Why Women Will Pretend To Care So You Pay Their Bills

Why you must vet women for character because they will pretend to care so you pay their bills.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email update from a previous coaching client who has become obsessed with a woman he didn’t even want until he found out she was living with a guy down the street from him. She initially said he was only a friend. However, now she says she’s with him and pretending she cares for him because he is paying her bills.

Despite this blatant dishonesty, he still wants her back and asks my opinion. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

This particular email just really illustrates the importance of vetting women for character.

So this particular guy was actually a client I did a phone session with a month or so ago at this point. So rejection breeds obsession. He was dating this girl that quite frankly, he didn’t give a shit about. She wanted to be serious, he wanted nothing to do with it, but by the time he finally decided he wanted to get serious, it’s really because he found out she was dating another guy. Supposedly, he kept interacting with her, talking to her, and then she was living with this other guy who was supposedly just a friend, but she’s living in his house and he’s like, “Come on. You got to be dating.” “Oh no, we’re just friends.” Then he talked to her a month or two later, come to find out she’s actually with this guy and he still wants her back. He didn’t care until he found out she was unavailable.

People want what they can have. Rejection breeds obsession. He didn’t give a damn about this girl until he found out she was with another guy. On top of that, she admits to him that the only reason she’s with this guy and living in his house is because he pays her bills and she doesn’t like him. She has no intention of staying with him. It’s just that he’s hoping to get back on her feet. So she claims once she gets back on her feet financially, she’s just going to dip. She feels really horrible about using this guy, but he’s obviously pretty clueless and doesn’t know, and despite all this, despite her blatant dishonesty and pretending to the guy that she’s with that she really does like him and really does care for him and wanting to be with him, it’s all an act so he pays her bills and gives her money, which just shows what a garbage human is. Despite all that, the client is like, “I still want her back, Coach.”

I think he said he started therapy, which I think is a good thing, because he could probably use it because he’s got an unhealthy attachment. So you will see often that guys will be dating a girl, they don’t give a shit about her, they won’t become exclusive. Then they encourage you to go date other people, and when the woman actually goes and does that and finally gives up and realize it’s not going anywhere with this guy, then all of a sudden, “Oh, she’s the love of my life. I gotta get her back,” but what I’ve seen, not only what I did personally when I was younger and what I see in my clients having done this for 20 years, is that even if you get this girl back, the one you didn’t care about, everything that you didn’t like about her that turned you off about her, it’s still there. She didn’t become a different person. So you get back together, they usually stay for maybe 90 days, six months tops, before they dip out and they break their heart all over again, which is just a shitty thing to do.

When I do phone sessions and I’m talking to guys like this and they tell me how they really didn’t care, it was like a booty call to them, they treat the girl like dirt, then as soon as they find out she’s got somebody else and doesn’t want to see them anymore, they’re like, “Oh, that’s the love of my life. I got to get her back.” So I always take them back like, “Well, tell me about what you were doing before the other guy came into the picture or before she found somebody else and moved on.” Then when they tell me how they didn’t care, they didn’t make the effort, they weren’t feeling it, they weren’t even that attracted to her, it’s like they point that out because even if they get her back with enough time, usually about 90 days, they’ll realize that she’s still the same person. She’ll turn them off for the same reasons, they’ll lose interest all over again, and then they’ll leave for the second time, breaking her heart and just pissing her off. It’s just not good to go out there because then you kind of fuck her up a little bit for the next guy that comes along, but then again, this particular woman belongs to the streets. Somebody that can do this, that can manipulate a guy, be with a guy, live with him, live in his house, have him pay the bills and she don’t give a fuck about him, that’s just a garbage human.

Viewer Email:

Hey Coach,

I am calling to give you a not so good update from a coaching call a couple weeks ago. Basically, I had a girl I was seeing on and off for about 18 months. She really liked me and tried to lock me down a couple times. I didn’t want to do that, as I saw some red flags (Drinking, baby daddy drama), and at the time was not interested in something serious. After the new year, I decided to stop seeing her as I was going to focus on my new business, so I basically just went ghost.

So again, during the phone session, when I hear those things, it’s like you didn’t give a fuck about her. If you really care for somebody, if you love somebody, you want them to be happy, even if it’s not with you. So in this case, he should be happy that she got the hint and moved on, but what typically happens, and I’ve discussed this in the live streams with the girls, is that guys think, “Oh, I’m going to meet somebody new. I got Corey’s book,” or “I’ve been single after this horrible relationship for several years,” then all of a sudden, they don’t find anybody in 90 days, and then they want to go back. Then they go back and they get turned off again for the same reasons. Then they break the girl’s heart all over again.

