Why Women Will Chase Men Even When They Say They’re Not Like That

Why women will chase men even when they say they’re not like that.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a female viewer who says my book upset her so much, she stopped reading it temporarily. She claims that she doesn’t chase men. They are supposed to and always have chased her. However, the guy she has been dating for the past year doesn’t chase her. She chases him! She has acted needy, neurotic and overly emotional to the point that she has turned off the guy she has been dating and he’s unsure he wants to continue seeing her. She asks my opinion. It’s another example of a woman doing the opposite of what she claims to want. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of her email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my video coaching newsletter. And the topic of today’s members only post is going to be, “Why Women Will Chase Men Even When They Say They’re Not Like That.”

Well, this is interesting. This particular email is from a woman, and she came across my work and recently started reading 3% Man. However, she said she stopped listening to it because some of the things in there upset her, and triggered her and she disagreed with. Because she’s like, “Men are supposed to chase and pursue. And they’ve always pursued me.” But what’s interesting is when she talks about the guys that pursued her, she wasn’t really into it.

But yet this guy that she writes in about is behaving exactly like I teach men to behave in 3% Man. And she’s doing all the pursuing, or most of it. Even though she claims this is something she doesn’t do. And it just goes to show how what a woman says she wants, and what she emotionally responds to, are two completely different things. So it’s a really good email because we get the woman’s perspective, because she’s going through it.

And she’s claiming that she’s not like the way that I teach. But yet, if we look at her actions, she doesn’t even recognize that her own actions totally line up with a woman’s natural, innate behavior. Not what they think they are, or the way they think they should behave. It’s the way they actually behave, and what they actually emotionally respond to.

Viewer’s Email:

Hi Coach Corey, 

I recently purchased your book, “How to Be a 3% Man,” through Audiobook. However, I haven’t been able to listen to it entirely because some of the things you say don’t sit well with me.

Well, the truth is a nasty pill to swallow. As they say, the truth will set you free. But first it will piss you off.

The book is geared towards men, teaching them that women should do most of the pursuing.

It’s not that women should do most of the pursuing, you guys (women) will do most of the pursuing. Because you’re naturally and innately designed to seek a man’s attention. Because if you’re not seeking our attention, we’re not going to notice you. That’s why you do your nails, you do your hair, you do your makeup. You try on 15 different outfits before a date, 20 different pairs of shoes.

Everything is designed around looking good for the man visually to stimulate us. So we pursue, if you will. In other words, we start the romance. And so, men start the romance. But usually 3 to 4 weeks in, it’s usually the women that accelerate the romance. And accelerate things towards nesting, bonding, family, relationships, commitment, all of those kinds of things.

But I have been conditioned to believe that men should do all the chasing.

Well, men chase in the beginning. In other words, it’s our job to approach, to get numbers, to get contact information, to make dates, to make a seduction possible. Our job is to create the opportunity for sex to happen. To hang out, to have fun while we’re hanging out and to hook up.

I follow your Podcast and YouTube channel to hear other people’s questions, and your advice aligns with your book: don’t chase, walk away, and date around.

Well, the idea is because women do the same thing. They date around and they’re looking for the best man that they can get, and men should be doing the same thing. But unfortunately, most guys do not. Most guys typically, if they’ve got any women in their life, they have just one that they like, or that they’re trying to date. Whereas the average pretty girl constantly has got attention from other dudes.

All she has to do is show up, and men approach her. And at the end of the day, what I teach aligns with our innate programming, our innate biological programming. And if you don’t like it, I’m just a messenger. You can speak to the big man upstairs. Because I didn’t make you guys (women) this way. I’m just here to tell you how it is.

I’m facing a situation now. In the past, I have always been pursued, chased, and even stalked since I was 15. I’m accustomed to men putting me on a pedestal and usually falling in love with me quickly, wanting to marry me.

Yeah, that is exactly what you see in pretty much most movies and a TV show. It’s a mad dash to the finish line to get a ring on her finger and get her married as soon as possible, or else some other guy is going to steal her. And in reality, when you do that in the real world, you get women like this, they get all this attention, but they don’t want any of these guys.

Because these guys act soft, they act girly, they act effeminate. They can’t make up their minds. They can’t make a decision. They’re incapable of leading. They end up treating women like their mommy, instead of their lover and their teammate.

I have been dating a guy for six months, and he is the embodiment of an alpha male.

