Why Women Love Men Who Are Discreet About Their Romance

Why women love men who can be discreet about their romance and not cause drama for them.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who misinterpreted a test from a female coworker he is romantically involved with as a rejection. Women are more attracted to men who can keep their mouth shut about their romance. Especially when it’s a coworker or she needs the relationship to remain secret until she feels that she is ready for it to be publicly known they are together or other circumstances require discretion and secrecy. Most beta males simply can’t keep it together when they are starting to date a girl they really like and often cause uncomfortable situations and drama when they are unable to be discreet. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my video coaching newsletter. And the topic of today’s newsletter is going to be, Why Women Love Men Who Are Discreet About Their Romance.

Well, I’ve got an email. This particular guy, things are going along good and he’s kind of in a little bit of a sticky situation. He’s dating a woman, I guess is like a co-worker, or associated with his job. And she says something to him, and they were talking about social media, and making public posts and stuff. And she talked about how she wanted to kind of keep things on the down low, doesn’t want to publicly disclose anything.

And he takes it as a rejection and, “Oh, she doesn’t like me,” and he gets kind of butthurt about it. So, he goes into like No Contact mode. And I’d say more than likely this guy, he says he’s read The Book eight times, but it’s one thing to read The Book, but it’s another thing to actually apply it. Because what’s happening is you’re trying to undo all of the dysfunctional emotional anchoring that you have to behaviors that, quite frankly, are totally oppositely aligned with your natural masculine essence.

And so, therefore what happens is you display a lot of really unattractive behavior, that without realizing it turns women off. And so, there’s a chapter in the in My Book, I talk about how Gentlemen Don’t Kiss And Tell, because the reality is the world is full of beta males and 97% of the guys who are typically just clueless, they don’t have any game, they don’t know what they’re doing.

And when they get out on a date with a really pretty girl or a girl they’ve always liked, always wanted a date, they just can’t keep it together. They can’t help themselves, especially in this case where it’s a sticky situation. Guys that do this typically don’t know any better. They get involved with the hot girl from the office and what do they do?

They tell somebody that they think is their friend, and then it gets around the office and next thing you know, everybody in the office knows that you’ve been out on a date with the hot girl, or you slept with the hot girl or whatever, and now all the intimate details that you thought were being shared in confidence with somebody else. Now everybody knows about it. And then on top of that, she thought she’s sharing everything in confidence with you, and then you can’t keep your mouth shut.

And so, women want to know, and they have ways of testing men, to see how they’re going to handle, can they be discreet? Can they keep their mouth shut? Because obviously, in a situation like this, where he’s dating a female coworker, she wants to know that you’re not going to bring any drama, or any issues, especially because there may have been some other guy that you work with that at some point she dated, and slept with as well.

I mean, those things are going to happen, if you live long enough, and you date enough women, and you have an active social life, maybe you meet a coworker or a friend of a coworker or something like that. Its women want to know that you can keep your mouth shut, and as soon as they get a hint that you can’t because you don’t know what you’re doing, or you don’t have any game. And especially in the initial phases, boom, the attraction evaporates.

You get stuck in friend zone, you get the, “Well, I don’t think this is a good idea. We should get involved because we’re co-workers.” And then now the guy that was on cloud nine that he’s dating the hot girl from the office, is now on the outs because he couldn’t keep his mouth shut. So, this guy totally misinterpreted what was going on and he took it the wrong way. He took it as a rejection and got butthurt about it, and is basically causing this thing to go sideways, totally unnecessarily.

Gentlemen don’t kiss and tell. Have you ever seen any of the James Bond movies, especially the ones with Daniel Craig or Pierce Brosnan? I can’t ever remember any part in any of those movies, where they’re gushing or blabbing over a girl to somebody else.

It’s like when they’re hooking up with a girl, it’s totally discreet. It’s totally in the down low. I mean, they’re a spy, after all. And operational security is paramount, especially in something like this. So, the only way the truth is going to get out is if she says something. And the only reason typically a woman, especially when she’s in a dicey situation like this, is going to share something that gets out publicly, is because she feels safe and comfortable with people knowing about what’s going on.

