Why Women Will Ghost & Flake On You Then Come Back Later

Some reasons why women will ghost & flake on you then come back later for a date.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who’s confused by flaky behavior he’s seen with women he’s trying to date. He’s gotten ghosted and flaked on, but then they seem to come back when he is seeing someone else. Then they flake again. I point out where he’s going wrong to minimize these issues going forward. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “Why Women Will Ghost & Flake On You Then Come Back Later”.

Well, this particular email is from a viewer. He’s confused by the flaky behavior he’s seeing with some of the women he’s trying to date. One in particular, he tried to set a date, got her Instagram. He should know better. He’s making a lot of mistakes straying from the book, and he’s kind of surprised that things aren’t going so well. So his girl flakes on him, ghosts him, and then he goes out on a date with somebody else.

I guess, I don’t know if he saw her or she saw him with this other woman or not. Then she comes back. They finally go out on a date, and then she flakes again on him. So he’s like, what the hell? That’s why things are laid out in the book. The way they are is to minimize this. So if you got a woman that’s got low interest, you don’t end up wasting your time with her. But when you bend the rules, you’re going to get jerked around. Especially when you’ve got somebody that’s got low interest.

So let’s go through his email.

Viewer Email:

Hi Coach,

Here is an interesting story for you and it never fails to amuse me. I would like you to take a deeper dive into this one for me and share your experience with women’s psychology and how their minds work. I am 32 and have been following your work for over a decade now and enjoy listening to peoples’ versatile relationships. I asked a girl out straight up at the gym and she give me her Instagram and within the next few days I asked her out.

So first and foremost, you don’t ask for Instagrams. So back in the day, about 20 years ago, when a woman didn’t like you and you would ask her for her number, she’d say, “give me one of your business cards”, or “do you have a business card?” You give out a business card, your card’s going to end up in the trash. You’re never going to hear from her. Maybe women still do that in a professional setting. But, you know, I remember back in the day, it was pretty common. You ask a girl out, she’s got low interest.

First thing she does is, “give me your business card.” In other words, you’d ask her for her number. She wouldn’t give it to you. Then she’d counter with a business card. And, you know, obviously you’d say, “oh, I don’t have any on me”, or you’d come back with a different comeback to try to press her, because if her interest is kind of marginal or low and you stick to your guns and you say, “well, give me your number.” And sometimes they would give it and then that’d be enough to get her out on the date.

But you just give her the business card and you never, ever hear from her. Occasionally, maybe one out of 100 might reach out, but 99% of the time, like today, what women do is, “Oh, what’s your Instagram?” Or “Let me give you my Instagram.” So you want a phone number, you don’t want an Instagram account. Because typically if you’re asking for an Instagram, it shows you’re little too sheepish, a little too shy, and you’ve been following me for ten years. You say you should be beyond these kinds of mistakes in these issues.

You don’t ask a woman for an Instagram because it just looks like you want to be one of her fans and you don’t have the balls to ask her for her number. It has nothing to do with the age. It’s just this is one of the ways that women screen out guys they’re not serious about. I’ve discussed this countless times and on the live streams with the girls. They all do the same thing. If they don’t like a guy they say, “Well, what’s your Instagram?” Or they give out their Instagram. So it’s kind of taking the place of the old days.

Well, you got a business card. In other words, when you hear that it’s low interest. And if you stand up for yourself and you reiterate the phone number, or “I don’t have a business card” or “I don’t use Instagram.” In this case, that might be enough. If she’s kind of marginal, if she’s not really into it. But if you have the balls to stand up to her and stick to your guns and get the number nine times out of ten, she’ll probably go out with you. So number one again, you’ve been following me for ten years, as you say, and you’re asking girls for Instagram’s, so that’s just kind of weak. After a decade you should be way beyond that.

I told her to come over to my house and we would take things from there and go for a coffee which she said yes to.

And so that’s another thing. You haven’t been on a date with this girl. You don’t know her. And if you invite a woman to come over to your house like that, most of the time they’re going to flake on you. Women have got to feel safe and comfortable. You’re asking her for her Instagram. You don’t have her number. Then you invite her to your house. You’re going to get flaked on Dude. That again, you’ve been following me for ten years. Maybe you’re just now starting to apply things after ten years, but again, you should be way beyond this stuff.

Later that night she didn’t reply to my messages and pretty much ghosted me so I never ask a girl out twice especially if I was ghosted and left hanging.

Again, this is why you don’t ask for Instagram. And the fact that you started out with that, it just you sound like an amateur. Again, ten years. Come on. Of course I’m going to break your balls.

Long story short I don’t hang about for any girl now days, I move quickly and am dating a mixed-race girl who is half black and half Caucasian who I have known from High School and actually kissed in secondary school where she remembers the kiss outside as cold and minty. 

How many of you older guys remember Binaca? Do they still have that? Little, it’s like a little skinny spray bottle. It’s like a minty you, [makes spray noise.] You spray it. If you ever saw the movie, it was the Breakfast Club? 16 Candles. Anthony Michael Hall’s character does that. He’s like [makes spray noise.] And you know initially Molly Ringwald’s character, he rolls over to try to kiss her and she’s like, “oh, I felt it on my leg.”

She’s thinking it’s his schwanz. And then he goes [pretends to pull something out of his pocket] and she’s like, “I don’t want to see it.” And he pulls it out and it’s his little tube of Binaca. Again, I wonder, do they still sell that stuff? It was actually pretty good. But anyways, thanks for the trip down memory lane.

Things are great with her, she has said I am the best she has ever had in the bedroom and every time we have sex she states that it is insane.

