What it means when women you are dating are slow to reply, ignore your texts & leave you on read.
In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who has a girlfriend, but he clearly has given his power away and she doesn’t really value or respect him. She will often take 12 hours or more to reply to his messages. Other than that, he says his relationship is great and she really cares for him. However, from her actions he clearly cares more about her than she does about him. He is overrating her romantic interest in him and not realizing what is really going on because he is so focused on seeking her attention and validation. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my video coaching newsletter. And the topic of today’s newsletter is going to be, Why Women Are Slow To Reply, Ignore Your Texts & Leave You On Read.
Well, I’ve got an email. This particular guy, he has a girlfriend, but it’s pretty obvious he’s totally given his power away. He’s way more into her, than she’s into him. And he says sometimes she’ll take like 12 hours or more to reply to his texts. And he’s like, “This is my girlfriend. That’s not good.” And he’s like, “Do I need to confront her about this?”
And when I look at that, if it doesn’t matter whether it’s your girlfriend or somebody you’re just casually dating, when a woman purposely waits 12 to, especially if she waits 24 hours to reply to a text, it shows that you’re really not that important to her. And especially if she goes, like all the way to 24 hours.
That’s just like she’s returning the text just to not be rude. But it shows you’re not that important to her. And so, you should match and mirror that. This guy is about to get a dose of reality. Realize that you’re way more into her than she’s into you. Then you need to back the fuck off. You want to match and mirror her actions and her effort.
Dear Coach Corey,
First I wanted to say thank you for all your videos. It has tremendously helped me to become a more confident man when interacting with women. I’m a college student and I started following your work a few months ago. I’ve read the book 2 times so far.
Well, that’s pretty good. In two months, two times. That’s great. He’s a college student. Makes me happy. I had an email that I did a couple days ago where the dude’s been following me for two fucking years, and he’s barely got through the book three times, and he wonders why he got dumped by his girlfriend five months ago.
And yet he’s got blue balls and he’s not sleeping with her, and she’s talking to other guys and he’s just stuck in limbo land. And she keeps dangling the carrot about potentially getting back together in the future. And he still has not gone back to read The Book and undo his unattractive behavior.
I’ve read the book 2 times so far and I’m continuing to read it more until I reach 10-15 times.
Well, people that are good students that always have good success stories, they do that. They follow instructions. The guys that have problems are guys that don’t listen. And the last two days of emails I’ve done, neither one of those guys followed instructions. And they got dumped. And they didn’t even see it coming.
I have a success story with a girl that I would never see myself dating due to low self confidence. Thanks to your help I finally got the confidence to approach a girl that I think is 10/10 and asked her out.
We are both in our early 20s and we’ve been dating for around 3 months now and usually see each other 2-3 times a week and she usually sleeps over at my place. I let her initiate contact more than 70% of the time.
Well quite frankly, that’s still too much. And The Book says never do more than 20% to 30% of it. And so, ideally if you can get away with it, you should let a woman do 100% of the initiation. Because when you’re in a serious relationship and a relationship is really close and there’s a lot of intimacy there, she’s going to be at your house every night or you’re going to be at hers.
And if you have your own place, what typically happens over time, over several weeks and a couple of months, she just slowly starts bringing over more and more clothes, more makeup, more of the crap and extra hair dryer, curling iron. And then next thing you know, you can’t even see your bathroom countertop anymore, and her shit’s everywhere.
That’s what typically happens. And when you’re in that situation, she’s going to be calling, texting you probably a couple times a day. “Hey, what do you want to eat for dinner? Hey, I’m going by the grocery store. I’m going by Publix.”
Where shopping is a pleasure. Greatest, greatest grocery store in the history of mankind. Publix. I love that place. But, “Hey, I’m going to go to Publix. You want me to pick up some chicken breast? I’m going to pick up your favorite beer.” Whatever happens to be.
A woman’s going to be in contact with you throughout the day. So there’s no reason to reach out. And if this guy, after this amount of time is still reaching out 30%, he’s still pursuing too much. The idea is that you start the courtship rolling. You roll the ball down the hill, the snowball, you kind of make a little snowball, and you kind of push it over.