And so, how this can work to your advantage. Say a year ago you were hooking up with Sally from the office, if you will, had a passionate affair. Whatever reason it ended, maybe she went back to an ex. Maybe you just stopped seeing each other. It was very amicable, very cool. She has a high level of respect, high level of trust. And then a year later, Sally’s hanging out with Samantha, who also is from the office.

And you’ve been hooking up with Samantha, and somehow Samantha and Sally have become friends. And they start talking, and Samantha finds out that while you were dating and hooking up with Sally and nobody in the office knew about that, nobody found out about that. It’s only the two girls know that they dated the same guy. And you totally kept your mouth shut. And if even when you’re confronted by these things.

“Oh, I heard you hooked up with Sally and Samantha. And you were like, “What? Oh, what have you been reading The National Enquirer.” It’s like, “Those are just rumors. I’m an innocent child of God. I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Change of subject. Go on about your business. And that’s very attractive to women because they know if they have an undercover affair with you, if you will, they’re going to keep your mouth shut. You’re not going to put them in a bad place.

You’re not going to cause problems for them at work, you know, especially because, like you said, it’s pretty common. A woman dates a guy, same office, they split up and now she’s dating another guy from the office. It might be a male rival of the guy she used to date. And so, if you can keep your mouth shut and she keeps her mouth shut, nobody knows about these things. And so, it really can work to your advantage.

So, “If tribe not to know, keep mouth shut” as the old Indian proverb goes. So, it’ll do you justice and things will be a lot better for you if you can learn to keep your mouth shut and not brag and tell everybody about. It’s like, you know, when you’re in high school, what happens? You get laid the first time or you bang the hot cheerleader.

It’s like you got to tell somebody, right? Because you want to get an attaboy. You’re worried about acceptance from your friends. But it’s much better if you hook up and you never say anything to anybody because women will really appreciate that and that will help you get other women. Because, gentlemen, don’t kiss and tell. So, let’s go through his email with that in mind.

Viewer’s Email:

Hello Coach,

Thank you for taking the time to read this message. I appreciate Your Book and the newsletters and endless videos. I have engulfed myself in all the media for over a year now. I’ve read The Book close to 8 times, actually the Audiobook.

I’m a divorced dad for almost two years now. And for the most part the divorce and co-parenting relationship has been amicable. There is no attraction to the ex at all.

I went out on a date about three weeks ago with a much younger and attractive female co-worker where things ended up at my place. We went out previously on a couple of dates and have been seeing the attraction grow (or I maybe over-estimating at this point) ever since we met. She’s positioned herself to be in my area often since we live almost two hours away. 

Women help you when they like you. They put themselves in your orbit to make it very easy. And this is super important when you’re dating a co-worker, it’s a lot more fun and it’s kind of sexy and enticing.

It builds the anticipation. If the two of you got something going on, and you don’t tell anybody at all, it’s beautiful that way. But if anybody finds out, it’s not going to be because of you, it’s going to be because she couldn’t keep her mouth shut. And you’re going to have a lot of fun with it, once it starts getting around.

You’re like, “What? I don’t know what you’re talking about. These are just rumors. That’s an urban myth. It’s an urban legend that I banged Samantha and Sally from the office. I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m a total, total; these virgin ears of mine are really hurting. I can’t believe you’re saying these things to me. I’m going to have to go to church tonight to feel better.”

She has shared a lot of her life and mentioned things no one else knows including her closest friends. I’m very private on social media and so is she. In the beginning, I tried arranging dates but very loosely. Until I actually made firm dates, we finally went out.

Well, you got to be discreet. And when you’re dealing with a girl from the office, I’ve talked about this in a lot of videos. It’s much better if you treat all women the same. How would you treat her if you were tired of sleeping with her? If you were bored with having sex with her, you’d be sweet, you’d be nice, but you wouldn’t go out of your way to see her, or interact with her or do anything with her because you don’t want to give her the impression you still want to keep hooking up.

