Why You Never Do Group Dates Until She’s In Love & Exclusive

How doing group dates before she’s in love & exclusive can lead to rejection.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer from Argentina. He’s been studying my work for a while. However, he made the fatal mistake of taking a woman he was dating for a few weeks to an event with his friends. Several of them made inappropriate comments about them & her attitude and effort changed. He started over pursuing to compensate and now he’s in no contact and hasn’t heard from her. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Members Only Newsletter is, “Why You Never Do Group Dates Until She’s In Love & Exclusive”.

So this particular email is from a viewer. He’s from Argentina. He says he’s been studying my work for a while. However, he made the fatal mistake of taking a woman he was dating. I think it was the fourth date to some fashion event that was full of his friends and people he knew, which again, no group dates. You don’t introduce a girl you’re just casually dating and hooking up with, or somebody you just started dating casually and hook up with. You don’t introduce them to your friend group for exactly this reason.

This is why it says don’t do this in the book. But the guy didn’t listen. He takes this girl to an event with lots of friends there, and they said all kinds of inappropriate things. And then he kind of put his foot in his mouth, cracking jokes, and he noticed that her attitude and her effort completely changed. She canceled a date on him, but offered offer to reschedule. And so what happened was he started over pursuing to compensate. But now he’s in no contact. She went on vacation.

He hasn’t heard from her, but she’s just been liking his post. So, I mean, this guy totally shot himself in the foot because he didn’t follow instructions. He violated the principles in the book, and now he’s paying the price and suffering the agony of defeat. All I can do is gently lead and suggest. And if you want to do things your own way and make unnecessary mistakes like this guy did, well, that’s on you.

Viewer Email:

Greetings from Argentina. I’ve been studying your work for a while and it’s helped me stay grounded, but I’d really appreciate your perspective on a situation that closely matches many of your newsletters. I was seeing a woman, I’m 29 and she’s 26, casually for about one month I met her from Tinder, but we realized we had acquaintances in common.

We had four dates, all of them lasting six to seven plus hours. The chemistry was intense from the start. From the first date onward we had sex three to four times per night, deep intimacy, effortless conversation, and a very strong emotional and sexual connection.

Well, people that like the same things tend to like each other. So you’re already kind of tangentially connected, connected to your friend groups. But again, when you’re just casually dating, you’re James Bond. You keep it to yourself. Even if she’s suggested, say, well, we’re just still getting to know each other, I’d rather just you and I date before we start meeting each other’s friends and families or kids or that thing.

You know, when we get to that point, I want to know that we’re definitely going to be together. We’re going to stay together, and things are progressing. And we’ve only been dating for a few weeks, so it’s just a little too soon. I appreciate you wanting to introduce me, but I’m just not ready for that yet. I want to see things progress a little bit more.

By the second date she invited me to sleep over. I declined at the time to pace things.

Well, if she’s inviting you to sleep over and you’re there, I would have stayed over if you wanted to. I wouldn’t just get up and leave for the sake of leaving. If things were going that well.

She even reached out to me one time when I didn’t contact her for a week and replied to lots of my Instagram stories. On the last date, I stayed the night, and we had unprotected sex the next morning, something she had previously only done with a man she’d been seeing for over six months.

So that’s a big deal for her. It’s very intimate, and it’s important to pay attention to those things because you have this deep connection. And then when his you’ll see when his friends come up and start saying things about them, the way he talks, he just kind of talks like she’s a booty call and he doesn’t give a shit about her. Women want to be in a love story and things are progressing that way. And then he just acts like a cold fish and basically tells his friends that she’s not that important, which is just a stupid thing to do. But that’s what happens when you cherry pick.

She repeatedly told me I was a “10/10,” very sexy, funny, interesting, and that I was, “Almost too good” for her. She is shy and insecure by her own admission. There is one moment from our last date that I believe may have triggered her pullback, and I want to include it because it felt emotionally significant. Our last date was a fashion event hosted by a close female friend of mine.

You should have never taken her there, dude. That is a definition of a group date. You’re taking her to meet your friends after only four dates. You don’t fucking do that. The book is very specific and very explicit because it says this is what happens. You got friends that come up and they think they’re being helpful, or funny, or cute and they fucking cockblock you. And vice versa. You might go and interact with her friends and her peer group, maybe a little too much to drink, or there’s somebody in the group that’s a guy, and he’s always wanted to date her.

And since you haven’t been with her long enough for her to really fall for you yet, she’s not emotionally bonded and her friends don’t like you, or some of them don’t like you, and you’re fucking done. That’s why you don’t do these things. The idea is you’re trying to control all of the circumstances and all of the inputs into how she views and sees you, without the influence of other people that know her or know you.

We had a great time together. Laughing, touching, strong chemistry, until an unexpected situation came up.

Again, this is why you don’t do group dates.

At the event, we ran into another woman who turned out to be a mutual acquaintance of hers. They play volleyball at the same club, which I didn’t know beforehand. During a group conversation, this woman casually referred to us as if we were a couple, saying something like, “You two are basically together.” I didn’t immediately respond. Shortly after, in another group, a similar comment came up again, implying we were boyfriend and girlfriend.