After a couple months I started missing her.

The only reason you missed her is you didn’t find anybody else, and you probably weren’t really trying that hard because, as you said, you were just basically focused on your business. Then you start feeling a little lonely. Especially he thought he’d just call her up and go back to her, because he always felt like he had the leverage and then come to find out, some things had changed in those months because again, he ghosted her. He just fucking blew her off.

She ended up moving a mile down the street from me and enrolled her son in my kid’s daycare. I reached out to talk to her and asked her if she was living with someone, she said yes, she was living with a guy but it was an arrangement for her custody case (Yeah, right).

So she’s lying, he knows she’s lying, but that’s another red flag and he’s like, “Oh, she’s dishonest. Let me just pretend that it’s all OK.” You can ignore reality, but you can’t ignore the consequences of ignoring reality.

Anyways, I began chasing, she came over a couple times, we never did have sex but would kiss/make out.

So the reason why woman would come over in this case and kiss and make out but not have sex is because she feels guilty, because she’s actually sleeping with the guy that she’s now living with. On top of this, he wasn’t acting very attractive.

I was doing everything wrong. It got to the point where she told me she needed space.

Yeah. When you over-pursue and you chase a woman like that, you’re going to smother her. She’s going to feel like she’s losing her freedom. As Thich Nhat Hanh used to say, “You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free.” So she didn’t feel free. He was acting like a girl because again, the only reason he cared is he didn’t find anybody in 90 days after he ghosted her. So now he’s going to go back to what he really didn’t care about anyways. That is a true reflection of how he really feels about her.

The whole purpose of the book is to attract your dream woman, not settle for some chick who’s living with a guy, ripping him off and pretending to be his girlfriend and care just so he pays her bills so she can buy her time and then dip on out. That’s not the kind of woman you go, “Yeah, this is great. I’d love to wife her up. Oh, I’d love to have kids with that one. She’d be a great, family-oriented woman. She can teach my kids how to basically grow up and end up in jail, probably before they’re even 18.” Come on, man. You can ignore reality, but you can’t ignore the consequences of ignoring reality.

She reached out with a father’s day gift and happy birthday text. I ended up breaking no-contact, reaching out multiple times and begging and pleading to get her back.

Which clearly is not what I teach. I don’t know if this was because again, it was like a month ago and I talked to so many people and the stories are so similar you know, it’s just hard. There’s no way I can remember his specific situation. So I don’t know if this stuff happened after we talked or was going on as part of our last phone session that we did, but at the end of the day, if he’s going to do the opposite of what I teach, it’s not really going to help him anyways. It’s going to blow up in his face.

She told me that this new guy was her boyfriend because at this point it wouldn’t be right if he wasn’t. That he pays all the bills and is helping her get back on her feet.

He’s probably a good dude, but he’s just clueless and he doesn’t know any better. He thinks, “I got a girl, she’s living with me and paying her bills. It’s just like a Disney movie.” So the guy she’s living with is projecting his fantasy. He’s clearly not objective, and he’s just happy that she’s with him.

She also said that she doesn’t plan on making it work with him long-term and that she feels like a piece of shit for it but she can’t help how she feels.

So she knows that she doesn’t like him. This is why it’s so important to learn the book. There’s a chapter, It’s All In The Numbers, that gives you an attraction table. What a woman says and what she does is revealed by her actions, because her actions tell you everything about how she actually feels. So if you’re with a woman and she’s not doing things that a woman in love would do, then it’s pretty obvious that she’s not in love with you. There are women out there that will lie to your face, that will tell you how much they care, and in reality, like this chick, she’s just biding her time, leading the guy on, letting him part with his money and pay her bills, help to raise her kid, and she’s basically a parasite.

Women like this, you can understand why the rise of the Red Pill community, guys that have gotten involved with women like this and didn’t know how to vet, didn’t know how to tell if she was actually into them or not, get pretty bitter, but then it just spins them out into a doom loop because the Red Pill guys are saying, “This is modern women.” Social media has ruined them all. It’s like we got her as a garbage human. You have a low character person that you should not be getting involved with in a long-term relationship. If that’s what you’re wanting, because she doesn’t have the values to be a good long-term partner because she, quite frankly, wasn’t raised right. Her father clearly did a shitty job of raising her.