Obviously she likes that…

His masculine energy is through the roof.

It was so much so that I was initially turned off, as it was new.

“There’s just something about you. You don’t act like other guys that I date.” This is why women say these things. Because guys that behave the way they do in My Book are they’re hard to find. Most men do not act this way.

I have broken up with him three times. During our breakups, he does not call or text me but does respond and engage with me anytime I reach out to him.

So she’s dumping him. She’s breaking up with him because she’s frustrated, and in essence, trying to punish him because he’s not behaving the way she wants. And he knows it’s unloving to break up with somebody. Because statistically, people that where it’s one or the other or both people talking about or threatening a breakup.

There’s like a 95% chance those relationships just aren’t going to work out. Because eventually you get tired of constantly being threatened with getting dumped or getting dumped. And you’re just like, “This is just too much drama.” What us guys want; we want a woman that brings peace in our life. And when you’re dealing with a neurotic woman who’s insecure and needy and a pain in the ass, and constantly bringing drama and constantly upsetting a man’s peace, eventually we got a timeline. Eventually, we’re like, we want to come home and be delighted by the woman in our life.

We don’t want to come home and do battle with a pissed off chick who is there to be upset at us for whatever reason, she’s upset. We want a woman that jumps into our arms, hands us a beer, sucks our cock. “Hey, baby, it’s so great to see you. I’m so glad you’re home.” If you got kids. The kids. “Oh. Daddy’s home.” That’s what a man wants. He doesn’t want to come and you go, “You didn’t take the garbage out. I didn’t take it out. It was smelling. You left it in there and it leaked all over the garage. And I had to get the hose and hose it out. It was really cold outside. Ah.”

A man doesn’t want to hear that shit. You’re a teammate. If you forgot to take the garbage out, just take it out. “Hey, baby. I saw you left the garbage bag and it kind of leaked everywhere, but I cleaned it up. I got you, babe. But it’d be nice if you didn’t do that in the future.” But instead, we get the battle axe.‘A man doesn’t want to hear that shit. You’re a teammate. If you forgot to take the garbage out, just take it out. “Hey, baby. I saw you left the garbage bag and it kind of leaked everywhere, but I cleaned it up. I got you, babe. But it’d be nice if you didn’t do that in the future.” But instead, we get the battle axe.

When we reconnect, he tells me that he misses me when I’m not around, cares about me, and likes me a lot, but doesn’t like my inconsistency, neediness, and uncertainty about him.

Yeah, because you’re projecting your mommy and your daddy issues onto him, and you’re not behaving like a normal, healthy woman. And you’re disturbing his peace. He just wants a woman that brings peace to his life and fucks him properly, and is a good companion and doesn’t give him attitude all the time. And if you’re constantly bringing inconsistency, neediness, uncertainty and drama, well, go get a therapist. Go talk to somebody about that. And, you know, as Jim Rohn used to say, “I’ll take care of me for you, and you take care of you for me.”

So you need to work on yourself and fix yourself, because eventually just like women have a limit when a guy is not doing what he needs to do. Men also have a limit. Any guy that is with a woman that who is constantly and consistently disturbing his peace, eventually is going to be like, “Pfft.” He’s going to get fucking tired of it and throw her ass back out in the streets. It’s not loving to break up with your boyfriend when you’re mad at him, or trying to punish him, or thinking that by breaking up with him, you’re going to get him to change his ways. Eventually. He’s just going to get sick of it.

I have been doing most of the pursuing by continuing to engage with him and going back to him. He’s finally upset or maybe uninterested in this last breakup because he no longer wants to speak with me.

Yeah, eventually, guys, we get sick of it. It’s like you’re not adding any value to our lives. All you’re doing is bringing drama and chaos and being a fucking pain in the ass. And it makes our dicks shrivel up. It makes us completely. It doesn’t matter how hot you are. If you’re being a a cranky Karen and a bitch and a pain in the ass, it’s like we’re not going to want to fuck you anymore. We’ll happily go without it.

He responds to my text messages but with short answers. I asked if he no longer wanted me to contact him, but he didn’t reply. He’s not taking my calls, so he texted me, saying he’s not ready to talk.

Well, if he’s saying he’s not ready to talk, you say, “Okay, well, let me know when you are. I look forward to your call.” That’s what a woman who is thinking about and concerned about a man’s peace would say. But you know when you’re just constantly. “ZST. ZST. ZST. ZST.” Needling the guy and nagging him.