So, you’re charming, you’re playful. But if you’re going somewhere and she’s asking you what you’re doing on the weekend, you can casually say things like, “Hey, I’m going with my guy friends to this place.” And she’s like, “Oh, my girlfriends and I were talking about going down there, too.” I was like, “Well, hey, take my number and reach out to me. And if you guys are down there and we’re still there, hit me up, maybe we can all meet up, and have a have fun together.

That’d be great.” And if she likes you, she’ll be like, “Oh, let me get your number,” and she’ll take it. And then if she doesn’t, she’ll go, “Yeah, okay, I’ll do that.” But she’ll never ask you for your number then. No harm, no foul. This way, if she takes your number and then she texts you when you are out with your buddies and she’s like, “Hey, where are you guys at?” We’re like, “Oh, we’re at this place. Why don’t you come meet us?” And then she shows up. Who knows? Maybe some of your guy friends hook up with some of her girlfriends. It’s typically the way it works out.

And then, you just look for the signs that are in The Book that she’s ready to be touched, ready to be kissed, because the whole purpose of seduction is to get closer and closer to a woman, until you ultimately end up inside of her. And so, when you do it this way, when you don’t try to go out on dates and you put things in her court, and she’s pursuing you. It’s her idea. And if it’s her idea, she’s not going to back out of it.

And also, you don’t really have to worry about the “Me Too” stuff, because she’s the one pursuing you and you got all the texts. It’s pretty obvious. So, if she ever tries to do something, ratchet like you got all the evidence to back it up that you were totally in the innocent, and it was all her. And women will become more aggressive, especially if they feel like you like them. But you’re not making a move.

But you make it easy for them to contact you and be aggressive. It’s really fun, when a girl gets aggressive with you. And I mean, I’ve had cases like that, where women get very frustrated and they come, they close my office door and they want to sit down and talk to me and they talk about things and they go, “Oh, one more thing.” And they come over and grab me and start making out with me in the office.

And then one thing leads to another. You get, “Do not disturb” on the office phone. The door gets locked and nice things happen. An afternoon delight at the office is possible. Or maybe you dip and go back to your house if you like in this case or like two hours away. So, you’re not dipping out for a nooner from the office. But like I said, you can have lots and lots of fun and lots of romances and love stories and fun memories that you’ll appreciate, especially as you get older in life.

This lady happens to be my first person to be intimate with since the divorce. I met her back over 5 months ago and have been in contact with her on a weekly basis. When we did hang out, she would share her social media and various men attempting to get with her. I didn’t mind since all my previous relationships I never was the jealous type.

A lot of times women say things like that to see how you handle it. Again, this is all trying to determine, “Can you be discreet? Can you keep your mouth shut? Can you be James Bond?” And again, the only way anybody ever finds out anything about any of this stuff, is that the girl opens her mouth. And that’s the way it should be.

However, in the afternoon after she stayed the night, she mentioned that we should be responsible since we work together. I was bit taken back, and at the time didn’t realize she was testing me. So, I brought her back to her place.

So, when she’s saying we should be responsible since we work together, she’s throwing it out there because she’s saying, “Hey, I like you. I want to be discreet about this. I don’t want you blabbing. I don’t want to be talking about social media or any of that.”

I was bit taken back.

He’s like, you shouldn’t get taken back. It’s, you know, she’s basically saying, “Hey, here’s the unwritten rule. We don’t talk about this.”

I didn’t realize she was testing me. So, I brought her back to her place.

So, he misinterpreted what happened. And this is why you read The Book 10 to 15 times, because something like that happens. It’s a little oddballissh kind of thing, if you know The Book backwards and forwards, you understand what she’s trying to communicate to you. But if you’ve only been through it a handful of times.

But it’s important to not only read it because you read The Book a thousand times, but if you never interact with women, or go out on dates or whatever. I mean, this guy’s been following me for a couple of years since his divorce, and this is the first girl that he’s hooked up with and gotten together with.

