Why Women Make It Easy For You To Dip If You’re Not Interested

Why women will make it easy for you to dip if you’re really not into them.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who had 2 good dates with a woman. Intimacy was great and he had fun with her. However, she started proposing reasons why it wouldn’t work out between them. She also mentioned being friends going forward, which he declined. He asks if he handled things well. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Members Only Newsletter is, “Why Women Make It Easy For You To Dip If You’re Not Interested”.

So this is an interesting case. When women sense that you’re not really interested, or if you’ve been together a long time and they don’t think you want to be with them anymore, they’ll often create the conditions where to make it easy for you to dip if you don’t want to be there anymore. That’s why they’ll say things like, if you seem distant or you maybe just you fallen off the the path. You haven’t been disciplined, you haven’t been dating and courting her properly or spending time with her. And she’s been complaining.

And then she says, well, maybe you should take some time and some space to figure out what you think or where you want to be, or if this is what you really want. And if you go, “okay, yeah, I’m gonna take some space”. Then the girl’s gonna cry and get upset because she was just saying that. Because if you don’t really want to be there, she doesn’t want you to stick around and just be with her for the hell of it. And so if you say, “yeah, I’ll take some space”, then they’re going to get really upset and think, “oh, he doesn’t love me. He doesn’t care about me anymore.”

But when they say that, you say, “that’s ridiculous. I’m sorry. You know what? I’ve been busy. I’ve been caught up in work, and I haven’t been as attentive. I haven’t been dating you and courting you like I did in the past. And you know what? I’m sorry for doing that. I’m sorry I neglected you. I got caught up with work or my family or this or that, whatever happens to be.” And just apologize. “I’m going to make it up to you” and then make a date.

Because when you’re okay with space and they say it, even though they’re the ones suggesting it, really, they’re just trying to make it easy for you to leave if you don’t want to be there. And if you say, “yeah, you know what, I think I’m gonna take some space, okay?” If you just go along with it, they’re going to take it as a rejection. I know it doesn’t make a lot of sense, but what they’re really trying to do is protect their heart, and they don’t want you to stick around if you genuinely don’t want to be there.

And all of that whole mentality becomes even more heightened if it’s a single mom with kids. Because the reality is, most dudes are not going to want to be a stepdad to somebody else’s kids. And so women that are single moms, they’re used to that. And so that’s why one of the reasons they’ll say, “hey, I have a daughter. Hey, I got three kids”, or they’ll tell you those things after you’ve asked them out, just to make it easy for you to go. “Oh, okay. Hey, I’m not interested.”

But they say that because they don’t want to start dating you and get excited about you if you’re not really down with potentially being a stepdad. It’s to each his own. Not everybody’s up for it. At the end of the day, as a man, wherever you are, all the women around you that are with you are under your protection. Also, as a man, even if they’re not your kids, it’s your job to be an uncle, to set the standards, to hold people accountable.

If some fuckery is getting engaged, you got to step in. I mean, if you’re hanging out with your best friend’s kids and they’re doing something out of line and they’re not around, you got to step in and be the uncle. Or maybe they’re your nieces and nephews. You can’t just neglect the children. Children need guidance. They need from the men they need strong masculinity. And from the women they need balanced femininity. So as a man, it’s just your duty to set the standards wherever you go.

Now, that doesn’t mean when you go over to your friend’s house, you start acting like a Karen and telling everybody how to parent. But if things get out of hand, they get out of line. You got to be able to step in and be a dad, be an uncle, be a masculine presence that sets the standards and holds everybody accountable. So this guy, he had two dates with this woman. Intimacy was great. He had a lot of fun with her. However, right after that she started like coming up with reasons or excuses to make it easy for him to dip.

Probably because so many guys that she’s met started to date and would get into after they hooked up a few times, they dipped. They were gone. Because quite frankly, they didn’t want to be a stepdad, even though initially they may have lied and said, oh yeah, love kids. In reality, they were just telling her what she wanted to hear in order to get in her pants. And after they hooked up a few times, poof, they were gone. So don’t waste a woman’s time. Don’t get her heart and her emotions all wound up when you’re not really serious.

Viewer Email:

Hey Coach,

Hope you’re doing great. Your work has had a massive impact on my life these last six years, truly grateful for it. I’ve read two of your books multiple times 3% Man and Mastering Yourself. True solid teaching.

Well, it’s like the cheat codes to life. To your personal life and your professional life.

I’ve put in the reps, made the mistakes, and I continue to improve because of your teachings. Really grateful for your guidance. I wanted to share a recent interaction and get your thoughts on how I showed up. Met a really attractive woman recently, great chemistry, two dates, fun connection, great intimacy. After date two she started presenting “barriers.” This was her label, as you’ll see later on in this email. Which is normal, as you teach when she’s writing her love story and testing our strength.

It’s like testing your commitment. Do you really mean it? Do you really want to be there? If you don’t, I would prefer you dip now. Again, you’re dealing with a woman that’s got kids. She’s used to most guys not really being interested in being a stepdad, and so she doesn’t want to waste her time or your time.

Barrier number one. Dog allergy and sleepovers
 She brought up the concern that since I’m allergic to dogs and can’t sleep at her place, she didn’t see how it would work long-term. I didn’t chase, didn’t fix anything, just let it sit. An hour later she texted again offering her own solution. I could stay part of the night then go home. I said, “That’s something to consider.”

