Why The Women You Don’t Want Are Crazy For You & Those You Do Are Indifferent

How to attract and keep the girls you want if you usually lose them to other guys.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who has been following my work for over a year, but only listened to 3% Man, 4 times. Normally he dates women he’s not that into and dips pretty quickly. Earlier this year he started dating what he thought was a unicorn. After 2 months and a great camping trip together, she faded away and went on a trip with another guy and ghosted him. He’s confused as to why. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Members Only Newsletter is, “Why The Women You Don’t Want Are Crazy For You & Those You Do Are Indifferent.”

So when I read this email, it just reminds me of what my life was like, my teenage years and my most of my 20s. And I never understood that. And what I realized when I really started taking this part of my life seriously and trying to learn and fill in my knowledge gap and figure out what the hell was going on and why some women were crazy about me, usually the ones I wasn’t that into and the ones I was really into it just always seemed to go sideways in about three weeks, four weeks sometimes.

The simple answer is that I treated the ones I really like completely differently than the ones that I wasn’t as into, but I was totally indifferent. Could take it or leave it with the girls that I wasn’t into, and they loved it because they had to get my attention and my validation. But the women I was really into, I was too focused on and worried about their acceptance and them choosing me and wanting to date me. And everything was about seeking their approval and their attention and being worried that I was going to lose them.

It’s like every guy does the same thing when he gets around a girl he really likes. He behaves differently. And it’s subtle. He doesn’t realize it. But all of us have had friends that were dating a girl and normally pretty masculine guy, and he gets around and starts dating this really cute girl, and she wraps him around his finger and he’s pussy whipped and she just walks all over him, treats him like dirt, cheats on him, and he just still keeps putting up with it, hoping that things will turn around or with the right conversation or the right persuasion, she’ll become a good girl.

So let’s go through this email.

Viewer Email:

Dear Coach,

Been following you for a little over a year, four Audio listens, a YouTube member, listen to all your videos. 

All right, so you have follow me for a little over a year and you’ve just barely listened to the audiobook four times. You’re a shitty student. I appreciate you being a premium member, but I’m going to be honest with you. You know I’m not here to blow sunshine up your ass. Guys that really are serious about this part of their lives, they read the book religiously. If you put the audiobook on 2X and then follow along in a digital or physical copy, you can get through it in under four hours.

So when you spent the better part of a year or more, and then you barely got through the book four times and you’re just listening to the audio, and if I’m a betting man, you’re probably driving in your car, or maybe you’re at your gym, or maybe just kind of playing it as background noise in your house. That’s not really focusing on the material and trying to get into your brain. You’re not trying to get through the audiobook listens just to get through them. You’re trying to get through them. But most importantly, you’re trying to absorb as much of the information as possible and concentrate and focus on it without any distractions.

Driving around and as having it as background noise, you’re just checked out half the time. And so you’re just really not not listening or paying attention most of the time. So and that’s the first thing as a Coach because I’m here about teaching the fundamentals. People that have great success stories and are great students, they get through the book 10 to 15 times in a matter of weeks because they really take it seriously. But when you barely get through an audiobook four times and over a year, you’re not really taking it seriously. And you know, it’s funny, most of the time when I do phone sessions with guys that are making mistakes, one of the first things we do is we talk about how many times they read the book.

And usually they’re always laughing about how they didn’t listen or didn’t take me seriously. And they only read it once or twice and or they read it 3 or 4 times got serious. And that was eight years ago, and they never went back to it. And then they got into a relationship. But by then they had mostly forgotten the stuff. And since they never really were in a relationship while they were reading and applying the book, they completely didn’t learn that part of it because they didn’t think it was necessary because they were focused on getting laid.

I usually date girls and lose interest after a several dates and break it off if I don’t see anything long lasting. Always easy to keep interest with girls I’m not interested in.

Yeah, because you’re totally indifferent. The difference it makes a difference is indifference. It is absolutely true. A man doing his own thing for his own reasons that pleases him so it turns a woman on. She wants to follow that guy and be a part of his team. Be his biggest cheerleader and fan. That’s why it’s so important to lead. Have your purpose in order, your life, your life’s mission, and your life’s work. Because that’s what guys do. They handle things.

