Why Women Lose Attraction When Their Men Are Struggling

Why women lose attraction when their men are struggling in life and don’t seem very supportive.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who is going through a difficult time in life. He’s making the mistake of arguing with his girlfriend and also turning her into his mommy and therapist. She is losing romantic attraction and it appears she is inviting attention from other men. She also tells him things that are very contradictory. She tells him things she’s not interested in doing, then she goes and does them with other people. She appears to be in the initial stages of backing away and looking for potential guys to monkey branch to. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my video coaching newsletter. And the topic of today’s newsletter is going to be Why Women Lose Attraction When Their Men Are Struggling.

Well, I’ve got an email. I believe this guy is pretty young, that sent it in, but he’s having trouble with his girlfriend. He’s going through a difficult time. Plus, he never really took the time to read The Book. Now that he’s in trouble and things are going sideways in his relationship, now he’s feverishly trying to read through it, and cherry pick and copy and paste solutions to his problem. But you get a good sense of where this guy is at as I go through his email and he’s going through a difficult time.

He’s got things going on that are stressing him out. Work related, purpose related, mission related in life, which these things are going to happen. And so, when you go through a difficult time in life and it affects your confidence, and your competence, it’s going to have typically a negative effect on your girl, especially if you want to turn her into your mommy and your therapist, and you want to go to her and cry about your problems. What I found over the 20 something years I’ve been doing this, is that on average, women will give a guy 6 to 12 months to get his shit together, basically if he’s going through a difficult time.

In other words, you can flail around, you can be depressed for a bit, but when it goes past six months, 12 months, I mean, I’ve seen cases, guys been with their wives 30, 40 years. Maybe they have a business issue, or they have a health issue that comes up. It’s just something comes along or a death in the family. Or they have parents that are elderly and now they’ve got to take care of them. And so, they get off track, they stop dating, they stop courting their girl proper. They go through a difficult time. And women want you to be able to pull yourself up by your bootstraps.

And like I said, on average, you get about 6 to 12 months. Doesn’t matter if you’ve been together 30 years, if you stop being the leader, in the relationship and you always have been the leader, the rock, the mountain, in the relationship. And there are things that you could do to help yourself, and you’re not. And you’re going to your girlfriend or your wife and wanting to complain constantly, but you’re not doing anything about it. Eventually they’re going to tire of it, and then when they tire of it, and they start to lose respect for you and attraction for you, then you’re going to really find out what the character is like of the person that you are with.

And this particular guy is seeing some things that just don’t look good. It obvious you’re seeing signs that she’s inviting attention from other men, and that she’s potentially getting ready to Monkey Branch and therefore she’s lining up male orbiters and potential suitors to be the next guy that she dips out to if this guy doesn’t get his act together. So, let’s see what we can do to help him turn things around before it’s too late.

Viewer’s Email:

Hey Coach,

I began reading your Book and stopped reading it for a while.

There’s no shortcuts to success. And guys go, “Ah, I got to get my tennis elbow fixed.” “I got to mow my lawn first.” “I got to sell my jet skis.” “I got to lose some weight.” “I got to get my finances in order.” “I got to clean out my garage.” There’s always something that comes up and gets in the way that’s not a priority. And it’s only when you start having problems and you potentially are losing your girl. The guys like, “What, what, what was that, what was that book again? I need to get through that.” And now they’re in panic mode and they’re trying to turn things around.

It’s a lot harder to turn things around in the middle of it when you’re emotionally all wrapped up and jumping through your butt then to learn this stuff ahead of time. And take corrective action once you get into a relationship. So, this guy is already way behind the eight ball because he didn’t follow instructions.

But recently I’ve been having lots of trouble with my girlfriend so I’m getting back into it, where should I begin reading to help with a 6-month relationship.

So, he’s basically saying, “Hey, Corey, where can I skip in the book? What part of the book I just start reading and read only that to solve my problem?” It’s like, Bro. That is not going to save your relationship. That mindset is going to lead to the end of your relationship. So, if you want to turn things around, you need to take your life and your success seriously. Most importantly, you need to learn what’s in The Book cover to cover. That’s why I say read it 10 to 15 times. You’re not going to successfully cherry pick things from the book or the videos, and just solve all your problems and then you just go back to your life. It doesn’t work that way.

