Why Won’t She Dump The Chump & Date Me Instead?

Why it’s unhealthy to get hung up on a woman who’s taken.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who’s become obsessed with a female coworker who has a boyfriend she doesn’t seem to be too happy with. However, she’s not unhappy enough to leave him. He’s constantly in his head fantasizing about her and dropping hints he’s interested. It seems she uses him for attention & validation for her Frankenstein Boyfriend Project. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “Why Won’t She Dump The Chump & Date Me Instead?”.

Well, this particular email is from a viewer who’s basically allowed himself to kind of become obsessed with a female co-worker, who barely mentions her boyfriend. She likes to flirt with him, and it’s pretty clear he’s become enchanted with her and is hoping he’s going to get a chance. And it looks like he may be, in addition to giving him lots of him attention and validation that he’s basically become part of her Frankenstein boyfriend project.

And other words, she’s got the guy that she’s in a relationship with that she sleeps with. But obviously the the emotional and mental connection is not there. And so guys like this fulfill that need while they complain about the boyfriend or whatever. It’s gotten to the point where her boyfriend is aware of this guy because his girlfriend has mentioned this dude’s name enough times to where he gets upset.

And that’s one of the things that women tend to do if they’re not happy is they tell you about the nice guy, the friend from work, he’s a great guy, they talk about him in glowing terms like that. That’s kind of her way of disclosing, “Hey, here’s your replacement if you don’t get your shit together.” And the reality is, you don’t want to be one of those guys.

Because if she’s going to line up a new dude while she’s with her existing dude, even if that dude is you and you think you’re awesome, which you should think that way about yourself. But at the end of the day, you shouldn’t be trying to mow another man’s lawn. It’s just a bad way to go. And plus, on top of that, it’s clear that she’s taken with this guy but hasn’t done anything with, I mean, she’s taken by her boyfriend, she’s not available.

And he’s also on top of that kind of communicating his interests very clearly to her. Which in the MeToo era, it’s not really a good idea to do because if you cross the line, she can go to human resources. And if you’re a dude, well, pretty much you always lose in those situations. Because it’s much cheaper for the company to basically fire the guy than to deal with the tremendous expense trying to get an attorney and fight a harassment or a MeToo type of claim.

So it’s just best not to do things the way this guy is doing, because the other thing is one of the ways that people who are either afraid to get in a relationship or what they do is they get involved with somebody, like in this case, who’s unavailable, so they don’t really have to risk anything. They don’t have to risk getting their heart broken in a relationship.

They can just kind of stay in limbo. However, when you think about all the movies we see, this kind of thing happens all the time. Two people meet at work or through their social connections, or through some kind of twist of fate. And then next thing you know, she’s in a relationship with a guy that’s a jerk, or he doesn’t appreciate her. And the guy’s like, “Wow, we’d be so great together.” And she says, “Yes, I know we would be, but there’s this guy.”

And so she stays with a guy. But of course, in the movies, you live happily ever after, but in real life you just get blue balls and you waste a tremendous amount of your time. And if a woman is unavailable but yet she likes you, the best thing you can do is to be dating other women and have other things going on. Because if you put your personal life on hold for a “maybe”, or hoping that she’s going to break up with the guy and you’ll get your chance, nine times out of ten, you’ll find out that she’s also sleeping with Chad Thunder Cock.

And if she finally does break up with the boyfriend, but then already she’s sleeping with somebody else and you’re just the nice friend. It’s a bad way to go. I did a few things like this when I was younger, didn’t know any better, and it just never goes anywhere. Plus, you waste a tremendous amount of time doing this. You should be giving your attention to women who are single and ready to mingle. Not some girl that’s an unhappy relationship.

If she really, truly is in an unhappy relationship and she’s got her act together, she’ll leave the guy. But she comes from a broken home or she’s a little messed up. She’ll stay with the guy, complain about him to you and other male coworkers while she gets attention from you guys. But yet then again, never ever actually leaves the boyfriend, so it’s just a bad way to go. It’s a bad investment of your energy.