So where is this practice been? There hasn’t been any because there hasn’t been any girls. He’s just been reading The Book a lot, and watching videos. And so, this really is his first attempt to practice what’s in The Book.

I don’t follow her on her social media. Beforehand in that afternoon, I remember saying I could not follow you on social media because of work.

And so, that communicates that you’re trying to be discreet, which is good. But like I said, he just totally, as he said, he misinterpreted where she was coming from.

She called me once I left to keep me company since the drive back home was over an hour and it was late. The call lasted maybe 15 minutes. Also, she called me to tell me about her day once later that week but cut the call short because her family member was calling. Since then, we haven’t conversed to make plans for the next date. The following week, I referred a possible client to her via text and spoke to her of the work situation briefly.

See, now he’s getting sloppier. But again, this is the first time this guy in two years, in the eight reads that he’s actually interacting with a woman, and trying to apply what’s in The Book. So, he’s kind of fumble the football.

He’s going to make mistakes. So, it’s understandable. So, the idea is we’re trying to minimize the mistakes he makes so he doesn’t keep putting his foot in his mouth and do things that turn her off, and wreck this fun little romance that he’s got going on. So, the phone is for setting dates. That’s one of the principles in The Book. So here he is referring a client but doesn’t sound like he asked her out.

I haven’t called her except a butt dial last week which she didn’t pick up but immediately she called me back. I didn’t answer or return the call.

Well, definitely a missed opportunity there.

Should I call her to arrange the next time to meet up or continue with the no contact rule?

It’s like, this is what happens when you cherry pick bro. This is not a situation where the no contact rule, you didn’t get rejected, you didn’t get friend zone. This is not your ex that you’re trying to get back. So, the no contact rule doesn’t apply. And you’ve only been out with her a handful of times and so, you should not be expecting that she’s going to do 100% of the pursuing. And so, this is part of the problem. You misinterpret things, and then you sit around with your thumb up your butt waiting for her to be the man and make the next move.

But it’s important as the man to be direct, decisive, get to the point. The phone is for setting dates. She’s reaching out to you for whatever reason, you should assume that she wants to see you, so you make a date. And if you haven’t heard from her, as it talks about in The Book, you got the one week rule, where if you haven’t heard from her, you call her up, text or whatever, Snapchat, however you guys are communicating, messaging app, and then ask her out for a date.

I’m guessing I fumbled the ball by not making her feel safe with the social media comment.

Yeah, it wasn’t. I mean, you didn’t really need to say it, but you brought it up and now you’re bringing up something that’s like, “Oh, maybe she should be concerned.” And then somehow he interprets this whole thing as meaning he goes no contact and doesn’t ask her out on a date. So again, he’s kind of a novice at applying these things and that’s why he wrote in.

She always shared her life without hesitation. But I think if I call her, I can make another date happen at my place. Or wait to hear back from her first? What should I do?

Sincerely,

Learning from past mistakes.
Bob

Well, again, you got the once a week rule. And she reached out multiple times and you never bothered making a date.

So that was kind of silly. Same thing with the butt dial. It’s like she calls you back and then you just ignore her. It’s like, “Come on, dude!” I would call her, text her, say, “Hey, I’d love to see you, when are you free to get together?” And then just make a date. But it’s important that you continue to keep your mouth shut. So, it’s like you see little things like this, a little bump in the road. And he’s like, “AHH!” He kind of freaks out a little bit.

And then he goes, “Oh, I must be a robot. I can’t do anything. I must go. No contact. Uh.” So, this is what happens when you don’t read it backwards and forwards and applying it at the same time. It’s like you can’t get better unless you have new interactions, because competency and experience and ultimately confidence, comes through successful repetition. So, but the good news is he’s hooking up with a girl he likes. She likes him, and it’s not the end of the world at all. It’s really at this point, it’s up to him to make a move. So, reach out, make a date, hang out, have fun, hook up. That’s it.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.