Why She Stood You Up With No Remorse

Why women will stand you up for a date with no remorse, and how to prevent flakes.

In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a twenty-six year old viewer who has been following my work since he was nineteen. He says he had been talking to a girl off and on for about three years, and then they finally made plans to meet up.

He got an Airbnb for them to meet at and have a great weekend together. Then she not only stood him up, but also ghosted him, and he saw on Facebook that she got into a relationship with another guy two days before their supposed date. He asks what he did wrong. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

This is what happens when a guy doesn’t have a lot of choice, doesn’t have a lot of options, or he’s desperate, or he’s needy, or he’s impatient and he wants something now. And what happens is we tend to project our fantasy of what we want. In this particular case, he’s obviously attracted to her. He’s in love with the idea of the fantasy of who he’s expecting her to be, and then it turns out she’s the exact opposite.

When you’re in a place like that, when you’re at a place of fear and scarcity, you’re going to be making dates, and and this poor guy, he rented an Airbnb for the weekend, and so he’s obviously out the money for that. But these are the kinds of things that are going to happen when you don’t have lots of choices. And in this case, he didn’t really seem to have a ton of rapport with her, because he had never met her in person. And on top of that, they were long distance from each other.

This really is just about, how do you screen people out effectively? What type of characteristics or actions are you going to see from somebody else that would show that they actually have integrity, they’re actually going to follow through on the things they say? And so, there will be some things I’ll point out as I go through the email.

Viewer’s Email:

Hey Corey,

I’ve been following your work since I was 19. I’m 26 now. However, the following cringe story just goes to show that I haven’t followed your principles and haven’t read 3% Man enough. I have much to learn, and I should have learned it years ago. I feel like this would make a good video discussion.

Well, you’re in luck, we’re going to discuss it. Because this is what you want to avoid. You want to avoid wasting a lot of time and, obviously in this case, money on somebody. What is their contribution, and do they have skin in the game?

So, this girl I’ve known through online stuff for like 3 years brought up the idea of meeting up this weekend, (Nov. 20).

If you’ve been talking to somebody for three years and you never got around to asking her out or meeting up with her, and you met through online stuff, that tells me that you’re lazy and that you don’t have anything else going on to facilitate you meeting the kind of women that you want to meet.

A big part of success in your personal life is setup. How is your life set up? How are you going to meet, not only the kinds of friends that you want, but obviously the the type of romantic prospects that you want? And so, you’re going to have to think in terms of where do you live? If you live out in the middle of nowhere, what are your options, online dating?

Something you should definitely consider if you’re single is living someplace where there’s a lot of social activities, or the kinds of things that you enjoy in your personal life and in your free time. Because it’s in having fun in your free time and doing fun things with like-minded people that you tend to meet like-minded guys to become friends with, and obviously like-minded women that you can date. So, it’s super important that your professional life facilitates your personal life.

A lot of people don’t, because I’ve noticed in my phone sessions that I do with a lot of guys, they haven’t really given much thought to setup. They might live in the middle of nowhere, they might live in a town where there’s not much going on. Sometimes it might require, especially if you live far away from things, you might want to consider getting a studio apartment or a bachelor apartment in a city where there’s lots of fun things to do, so you can go out and participate amongst humanity.

Or if you’re into golf, joining a country club or a golf club. If you’re in the yachting, joining a yacht club. If you’re into shooting like I am, get involved in the gun community. Meet like-minded people who like the same things, and it’ll be a great source of new friends and potential women to date. Because people that like the same things tend to like each other.

If you don’t really do much to develop your social life and your personal life, and you haven’t done a good job of setting your life up to facilitate you meeting the kind of people you want to interact with, these kinds of situations are going on. He’s totally in a scarcity mindset, and because of that, he spent literally three years talking to a woman. Then, she’s going to jerk him around.

She suggested it like a month ago. I thought that sounded good. We decided on Kansas City since that’s about halfway for both of us. I figured that would be a fun getaway, and I already had the days off from work. So, I booked an Airbnb, planned out some places to go and whatnot. She was talking about how excited she was to finally meet up, wouldn’t stop talking about that and all we were gonna do.

Well, the big, glaring thing is three years – that he knew this girl for three years, way too much time. Way too much time to chit chat online and not get anywhere. Also, this time of the year, the holidays are coming and they’re like, “I’ve got to do something. I’ve got to have a girl for the holidays.” What happens is you think about, “Who do I know?” You call the old exes. People that it didn’t work out with, they’re like, “Oh, I’ll give them another chance.”

Prior to this, we would video chat, usually on a weekly basis but sometimes less frequently, usually ending up in online fun times 🙂

What does that mean? You’re doing video sex or something with somebody you never met? I wouldn’t be doing stuff like that. Come on, man.

She would often triple or quadruple text me, even told me she loved me.

Alright, let’s hit the brakes here a little bit. So, you never met this girl in person. You’ve known her through online stuff. So, what does that mean? Was this an Only Fans girl? It doesn’t really say. I mean, I’ve done phone sessions where guys have gotten involved with women they met online like that and actually started dating them. But it never works out, because there’s always something screwy with the girl.

But the fact that she’s triple and quadruple texting him, saying that she loved him, yet she’s never met him, it’s like, come on. If you read the book, you know, that’s kind of not normal.

Fast forward to morning of the 20^th. I wake up late and send her a message on Snapchat saying, “Yo, I woke up late so I might be late, just so you know.” Two hours later, when I’m getting gas, I check Snap, I’m still on delivered, but she viewed my story.

I’d be using texting, not Snapchat, for something like that. That just shows you the closeness. If you’re still using messaging apps, but not really talking on the phone, something’s off. But again, three years.