And quite frankly, if you want to give yourself the best possible chance, the best thing to do is be dating and sleeping with other women that are available. And if she says something about it, it’s like, “Well, you’re taken. If it doesn’t work out, hit me up. And if I’m still single, we can go out on a date, but I’m not going to get involved as long as you’re with that guy would be inappropriate.”

It’s our job as men to hold women and everybody in our world accountable to our value system. You should not encourage a woman to cheat on her boyfriend with you, or to drop hints that, “Hey, you guys could be together if she would just dump the chump.” It’s a bad way to go.

Viewer Email:

Hiya Coach,

I am both an avid reader and listener of yours, keeping up to date with your videos daily when I’m at work. I’m a 27-year-old whose situation just happens to occur at work too so I thought an email to you is long overdue. Allow me to break it down for you so that, if necessary, you can either roast or praise me depending on how I’ve handled things so far. Don’t go easy on me either way, give it to me straight, Coach.

Well, I always do. You should know that by now. If a roasting is in order, it will happen.

I work in the bindery department of a printing firm where we make books and magazines alike. There’s a 22-year-old girl, for the sake of this email, let’s call her Mia, who works in a different department to me that I see very regularly every day. I’ve known Mia for 3 years and I have always found her attractive. She’s a petite redhead, similar height, a nice fit figure and has a similar facial structure to my own. 

Well, we tend to be attracted to people that have a similar facial structure to our own. It’s always pretty interesting when you look at that. If you look at the eyes, you look at the nose, you look at the way the mouth shape the distance from the top of the lip to the bottom of the nose, spacing the eyes, the way the eyes are shaped. I mean, look at Donald and Melania Trump. Look at their eyes. Their eyes are so unique and kind of slanted a little different. Very unusual.

Sounds like a match made in heaven, right? Well, here’s the kicker. She has a boyfriend. 

Well, that’s a non-starter. She’s not available. There’s nothing that can happen there. And you shouldn’t be trying to rip the guy’s girlfriend off. It’s a bad way to go.

Not just a boyfriend might I add, they’ve been engaged since she was 19.

So on top of that, they’re engaged.

From what she’s revealed to me about him, this guy is extremely insecure, fearing that he believes that she is close to breaking up with him all the time, something Mia says she gets annoyed by.

Well, at the end of the day, she still hasn’t left him, so she’s clearly is not unhappy enough to leave him.

Starts arguments out of the blue and gets easily jealous to the point where she can’t even bring my name up in conversations with him anymore, and this is all just emotional. 

Well, if you’re spending as much time with her and giving her as much attention as you have been for the last, I guess three years now, then she’s probably using your name because she knows it bothers him to prod him, to get him to do things that he’s not doing that she wishes he would do. You don’t want to be that guy. I mean, to get to the point where you’re interacting with her enough that she’s mentioning your name often enough to her boyfriend, where he blows his top whenever she brings up your name, that’s not a good way to go.

You don’t want a Hialeah divorce. You don’t want this dude showing up at work and wanting to challenge you. That’s just, it’s not good for your career. It’s just not good at all. There’s just nothing but downside risks to that. And if you’re a self-respecting man and you have choices and you have options, you’re not going to be trying to screw somebody else’s girl. You’re just not.

Physically, this guy is very overweight, wears baggy clothes and doesn’t look like he’s washed his hair since 2009. 

At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter. She’s sleeping with him and you’re not. She’s in a relationship with him, and engaged and you’re not. You’re just the guy that has a fantasy of being with the dude’s girl.

If I were to create a visual for you, think of him like a beachball with arms. I’ve also done some detective work elsewhere at my workplace, overhearing a conversation with my co-workers that he doesn’t treat her very well at all.

So he’s kind of a jerk, but she stays with him because at least he’s masculine. So it definitely looks like this guy, whether he realizes it or not, has become part of our Frankenstein Boyfriend project.

Mia hardly ever brings up his name in discussions, let alone speaks about him with any enthusiasm or spark.

Well, you should always bottom line a woman’s actions, and at the end of the day she’s with him and she’s not with you.

She always makes a deliberate effort to take the long walk around past my workstation to the canteen or toilets, putting herself into my orbit as she does so and when she does stop to talk to me, she is always very complimentary of my clothes, hair and my car.

