Why She’s Upset That You Don’t Contact Her More

What it means and how you should respond when women get upset that you don’t contact them more.

In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who seems to be intimidated by the women he is dating. He asks what he should tell women that back him into a corner and want to know why he waits a whole week to contact them after the second, third or fourth date. 

He says, sometimes they tell him that it shows he’s not interested. I explain why this is a good thing. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

I don’t know if this guy has actually read 3% Man or not, or if he’s just cherry picking, but he’s got a good problem. You can tell women are backing him into a corner, he’s like, “Oh, what do I do? She’s mad at me,” and you just see the inner beta male is still there. This is why I tell the dudes to read the book 10 to 15 times, so they understand the philosophy.

What’s happening is women are getting upset. He’s going out on dates, and they’re wondering, “Why does it take you a whole week to reach out again?” He says this is after the first, the second, the third date, or even the fourth date, that it’s happened. So, he’s following what’s in the book, but it’s just completely going over his head. If they’re bringing it up, it’s a good thing. And what it communicates is that they want to see him more.

This is why I talk about in the book that you make one date a week. No more, no less, just one date a week. The idea is, once the woman starts to become engaged, she’s going to start reaching out, and texting you, and contacting you in between those dates, because she doesn’t want to wait a week. And the fact that they’re bringing it up shows that he’s doing a good job, obviously, on his dates and their interest is going in the right way, which is up. And then they want to see him more. And so, because love is playful and fun, I could just see this guy’s worried what they think. It’s like they’re backing him into a corner.

Viewer’s Email:

Hello Coach,

What do I tell a woman that asks why I took a week to reach out to her for a second, third, or fourth date?

As if he’s got to answer, like he’s been called into the principal’s office and they’re really big mad.

Sometimes they say that it shows that I’m not interested. 

Thanks,

Bob

Say you went out and you had a great date, and then you call her up a week later, maybe on the phone, or maybe when you’re on the date, and she says, “Why did you wait a whole week to contact me?” You should be like, “Oh, babe, you missed me, didn’t you? That’s sweet. So, you want to see me more already? We’ve only been out on one date, and you’re all ready to go off into relationship bliss after one date?” Whatever, have fun with it.

It’s not a bad thing. It just communicates they want to see you more. And so, you want to be sweet, and you want to be playful and a little silly with it. But if she says, “Why did you wait a week to contact me?” and you respond like, “Uhh, there’s this book I read, and it said to wait a week. You’re not mad, are you? Please don’t be mad or offended.” I mean, can you imagine? Those are the two different types of mindset in the responses.

The response should be playful, like it’s not a big deal. This is a good thing. It means they want to see you more. And so, you should follow instructions and read the book 10 to 15 times. But this is a good problem to have. All it means is they want to see you more. When women like you, they want more of your time and your attention. And at least in some of these cases here, this guys experience, that’s how it’s manifesting. They’re bringing up “why is it only once a week?”

You can also say, “Well, how come you didn’t call me or text me this? Obviously, if you missed me so much, we should have gotten together even sooner. It isn’t the 1950s anymore. I thought women are liberated now. I thought feminism solved all those problems and you’re independent, strong women now.” Have fun with it, be playful. Don’t let her back you into a corner. Because if she backs you in a corner and you’re like, “Oh, I don’t know what to say to this,” then it looks like you’re doing something, like you’re being manipulative.

But the whole idea is you’re taking measured steps, you’re taking your time. You’re going slightly slower than they are, and it’s working. It’s having the desired effect. They’re wanting to see you more. If you understand that – that’s why I say read the book 10 to 15 times – you should recognize that this is a good thing and respond in a playful manner.

Encourage them to contact you, like, “Well, baby, if you miss me, why are you purposely holding back? You wanted to talk to me, and you purposely didn’t call or text when you were missing me? What, are you following some kind of rules? Why would you torture yourself that way? I would have loved to have seen you, but I’ve been busy, I’ve been jammed up at work. And, obviously, we should get together more.”

Now, you could say that, but again, you’re going to respond to how her actions are. You’re trying to encourage the behavior to make her feel comfortable reaching out to you. Because the idea is, typically, under most circumstances, usually by the second or third date you’ve gone out on, the women are reaching out or texting you a couple of days later or the next day. Maybe they’re sending you a little meme, or they send you a picture, or the woman’s favorite line of modern times, which is, “Hey!” It means they want to see you. It’s a good thing.

And so, what happens is you start the ball rolling, you do initiate the courtship. It is up to us to pursue in the beginning, but you want to create the conditions where it’s just going slower than the woman wants. And when it goes slower than the women want, guess what? They become more aggressive, they become more affectionate. They call you more, they text you more, and they make more of an effort. And that makes it really super easy to date them, because now they’re starting to pursue and chase you, which is what women are naturally, biologically designed to do.

Despite what feminism says and all the rest of the BS that’s out there, when a woman has high interest in a guy, she’s easygoing, easy to get along with. She’s not structured. She’s not following some rule book. As her interest goes up, she’s going to contact you more, because she wants your attention, because she perceives you as a high value man. And high value men don’t have to work that hard for women’s attention.

Like I’ve said before, you can see this in all of the old black and white movies. It was always this way. Especially in one of my favorite ones, “It’s a Wonderful LIfe,” which I think has done one of the best jobs that I’ve seen of capturing that process of the woman always spinning her web and trying to capture the most eligible bachelor. You see that in there, and I mean, that movie’s from 1946.

But in those old movies, men acted like men and women act like women. Sure, you had beta males, the guys that were like, “Hey, baby, can I buy you something? Can I light your cigarette for you? Can I push your chair in?” You even see part of that in “It’s a Wonderful Life.” So, those guys have always been around as well – the soft, nice guy beta males. But George Bailey’s character, he’s got a vision, he’s got goals, he’s got things he wants to do. And Donna Reed’s character has had her heart set on George Bailey since she was a little girl. That, eventually, she wants to grow up, and marry him, and live in that old broken down house at the end of the road, and fix it up, and have lots of babies with him.

And then, obviously, that’s what happens in the movie. It’s a beautiful love story. It’s really cool. It’s on during Christmas all the time, and I highly encourage you guys to check it out. That is how men and women naturally, instinctively interact with one another. All this crap that you see in movies and TV now, it’s just a bunch of woke ass bullshit that they’re pushing, trying to make men and women equal. And what it does is it ruins a sexual polarity.

So, this is a good problem to have. But you can also see the mindset, the influence of that in this guy. He’s afraid, he’s worried, like, “What do I tell them? What’s the excuse that I give them?” It’s like, dude, wake up. Read the book 10 to 15 times. It’s not complicated. You have a good problem. You should be patting yourself on the back that you did a great job on your first, your second, your third date.

And so, if they’re bringing it up, again, encourage them to reach out to you if they miss you. But maybe instead of waiting a week, because they’ve asked for it, maybe after three or four days you move it up a little bit. But they need to be making an effort too, so you want to encourage them to do that. And the more they feel safe with you and the more they feel comfortable with you, the more they’re going to do that.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.