Well, that’s a good thing. So if you’re good in bed, girls are going to want to come back for more. And if you suck in bed and you hook up with a girl and you never hear from her and she ghosts you. That’s how you know you sucked in bed. Because at least if you didn’t really click. But it was good sex. She’ll probably get together for good sex again.

She said I treat her like a lady and can’t get enough of me basically as I am a gentleman but who also can put her in her place with the Indoor Olympics. Anyways the girl who ghosted me showed up to an appointment with me as I am a sports massage therapist and actually told me in her words. “Bob, I actually regret not coming over to your house when you asked me and that there is nothing that can be done now” she said her reason for not coming was in her words. 

It’s because she didn’t feel safe. She didn’t feel safe and comfortable. If you just talked to a girl for 30 seconds or two minutes to get her number, you don’t invite her straight to your house. That’s just stupid. It’d be different if you knew each other. And maybe you spend 4 or 5 hours at a buddy’s barbecue or something like that on a weekend. But a girl, you go up, you get the number. Actually, you didn’t get the number. In this case, you got her Instagram. It’s like, what do you think’s gonna happen?

“I get anxious meeting people for the first time and that I am only little and don’t do well with first dates and that you make me nervous as you are fit.” 

So in other words, she’s basically saying she’s a little scared of you because you’re bigger. What is every woman’s fear? That a guy’s gonna make her do something she doesn’t want to do? She’s going to say no, and you’re going to force yourself upon her. So when you invite a girl that you talk to for probably no more than a couple of minutes straight to your house when she doesn’t know you, of course she’s gonna flake on you. It’s like, come on, man.

I smelt BS and flagged it. 

I’d say again, you weren’t following the book. You asked for her Instagram, then you asked her to come straight to your house. She’s thinking, oh, he just wants to get my pants. No woman that’s raised by a good father. If that was my daughter and you’re inviting her over to your house. I’d be like, “no, you’re not going straight to that guy’s house.”

She also said that “Bob you didn’t give me any time as you were snatched up quickly”. I give her plenty of time to reach out at least for the next two weeks anyways. A similar situation happened on the date before with another girl. I met her at the gym, give her my phone and said throw your Instagram details into that as I would like to take you out.

Again, why are you asking for Instagram? You want a phone number. You want to stay off the social media. The more you screw around with social media, the more you’re going to cock block yourself unnecessarily. It separates the women that are serious and interested from the women that just want another fan from their Instagram account. Again, you’ve been following me for ten years. I’ve said this many, many times. This is like a rookie. You sound like a guy that just found me last week.

The next day we went for coffee and she came very with absolutely no enthusiasm and I flagged her interest was low. I told her that I couldn’t get a read on her.

Why would you say that to her? I can’t get a read on you.

But in looking back knew her interest was low. I still got a kiss and said to her in the car, “I want to kiss you” and moved in.

Again, if you’ve been following me for ten years, you don’t ask for permission for the kiss. If the signs are there, she’s ready to be kissed, you go for it. If you’re unsure and it’s at the end of the date, you go for it so you don’t waste your time taking her out on a second date.

The kiss was shit with no enthusiasm.

Her interest is low.

We had planned a second date and basically on the day she cancelled with the excuse “sorry I have a banging headache and am unable to make it and have things to do the next week”.

In other words, she doesn’t want to see you.

While I took that as “no problem whenever you figure your schedule out you can let me know and give me a bell if you want to see me and there’s no drama.”

So if I get a message like that, I might just give it a thumbs up and that’s it. She’s blowing you off. Has an offer to reschedule. And that should have been the end of it.

I didn’t ask her out again and these two girls have been viewing my stories.

Big hair floating around.

I didn’t ask her out again and these two girls have been viewing my stories as soon as I am with someone.

It’s like these dogs. It’s like, so their tails have got, like long hairs and they’re so light. Just the AC can just they like, float around in the room and with these lights on, I can really see them. It’s kind of funny. I just don’t want it to go up my nose.

I didn’t ask her out again and these two girls have been viewing my stories as soon as I am with someone else now who has a high level of attraction and the sex is great and wants to see me. Corey dive into this if you can. Why do women hesitate at first and are flakey with first or second dates, and then as soon as you have someone under your arm quickly, they regret not showing up for you?

Have you tried reading 3% Man? Ten years you’ve been following me and you’re surprised. So again, that’s answered in the book. Women like you more if you’re popular with other women, especially if they see you with other pretty women. And so again, you’re inviting a girl that doesn’t know you straight over to your house. You went for her Instagram.

She it looks like she had low interest anyway, so it doesn’t really matter. And so your game is just sloppy. You’re not really following what’s in the book. And quite frankly, it doesn’t look like you’ve actually read the book. You seem like a cherry picker, just cherry picking videos.

I honestly from experience and listening to your work will not wait around or chase any women, my philosophy now is if they want to see you they will make a point of making it easy for you.

This is correct. It says so in the book.

And if they don’t they pull some BS excuse out.

Again, the higher the interest, the easier it is. The door is just basically open and you just walk through. The lower the interest, the more they’re going to throw roadblocks in your way. I.e. hey, give me your business card or hey, what’s your Instagram? Or hey, here’s my Instagram.

When I don’t ask twice, they find it indifferent. Flakey behavior I have no time for as I am 32 and only want to date women who have a high level of attraction for me. 

Kind regards, 

Keep up the real G work.

Well, again, it’d be helpful if you actually read the book and started applying it instead of just cherry picking from videos and stop with giving out the Instagram. It’s like you’re 32 years old. You’re a man. You’re not a teenager at this point. So it’s time to put your big boy pants on and grow up and act like an adult and not like a teenager. Because, again, a 32 year old man should not be asking girls for Instagram. It’s like, come on dude, grow up.

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