Why She Slowly Faded Away After Your 1st Date & Ghosted You

Why a woman will go from high interest to slowly fading away & ghosting you.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who’s new to my work. He had a first date with what he considered a unicorn. He made the most common mistakes guys make that turn women off to the point that he got ghosted after having what he considered to be a good first date.

I explain where he went wrong and why she got turned off and ghosted him so it doesn’t happen again. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

I think every guy watching this video has had this happen more than once, and more often than not, that’s why a lot of you guys ended up here is because you’re dating a girl and you’re thinking, “This girl’s great. She could be my future ex-girlfriend. Future ex-wife. We’re going to live happily ever after for a period of time,” and then you don’t get past the first date.

So this guy is new to my work, and he was dating a woman that he considered a unicorn. So he’s kind of licking his wounds. He thought he had a good first date, and then afterwards, she just basically ghosted him. As the book says, 3% Man, if you’re new and you haven’t read it or you think, “Yeah, who is this guy?” No, the book is totally free to read on my website, UnderstandingRelationships.com. Just subscribe to the email newsletter and it’ll open up right in your web browser. Even if you think I’m full of crap, if you apply what’s in the book, you’re going to get better results than you were getting on your own.

So this guy made the mistake of spending a lot of time talking and texting with a girl, and in essence, probably was cracking jokes, saying things that weren’t landing, he didn’t realize it wasn’t landing, then he eventually gets ghosted.

Viewer Email:

Hi Corey,

I already watched some of your videos a couple years ago. I am 31 years old and my experience with women is pretty low, few situationships here and then. I want to turn things around, started watching your videos again and ordered your book, read it once in one day and I am on the second more chilled go-through, kinda hit panic mode. 😉

Well, we’ve all been there, dude.

My situation: I met the woman in December on the Tinder app. She was a unicorn for me as you describe it. The chat started flirty. I was cocky, she liked it and was flirty too and very feminine, maybe a little to much chit-chat, but I set a date very quickly. she rescheduled first date one day after setting the date and said she has to work that day and gave me two alternative days where she also had to work but said we can meet after her shift (nurse).

Well, anytime I see that you’re talking to a nurse, trying to date a nurse, we got to realize vetting is very important if you’re going to date a nurse because nurses are one of the top five careers where women cheat and sleep with co-workers. So you got to keep your wits about you. You can’t get hypnotized just because she’s super hot. Some of those girls are kind of nutty.

I set a definitive date, location, activity and time. Prior to the first date, I didn’t contact her. She texted on Instagram after few days curious about my height so she can wear high shoes and flirting a bit back and forth. She joked about hearing often she is to small to be a model, said I would get to heaven if I can handle her attitude.

Let me read that again: “Said I could get to heaven if I could handle her attitude.” So already you haven’t even gone out on a date and she’s telling you she’s got boss-girl energy, she’s mouthy and she’s got an attitude, and most guys don’t like putting up with it.

Well, what do I say all the time? You want a girl who’s easygoing, easy to get along with, and she’s nice to you. Not somebody that’s constantly challenging you and showing up with an attitude and her mindset is, “Well, you just got to put up with it.” Probably because she’s hot and lots of guys are willing to put up with it. So why should she change? Society continually validates her having a bad attitude and that hasn’t stopped her from attracting other dudes.

I gave her my number if something happens and she called me at our date because we didn’t find each other at the location. So we met at like a little Christmas market, drank a hot drink and just talked a bit. I was nervous but played it cool I guess. Tried to appear James Bond, teased her here and there and we walked through the streets. There were few to no people. I let her do most of the talking. We sat down on a bench and talked a bit more. I tried to get closer, but it didn’t feel right and after few minutes I ended the date so she can get home into bed.

Well, that doesn’t sound like a very exciting date.

