How to determine why she’s no longer excited about dating and seeing you and how to turn it around.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a new viewer whose girlfriend is no longer is excited about seeing and dating him. He is confused and mad about his girlfriend’s behavior. She takes longer and longer to reply to his messages, turns him down for dates and generally displays a lack of interest in getting together, having fun and romance.
She makes no effort to reach out to him and treats him like a second-class citizen. Valentine’s Day is coming up and he was planning an elaborate Valentine’s Day celebration for the two of them, but due to her current behavior and lack of effort, he is not sure of what to do. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
So, I’ve got an email here from a guy whose girlfriend has not been putting much effort in. He’s relatively new to my work. He’s been watching videos. He got turned on to my work by a friend of his. Obviously, he just ordered my first book, “How To Be A 3% Man,” and he hasn’t read it yet. But obviously, Valentine’s Day is coming up and he’s got this elaborate date that he wants to take her on, but she just kind of treats him like a second class citizen, which is confusing him and he’s pretty mad about it. And so, he’s wondering, should I just break up with her? What should I do?
Obviously, this time of year, this is the question that’s on a lot of guys’ minds. A lot of guys are dating a girl and they’re thinking, “Do I take her out on Valentine’s Day?” Or they have a girlfriend, or a supposed girlfriend, and the women are treating him like this woman is treating this particular guy. He’s thinking about getting in a hotel room and spending some big bucks. And if somebody is treating you like an afterthought or a second class citizen, why would you want to make them a priority?
My friend and I were chatting about our relationships, talking about things we like and don’t like about our partners. I quickly realized that there are red flags in my relationship that is making me want to end it and back away. He recommended me to consume your content as it has affected his life drastically in the how to deal with woman department. As I watched your videos, I grew fond of your approach and it is exactly what I’m looking for, but I still feel a bit confused. To be fair and honest, I just bought your book and I’m waiting for it to be delivered to me.
Well, you should at the very least, instead of waiting for the thing to arrive in the mail, you can read it for free on my website. All you’ve got to do is subscribe to the email newsletter, and you’ll be able to read “How To Be A 3% Man,” as well as my second book, “Mastering Yourself,” which is a book about self-reliance, being a self-reliant man.
Kind of like the greatest of all time, Mr. Tom Brady, the winner of seven Super Bowl rings. He’s an amazing man, he’s got amazing alpha female wife, they’ve got a beautiful family, and he just dominates because his attention to detail, his preparation, is unmatched in the league. Nobody else puts in that level of effort, whether they’re taking care of their body, learning what the other teams are doing and just practicing and rehearsing.
And the thing that makes this all possible is he absolutely loves football more than anything in life. And when you love something more than anything in life, you’ll spend a lot of time practicing at it, because practicing at something you love is fun, and the more you practice at it, the better you get. So here’s to the GOAT. Amazing. Just absolutely amazing.
So, in the meantime, I wanted to directly contact you to help me solve this mystery of feelings that are leaving me confused and mad. My girlfriend and I met online through Facebook suggestions. I made the initial move of contacting her and things fell in line almost right away, I didn’t give it a lot at the beginning, as I was seeing multiple people at the same time, to go through the selection to whom is to be my best choice.
So far, so good. You did that part properly. You’ve got to prequalify your dating prospects. And the reality is almost 100% of them, they don’t make the cut. And I always bring this up over and over to people.
I was just hanging out with a good friend of mine, I was hanging out with his son, who’s actually working for me, and you guys will meet him in the next few weeks. We were talking the other night about dating somebody he had just been on a date with, and I was pointing out to him — and I bring this up a lot in my videos — you’ve got to think of really great dating prospects just like, how often you meet a new best friend? How often do you meet somebody that you become really close to, you can rely on them, they rely on you, and they’re going to be in your life for many years to come? It’s extremely rare.