You’ve got to learn the information because there’s a lot of things you’re doing and saying and the vibe you’re giving off is the opposite of competence and confidence. And if you don’t turn things around and you just constantly display unattractive behavior, eventually your girl is going to leave you. It’s inevitable. It’s as predictable as the sun coming up in the East, and setting in the West. You cannot just flail around and constantly display unattractive behavior and argue with your girlfriend and create drama and act like a bitch and expect that she’s going to stick around and have respect for you.

Women are not going to love you in the same way that your parents do. Especially your mother. It’s just, guys make that same mistake that they can treat their girlfriend like their mommy, and you’re supposed to be the leader in the relationship. You’re supposed to be the one that she admires, she respects, she looks up to. And ultimately, especially if you’re having kids, and she’s a stay at home mom, you’re responsible for her and your children and providing and protecting and paying all the bills, and staying in your center and keeping your shit together, so she can continue to trust your masculine core, when you start losing your shit and not handling your business and flailing around and then trying to turn your girlfriend into your mommy or your therapist, she’s not going to stick around very long. You just cannot go through life like this.

I try to stay in my masculine but currently have a lot of stuff I’m worried about and try to talk to her about, but she doesn’t seem to understand.

Yeah, you’re trying to treat your girl and talk to her just like you would talk to one of your guy friends. These are the kinds of things when you’re worried about your future and your life, you got the feminist movement. You got a lot of idiots on the left that don’t know jack shit about human behavior or relationships.

And you’re like, “Oh, I got to share all my feelings and dump all my problems onto my girlfriend.” It’s like, that’s cute in a movie, but you do that in real life, eventually your girl is going to leave you, because she doesn’t want to be your mommy or your therapist. She’s supposed to be a teammate and an equal. She’s not supposed to be your emotional support animal, or your therapist, or your mommy. Simple as that. It doesn’t work. She’s not there for that. She’s there to receive your strength and your confidence and your love. She’s not there again to be your emotional support animal, or emotional support human.

You do that, she’s going to lose respect or pussy’s going to become dry or in a bucket of sand. And she’s not going to want to sleep with you and she’s not going to respect you. And so, off the bat there, you’re having conversations with her that you should not be having. And like I said, you get 100 women together and they’re like, “Oh, I want him to talk about his feelings and open up.” And it’s like if you’re constantly coming to her with your problems and the things that you’re struggling with, she’s just she’s not going to get it. She’s the wrong person to bring that stuff to. Again, you don’t turn your girlfriend into your mommy or your therapist. You’re supposed to be the guy with the answers.

And if you don’t have the answers, part of being a competent man means that you’re going to go out and find them. You’re going to figure it out. If you can’t find a way, you’ll figure it out. You’ll make a way. That has to be the mindset and the attitude. If you’re going to be responsible for a woman and for children and for providing, you’re going to have to be competent to take care of your own shit. You can’t become one of your girlfriend or your wife’s children. It’s just not going to work. She’s looking to you to do that.

I then say it doesn’t matter and drop it, how can I explain my feelings without her losing levels of attraction?

Don’t make her your mommy and your therapist, dude. Women want to be in a love story. They want to look to you for leadership and guidance. And what you’re basically trying to do is go, “Oh, mommy, life’s too hard. I want to tap out and make you my mommy. I want to make you the man in the relationship.”

She didn’t get into the relationship so, she could be your mother. She got into a relationship because at least in the beginning, you acted masculine and competent and confident enough to where she fell for you and wanted to be in a relationship. And what’s happening is slowly, over time, you’re changing who you are.

You’re becoming the opposite of what you were when you got into the relationship. So, you need to cut this shit out. This kind of mindset, that’s not what she’s there for. She’s not there to be your mommy or your therapist or your emotional support human. It’s not going to work.

Listening to as much as your book as I did, I can say it’s a miracle we are still together.

If you don’t learn this information dude and turn shit around, she’s going to leave you. That’s going to happen. You’re going to have to fill in your knowledge gap, and trying to cherry pick and copy and paste things from the book. Or one of my almost 3000 videos that I got out there. That’s not going to save your relationship.