Once it starts rolling, it picks up speed. And so, really, guys only have to pursue in the first few weeks. And typically after the second or third date when you slept with her, because that’s most women in the West, typically after 2 or 3 dates, that’s when they sleep with a guy. Then what happens is she starts calling and texting you, and then you just use that as an opportunity to set the next date.
And then when you get to week six, week seven, week eight, I mean, she’s pretty much with you all the time anyways. That’s what normally happens. But the more a guy pursues, like, especially in this place, he’s three months down the road and he’s still doing 30% of it. And maybe he’s doing a little bit more and bullshitting himself.
But, you know, the fact that she’s waiting 12 hours to text him back, I haven’t gotten to that part in the email yet, but that is indicative of he’s communicated he’s way more into her than she’s into him. She has all the power and all the leverage. And that’s why she waits 12 hours. Because she’s like, “Eh.” She doesn’t really give a shit. He’s not liking hearing that. But, that’s the fact of reality.
That’s me metaphorically shaking him, saying, “Dude, wake the fuck up. You’re in a danger zone here.” And so, the book tells you, when a girl waits to get back to you, if she treats you like you’re an afterthought, or you’re not that important. Well, if she’s taken 12 hours to text you back, well then, take 12 hours to text her back. Match and mirror that behavior.
Matching and mirroring is right out of the book. But like I said, if you can get it to 100% or 95% her doing the initiation, it’s going to be a lot better. She’ll be way more into you, she’ll be more feminine, she’ll be more submissive, should be way more happy to see you, and hear you. You can ask a room full of 100 women about that and they’ll go, “Oh, that’s not true. It’s got to be 50/50.”
Trust me, if you do what the book says, they will respond appropriately. That’s why the book also says don’t go to women for advice. Because they’re going to give you what they’ve been programmed to say, what the TV told them. But when you really ask them questions about guys that they date, guys that they’re in relationship with, they’re in relationships with guys that do the opposite of what they say they want.
You have to understand that about women to recognize it. Like in this case, he’s pursuing too much, even though he’s falling in line with the 20% to 30% that’s recommended in the book (is the max.) Ideally, the more she does of the pursuing, the more she’s going to like you.
That’s just a fact. I didn’t make women that way. That’s just the way they are. They will chase you more, pursue you more, call you more if you let them do it. If you let them come to you at their pace, they will be stuck to you like a sucker fish. They’ll be on you like white on rice.
And followed most of the things according to the textbook.
After around 2 and half months of dating she brought up the relationship talk, and I asked her what she meant, and we became boyfriend and girlfriends.
At least at that time.
In person she’s very interested and sweet and she bought me gifts for Christmas which is a good sign. However, she is distant in texting and it’s bothering me.
Bruh. The phone is for setting dates. I know you’re young, and I know you young guys grew up from the time you were in the crib with an iPhone stuck to your face. But, it’s not attractive if you’re trying to have conversations and trying to get to know somebody through text. Again, these rules are in the book for a reason. It’s what works.
And if you’re constantly texting and talking all day long, that’s why she leaves you on read for 12 hours. Because you’re texting her and trying to get her attention. Probably because you can sense she’s pulled away a little bit and she’s not as excited as she was when she asked you to be her boyfriend. And as he says, it’s bothering him.
And so, what is the illusion of action do? It causes you to want to call and text more. And you’re ignoring the fact the more you call her, the more you text her, the less interested she becomes. When you see that (I mean, this is right out of the book.) You’re supposed to back off and you haven’t backed off. You’ve kept pursuing because now you’re stuck in a state of fear.
And again, part of the problem is you’re new to my work, and you’ve only been through the book twice, but it’s only been three months. But that’s why you continue to go through the book, because you’re in the middle of a situation right now.
And you got to understand, whenever you turn the TV on, or you go to a movie, or you could be just listening to something on the radio and listening to a commercial about something, we are constantly bombarded 24/7 by propaganda that is teaching and showing women acting like men, and men acting like women.
And so whether you realize it or not, you’re constantly propagandized by media and the people around you that have adopted this belief system. That men should act like women, and women should act like men. That’s progressive. That’s woke. But it dries a woman’s pussy up drier in the fucking Sahara desert.