And when guys make friends, they tend to focus on that, but when it comes to dating, they’re focused on just trying to have somebody that will spend time with them, instead of, “Do I really have chemistry with this person? Are they treating me the way I want to be treated? Do they have integrity? Are they reliable? Do they respect, value and appreciate me?” And the reality is most people you’re not going to jive with, and that’s okay. You just don’t want to get stuck in mediocrity.
Because there’s enough average people in the world, and most average people are just living lives of quiet desperation. They’re mediocre in every area of their life. They don’t have the same level of enthusiasm for living and succeeding like somebody like Tom Brady, who’s just exceptional. He’s got extremely high standards for every aspect of his life. And that’s why he just absolutely dominates the sport in a way that nobody has ever dominated it.
I always love going back and seeing his stuff from the combine when he was trying out. There’s a there’s a video of him without a shirt on, and he doesn’t look like he even worked out or is in shape. And watching him run around the field and do the things he does, back then from 20 years ago, you’re thinking there’s no way. But yet, here we are today and the guy’s been in ten Super Bowls and he’s won seven of the ten. That’s pretty amazing. It’s all about what’s up here. The story that you tell yourself is what determines what you can and you can’t accomplish in life.
We’ve been dating and we love each other a lot, at least we say that we do.
Well, you always look at what somebody does, not what they say. And you’ve got to remember, women don’t want to hurt your feelings, so they’re going to say nice, flowery things and embellish a little bit just because they don’t want to hurt your ego. They hope that you’ll just kind of figure it out. So, if she’s saying all these nice flowery things, using all this flowery language but her actions don’t match, well, you look at what the actions do as the true determination of where you stand with her.
The issue is, I feel without me initiating she wouldn’t move a muscle. I make plans with her, but she always has something to say, that she can’t or she’s tired, or whatever the case maybe at that moment.
Well, right there, that tells me you’re way over pursuing this girl. And if you’re constantly calling and trying to make dates and she can’t be bothered, she’s too busy, when that happens, when you call and you ask for a date or you text her and ask her for a date, and she’s like, “Ehhh,” just say, “Alright. Well, when your schedule frees up, get in touch.” Then I would never call our text her again for any reason. I know you’re supposedly in a relationship, but listen to what he says next.
I am tired of always being the one to initiate conversation and make plans that are most likely going to be politely declined.
You don’t keep asking people to spend time with you when they keep politely declining you. You ask once, and then if they’re not enthusiastic, because you want somebody who’s like, “Hell yeah, I’d love to go out with you. I’d love to spend time with you.” And when she’s like, “Oh, I can’t be bothered,” don’t waste your time. Hit the ball over the net and wait for her to hit it back. And if she doesn’t hit it back, well, then you know where you stand.
It’s weird, as if she’s not interested anymore.
Hmmm, isn’t that interesting?
As a man, I over think and beat myself up as if I did something wrong.
Well, you definitely over pursued. In essence, you’ve been begging and groveling for her to pay attention to you, and that’s extremely unattractive. You act like a guy who is one of her options instead of a priority.
Then I came to realization that I might be too much of a sweetheart, and I kind of over pursued her.
Ding ding! Now you’re talking.
Also, the sex is not the same. There was a 2-week gap of us not having sex, then once we last had sex, it was alright but not the greatest.
Yeah, she’s just not that into it and she’s not turned on. She probably wasn’t very wet either.
I tried to go for round 2, but she was “too tired.”
Well, the other thing is my book also discusses how to really get a woman off. And so, she might not be enjoying the sex very much either. So, if she’s not that into you and the sex is just mediocre or average, why would she be? It sounds like she just gave you a mercy fuck because she felt sorry.
So we decided to call it a night and I dropped her off to her house and left. So, as I am writing you this email, I have decided to pull back and mirror her actions, which seems that she’s getting it, because she’s not responding to my text that I last texted her answering her question.
So, I wouldn’t do anything. If you take a step back and go, she wasn’t enthusiastic about seeing me, I’ve had to ask her four or five times on different occasions to get together, and she only said yes to one of the five times, why would you want to spend time with her?