At that point, trying to keep things light and avoid pressure, I said jokingly, “No, no, we’re just dating, she’s my Thursday girl,” while smiling and laughing. Everyone laughed, including her, but I could tell something shifted internally for her. She smiled, but her energy subtly changed, she seemed a bit hurt or irritated beneath the surface.

Yeah, so if you see that on her face, just say, “Baby, I’m just fucking with you. I really love spending time with you. You’re my number one.” That’s what you should have done in the moment. Because it was all over her face. But you’re a cherry picker and you don’t follow instructions.

In hindsight, I think that comment may have triggered insecurity or made her feel less emotionally safe, especially given that she is shy and insecure by nature.

Yeah, you just told all your friends that, “Oh, this is just the girl I’m fucking this week.” That’s basically how it came across. So that was a you problem. I wouldn’t have done that.

The following week, I noticed a clear change. Slower replies, less enthusiasm around plans, and eventually a last-minute cancellation, with apologies and a request to reschedule. After that month, I made a classic mistake. I over-pursued for about three to four weeks. Not emotionally, not blowing up her phone, but I became too available. The over-pursuing was limited to reaching out to set dates and trying to see her consistently instead of letting her come to me.

So he’s driven by fear. At that point he knew he fucked up, so he thought he would over pursue, and all he did was turn her off and drive her away.

No arguments, no chasing for reassurance, no emotional pressure, just initiating more than before.

Well, the idea is, as time goes on, you should be initiating less. So her attraction was going this way, and then it started going like this.

The last time we spoke, I invited her out and she responded very enthusiastically, “Where?” But she had a real trip coming up. I stayed relaxed and said, “No worries, when you’re back we’ll go.” And went into no contact.

So at the end of the day, you haven’t seen her since that group date where you totally screwed the pooch. She canceled the fifth date, offered a reschedule, but it doesn’t sound like the reschedule happened. And then you continued calling and reaching out, trying to set a date after she canceled on you. If she cancels a date and offers a reschedule but it doesn’t agree to reschedule, then you stop moving forward. You don’t keep chasing her, which you did. You kept reaching out, kept trying to make dates, and she kept rejecting you.

What stood out to me is what happened during no contact and the sequence of her behavior. About that time, I had several social events close together. Completely natural stuff, dinners, birthdays, events. And yes, some of my close female friends are models, so they appeared in my stories. None of this was staged or posted to get a reaction. It was just my real social life.

Well, you should have a little bit of common sense. If you’re dating a girl for about a month, month and a half, and then you stop seeing her after your train wreck group date, and then you’re posting pictures of you with other beautiful women. From her perspective, it’s just going to look like you’re just fucking a lot of girls, and she’s one of them, and she’s not really special. Again, women want to be in a love story. It says so in the book. But again, you’re not a very good student.

Around days five to six of strict no contact, she began re-engaging indirectly through social media. First, she liked one of my mirror selfie stories, something she hadn’t done in over a month. A few days later, she liked a photo dump post mostly of me and some cool aesthetic stuff ha, ha as well.

There was no direct message, just these small signals. About two weeks into no contact, I accidentally viewed one of her Instagram Stories about seven hours after it was posted. The next day she posted something to her Instagram close friends list. I didn’t view it, and she removed me from her Instagram close friends list.

Yeah, that’s not good.

I didn’t react. I later posted something to my Instagram close friends list. She was still there, and she viewed it after checking Instagram several times. My question is, does this pattern, renewed likes, social media awareness, the Instagram close friends list removal, and timing around the days I used to ask her out, indicate rising attraction mixed with insecurity, frustration, and testing?

Well, what it looks like is that her interest is going back up, but she removed you from the close friends list probably to try to see if you would reach out. But at the end of the day, she’s supposed to be checking her schedule and getting back to you once she returns from wherever she was traveling.

Or does it suggest genuine detachment?

Well, if she was completely uninterested and checked out, she wouldn’t be viewing your stories and liking your posts.

Also, did viewing that one Instagram Story meaningfully slow down no contact progress?

I wouldn’t think it’s that big a deal. It was just one time.

I want to remain centered, unperturbed, and allow her to come to me at her pace without falling back into over-pursuing. What would be the smartest next move from here?

Thanks for everything you do. Your work truly helps.

Best regards,

Bob

Well, I wouldn’t do anything because you told her to get in touch once she was back from her travels. And so you have to give her the time and space to do that, or to flake out and disappear forever. Because the one thing you’re ignoring is that she cancelled a date on you, offered to reschedule, but didn’t actually reschedule. So that would be indicative of a drop in interest. Plus, you were over pursuing for a while and asking her out. And she kept saying no. Kept giving you excuses, so, you hit multiple balls over the net and you didn’t wait for her to hit it back.

And you’re clearly looking for excuses to hit more balls over the net. And so I would just wait to hear from her. I’d be dating other women. But don’t do this shit again. Don’t take a woman on a group date. It’s clearly spelled out in the book. It tells you why you don’t do it, but you did it anyways. And you got fucking cock blocked, because of your friends and because of your stupid comment. So you’ve got to do better, dude. You’ve got to think about how this stuff looks.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.