That’s a fact of life. Doesn’t matter about your woke ideology. Woke ideology does not go against biology. Simple as that. You cannot circumvent biology with woke idiocy. It’s delusional. You can ignore reality, but you can’t ignore the consequences of ignoring reality.
I haven’t talked to her about this since it is not masculine to be butt-hurt over your girlfriend ignoring your texts. She has been like this since the beginning.
Well, if she was like this in the beginning, you should have been taken longer to text her back. You should be matching and mirroring that. And the fact that your three minutes down the road, and you’re still got the pedal to the metal, you’re pursuing way too much, Bro.
Sometimes we can go a day without texting or talking.
Good. That’s the way it’s supposed to be.
Or sometimes when I reply to her text, she replies back in like 12 hours or more.
It just shows she doesn’t give a fuck. She’s not that into you. And you have to recognize that. You don’t just keep pursuing and keep trying to get her attention. You just very matter of factly and very calmly just go, “Yeah, she’s not feeling it as much. And so, therefore I’m not a priority to her. And so, therefore I’m going to match and mirror that.
She’s not going to be as much of a priority to me.” So if she normally texts you in the morning, “Hey, what are you up to?” Text her back at 4:00 in the afternoon or whatever, “I was in class. I was studying. Was this or that.” Just do exactly what she does. Because the idea is you should be getting her frustrated about it.
Because if she’s frustrated about it, what is she going to do? “Hey, why do you take so long to text me back?” I was like, “Well, it’s like you didn’t seem like texting is very important. I mean, you wait 12 hours of texting me back.” It’s like, “I didn’t think it was a big deal. If you miss me, why don’t you tell me? If you want to see me? Why don’t you tell me?”
As you have mentioned if a girl is in love with you, she will be constantly looking for your attention, but I don’t get this vibe from her even though she is the one who brought up the exclusivity talk.
Well, that was two months ago. And another thing that the book teaches you is, whatever a woman says about you and how she feels about you, it only applies in the moment. So, what he thought was, “Hey, I made it. I’ve finished. It’s the grand finale. She asked me to be her boyfriend. That’s it. The courtship is over. I’m done here. Ha! My work is done. Woohoo!”
That’s not how it works, man. That’s just how she felt that day she asked you to be serious. And ever since then, you probably started getting dopey and drooling all over her, and texting too much, and calling too much, and lingering on the phone too long.
And trying to keep the text conversation going when you can tell it’s trailing off and she’s getting bored. Again, the phones for setting dates, not getting to know somebody. You can’t violate those principles and be shocked that she’s taking 12 hours to text you back. And again, this is your “girlfriend” 12 hours to text you back, shows you’re not that important to her.
I understand people can be busy but if a girl is interested in you, she wouldn’t ignore your texts for like 12 hours.
Should I bring up this issue with her and communicate and tell her it bothers me?
Why? It’s like she’s doing this because you’ve already pursued her too much and acted unattractive. And so, you want to complain about the fact that you’re displaying unattractive behavior? Fuck no dude, fix your behavior. That’s the whole point. This stuff is laid out in The Book so you can fix your behavior, not just keep the pedal to the metal, and getting mad and irritated.
Because obviously something flipped in your brain. You’re like, “Oh, she asked me to be exclusive. Well, that’s it, I’ve won the game. I’ve run the board, I won monopoly. I’ve got Park Place and Boardwalk. These are my hotels. I’m good.” No, that was just one moment in time. And then you could totally fuck up the next day and totally turn her off and make her think twice about locking you down, or being in a relationship.
So you do nothing. You just back off. If she takes 12 hours, take 14. If you text her at 4:00 say she texts you at 12 noon. Text her back the next morning. Text her back at 8 a.m. the next morning. Then she asks you why it took so long. “Oh, I’ve been studying. Sorry. But I’d love to see you.”
And just invite her over. If she complains that you don’t talk enough, or you don’t see each other enough, or you don’t spend enough time together. Just take it as constructive feedback that she wants to see you, and make a date and get together.
But you have to start backing off because she’s backing off, and that tells me she’s losing interest. Probably because you’re acting dopey, probably because you think you won the lottery and your work is now done and you’re getting sloppy and you’re starting to do things that you weren’t doing in the beginning.