Then comes a unicorn I am highly interested in. 

Well, as the late, Great Doc Love used to say, “the beautiful woman is like Kryptonite to the average guy. She has the power to make them fall apart.” So hot girl walks in and everything changes. His behavior changes, his demeanor changes. Maybe even the tone of his voice changes because a little higher pitched becomes a little more softer and a little more compliant, less willing to push back, less willing to stand up for what he believes in or his principles or his values because he’s too focused on winning her approval. Which basically is causing him to act like a girl, which turns a woman off. You think you’re doing things that she’s going to like, when in reality you’re acting like another woman and it’s ruining the sexual polarity and turning her off.

I dated a girl earlier this year that lives one and a half hours away. We dated for about two months, once a week, and to me, things absolutely looked as though they were going to get serious.

So she’s an hour and a half away. It’s long distance. He’s only seen her once a week and he’s focused on her relationship and them getting serious. So he’s already thinking from the end. Do you really think he’s focused on vetting and determining what her character is? Looking for red flags, looking for flaky behavior, looking for inconsistencies in her stories. Is she honest and truthful, or is she just constantly telling one lie after another?

She was asking about kids, marriage, and exploring what each of us were seeking and we were pretty aligned.

Well it’s nice she’s focusing on those things, but it looks like he assumed she wanted to marry him, when in reality she might have just been telling him long term what she’s looking for.

She would talk as if she was willing to move jobs to my city and just left this impression that she was going to ask me “what are we?” at any moment.

So he’s pretty clear he’s focused on the relationship and, “when is it going to happen? When are we going to be exclusive? When is she going to ask me? I know I read Corey’s book it’s going to happen at any moment.” Your job, as I state in the book, is to create an opportunity for sex to happen. Hang out, have fun and hook up. Let her bring up the relationship topic. But it’s pretty clear he’s focused on that if whatever you focus on expands.

So if you’re constantly focused on a relationship and when she’s going to want to have the talk with you, you’re not really in the present moment and you’re not really doing the things that you need to be doing, according to the book. Again, remember, he just kind of listen to the audiobook and some background noise over the past year or so. So he didn’t really take the time to learn it. And so he’s making mistakes that he probably doesn’t even realize her mistakes.

Then we go on our last date. Our date, which she suggested, was an off-roading trip that would lead to camping and morning hikes to multiple waterfalls. It was pretty awesome. We had camp-fire sex the night before, and a great time together hiking waterfall to waterfall. She held my hand the whole way home, I drop her off to her car, and that would be the last time I see her.

Remember, women don’t dump men that they’re in love with. They dump men that they’ve lost respect and attraction for. And so does this guy look like he was really objective, paying attention to her interest in him? Or does it look like he was focused on his interest in her, and was constantly waiting with bated breath for her to say she was ready to be exclusive? So when you’re focused on that, and not paying attention to the chapter, “It’s All In The Numbers”, you can’t really tell that her interest isn’t as high. You just assume, “well, she’s with me, so she must be feel the same way.” But, I mean, it sounds like so far, so good.

She had a “girls” trip the following weekend. The conversations slowed throughout the week.

So that tells me he’s probably spending too much time talking and texting on the phone and not using it to set dates and get together. So again, if you’re dating somebody for two months and yet you only see each other once a week one time, it’s not that serious. It’s like a booty call. Because if you’re following what’s in the book, the woman should be in love with you by the end of two months, and she should be all over your ass like white on rice. She should be coming and staying the weekend with you and vice versa. Then the next weekend you’re up there staying the weekend with her, but it sounds like they got together. They had one date, and then, zoom, and then he went back home.

And he just assumed it was going to work out because he was paying attention to how much he liked her, and how much he assumed at any moment she’s going to already be in a relationship. Meanwhile, it never happened. Doesn’t seem like, again, you spend two months dating somebody, but yet you only see each other once a week. You’re in a booty call situation. It tells me there’s no closeness. There’s no intimacy. She’s pretty distant. And again, because he didn’t really take the time to learn the book. He didn’t know what he didn’t know. He just assumed everything was great like most guys.