You need a mindset change. You need to start displaying only your attractive sides to your girlfriend. And when you feel like you’re going to have a meltdown or life is too hard, go hang out with your dad. Go hang out with your beer drinking buddies, your co-workers, and share these things with them, your therapist or whoever.

You don’t share this shit with your girlfriend or your wife. She’s not there for it, especially when you’re communicating that you don’t think you got what it takes to handle this. Women don’t want to hear that you don’t know how to handle life or it’s too difficult. You can be unsure of what to do, but you also, in the same breath, need to have the attitude of, “Hey, I’ll figure something out, babe, I got this. Don’t worry about it, I’ll handle it.” And then you got to handle it. You can’t keep coming to her every week, “Oh, life’s too hard. I can’t handle it. Oh, be my mommy. Let me suck my thumb and crawl underneath the kitchen table in a little ball.”

She has blocked every guy on her social media but recently she added another guy, her sister doesn’t like me.

Well, you got that working against you.

And she has told me she added him he is now blocked again. After I found this out by going into her account she changed her password, I said many things thinking she cheated on me when apparently, she didn’t.

So, on top of that, you’re constantly communicating that she cheated on you and you’re insecure, which ultimately communicates that you don’t feel worthy of her love. And you don’t feel worthy to be there. That is the opposite of competence and confidence. The number one most attractive thing that women love in men is confidence. And when you’re constantly accusing her of cheating when she doesn’t, you make yourself look like a bitch. You become like the little boy that cried wolf. And eventually she’s going to get sick of it. And she will do exactly what you fear eventually, which is leave you and maybe even cheat on you.

There was a fair in town and the one day we could go together she didn’t want to go she said it was because her shirt would come down and didn’t want people to see, she proceeded to go 4 days in a row after that with her friend.

And I’ve read plenty of emails. I had one in the last week. I can’t remember the name of the newsletter, but I had one last week, his game was pretty tight. But the girl that he was with was a ratchet. She has low integrity, low character. Some women are just bum bitches, as Quintus Curtis said. And that’s part of the vetting process.

You have to figure that out. You could be the best boyfriend, best husband in the world. And if you married a bum bitch or you’re in a relationship with a bum bitch, and she’s not happy or she’s mad at you or whatever, and she has low integrity, she’ll just cheat on you, and she won’t feel any remorse.

She met a boy she liked there, and her sister rode a ride with him, but she didn’t ride it.

Because you got to keep in mind, the sister doesn’t like this guy, so she’s probably trying to encourage her sister to move on and date somebody else. And if you’re flailing around acting like a little bitch, trying to turn her into your mommy and your therapist, all you’re doing is speeding that process up.

There were also four other guys.

So, her sisters inviting other men. So, it sounds like the sisters trying to set your girlfriend up with your replacement. So that’s obviously sub-optimal.

She said if the boy she once liked wasn’t on there she would’ve rode it.

So, there’s a guy that’s part of this group that she always liked, and so she decided to go on a ride with him. Oh.

I told her that it wasn’t okay, and she said it was and it’s not like she’s going to flirt with them, she later retracted the statement and apologized.

Well, it’s good that you stood up for yourself because you don’t want to hear that your girlfriend doesn’t want to go with the fair with you because she’s afraid her shirt’s going to come up. And everybody’s going to see her boobs. But yet she goes four days in a row with her sister and other dudes. It’s like, Come on.

I’m not sure what to do to fix this.

Well, it’s looking like your girlfriend doesn’t have a really, her attraction is low for you and her respect is low. And it sure looks like she’s lining up your replacement.

But I want to try my best.

Well, it’s like you’ve got to. There’s no shortcuts to success, dude. If you put the audio book on two speed, and you follow along in a digital or physical copy, which is the best way to learn the book as quickly as possible, you can get through it in four hours, and if you’re not willing to do that, then there’s pretty much nothing I’m going to be able to do to help you because you’re not going to listen. You’re not coachable, and you might as well unsubscribe and go somewhere else. But if you’re serious, what you really have to do is you have to focus on getting yourself into the position where you’re applying the things in the book to make you the most attractive version of yourself.