So sometimes when you get a message like that, make sure you don’t have your read receipts on, by the way. Something like that. You just might let it stew for a few hours and sit and go, hmm, how should I respond to this? And then she might go, oh, what did I do? I don’t want to chase them away. And then she double texted, in essence. So there’s nothing wrong with being slow to respond and taking your time.

Barrier number two. Kids and schedule.
 Later she said she didn’t think we could work long-term because her schedule with her kids wouldn’t allow much time together. I replied calmly, supporting her perspective and saying I agreed we shouldn’t force anything, and if it felt stressful to her, I was good with moving on. 

In other words, he’s just being indifferent. He could take it or he could leave it. He’s like, if this is giving you grief and you’re not really excited, then I’m out of here. Because what he’s getting is the opposite of hell. Yeah, I’d love to see you. In essence, like, what she’s kind of doing is trying to talk him out of dating her because, again, more than likely, she’s probably met a lot of guys that just weren’t into it. And she’s met guys that she’s gone out with and hooked up with probably that pretended to be into it. And then they just wanted access to the box. So when they got their fill, they were gone.

Aligning with your principle that a woman will overcome any barrier herself to be with a man she wants to be around, and being a 3% Man already sets us apart, right?

Well, this is correct. You’re not going to try to keep somebody that doesn’t want to keep you. And you want to keep things fun. You want to keep things light. And she’s saying, oh, it’s probably not going to work out because my time with my kids. It was like, well, if it was me, I’d say it’s a matter of priorities. If you care. If you mean the things you say. You’ll make the effort. We’ll both make the effort. We’ll make the time to make it work.

And if not, we’ll make excuses. It’s pretty simple. And so far, I like how things are progressing. I mean, in this case, we only hung out two times. So this tells me that her interest is actually going up and she’s starting to worry. She’s starting to get anxious that you’re not going to want to stick around, because, again, women are going to try to protect their heart and they don’t want to get it broken if you’re not really seriously interested.

She called later wanting to talk through it. I kept it simple and centered. “Take your time. I like you and we have fun, but if it’s not meant to be, I understand.” Later that night she sent more reasons why it wouldn’t work, so I agreed and wished her well.

So if it keeps going on and it just seems like she’s just trying to end things almost. You know, hey, well, if it’s not working for you, then hey, it’s been great.

Then I got this. “Wow, you couldn’t say that by phone I suppose that’s how you want to end. this is helpful thanks. if there is a chance we could remain friends I would still like to be connected, that is up to you and wish I could take away the barriers.” My response, “I’m not sure what you mean by being friends. I’m not interested in the friend zone with any woman ever. If that’s what you mean, I’m good.” This morning she followed with, “Good morning, I didn’t mean staying in friend zone. when there is a good time to have a little conversation I’d like to, difficult to share by text.” Throughout, my goal was to remain in my masculine, give space, let her talk herself into or out of it, and stay outcome-independent. Curious how you think I handled it and what you’d refine.

Well, it’s like at the end of the day, if we take a step back, what is she doing? “Oh, I miss you. I want to see you.” No, you’re not getting that. You’re going, “Well, it’s probably not going to work out because of this.” What do you think? “Well, we probably shouldn’t see each other because you got allergies. Well, it’s probably not going to work out because I got kids.” You’re not getting, “hell yeah. I’d love to spend time with you.” You got a woman that’s almost like, “hey, why don’t we just not see each other because it’s probably not going to work anyway.”

And so if that really if she’s really looking for a reason to dip, that’s why you kind of put it back on her. It’s like, well, you know, if you’re not feeling it, we can move on and wish each other well. And good luck in your future endeavors. So he’s willing to to walk away basically. And she’s like, no, no, no, no, wait wait wait wait wait. So what I would do here is that, I mean, she says she’s going to call, and so I assume she’s going to express more concerns.

And if it really seems like she’s just kind of insecure and worried that you’re not going to reciprocate and you’re not going to like her because it’s probably, you know, again, women with kids, if this is not the first time she’s been through this, she’s met many guys, especially if she’s hot and beautiful, who want to date and sleep with her, but they’re not interested long term or being with the kids. So again, she’s just trying to make it easy for him to exit because quite frankly, that’s what most guys are going to want to do.

They’re going to want to smash and pass, and she doesn’t want you to stick around and keep hooking up if you’re just not really down. And so she reaches out and she wants to tell you this, “look, I like you. I like having fun. Why complicate things? I don’t know what’s going to happen six months from now or two months from now. It’s we like each other. We have great sexual chemistry. It’s like, why don’t we just get together and hang out and have some fun and see what happens.” And then make the next date and then get off the phone. As the book says, your job is to create an opportunity for sex to happen.

To hang out, have fun while you’re hanging out, and when the signs are there, she’s ready to be touched, kissed, and seduced as laid out in the book, then you make your move. It’s pretty simple. So where he’s at now, I mean, she’s going to call you to discuss this when she’s ready. Let her do it. Then listen to her concerns. And as long as she doesn’t say anything wacky or crazy, just say, “well, let’s get together. I want to see you.” Make a date. Hang out, have fun, hook up. That’s your job. Hang out, have fun. Hook up. Rinse, recycle, repeat.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.