Well, that’s all nice and fun and dandy. And at the end of the day, all she’s got to do is give you a little bit of attention. And what do you do? Coo. Coo. Coo. You’re cooing like a little dove. Come on, man. This is somebody else’s fiancée.

She smiles, makes strong eye contact, reinforces how much she can trust me with her deepest secrets and even brings up things about me that I don’t even remember telling her in the first place. Quite impressive if you ask me. 

This guy’s a little dopey and a little delusional. He gets a little bit of scraps and he’s like, “I’ve got a chance, coach. You don’t understand what we have.”

At the last work’s Christmas party, my attraction for her grew when it came to seeing her smiling, laughing and joking and just having a good time.

At the end of the day she’s somebody else’s fiancée, bro. You’ve seen too many Disney movies where this always works out. In reality, if she cheats on him with you, eventually she’ll cheat on you with somebody else when she’s not happy. This is not the kind of behavior you should be encouraging or inviting. Because whatever you tolerate, you invite more of.

If you tolerate and you invite dishonest and disloyal behavior in women, guess what kind of women you’re going to attract? You’re going to attract other disloyal women. Like attracts like. People that like the same things tend to like each other. People that like lying and cheating, guess what? They tend to like each other, and they tend to date each other. It’s a fact of life.

She looked so hot and irresistible that I ended up telling her, “You in that outfit look fucking incredible tonight.” 

Again, this is somebody else’s fiancée, and you should not be doing this. Because it just shows you think telling her how much you like her is going to cause her to want to sleep with you. And at the end of the day, she gets attention and validation from you, and then she goes home and she sleeps with her fiancé at night. That’s what happens.

Her cheeks went red and she gave me a look of amazement that almost translated to “I didn’t expect that from you ha, ha”. I continued to tell her that I’m interested in her.

She knows bro. If you’re talking to her, she knows you like her. Women aren’t stupid. They’re better at this game than most of you guys are.

But was never going to put her in a position where she would lie and cheat on her boyfriend.

Oh, this is Mr. White Knight here. I’m a White Knight in shining armor. I’m going to save you from this terrible fat jerk.

I continued to tell her that I’m interested in her but was never going to put her in a position where she would lie and cheat on her boyfriend or sabotage their relationship for my own gain, so if things didn’t work out with him then I would love to take her out on a date. 

You’re just lucky, dude, that you’re on good terms with her, because saying things like this and talking like this to a woman who’s engaged, that’s a coworker, this is a quick way to the unemployment line. One of the guys that is usually in the live streams, he was a nurse and dating a woman that was the other female nurses that he worked with, and he found out that she was actually cheating on him with her ex-boyfriend. And when he found out, he wasn’t too happy, obviously, and he confronted her about it, and got into some arguments.

And then she went to HR and complained, and she ended up getting back together with the ex-boyfriend. And so HR said, you’re fired. So he lost his job. With somebody that he was actually dating and sleeping with until she started dating and sleeping with the ex-boyfriend behind his back. And then she just basically used HR to kick him out of the company, because she didn’t want to deal with his needy, clingy ways anymore. So he’s since gotten another job but you don’t want to be that guy.

When she left early, I was told by her female associates that she definitely likes me and following that.

So it seems like he’s also involved everybody that they work with in his little obsession here. And they all know he likes her, and he’s probably telling them how much he likes her. So like, dude, this is a HR nightmare waiting to happen. All it takes is you saying the wrong thing or pissing this girl off. And everybody in the company knows you’re obsessed over a chick who is engaged. She could turn on you like that and you’re going to be out of a job.

They consistently teased me about her like they would normally do in work. Mia would always tell me that she gets teased about me the same way too.

Yeah, because you’re telling all the girls you work with. “Oh, I like her. I hope she likes me too.” Bro. Come on man.

Fast forward about a month later and she was passing my workstation again where she stopped and was talking to me about her weekend, again, no mention of the boyfriend. 

So there’s a chance? Have you ever seen Dumb and Dumber?

We laughed and joked together until she came out with, “it’s so nice to have a friend like you.”

