Why You Have A Situationship & Not A Relationship

Why a woman keeps you in a situationship instead of a real relationship.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who has been dating a woman for over a year. They’re both divorced and she has 2 kids from her ex. He hasn’t read the book and is only cherry picking videos and watching red pill retardation content. He cares more about her than she does him and admits he over pursues. He wonders what he can do to have a real relationship with her instead of an emotionally distant booty call. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Members Only Newsletter is, “Why You Have A Situationship & Not A Relationship”.

Well, I think we’ve got another cherry picker here. This guy, he hasn’t read the book. He’s cherry picking videos. And it’s also clear he’s watching Red Pill retardation content just because he drops a platitude in there that he heard from one of those Red Pill retards. The problem with the Red Pill community is everything originates from Rolo Tomassi, who basically lifted a bunch of the stuff from internet forums. He’s a guy that got into a boring marriage, as he put it, many years ago. I guess he became a stepdad to his wife’s daughter, and you could tell he’s bitter.

He’s like in a band. He felt like he should have been famous. And sex, drugs and rock and roll. And he never got the caliber of woman that he felt he deserved. And so everything. If you read his book, it’s all about absolving himself from any personal responsibility for the fact that he’s a mediocre dude. That he never got the hot babe that he wanted, and he settled. I mean, when a guy says stupid shit like, “Oh yeah, all young guys should get a vasectomy, you’ll get it reconnected later.”

It’s like, that’s just fucking stupid. This guy had no success. He had no experience, doesn’t understand how attraction works. And the memes, the themes, I guess, that he pushes are “modern women are all screwed up because of social media. And it’s not your fault you didn’t get the hot girl.” I’ve been calling these guys out for years, and you know, now they’re starting to kind of learn some of my stuff and incorporate it and say, “well, it’s always been Red Pill.”

It’s like, no, it’s not. So you have to understand, if you’re going to consume that content, everything comes from the perspective of, “it’s not your fault, it’s modern women. It’s social media has screwed them all up. It’s not your fault that girl that rejected you, that’s her fault. That’s her problem. Oh, you’re dating a single mom? Well, you’re always going to be second best to the kids.” It’s like when people talk like that, they don’t understand how attraction works.

They’ve never had a woman truly, deeply head over heels in love with them and known how to keep them there. So you got to understand that whatever you observe, you participate in. And so if you’re observing that kind of content, that’s the mindset you’re getting taught. “Oh, it’s not your fault.” The stuff that I teach is not easy. It takes a lot of work and a lot of time.

That’s why I say read the book 10 to 15 times, because a lot of being attractive to women is learning what’s attractive and what’s unattractive, and modifying your behavior to accentuate the attractive parts of yourself in your personality and to stop displaying the unattractive parts. But if you don’t take the time to learn that, then you’re going to be going out on dates and you’re going to be blowing good opportunities. And the Red Pill stuff is going to be, “Oh, it’s not your fault. It’s modern women. It’s social media screwed her up.”

Because that’s that’s much easier. It’s much easier to go, “Oh, it’s not my fault. It’s just women are screwed up. It’s the modern woman.” And so you’re learning from guys that got mommy issues and don’t like women too much. I love women. And I know how they work and they operate. And at the end of the day, if you apply things that I teach, you’ll see that women are just as predictable as the Sun coming up in the East and setting in the West, if you know what to look for.

And it’s beautiful. And if you’re dating a woman that’s got kids and you feel like you always take a second priority to the kids, it’s like if she was head over heels in love with you, you’re going to be her teammate. She’s going to want you to be with them. She will change her plans and rearrange her schedule in her life to accommodate you so you guys can be a family together. But if you’re in a situation like this guy is, he’s been dating this woman, I guess about a year, I guess the better part of last year. And you could tell it’s like she only sees him when it’s convenient for her.