Think about it from the best friend perspective. It has nothing to do with romance but just how if you call up your best bud and were like, “Hey man, let’s go grab some beers. I’ve got some shit I need to bounce off you.” He’d be like, “Yeah, let’s do it,” and he’d be enthusiastic. He’d be glad to hang out. He’d glad to see you.
And yet, you want to go out on a date and hook up with a girl and get intimate with her, and she’s like, “Ehh, I’ve got other things to do, maybe next time.” You didn’t get a “Hell yeah!” You got, “Ehh.” When someone’s like, “Ehh,” I wouldn’t waste my time. I would do nothing. I would just wait to hear from her, and then when you do, make a date.
I know this will bring up a lot of questions in her mind, but I think she knows that I know the games she’s playing, so there’s sort of a competition between us.
Well, let me enlighten you, my friend. She knows that you’re way more into her than she’s into you. And there’s no competition because, quite frankly, she’s absolutely dominating your ass like Tom Brady absolutely fucking dominated the Kansas City Chiefs last night. And it’s like you’re getting crushed in the game and you don’t even realize it.
As Valentine’s Day is around the corner, I really would like to have that attraction rekindled between us and release all this tension.
Well, today is the 8th of February, and so you’ve got six days, less than a week left. So, I seriously doubt whether it’s going to jump up. So, even though Valentine’s Day is coming up, I would do something really simple, but I wouldn’t call or text her to ask her out for Valentine’s Day.
With her track record over the last few weeks or months, however long this shit’s been going on, I wouldn’t do anything. If Valentine’s Day comes and passes and you don’t hear from her, that should pretty much tell you where you stand with her.
I actually planned a romantic hotel room experience for us to have for Valentine’s Day, and now I’m having doubts if I should invest my time and money into this relationship.
Well, if I were you, I would definitely cancel those reservations based on this level of effort. I might go. If she reaches out, I might take her out for drinks and do something fun, but I wouldn’t be getting a hotel or anything expensive or planning on taking her away somewhere, because she doesn’t appreciate and value it based on her level of effort.
Although I have been VERY thoughtful of her but not to discard her from her doing, she sometimes gives a little back or at least she tries.
The problem is you haven’t held out long enough, because women at this point, if you’re in a relationship, she should be doing most of the calling, texting, pursuing. Women just naturally do these things. And that process is explained in “How To Be A 3% Man,” obviously. But you haven’t read it yet, so you’re kind of just trying to cherry pick things from videos, which I always say it’s not the way to go.
You’ve got to learn the baseline fundamentals, and these emails that I go through are meant to give you real world examples of people that are in similar situations and how to apply what’s in the book to that particular situation.
Coach, this lady means a lot to me.
Well, it’s obvious from her actions you don’t really mean that much to her, bro. I know it’s not what you want to hear, but it’s the nasty truth. And I’m not here to blow sunshine up your ass. So if I hurt your feelings, suck it up, and read the book and do better.
And we have a great connection and chemistry.
You’re overrating her interest and how much chemistry you really have.
And I get relations and people aren’t perfect and that I shouldn’t pursue perfection.
Well, your big problem is you’ve been over pursuing. You have to back off and wait for her to reach out to you at this particular point, because if you keep doing what you’re doing, you’re going to get friend zoned. If not, you know, it’s close to being there anyway.
My question is am I doing the right thing by pulling away too?
Absolutely. You want to match and mirror her actions. She’s treating you like an option when you want to be treated like a priority, so you’re going to give her the gift of missing you. And you’re not even going to bring up Valentine’s Day. I would just plan the next date and let her bring up Valentine’s Day. “Are you going to take me out for Valentine’s Day?” It’s like, if she brings it up and asks what you’re doing and reaches out, then plan something for Valentine’s Day.
But it would be really interesting to see what happens, because say you don’t call or text her at all, and then Valentine’s Day comes and goes, what does that tell you? She’s not that into it. And if a couple of weeks go by, and you still haven’t heard from her, then I’d just start dating other people and move on.