There it is. You’re just a gay male girlfriend. You’re the emotional tampon. When she needs to vent because her jerk boyfriend probably doesn’t want to listen to her, she does it with you. And you think “I’ve got a chance, coach. She told me all her innermost secrets.” You are part of her Frankenstein boyfriend project, so congratulations.

I turned to her and abruptly responded with a smirk, “co-worker.” When she asked me what I meant by that, wondering why I don’t see her as a friend in return, I calmly told her “Sorry, but I can’t be friends with somebody I want.”

Dude, you can’t be saying things like this at work. This girl is engaged to another man. What are you thinking, dude?

Proceeding that, she got very nervous and told me that I’m giving her anxiety.

Oh, wonderful.

I managed to calm her down and let her go on her way. Since this interaction I haven’t expected to see or hear from her for a while and for her to be quite distant while she reflects on her feelings. Women are like cats after all. 

Oh boy.

However, it doesn’t seem like it’s affected her too much as it’s almost like nothing’s happened and it’s just business as usual. She still comes out to see me, speaks to me like it’s just another day and I also catch her staring at me and my workstation from the manager’s office upstairs. She even breaks my balls from time to time, teasing me about the “co-worker” label I’ve given her with a mischievous grin on her face. 

All she has to do is prance around in your orbit, and then you just start going, Coo, Coo. Coo. Coo. Coo. Please like me. Mommy, can I have an attaboy? Oh, I really super duper like you. Oh, will you please leave your boyfriend for me? Oh, come on, bro. Come on, man. Even the puppies are coming in and going, “What is what? Is there a dove in here?”

How should I tackle this situation going forward, Coach?

You shouldn’t tackle anything. You should be tackling a woman in the bedroom who is single and available. But not this girl because she has a boyfriend. So if she comes by and wants to talk to you, chat with her for a bit, then say, “Well, I’ve got to get back to my work. It was nice chatting with you. Have a good day.”

And then do that. You know, I wouldn’t be going out of my way to talk to her and stop telling her how much you like her. That has zero effect on a woman’s interest in you. She likes the attention. She likes the validation. And again, you’re part of her Frankenstein boyfriend project.

I’m still trying to gauge if she has legitimate interest in me or if she’s using me for attention and validation since it’s highly unlikely she’s getting this from her boyfriend.

Again. You’re part of her Frankenstein boyfriend project. You’re her emotional tampon, and maybe even a little bit of a therapist for her.

I’m solely focused on keeping my attention on the present moment but I’m not one to wait for this girl to end things with her boyfriend. Your help is always appreciated and I’ve even forwarded your book to my father since he’s always questioning me what’s it all about. Please feel free to use this as a video coaching newsletter so that others can learn from this experience if they ever find themselves in a similar predicament.

Well, the best thing is for you to be talking to other women that you work with and giving them your attention, especially the ones that are actually single. Not this girl who is engaged and has been since she was 19.

If it were up to me, your valuable work would earn your bald head a deserving spot on Mount Rushmore.

Look forward to hearing from you, Coach.

Well, I don’t know about that, but that’s a nice thought. I appreciate that, but at the end of the day, dude, you’ve known this girl for three years. Have you been dating other women in these three years, or are you just obsessing over hopefully getting a shot with this girl? Because that’s just a bad way to go. Because you’ve got to look at reality as it is. And in this case, she’s got a fiancé, even if she may not be, or you think that she’s not that happy with him. The bottom line is women vote with their feet. She’s with him so she voted for him. She didn’t vote for you.

She knows you like her. There’s no reason to communicate that anymore. But how would you treat her if you were tired of fucking her and sleeping her? You’d be nice. You’d be respectful, but you’re not going to go out of your way. You’re not going to try to entice her. You’re not going to try to get her attention. If she does come over and talk to you, you’ll give her some attention for a bit and you’ll say, “Hey, I got to get back to my work. It was great seeing you.” And then go back to what you were doing.

And if she says, “Well, you don’t seem to want to talk to me as much as you used to.” I was like, “Well, you’ve got a boyfriend, you’re engaged. So where’s it going to go? It’s going to go nowhere. As long as you’re with him, it’s not going to go nowhere. And I need to focus on my work and so do you. And I want to find a sweet girl who’s single and ready to mingle so we can live happily ever after like a Disney movie.”

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