And because he’s following the Red Pill retardation stuff. He’s like, “Oh, well, she’s a single mom.” And because he totally has bought into the belief that he’ll never be a priority because of her kids. It’s interesting. He’s like, in a year he’s met her kids like a couple times. So if you’re dating a woman for a year and you only met her kids a couple times, what that tells you or should tell you is she doesn’t feel safe with you. She doesn’t see you as a long term stepfather to her kids. And you’re just a booty call because she doesn’t think you can handle it.

She doesn’t view you as the kind of man that can also be a stepfather to her kids. And so this guy is basically getting treated like a booty call, and yet he’s obsessing over a relationship and locking her down. But, you know, again, because he’s consuming the Red Pill retardation content. It’s not his fault. Well, this is just the way it is. And so as long as you continue to consume that stuff and you continue to believe it’s your fault, a book like mine is just going to sail right over your head. So you’ve got to participate in your own rescue. And again, the stuff that I teach is not easy. It’s not a quick fix.

You’ve got to fix you. You got to turn yourself into the best version of the man that you can be, and act attractive and display attractive qualities. If he was actually reading the book and taking this shit seriously, this woman would be eating out of his hand and begging him to spend time with her and her kids as a family. She would want him to be influencing her children.

But instead she keeps him at arm’s length because she ain’t feeling it. Doesn’t matter what a good dude he is, the only thing that women care about is how they feel about a guy. And if you don’t understand that, if you don’t understand what causes a woman to feel attraction and what repulses women. You’re going to be doing and saying things, and women just aren’t going to make any sense to you.

Viewer Email:

Hey Coach,

I need your help. I’ve been working on myself after being divorced for a year and a half. I have no kids, I’m 31 and I’ve been seeing a woman exclusively for a year. We met at work. She’s a 35 year old single mom with 2 kids been divorced for 3 years She was with her ex-husband for over 10 years. He was in the army. He ended up cheating on her leaving her and the kids behind. I know there are two sides to a story, and it takes two people make a relationship work or fail. She is still healing through everything I assume she still has feelings for her ex as most women do.

I mean, at the end of the day, he left her for another woman and had a kid with her apparently.

She doesn’t have time for herself, taking care of 2 kids working everything in between.

Again, that’s part of the story that he tells himself. Interest cuts everything. If her attraction level is high, she’s making time for you. She’s not making plans until she knows what you want to do. But instead, she has all the power and leverage. He’s basically her booty call when it suits her and fits into her schedule. And so again, because he’s consuming the Red Pill retardation stuff, he’s like, “Oh, well, this is just normal. This is what the Red Pill guys told me.”

She has the kids and two to three times out of the year the ex-husband sees them he lives out of state. She moved back home with her family, and I know the family has issues and she’s been trying to find a way out of it but can’t at the moment. Since our first date we hit it off great we were both single working on ourselves after being divorced. We both told each other we weren’t talking to or seeing anybody, and we wanted to only see each other and see where things go after our first date.

So he agreed to be exclusive on the first date, which again, that’s the opposite. I would have made her earn that. But instead you just agreed to be sexually exclusive. You put her in charge, you made her the man. And that’s why you’re always an afterthought. You’re always seeking her attention and validation instead of the way it should be, the other way around. And that’s why she always keeps you at arm’s length. And you don’t know her kids or her family or anything. Again, when a woman’s in love with you, she’s pulling you into her whole world. She’s introducing you to her parents.

She’s introducing you to her kids. She’s hoping her kids like you. And if the kids like you, she’s even more excited about that. And she’s going to want to spend time with you and them. And unless you’ve been a stepdad like I have and help raise somebody else’s kids, then you just don’t know what you don’t know. But you got to act attractive. Because you could be a great guy and be a great stepdad. But if you act like a bitch, she’s only going to see you when it’s convenient for her. And the rest of the time, you’re going to be suffering in blue balls and wondering what she’s doing.

There has been a good connection, communication, chemistry and we have been very open and honest with each other.

Probably too honest.

Sex has been amazing we both said it’s the best we’ve ever had.

