and then you can reciprocate and you won’t get rejected. But keep in mind, you’ll be walking down the street holding hands, and she’s holding it tight, and then all of a sudden, she’ll just let go and go look in a window in a shop or something, or, you know, just let go and keep walking side by side.

And so you can’t be bothered by that. You just let her be. She can come, she can go. Again, it’s just like the cat jumping in and out of your lap. So that’s just the way they are. You can’t get bothered by it. So again, filling in the book, but I suspect more than likely there’s a 50/50 shot at some point she’s going to reach out. And in that case, just arrange the next opportunity for sex to happen. Invite her over, invite her to come visit you.

And she’s like, “well, I don’t know.” It’s just, “Hey, why don’t you just come hang out for the weekend and let’s not worry about labels. Let’s just have a good time together. We always have fun together. The sex is always good. It’s like, don’t over complicate things. Just come see me. Get your fucking cute little ass on a plane and come see me a freak.” Just like, just be like that. “Go book your flight, send me your itinerary, and I’ll pick your cute little ass up at the airport. And we’ll have a lot of fun together as always.”

Hang out and have fun, hook up. Focus on that. It’s very simple, dude. But again, if I’m a betting man, there’s a 50/50 shot. She’ll probably be back in touch. Because if you stop moving forward, you don’t call, you don’t text in a few weeks or even a month or two goes by, she’s going to start second guessing herself and doubting herself and go, I’m kind of missing Bob. Did he meet somebody else? I’m surprised he hasn’t called. Surprised he hasn’t checked in on me.

I thought he really liked me. Maybe I misread the situation. Maybe he wasn’t really that into me. Maybe I judged him too harshly. Maybe I should reach out to him. Maybe I should look at his social media. Maybe I should check his Instagram. I wonder if he’s talking about me. That’s the kind of shit that goes through my mind. And then she’ll come up with a reason to reach out.

Oh, hey, did you find my red lipstick or something that she knows that you have? Maybe so it’s very simple. Read the book, fill in your knowledge gap. And if she reaches out, respond according to what’s in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. Just create the next opportunity for sex to happen. Have her come see you.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.