I think you would say no since it’s not masculine to be looking for validation from her.
But it is really bothering me.
Well start acting like a man and doing what the book says.
And I’m not really happy in the relationship like this even though I really like her, and I don’t want to lose her.
Yeah, that’s the problem. You’re afraid of losing her. So you call and you text her more. This is all text book. The illusion of action. This is also another concept that is discussed and taught in The Book. You feel like you have to do something to attract her. No, it’s like what makes music great? What makes music great is the space in between the notes.
Because if there was no space in between the notes, it would just be constant noise. And so that’s the beauty. It’s like, what makes a relationship beautiful. And the music of your relationship to play beautifully, is the space in between the notes, the space in between the time you see each other, and the time you talk to each other.
And if you just take a step back and you look at the whole situation here, it’s clear you’re calling too much, you’re texting too much, and you’re too concerned about how she feels about you. You’re constantly trying to find out, does she still like you? Does she still care?
Because again, as you said, you’re overriding tape in your head is, “I don’t want to lose her.” What is that? That’s fear. Fear of loss. What does that cause you to do? It causes you to do things to feel good about yourself. And so, when you feel like, “I haven’t heard from her, it’s been too long.”
Go hang out with your friends, go to class, the classes that you’re skipping or whatever. Go hang out with your family. Get a job, go to the gym. Go rock climbing. Go for a hike. Go for a walk around the lake. Go do something. Read a book. Be busy. Be a successful guy that’s got other things going on in his life besides his girlfriend. Be a man about town. Be busy.
Because what’s happening is the power is shifting to her. Where you’re starting to treat her like the man. And she’s starting to treat you like a girl, and you’re acting like a girl. And that is why she’s now becoming distant. As he said, she was always like this from the beginning. And quite frankly, you should have always been like this. You match and mirror it.
If she texts you back in a couple of hours, you text her back in a couple hours. If she waits a day, you wait a day. If she takes 12 hours, you take 14 hours. It’s the idea is you’re trying to go slightly slower than she is. And what’s going on now since she asked you to be her boyfriend, is now you’re trying to speed things up.
And as you’ve tried to speed things up and see each other more and talk more and keep the conversations going when they’re dying, she’s losing interest because she can tell you care more about her than she cares about you. Women like you more, (this is a fact of life even though most women would probably disagree with this statement.) Women will like you more and be more attracted to you if they think that they’re way more into you than you are into them.
That’s why when you behave this way, it’s so unattractive to women. When you call too much, you text too much. You try to spend too much time, you pursue too much. You’re worried about losing her. That’s what happens. You start displaying a lot of unattractive behavior because you’re trying to force things. You’re supposed to be the calm one. Feminine energy is chaos. If you fear losing her, and you’re bothered by her not reaching out.
What is that? That’s chaos in your mind. That’s feminine energy rotting your brain. And the only reason you think this way is because, again, we’re being propagandized 24/7 by the media and what’s on TV, what’s in the movies, and everybody around us that is accepted that propaganda. So it’s interesting when you look at communism and how it took hold in Russia and China and other places.
The social norms are not forced on society by the government. They’re forced on society by the other people in society. Your neighbors, your friends, your family shaming you, and being a Karen, scolding you. “Ahhh. You shouldn’t do that.” So you got to back off. You have to let women come to you. And again, 10 to 15 times, bro. You gotta remember, if you’re not paying attention to what’s in the book and trying to learn the book, you’re consuming 100% of the propaganda that’s always all around us.
And what’s going to win? The propaganda is going to win. Simple as that. That’s why the guys that have the best success stories, they really spend the time reading the book that is required to be successful. So back off, wait to hear from her, make the next date, match and mirror her actions again. Slow it down. You want to go slightly slower than she is.
And so, if you’ve been doing 30% of the pursuing, for the next week, it needs to back off to 20% of the pursuing. The week after that, 10% of the pursuing, 5% of the pursuing. And if you can get it to 100%. What you’ll notice is the more you back off, the more she pursues, the more she wants to spend time together. The more affectionate she is, the more attracted she’s going to be to you. That is what you need to do, my man.
So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.
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