A good man of honor, family-oriented, if he found out his daughter was doing this to a guy, he’d put his foot up her ass. He wouldn’t tolerate that shit. He’d say, “You either tell that guy or I’m going to go tell him what you’re actually doing. I’m ashamed that you’re behaving this way,” but when there’s no dad in the picture, she’s in survival mode. So she doesn’t have anybody or a father figure that she can lean on. Even if she did, this is a reflection of how she was raised. You’re not going to fix this. You’re not going to save this. So just to see all this bad behavior and think, “Oh yeah, I want to get back together with her. I can make it work,” you’re not going to fix that.

The last time we spoke, she told me she misses me a lot, that she loves me, that she feels like all my chasing is fake…

Yeah, she knows it’s not honest because you never behave this way before. Rejection breeds obsession.

…And that she thinks I would change my mind if she did try to come back.

Again, you got 90 days. You can maintain the facade, you’ll be happy she’s back. Then all these things, all these red flags, will completely turn you off and you’ll blow her off for exactly the same reasons. I’ve seen it countless times over the 20 years I’ve been doing this.

She told me I hurt her deeply, and doesn’t understand why I am doing all of this now when I had two years of opportunity.

Because you couldn’t find somebody else in 90 days. So now you want to settle and go back because you’re focused on yourself and you’re not thinking about what it does to her or her kids. I guess she’s got kids, she’s got baby daddy drama and stuff like that. It’s like, why? Why would you want to get involved?

Coach, I know her attraction, respect and interest is at an all time low. She told me, “Let me reach out to you.”

Rejection breeds obsession.

I have totally lost my center…

No. What’s really going on is you’ve decided to not be disciplined.

…I am extremely depressed and my self-esteem is at an all time low.

Well, it’s because of what you’re focusing on. What you focus on, expands. Remember, inaction breeds fear and doubt. Taking action breeds confidence and courage. So now you feel sad and lonely that you ain’t found anybody else. So now you want to settle and go back for somebody that you’re really not that into anyways, and because you’re not focusing on your business, your purpose, your mission and taking action, now that’s suffering as well. So of course you’re going to feel worse because you’re not really doing anything.

Success is making progress in life. You have to feel like you’re making progress. If you’re making progress, if you see incremental change, your life is getting better, you will feel happier, I should say. If you’re just sitting around in a doom loop, “Oh look, I lost the love of my life,” and you’re not doing anything to help yourself, of course you’re going to feel depressed. What is depression? It’s ruminating on all of your problems or all the things that aren’t going well instead of your vision and what you want for your life. You should be happy that this woman found some gullible sucker to tie her up so she’s unavailable to you.

So in the meantime, you can apply what’s in the book and force yourself to take action, because it’s easy to be lazy. It’s easy to give up. It’s easy to go, “Oh, I lost the love of my life. I’m depressed. I’m not going to do anything to help myself,” and then you’ll just feel worse because again, you’re not taking any action. You must participate in your own rescue, and you’re not doing that. It’s like you’re acting helpless and undisciplined. It’s a conscious choice. Part of being disciplined is doing things that you know you need to do, especially when you don’t feel like it. Going to the gym when you don’t feel like it. Going to bed and getting a good night’s rest when you feel like staying up all night long, whatever happens to be. Eating shitty food instead of eating healthy when you know you need to eat healthier. Everything is a conscious choice. You either choose to take action that’s aligned with helping you reach your full potential, or you make excuses and you avoid it.

I am completely obsessed with this girl who at one point I could care less whether she came or went.

Again, you’re in love with the fantasy of what you want, because what happened was you had a fantasy of an ideal woman, and she didn’t come along in 90 days after you freed yourself up and ghosted this girl. Then you panicked and you wanted to go back to what was easy. Then that wasn’t available to you. So now you’re obsessed with a fantasy that, quite frankly, doesn’t exist.

If you look at what she’s doing to this poor bastard that she’s living with, how can you possibly think that’s the kind of person you want to live with and have a family with? I mean, when you were with her, you yourself just kept her at arm’s length and treated her like a booty call because you didn’t want to be around her. That’s not going to change if you start hooking up with her again. That’s just a fact of life.

So part of the reason why you’re feeling depressed is you’re not making progress, because you’re not doing anything to help yourself, because now you’re obsessing over what was, and it’s a woman that you didn’t care about.