It’s like, “we don’t want that. We don’t need that.” Life is already hard enough. We want to come home to a woman that helps us escape from life and have fun together. Not a woman who’s just waiting to unload at the end of the day.

At this point, I have shown him that I am weak, needy, and desperate. I’m so confused and have lost touch with who I am that I attribute this to love. I think I may be in love with this man, and like an idiot, I told him I loved him.

Yeah, well, it’s not loving to dump him and break up with him. When you’re mad at him, you need to knock that shit off and you need to apologize for it. You need to say, “You know what? I know I’ve broken up with you several times. I look back on it, I’ve been a complete jackass, and that’s wrong. And I shouldn’t have done it. It was hurtful. It was mean. It was emotionally abusive, mentally abusive, and spiritually abusive to do that. I’m sorry. It’s not a loving thing to do, and it’ll never happen again.” That’s what he wants to hear.

He didn’t say anything back but called me to talk. He told me he liked me but was not in love with me and couldn’t see himself with someone who was overly emotional, reactive, clingy, and needy, as he did not have time for that.

Again, what he’s saying is, “You’re fucking disturbing my peace. I really like you, and I would like to fall in love with you, but you’re constantly disturbing my peace to the point where I just can’t stand being around you. And I don’t want to talk to you anymore.” That’s what he’s trying to communicate.

I tried to explain that it is not who I am.

And that I never have been until he, but he’s not having it.

Well, that’s who your actions show that you are. And you’re basically projecting all of your crap and all of your issues and your trauma and everything onto him, and expect him to deal with it. You’re supposed to be a net benefit and a net positive. You’re supposed to be his biggest cheerleader and fan and make him feel like he is superhuman and can do anything and everything in life.

Instead, you’re constantly making them feel like shit, and then you’re abusive towards him. And then you wonder why he doesn’t take your phone calls or want to talk to you or want to text you. It’s like you’re not adding value. You’re an energy vampire. So every time he interacts with you, it’s a net negative experience. If it was net positive he’d love having you around. He’d be delighted to have you around.

I have decided to give your book another shot and listen to it in its entirety, hoping there’s advice for women on how to bounce back after failing miserably and showing weakness. If not, what should I do now, Coach? 

You should do what I said. The Book, what it will help you as a woman is to understand men better, to understand what we like, what attracts us, and also, most importantly, understand yourself. And why you’re so drawn to, and in love with this guy who lets you do all the chasing. Even though you say you’re not a woman that chases men. And you never have chased men, men have always chased you, but you didn’t want any of those guys because it didn’t stimulate your emotions.

Because they act like a bunch of beta male pussies. That’s the fact. And so, The Book will help you recognize guys that have their shit together, and guys that don’t. And it pretty much sounds like this guy has his shit together. And you are fucking it up and driving him away. He’s told you specifically, explicitly what you’re doing wrong. So knock it off. Go talk to your therapist, go get a good therapist that you like, and that helps you and makes you feel better.

Don’t ever again threaten to break up with your boyfriend or break up with this guy because you’re mad at him. That is ridiculous. You know, you’re at the point now where you’re probably just barely holding on by your fingernails, and he’s like, “I’m not ready to talk to you yet.” So give him some space. Let him be. And when he’s ready to talk, he’ll reach out. But you’ve got to bring peace to his life.

You’re bringing nothing but chaos and drama, and you’re just being a constant pain in the ass. Eventually any normal dude is going to tap out. Only a soft ass beta male who’s desperate and has no choices with women is going to put up with you acting this way. But a guy that will put up with this shit is never going to stimulate your emotions. You’ll never feel safe, and you’ll never feel in love. You’ve got to learn to be present with your feelings and not be so neurotic and project that, because that’s what you’re doing.

Remember, no one will ever do or say anything to you, that isn’t a direct reflection of how they feel about themselves in a moment. So you need to do some more self reflection before you pull the pin on another grenade and throw it into your relationship thinking that that’s somehow going to make them love you more, or correct his behavior.

His attitude is like, “I’ll just go find somebody else.” Guys like me, we won’t put up with this shit. We’ll give you a period of time. But and we’ll tell you what we need from you. And if you won’t fucking listen, then we will eventually throw your ass back to the streets. As painful as that may be, we want our peace. Something to think about.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page of my website, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.