And if she reaches out like, “I thought we were in a relationship. Why didn’t you call me?” It’s like, “Because, quite frankly, you’ve been treating me like a second class citizen. It’s like you made no effort. Valentine’s Day came and went, and I never heard from you.” If she’s like, “It’s the man’s job to pursue,” you say, “Yeah, I was asking you out, and you’re like, ‘Ehh.’ I’ve got other people that wanted to hang out with me that expressed enthusiasm. Why would I want to go and spend time and money on you when you treat me the way you’ve been treating me? No thanks.”
And when do I know that she’ll come back stronger and hopefully hornier than ever before?
Looking forward to hearing from you and hopefully have my case broadcasted on your channel. It might help someone else that’s going through the same situation as I am.
Apply what’s in the book. Right now, I would let her do all of the calling, texting and pursuing, and then you just simply make dates when you hear from her. That’ll change her attitude in a matter of weeks I would say, definitely over the next three days, assuming that she still has enough interest to want to date and sleep with you, and she’s not totally turned off. But you’re just going to have to wait and see.
I know it’ll be tough. I know you’ll have the urge to reach out to her, but if you take a step back, if your best friends were looking at this situation, they’d be like, “Yeah, dude, save your money.” And if Valentine’s Day comes and goes and you haven’t heard from her in two weeks, I would just start going out with other girls. You know, I wouldn’t commit to her exclusively, because she’s making no effort. It doesn’t matter. You’re not happy with what you’re getting back. You’ve been doing all the effort and she’s done nothing, just like you said in your email.
So, that’s what I would do if I were you. I would just wait to hear from her, let her do all the calling, texting,and pursuing, and there’s also a good chance you never hear from her again. You don’t have to go through any kind of weird breakup or anything like that. You just let her drift away. You know why? Because she belongs in the streets! Fuck her, bro. She’s out of there.
Unless you hear from her, I would never call or text her again for any reason. And if she does, assume she wants to see you and make a date. And say two weeks go by, and then after Valentine’s Day she gets in touch and she’s mad that she hadn’t heard from you and how come you didn’t take her out for Valentine’s Day, just say, “Yeah, I really haven’t been satisfied with your level of effort. You treat me like I’m an option, not a priority. So why am I’m going to take you out and do some something nice for you on Valentine’s Day when you treat me like I’m not even important?”
“I want a woman that’s going to treat me like a priority. And I have lots of people who want to hang out and spend time with me, so why would I want to go hang out with you when you treat me this way? Fair is fair. If you want another chance, if you want to rekindle things, if you want to work things out, then make an effort. Make me feel needed, wanted, loved and desired. And you haven’t been doing that. Your effort’s been nonexistent. It’s been not satisfactory. I think you’re cute, I have a lot of fun with you, but I don’t like the way you’re treating me. And if it doesn’t change, then there’s no point in us hanging out or seeing each other anymore.”
The quickest way to get somebody else’s attention is to remove yours, remember that. It’s also in the book. So, again, if you haven’t read it, you can read it for free at UnderstandingRelationships.com. All you’ve got to do is subscribe to the email newsletter.
And if you’d like to talk to me personally, maybe you want to try to turn things around in your own life — maybe you’re you’re seeing similar patterns that this guy’s supposed girlfriend is displaying to him, maybe it’s not as bad, maybe it’s worse than this — and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Women who value, respect and appreciate you will make it a priority to see and spend time with you. They are submissive, kind, respectful and express genuine excitement about seeing you. When women reciprocate interest and enthusiasm, give them the gift of your time. When women you care about treat you like an option instead of a priority, give them the gift of missing you. If their attitude changes and they reach out to you, then make a date. If they let you go and make no effort to keep you in their lives, then you should walk away and never look back. Why? Spending time with you is a privilege, not a right. Never let anyone waste your time or take you for granted.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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