I am struggling with the new business because of this, I am struggling to get out of the bed, I have two kids to care for and this has really taken a toll on me.

It’s like dude, you know, being a dad, you can’t fucking take a day off. It’s like, everybody’s got problems and they’re glad we have them. So you got to take action because you got to be a good example to your kids. The last thing you should be contemplating doing is inviting this garbage human back into your life and thinking that she’s going to really help you raise your kids properly. It’s like, you raise kids with a woman like this and your kids are likely to end up in jail. Is that what you want? Is that called being a good father? Is that something you would be proud of? I wouldn’t think so. Your kids deserve to see you with a woman who knocks your fucking socks off and who feels the same way. That’s not going to happen as long as you’re holding the space for this chick who’s unavailable, who’s tied up some other poor schmuck that’s clueless. This should be a good time for you to get away from her, practice what’s in the book, get some other choices, get some other options, and focus on what Tony Robbins would call as a M.A.P. Massive Action Plan, is what it stands for.

So you need to be taking massive action because being an entrepreneur is not easy, and going, “Oh, I don’t feel like getting out of bed, poor me,” nobody’s going to fix you, save you or your business, or be a good father to your kids other than you. That’s something you have to do. So you got to be responsible, you got to be disciplined and you got to take care of what you need to take care of. You got to control the controls, and the controls are your behavior. That means taking action, even when you don’t feel like it. Forcing yourself to get out there and talk to other ladies and socialize and interact, even when you don’t feel like it. Even when you’re thinking about this trailer trash that you used to date and thinking that’s going to solve your problems that you get back together.

Most people tend to major in minor things, and you’re struggling with going for what you really want, reaching your full potential and just settling and being a mediocre man like most people because again, being lazy and going, “Oh, I can’t get out of bed.” It’s like, that’s a choice. If you think in terms of, what are the painful consequences of not getting out of bed? Well, your business is going to suffer. That’s going to put you in financial distress, and that’s going to have a negative effect on your ability to effectively parent your children who are depending on you for everything. So it’s like you needed to sack up fucking, dude, and take action. Nobody’s coming to fucking save you. You need to do this yourself. You have to participate in your own rescue.

Plus, I will see her around since we are so close. I can’t believe it’s gotten this bad and I cannot stop catastrophizing this whole situation. I want to be able to move on and get better…

Well, wanting to do it is bullshit. You have to decide to do it. It’s like Master Yoda said, “Try not. Either do or do not. There is no try.” Wanting to get better and move on is fucking useless. Deciding to be disciplined and taking massive action, that’s what’s going to work, and that’s on you. Your kids are dependent on you, dude. Nobody’s going to come and save your kids but you.

…But I have that nagging voice saying, “Will she reach out?”

Hopefully she doesn’t. She’s not good for you or your children. She doesn’t have a good value system to instill in your kids. Again, you let a woman like this co-parent your children, your kids are going to get voted in high school, “Most likely to end in jail,” or end up in jail, I should say.

P.S., I have enrolled in therapy as I think I have some abandonment issues that cause me to get so much anxiety from situations like these.

Well, good for you! As long as you feel like you’re making progress with this therapist, great. If your therapist sucks because there’s a lot of shitty ones out there, then fire them and find somebody else. You got to find a therapist who you feel like listens to you, understands you and is actually helping you get better. Just because they got a license after taking a class or going to school for a couple of years, doesn’t mean they’re competent or effective. So don’t be afraid to fire a therapist if they suck and they’re not helping you, or you don’t feel like you’re getting any better.

I have read the book four times in the past couple of months and plan to continue reading. 

Any help is much appreciated.

Bob

Well, what will make you feel better instantaneously is taking massive action. That means being too busy with work to worry about this chick, too busy with reading the book and applying it and going out on dates with other women because you’re trying to get better because again, you got to think you’re doing this for you and your family, especially your children. You’re trying to find a good woman to co-parent with your children, who’s got a good sense of values and a sense of honor, because her dad did a good job of raising her. Not some fucking trailer trash. This chick is bad news for you and bad news for your family. So you got to grow a set of balls. I know it’s tough, but you got to go out there, mingle with the ladies, interact with them, apply what’s in the book, get some other choices, some other options and act like you want your life to get better because again, nobody’s coming to save you or fix you. You got to do that yourself.

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