Not so much to attract your girlfriend back to you, but to create the conditions where other women become attracted to you. Because it would be much better if you were the one that was getting hit on by other women instead of your girlfriend going out and getting hit on by other dudes. One thing that will really change your girlfriend’s attitude is you getting attention from other pretty girls.

We argue often mostly when I try to talk about things I’m uncomfortable about. How do I talk to her about things without being feminine or causing problems?

Hang out. Have fun. Hook up. Stop trying to make her into your mommy and your therapist. If she does something wrong, you got to call her out on it, which is what it looks like you did here. I mean, anybody can look at that and go, okay, you’re going on these rides at a fair with a guy you always liked, or had a crush on, but you didn’t want to go with me because you were worried about your boobs coming out of your top.

So, when I look at that, and this is if I was talking to her, it sure looks to me like you’re given this guy you had a crush on when you were younger, the green light to try to seduce you, and try to get in your pants. That’s what it looks like. Doesn’t matter what you say. I just look at your actions. And if you’re trying to keep me as your boyfriend, that’s not the kind of thing you should be doing, that makes you look disloyal.

And the number one most important thing to us guys is loyalty. And if you’re not a loyal woman, then we’re not going to last. And you shouldn’t stay with a woman who constantly expresses disloyalty and wants you to think it’s okay with this. And just sometimes standing up to her and letting her know that this is inappropriate behavior.

And if she continues, it’s going to lead to the end of your relationship. Sometimes that is enough to make her stop. If she has high character, if she doesn’t, she won’t give a shit and she’ll just continue doing it anyways.

And I text her more often than she texts me this far in the relationship how can I make her text me more and want me more the I want her?

Well, dude, when I read a statement like that, it tells me you don’t know anything about what’s in The Book, and you don’t have a clue how attraction works. And if you’ve been studying my work for any period of time and you think it’s good for you to be doing most of the pursuing. Any time a guy does more than 20 to 30% of the pursuing. It’s eventually going to lead to the end of the relationship. And when you’re doing most of the pursuing, it’s 100% guaranteed that she’s going to leave you and get turned off at some point because you’re more invested in the relationship than she is.

And so, what you need to do is match and mirror her effort and her interest. And so, I would back off. And you need to get the ratio over the next 2 to 3 weeks. You need to slowly back off to where you’re doing no more than 20 to 30% of the reaching out. And so, what that’s going to mean and what it’s going to look like and what’s going to feel like there are probably going to be days, though, over the next three, 2 to 3 weeks that you’re doing this.

You might be 2 or 3 days and you don’t hear anything from her and then you’re going to be freaking out about that and then falling under the illusion of action, thinking you’ve got to do something to get her to want you more. And so, your whole mindset is one of attention seeking and approval. You’re treating her like your mommy. Just the fact that you ask, how do I make her text me more? It’s like, there’s nothing you do to make her text you more. You text her less because what’s going on is she can tell that you’re more into her than she’s into you. And you’re basically acting like an insecure little girl. You’re not acting like a man anymore. That’s why she’s turned off and that’s why she’s giving other guys the green light to try to get in her pants.

I try ignoring her to make her come to me, I recently watched a YouTube video of yours on why inaction is attractive, how do I show inaction to her, should I do this during an argument if so, how do I without causing more trouble.

Well, you don’t just ignore her. Obviously, if you have something to discuss, you discuss it in person. And like I said, it’s like you don’t have a clue what you’re doing. Dude, you have zero clue. The fact that you’re even asking me this question, it’s like you got to take the time to read The Book and learn the fundamentals. There’s no way I can teach you a 250-page book in a ten 15 minute email on a video newsletter. It’s impossible. So, what you need to do is you need to match and mirror her actions.

Just back off, call. So, you’re slowly if you’re doing 70, 80, 90% of the pursuing within the next week, you need to reduce that down to at least 50%. So, you need to basically cut the contact in half that you’ve been doing. And then week two, I would cut it down some more, until you get to the point where you’re only doing 20 to 30% of it. And more than likely what’s going to happen is you’re going to be lucky if you see or even once a week when you do that, because her interest is so low.

How do I know if she is testing me or playing games?