No you haven’t. You in your mind have grown close to her, but if we look at her actions, you’re a booty call. I know you probably don’t like hearing that, but again, you’ve been following me for I don’t know how long, and you’ve probably heard me say countless times that you need to read the book 10 to 15 times and you haven’t read it once, and you’re cherry picking. But again, because you consume some Red Pill retardation stuff, then you believed it and it made it easy. Again it justifies, “It’s not your fault.” So if it’s not your fault, why bother reading my book? Because again, it’s all on modern women. Social media ruined them.

And single moms. The kids will always come first. It’s like, okay, well then why is it when you see a woman and she falls in love with a guy and he doesn’t want to be a stepdad, you see her offer her kids to be with the guy. That’s emotions. That’s the power of true, desirable interest. Or a woman abandoning her family and breaking her boyfriend out of prison and thinking they’re going to go on the lam the rest of their life and live like Thelma and Louise or something. That’s the power of emotions.

Women like you more if they think that they’re more into you than you are into them. And clearly in this situation, he’s way more into her than she is into him. And he can’t see it because again, he didn’t bother reading the book. He’s just cherry picking and he’s consuming other things that validate his model of the world, his personal story that he tells himself. Because the story justifies not reading the book and not taking the work seriously, despite the fact I say almost every video, that’s not going to give you sustainable success. But he’s not listening.

We’ve grown really close to each other.

Again, no, you’re not. In your mind you have. But she’s not close to you.

And have said we love each other and can see a future with each other.

You’ve been dating a woman for a year and she’s talking about the future. But you haven’t met the kids, barely a couple times? It’s like, she’s just blowing sunshine up your ass.

I feel we have true love.

No, you’re not involved in her kid’s life, or her family’s life. You know, again, you’re the problem is you’re focused on how much you like her, and you’re completely ignoring the fact that she’s not into you, and she’s just telling you what you want to hear.

She is a kind caring woman. I know we communicate too much and I have over pursued too much and showed too much interest and I haven’t pulled back like I should. I know you said to read the book 10 to 15 times. I haven’t done that it’s my fault.

It’s like if you’re okay with the results you’re getting whatever. If you keep doing what you’ve always done, you’ll continue to get what you’ve always got. So here’s the Red Pill platitude.

I know dating a single mom you are never going to be the priority and I’m understanding of that.

Bull fucking shit. When a woman’s head over heels in love with you, she’ll dump the kid off at her parents’ house, her aunt and uncles, a girlfriend’s house that she doesn’t know that well, just to spend time with Chad Thunder Cock. And again, that’s Red Pill retardation. And it originates from, you know, quite frankly, a guy that doesn’t understand women, but yet he puts himself out on the internet like he’s a ladies man. He’s a fucking douche and a dork, and he doesn’t know what he’s talking about. But I digress. And he fucking a lot of people up.

I haven’t done that. I know it’s my fault. I know dating a single mom, you’re never going to be the priority. And I’m understanding that.

Again. That’s not true. That’s Red Pill retardation. You’re learning from guys who claim to be ladies men, and they don’t know their asshole from a hole in the ground.

I’m there for her as a person and I know her kids come with it I’m open to it. She’s a good mom.

How do you know? You’ve never really seen her interact with her kids?

After a year of dating I’ve met the kids a couple times, but I have not met her family or friends they only know about me.

You know why you haven’t met them is because you’re not that important to her. You’re a fucking booty call. I’m sure it hurts to hear that, but that’s the truth.

I’ve only been good to her shown her true love try to go slow and not rush anything.

Well, you just said you’re over pursuing and haven’t stopped, so it’s clear you’re constantly communicating you’re way more into her than she is into you. But you still, yet you don’t pump the brakes. Because again, you’re consuming Red Pill retardation. And so you are Red Pill retarded. Congratulations.

Or bring up relationship talk she says she has deep feelings but needs more time and is not ready.