As the book says, you should be going to three places. If you know the girl you’re going to go out with has been working a long shift, and then you’re going to go out on a date with her, because more often than not, guys are just so desperate to spend time with a girl, and when they hear that she’s working a long shift, they’re like, “Oh, let’s go have a nice date afterwards,” and she shows up, she’s totally exhausted. I would be asking her to tell you a day where she’s off. She’ll be well rested, that kind of thing. Not where she’s trying to fit you into her busy schedule.

As the book says, typically for a seduction to take place, you got to spend about four to five hours with a girl on average, and you go to three different places. Most women tend to sleep with a guy by the second or third date. So if you start at a place like a little wine bar or something like that, if that goes well, because again, you’re meeting her online and I know some of you guys are on a budget, so you don’t want to be spending your money on girls with low to no interest or a bad attitude for that matter.

So if your little wine bar goes well, you have a glass of wine or maybe an appetizer if they got little plates at the place that you go and that goes well, the conversation flows and you like hanging out with her, then you can suggest going and having some dinner at a place close by. You go to a dinner and then afterwards your third place should be something fun, like miniature golf, shooting pool or darts, or Dave and Buster’s playing video games. Just something that facilitates physical interaction so she has a reason to touch you. Something like Topgolf is always a cool place to go, because most of the time the girls don’t know how to swing a golf club, and it gives you a reason to put your arms around them and show them how to swing the club and it breaks the touch barrier. It just seems like naturally, you’re trying to show her how to hit the golf ball and it breaks the touch barrier, makes her feel comfortable, you can start kissing and making out. When you do the kiss test that’s listed in the book and she’s receptive to it, you start making out, then you say, “Hey, let’s get out of here and go back to my place and open a bottle of wine or something.” If she’s ready, she’ll say, “Let’s do it.” If not, she’ll go, “Let’s have another drink here.”

So again, these are all laid out in the book, but that’s typically how a date should go. So he had a hot drink, walked around for a little bit, sat down on a bench, tried to get close, he noticed she wasn’t really receptive, so he’s like, “Alright, I’m gonna eject.” So it takes time. A woman’s got to feel comfortable with you. That’s why you get her to talk, get her to open up, but he’s cutting the date pretty short.

Brought her to her car, didn’t go for a kiss because I also watched other content that said don’t go for physical contact or kiss on the first date.

Well, the reality is, if you hesitate, you’ll masturbate. Especially you guys that are on a budget, if you just spend a bunch of time and money on a girl and you want to make sure she’s interested in you, because if you go for the kiss and you get the cheek or she rejects you outright, well you don’t have to waste your time or your emotional and mental energy thinking about it over the next several days or week or so, wondering if she likes you or she’s going to go out with you or not. If you go to kiss her, you’re going to know right away. Women like confidence.

We had much eye contact that felt pretty intense. The way she looked, she seemed nervous too. We touched each other’s arms and talking. When I mention I go to the gym, she mustered me.

I don’t know what that means.

She was very soft-spoken, no attitude and mentioned future events between us already, very down-to-earth girl and sweet.

Initially, I didn’t want to contact first after the date, but talked with friends…

So he’s asking everybody around him to give him advice and you’ll see he gets some bad advice.

…In relationships about it who told me to reach out and I did.

So as the book says, you should reach out once a week because the idea is you’re trying to set one date per week where you initiate it and as her interest goes up, eventually, usually by the second or third date, especially after you slept together, she’ll be texting you or calling you within a couple of days, but if you just go on a date and you don’t kiss her or anything, yet you sit there like a statue, you’re going to have to reach out the next week. So your friends were correct in that. I don’t know why you think just because you had a date that your work is over, you just kick back and she’s going to do everything. It’s not how it works. Her interest has to go up and you’ve got to obviously be a good date.