I didn’t think much of it then. I keep driving, eventually I pull up to the Airbnb around 1:30. She’s not there. Her drive was longer than mine, so I figured, “Hey, I’ll give it an hour or two. Maybe traffic was bad.” Around 3:00, I try and call her to see where she’s at. It rings to voicemail. I try calling again, 3 rings, then voicemail. Try again, straight to voicemail.

She’s obviously sending him to voicemail – not a good sign.

At this point I know she’s not coming, so I text her like, “Hey, you good? What’s going on?” No reply. I thought this was weird as fuck, so I start checking social media to see if something happened, or whatnot. Not sure why, but decided to check Facebook, even though I never use it. It turns out, she got into a relationship not two days before the trip.

Huh. So, you don’t know this girl as well as you think you did. She’s telling you she’s in love with you, but yet you’ve never met her. You actually have to meet people in person for something to happen. And to be chit chatting for three years… just like I said, when I look at the dates here, I was like, “Yeah, the holidays are coming up. He’s just desperate to try to make something happen.”

And so, this is what he gets for his trouble. This is why being full of fear and not having any options, not thinking about setup in your life can create problems and setbacks. It’s not good for your self-esteem, or your ego either, to get stood up like this.

She had known at the very least 2 days prior that she wasn’t coming. Two days to tell me that she’s cancelling and not gonna come.

Well, she really doesn’t care about you. She doesn’t know you. You bought all the BS that she told you, but you ignored the reality of the fact you were doing three years of online stuff and you were doing fun online things. So, it sounds like something’s a little screwy with the situation here.

Probably more than that, but she let me waste my time and some money and wasn’t even civil enough to answer my calls.

Yeah, because you meant nothing to her. You were projecting your interest onto her and ignoring where she really was emotionally, mentally.

I would have been way less angry if she simply communicated. I called one last time and left a voicemail saying like, “Hey, this is the last time I’ll ever call you. Really fucked up, what you did, very disappointed, but if you have a change of heart and decide to apologize or reconcile, don’t. Don’t contact me again.” Later that night she blocked my Facebook, I assume after listening to my voicemail, and this morning she deleted her Instagram and blocked me on Snapchat. 

Well, quite frankly, you shouldn’t have been talking to this girl for three years – wasted time and wasted energy. If you’re talking to somebody long distance like that and you’re not even meeting, it fills up the space in your life to meet somebody new. It makes you lazy, you don’t have to try as hard, you don’t have to make any effort, because you think, “Hey, I’ve got this girl. She’s a few hours away.”

What’s so odd is this is so wildly out of character for her.

Dude, you don’t even know this girl. You knew her digitally, and it sounds like it was an Only Fans chick or something, just the way you described it.

Maybe I missed something.

Well, following the book, “How To Be A 3% Man,” would be helpful. You don’t talk to a girl for three years and then get around to meeting up for the first time. It’s like, almost 100% of the time, those just never work out. If there is interest, make something happen. Make a date, hang out, have fun, hook up.

Or I did something and didn’t realize it, which reminded me I need to study your work more and read the book like 10 more times. But I didn’t notice any red flags or indications that anything like this would happen.

Well, you’ve known each other for three years, supposedly, and you never met. That’s pretty obvious. And the fact that you never met in person and she’s telling you how much she’s in love with you, it’s like, yeah, whatever. You shouldn’t have been believing that. But again, if you’re in a fearful place, you want to believe that, especially with the holidays coming up.

Especially since she was the one who brought up the idea. Like, I have screenshots of our texts and she is like ecstatic about finally meeting up, talking about the places I picked out and what we were gonna do, what she liked during sex, etc.

Again, this is like a digital pen pal. So, while she’s getting drilled in person by Chad Thundercock, you’re her emotional tampon and she just blew you off. She discarded you, because you meant nothing to her. That’s the harsh reality.

Any thoughts on why this might have happened?

Well, you shouldn’t have been talking to her for three years and not meeting. I would have talked for a few weeks at the most. When I’ve done internet dating with women that live in other countries, we’d usually end up talking for two or three weeks max, and then I’d be on a plane. But obviously, with all the Coronavirus and lockdowns, no more Instagram girls, no more dating women in other countries for the coach. I’ve sworn that all off, just because it’s a pain in the ass.

And if you’re going to date long distance, especially if you’re going to date women in other countries, you’re going to have to deal. Somebody is going to have to move eventually. And if somebody is in another country that you’re seeing, the only way you’re going to be together long-term is to get married.

And obviously, you guys know that I’m not a big fan of marriage. I have no interest in getting married. There’s just no reason to. But I know there’s a lot of people, that’s what they want. I’m all about helping people get the kind of relationships they want. You live your truth, I’ll live mine.

But I would not be talking to somebody for three years and not meeting. That is an absolute waste of time. Guys that do that also communicate that they’ve got nothing else going on.

I assume I was just a source of attention for her and she got bored.

Bob

Well, she was just using you until things went in the right direction with her and the other guy that she was actually having sex with in person. So, way too much time. The juice was not worth the squeeze. She belongs to the streets! I’d block all of her numbers, and I would never speak to her again. You don’t give women like that a second chance.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book coaching session with yours truly.

“Good people who are good for you, good to you and good for your soul are rare and don’t come along very often in life. Being around them is easy and effortless and feels natural. The world is full of feral humans who are unhappy, angry and who try to feel better about themselves by tearing other people down and mistreating them, because they are projecting what’s inside of them. Don’t take it personally. Wish them well and delete them from your life forever.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne

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