This guy just said we have true love and she’s like, “I need more time. I’m not ready.” So that tells me he’s assumed the woman’s role. You’re acting mostly like a girl, and when it’s convenient for her, she fits you in. That’s why you haven’t met the friends, the family. And you only met the kids a couple times. And probably just a, “Hi. Bye.” You didn’t spend the weekend together. You didn’t go to Disney World together. They didn’t come stay at your house, and do things like that. Again you’ve been dating a woman for a year, and she keeps her kids away from you.

It’s because she doesn’t feel safe. She doesn’t feel that you’ll be a good stepdad because she doesn’t respect you as a man. Women vote with their feet. If they’re with you, it means they voted for you. And if they only see you when it’s convenient for you, you’re a booty call. And so he’s focused on a commitment and a relationship. And she’s going, oh, I’m not ready. Again, he’s acting like a woman, but he hasn’t read the book, so he doesn’t know what he doesn’t know.

I understand she’s broken afraid to commit and needs time to feel safe again, open to be loved.

Again. This is more of your rationalization for her low interest. Her low interest in you and her effort is a direct result of your beta male behavior, because you’re basically learning from the ultimate beta males. Again, some dude that’s been with them in a mediocre marriage for a couple of decades. And he’s putting himself out there like he’s a lady’s man. He doesn’t. He how could he possibly learn any of this stuff? He’s been with the same woman. It’s boring. He said his marriage is fucking boring. It’s like, why would you want to learn from somebody like that? So you can have a boring, dull life like him? And then try to, you know, geek out and act like you’re a ladies man. It’s like, come on.

I feel she doesn’t really try maybe she is taking me for granted. It feels like it hasn’t progressed much in a year. I’m tired of putting in effort. I want a future not a situationship. Please help me.

Thank you.

Well, if you really mean that, you’re going to have to read the book and you’re going to have to back off. You’re going to have to get to the point where she’s doing 90, 95% of the pursuing. You let her come to you. You make dates. If she’s not committed to you, quite frankly, you’re doing her a favor. The reality is, most men are not going to want to date a woman who has kids by another guy. They just don’t want to get involved. They don’t want to be a stepdad. And they typically don’t like kids either. And the fact that you’re open, and you want to be a part of her kid’s life and she keeps you from them, that shows, that tells you everything you need to know.

You’re not that important to her. You have this land of delusion that you’re living in where you have this great true love. Meanwhile, again, you’re a booty call when it’s convenient for her. She’ll get together with you. So you know you’re over pursuing. You know you’re over communicating your interest. That’s not working. If you keep doing what you’ve always done, you will continue to get what you’ve always got. So if it was me over the next 30 days, I would slowly back off and get to the point where she’s doing 95% of the reaching out. Because when her emotions go into the stratosphere and she falls in love with you, she’s going to be wanting you to do things with her and her kids.

She’s going to introduce you to her family, her friends. But at the end of the day, women don’t care about what a great guy you are. They don’t care that you want to be a stepdad to their kids. They only care about how they feel about you. And this is what happens when you only pay attention to your feelings for her, and you completely ignore the lack of interest and feelings in her towards you. So you’re not following what I teach. You’ve never even read the book, so if you want to turn things around, you got to take this seriously. Or you can continue to listen to incompetent retards that don’t understand women who tell you that it’s not your fault. And then continue being lazy. Again, if you keep doing what you’ve always done, you will continue to get what you’ve always got.

Women are very easy to understand. They’re very predictable, and you can have them eaten out of your hand if you apply what’s in the book. Doesn’t mean you abuse that wisdom, but at the end of the day, you’ve got to act masculine, more masculine than she is. And right now you’re the girl in the relationship and she’s the man, and you put her in that place. And the fact that you’re focused on a relationship again, that’s the woman’s department. It’s right out of the book. But again, you wouldn’t know because you never read it. So all I can do is suggest and gently lead. And if you want to keep beating your head against the wall and doing the same thing, that’s not worked for a year, like, hey, that’s on you.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.