She seemed affectionate by it, sent me a video about something we talked about on the date and I wanted to set a second date after the holidays from January 5th on, which she agreed to. Every couple of days, I texted her “to keep the contact alive…”

Well, the phone is for setting dates, not getting to know somebody. As I talk about in the book, you shouldn’t be trying to crack jokes because this girl doesn’t know you. Especially if you met her online, you haven’t met through mutual friends or work, and you don’t have mutual acquaintances that add that peer pressure that you don’t have online, when you have peer pressure because you met her through somebody or a group of people that you know, she’s going to be on her best behavior because she doesn’t want to get any blow-back. If it’s online dating, it’s easy to blow you off and jerk you around. Guys, more often than not, try to crack jokes and they put their foot in their mouth and they notice as they’re cracking jokes and trying to be funny, that her text replies get shorter, she takes longer to reply, and sometimes just poof! Completely disappears.

…Made jokes about unwrapping each other as Christmas presents. She never initiated but answered a few hours later or the next day and seemed into it.

So she’s always waiting several hours to respond or she’s waiting a full day to get back to you, her interest is low. So even though you’re cracking jokes, you didn’t notice that her enthusiasm was waning because you’re listening to other people, you’re being given advice, you’re thinking you got to get to know her through text, and the more you talk and text on the phone, the less likely you’re going to be talking in person and seeing each other in person. So when you didn’t even have the guts to go for the kiss, and then you start talking about unwrapping her as a Christmas present, it’s like, come on!

Plus, you notice that she never once initiated and she’s taking hours to reply. So that should tell you that she’s not that into your texting exchanges and her interest is actually low. She’s replying to be nice, but the more you text, especially when she starts waiting until the next day to reply, her interest is really low.

When I once wanted to fixate the date, she told me she has to work on that day and no alternative from her.

So there’s a difference. You’re trying to set a date and she’s like, “Well, I’m not available.” So that’s not a girl that’s excited to see you. She’s just hoping that you’ll give up and go away. That’s what’s going on here. Her interest is low, and instead of going up after your first date, it’s been going down. I know these are small little errors, but these are the things that you just shouldn’t do. You know how the book is laid out.

I asked on December 31st when she is free. On New Years morning at 6:00, she asked me, “Breakfast tomorrow?”

Typically, girls start suggesting lunch and breakfast when they want to keep things platonic and keep you in friend zone. That’s why you should do evening dates, because it’s romantic.

I guess I fumbled it by being goofy asking at hers or mine and after no answer the whole day, I sent her a voice message…

So he’s double texting.

…Saying I couldn’t hold back that joke and we can figure something out. She should tell me and i would try to fix my plans for the next day to make something happen. I got a, “Have to work. New Year party was too wild and she was lost. She will tell me when it’s best” text. I didn’t respond to that.

So you notice she’s just not really making an effort to get together with him. So it looks like she was already thinking, “OK, I’ll put this guy in friend zone.” As he says, he tries to be goofy and joke around. She didn’t like his joke. It didn’t land, obviously, because she didn’t reply. So he double texted her because he sent her a voice message when she didn’t reply. So that just comes off as a little needy. It’s sloppy.

Especially if she’s on a dating app, she’s going to be more enticed with a guy who’s got game, and he’s not trying to be goofy and funny through text. He’s direct, he’s decisive, he gets to the point. He makes a date, takes her out, and he goes for it. This is a nurse, after all. Nurses are not innocent little girls. Like I said, they’re usually the worst. One of the top five worst careers for a woman to be in, just high incidence of lying, cheating and sleeping with other doctors and male nurses at the hospital.

Then I watched your content, got your book and I pretty much closed with the situation. I read the whole book in one day and I try to date other women. For the try of it to see the attraction level of her, I reached out after eight days…

So again, he’s trying humor, which is just goofy.

…And said, “These poor nurses need more free time. How are they supposed to get them cute Tinder guys to know better?”

So yeah, I wouldn’t be texting that. That’s basically, “Why haven’t you paid attention to me? Why didn’t you respond to me? Why didn’t you tell me when you’re available, like you said?”