It’s like you got to learn what’s in the book to be able to tell. You got to. If you don’t understand the philosophy and the way women go about trolling you to see what you’re made of, sometimes they say things like, if they got a guy that they know you’re jealous of, they’ll mention his name just to see how you react.

If there’s something that usually upsets you, she’ll bring it up again, just to troll you, especially if it’s something that she’s brought up in the past or said in the past. And you always lose your shit over it. Because women are naturally designed to test you, to help find the chinks in your armor so you can become a stronger, better, more competent man, and not take it personally. And so, the idea is you want to be calm, you want to respond calmly, because if you respond with playfulness and humor, that communicates that you’re unperturbed and you’re not bothered by it.

And if there’s something that you always had an emotional charge with on the past and it always caused you to lose your shit when she would bring it up, if you when she next time brings it up. If you respond with playfulness, and humor, and indifference, and teasing. Then eventually she’s going to see you don’t have a wound with it. You don’t have a weakness with it. And eventually she’s not even going to bring it up. She may occasionally bring it up in the future, but the less you lose your shit over it, the less she’s going to bring it up. The more you lose your shit over it, the more she’s going to bring it up and troll you. So, it’s super important. Masculinity is calm. It’s not being a jack in the box and losing his shit constantly.

My father showed you to me and it seems to have helped him with my mother.

Well, obviously, he probably took the time to read The Book and learn the baseline fundamentals in the book. These video newsletters like I’m doing now, are based upon the assumption that you at least took the time to get through the book and start to learn the fundamentals. And now you’re trying to learn how to fine tune them with real world situations. If you’re coming in here just thinking you’re going to cherry pick in a video without understanding the philosophy of how you go from pick up skills to dating skills or relationship skills that are in the book, you’re going to be flailing and it’s obvious that you’re flailing.

I really want to fix this relationship with this girl, but I’m not sure what I should do.

Read The Book. Learn the information. Start acting like a man consistently. Because what’s happening is there’s a lot of things you’re doing and saying that are extremely unattractive. I mean, I’ve pointed out several in the email here, and you don’t even realize that you’re making yourself look extremely unattractive. And so, getting through The Book just at least one time will help you clean up a lot of that. And the more times you go through it, each time you go through it, you’re going to realize, how do I miss that? The last time I went through it? Because remember, you’re only going to retain maybe eight, 10% of it every time you go through it.

And so, that’s why each time you read The Book, you see things, but it seems like you’re seeing them for the first time because, again, it’s an overwhelming amount of information and a lot of it is contradictory to the way you believe and most likely have behaved your whole life. And so, you’ve got a lot of emotional anchoring to dysfunctional unmasculine ways that you’re showing up in life and that’s a big part of the problem. So, if you just stop doing the things that make you look unattractive and make you look like a bitch, that’s going to help you tremendously.

And if you start doing the things that make you look attractive, and then you back off enough, and start matching and mirroring her effort because again, you want to get to the point, just like the book says, where you’re not initiating contact any more than 20 to 30% of the pursuing. Quite frankly, this far down the road, you shouldn’t have to be doing more than 5% of the pursuing. She should be doing 95% of it. But the power dynamic is totally flipped. You’re the girl in the relationship and she’s the man. And that’s why you’re literally chasing her out of your life and into the arms of other men, because she’s everything you’re doing is causing her to lose respect and lose attraction for you.

So, you better get your shit together, dude, and you better get serious about it. And you need to spend the time reading The Book again on audiobook on two speed falling along a digital copy. You can get through the whole thing in four hours. If you can do that a couple times a week. Over the course of several weeks, things will really start to click for you, especially as you start implementing what’s in The Book. And once you’ve cut out all this unattractive behavior that you’re displaying, you start to see that your attraction starts to go up.

She’ll be nicer to you, she’ll call you more, she’ll text you more, she’ll be more affectionate, she’ll be more flexible, she’ll be more submissive. She won’t tell you that she doesn’t want to go to the fair because she’s afraid on the roller coaster that her boobs are going to come out of her shirt and then go and spend four days there with other people other than you. So, like, dude, you’re, like, on the verge of losing your relationship, so you better get your shit together.

Sorry if I didn’t give enough details, I’m anxious and not sure what to do, thanks for your time coach.

Bob

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.