And her unusual social media posts led me to believe her “girls” trip was actually with another guy. Not sure if I handled it correctly, but I went no contact immediately, never said anything to her about it, just stopped talking and in kind, I never heard from her.

Does that mean you ignored her messages, or does that mean you stopped reaching out because you were doing all the pursuing and you never heard from her? So “not sure if I handled it correctly, but I went no contact immediately. Never said anything to her about it. Just stopped talking and in kind. I never heard from her.” So what it sounds like, is it sounds like he was doing all the pursuing, and as soon as he stopped pursuing, she didn’t pick the ball back up.

It’s been five months. After three weeks she blocked from Instagram Stories although she views every single one of mine.

So he was probably looking at all of her stories but not reaching out. But again, if you’re dating somebody for two months and you go on a trip like that, and you drive up there, you’re driving around, you’re spending all the money to take her places, and then she doesn’t even text you after that. She wasn’t that into him at all. And he couldn’t tell. He didn’t realize he was just a booty call. He’s said this is going to be his next girlfriend. And in reality, he was a weekly booty call.

This is what happens when you don’t know the book. You focus only on sex and pickup, but not the relationship stuff. You’re not going to be able to successfully transition from dating into a relationship. And you’ll think everything’s going great. And then all of a sudden you go on a trip, you spend a bunch of time together, and you never hear from her again.

A week ago, I noticed she had lifted the block on stories, I did not look at all when I saw she had allowed me to see them again, then hours later she blocked me again.

So it shows me he’s still been obsessing over her social media. And if she’s blocking him, that means she’s posting things she doesn’t want him to see. And she obviously, if he’s, you know, creeping her stories, she knows that he’s still paying attention. The idea is if you go no contact, it’s like you disappeared. You don’t watch stories, you don’t creep or social media. You just don’t look at it.

I feel as though I’ll hear from her in the future, but I’m a little lost as to if I should even bother. We weren’t in a committed relationship but at some level I feel lied to about her intentions. Being she is one and a half hours away makes it even more difficult to allow her back in. What should I do, how to handle this when it happens?

Thanks,

Bob

Well, if you’d have known the book, then you would have known that even though it should have been further along if you didn’t hear from her for a week, you should have reached out. But if it looks like she’s going on a trip with another dude and you stop reaching out and you never hear from her in three months go by, well, what it looks like is he was doing all the calling, texting and pursuing, and she wasn’t lifting a finger. She was happy to go and do things and hook up, but she wasn’t feeling it because she wasn’t really making much of an effort.

And as he said, it looked like he was doing all the effort. So that’s what happens when you focus on your interest in a girl. Again, remember the first half of the email he kept talking about how she was at any moment going to want to be exclusive with him, and he didn’t even notice that she wasn’t feeling the same way. So again, this is why I say it all the time, people get upset by me constantly saying, read the book. It’s like you have to take this seriously because you miss subtle nuances to things like this, and her behavior sails right over your head and you don’t know what it means.

You don’t know where you stand. And you just stopped reaching out and she dipped. But again, I can understand if it looks like she’s on a trip with another dude. If you take a step back and look at the totality of it, like I said earlier, you were just a once a week booty call, so it looks like she probably had other booty calls beside you. And maybe that guy was a little smoother and he transitioned from casual hooking up because all relationships start from casual dating and hooking up. And maybe she got serious with him, but it’s odd that she would block you from looking at her stories like that.

The only reason she would do that is there’s things on there she doesn’t want you to see. And you specifically, she doesn’t want you to see. So why would she do that? Trying to hide something from you. Maybe she’s mad you stopped reaching out. Maybe she was structured. But like I said, the whole thing comes down to The fact that he was focused on a relationship and a future with her. And it doesn’t look like he was very objective about her level of effort towards him.

And so he didn’t really notice, because the only thing that made him stop moving forward was noticing that it looked like she was on a trip with another guy, and he didn’t hear anything from her. So I would say from her perspective, it looks like he was just one of the dudes in her rotation, and he basically dropped himself from the practice squad, and she never lifted a finger after that because she didn’t care. That’s the harsh reality.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.