You got to give women the time and space to follow through in their plans and commitments, or to flake out and disappear forever. She told you she was going to get back to you and you didn’t wait. Then you reached out again. So you’re texting game is atrocious and you’re just being sloppy. The phone is for setting dates. This is why I say to do that. Don’t try to get to know a girl through the phone.

If you’re meeting her online and you’re worried that she might stand you up, say you got the date set for 7:00. The day of the date, like around 1:00 or 2:00 in the afternoon, you can text or say, “Hey, I’m running late at work. Can we meet at 7:30 instead of 7:00? Does that work for you?” If she was planning on blowing you off or claims to, “Oh, I forgot,” she’ll tell you. That way you don’t waste your time going to the venue and then texting her going, “Hey, I’m here,” and she goes, “Oh, I didn’t hear from you. I didn’t think we were still on.” Again, this woman is not going to do that because her interest is low. It seems like she’s just being nice, polite and is hoping he gets the hint and just goes away.

I got no answer until now and I won’t reach out again, seems to be no interest.

Yep, you talked and texted her out of liking you. Again, this is why you don’t try to crack jokes through text because you don’t know her, and your jokes clearly were not landing, because all you got to do is look at her response. If she thought your jokes were funny, she would have responded right away. She would have LOL’ed it, but she just completely ignored it because your jokes were boring and lame. Just being real. It’s the way it is.

All we got to do is look at her actions. She was not amused. She was turned off instead of turned on. Plus, you’re inviting her for breakfast over to your place or hers, which is basically like, “Hey, want some dick?” If you ever saw the Chris Rock comedy routine, that’s basically what he did. He didn’t want to go for the kiss because somebody on the internet told him not to. Then he talks about unwrapping each other for Christmas, and then when she suggests breakfast, he’s like, “Well hey, why don’t you come over and get some dick and some breakfast at my place or yours?” Bad way to go, dude.

I guess I pushed to hard and come across needy for something to happen between us via text, but not acting on the date (kissing her). Or did I show too less interest into getting her to know personally?

Dude, she knew you liked her, but again, you were cracking jokes and the book says not to do it.

How do you see it, Corey? Would love to hear in a video about your view on this. It is just a pity, because she was kind of a dream girl.

Kind Regards,

Bob

Well again, she’s a nurse, so the chances of her actually turning out to be a dream girl, remember what did she tell you about her attitude? She’s got a bad attitude. You want a woman that will make your dick hard, not your life, and she sounds like a girl that’s got too much boss-girl energy and she excels in making your life hard. So even though you screwed up and turned her off at the end of the day, you probably dodged a bullet because the chances of her working out and being a good girlfriend or wife candidate are really low. Again, just take her word. “When somebody tells you who they are,” as Maya Angelou said, “Believe them the first time.”

So she told you that she’s got a shitty attitude and it’s a flaw of hers and is expecting you to just put up with it. She expects men to put up with it in general. So that also tells me she probably didn’t have a strong, balance, calm, masculine father in her life. Probably came from a broken home. Doesn’t respect men, because if she’s mouthy to men, that means she was either mouthy to her father or didn’t have a father around, and she was beautiful, which warped her ego. So she goes through life with an entitlement mentality, like she can just go and abuse people, because there’s always another guy that’s willing to put up with that shit.

So again, clean up your behavior. Don’t be doing the things that you were doing on the date. Again, it’s like, don’t put this girl on a pedestal because she didn’t earn it. What you were doing is projecting your fantasy of what you wanted onto her, and you made all these assumptions, “She was a unicorn. She’s a great girl,” but as I’ve pointed out, the chances of her living up to your fantasy, I didn’t see that happening. Once you got to know her, and once she really let out her nasty side, you’d have been wanting to dip anyways.

So do better next time. You got to clean up your game, because when you meet a girl who truly is a unicorn, you don’t want this to happen because that’ll sting even worse, but it’s good experience. Thanks for the email!

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